Phoens Wright Turnabout Cakka Milish
Oops I mean Cawca Milish kek that means little cake in irish but if you pronounce it the way up there on the first line it means little shit (like IAmAWrighter) ANYTHEWAYS it is me the best author AceJakkidFan my name means I am a fan of the best author jakkid166 and it is time for my FIRST story except not first its sixth I think LET US BEGIN
If u have no idea whats goin on, u live in the Americas
Phoenix was in the house Yes his house And he was with his best friend Maya Fey Not someone he sleeps with like some other recent fic suggests and he was preparing for the exams You see Phoenix is... Oh sorry is the lack of periods too confusing for you?
Phoenix was in the house. Yes his house. And he was with his best friend Maya Fey. Not someone he sleeps with like some other recent fic suggests, and he was preparing for the exams. You see Phoenix is (better?) a student at IS which is the name of his school not to be confused with ISIS. He worked his dick off all year and it was time for the time to get his attorneys badge and thats pretty bad cause now he cant fuck anyone
Phoenix went to the school to begin the exams
First he had to talk to his teacher to begin the oral exam for Irish (pretend he lives in Ireland for the plot of this story, its not canon because the game says its in Los Angeles but if thats bullshit like so many people think it is then the game could actually be set anywhere in the world so its set here in ireland for this fic but Ill maybe write a fic assuming the place is France or Germany later probably Germany I got great idea for that cause you see I went there once and didnt see discord people for 2 weeks which sucked but the rest didnt suck so Ill write a fic for somethin like it if I think about it anyway lets return to the story oh btw people went to France but I didnt so plese forgive my ignorance when I write that fic okay NOW lets get back to the fic) but he sucked at Irish so this would be hard
A person came out trying to tell himself he did wel but Phoenix told him the truth and he ran home crying
"hey wait you still have to do the writing exam"
"FUUUUCK" cried person and he ran to the exam
"Hello Phenix" said the teacher who was examining him not in a sexual way of course in a state exam way (dont be creepy u weeird creeps)
"Can I examine you"
"No no I mean can I examine u like ur gonna me dont be creepy you weird creep"
"But I am I mean ok i mean wait NO SORRY YOU CANT DO THAT" and she took marks off him
"FUCK" shouted phoenix and he got slapped wich was reeely sexy so he started sweting and brethin hevily
"NO SPEEKIN ENGLISH" she yeleleleled and he lost more marcs but noone likes Marc anyway "roight this is unasseptable and is ONE HUNDERD PERCENT embarassin now if u dont get yah act tagedah i gona disipline u very poorly for de entiah class"
"not lik dat ffs wat age is dis fic for agen" said the teacher
"peepl under 13"
"speekin of peepl under 13 can u drop to ordinary level now"
"What why" said Phoenix
"I actually suck crap dick at Irish"
"Saaaaaame" said Nic
"So u doin OL"
"no tats for baby kids" said Phoenix and he moved to foundation level (which btw is the baby mode for the exams)
"ok phoenix what is hello in irish" said teacher
"may the holy god and mary be with you" said Pheenix the atheist and he got 100% marks
"I got this exam in bag Im not even going to do the written exam-"
"HOLD IT" shouted teacher and she threw a bunch of pictures in his face about this fucking stupid driver called Liam who was driving in his car and talking with his bro on the phone and then KEKRKEKAEKNAKAAAAAM HE HIT A MAN ON THE RODE
"what is this"
"describe it in irish"
"What SRAITH PICTUIR this is higher than higher level"
"DO IT" she pointed a gun at his head
"uhh uhhhhh ta fear ag driving and gaire and hit the man somethin somethin..."
he got 0%
but Phoenix sucks at Irish so he knew he coldnt do the exam and get a single % so he went on te mich
It is time for Maths!
Rebel Wright returned to school to do the exam of Mathematics
he studied his maths book but it was al not the alphabet the algebra and he had to know ten hundred million numbers for pie and he didnt study THAT my friends is higher level maths
"Dammit bro Im gonna be on the dole" said Phoenix and he saw the nerds laugh at him as they sang a song about pi
But then he thought back on earlier that day and got an idea, he sneaked into the room where all the idiots with IQ of 0 were doing exam in foundation level dont ask me how they got through all the not-english-or-irish-or-maths exams since theres no foundation level they did ordinary level and sucked at it
anyway Phoenix forged a doctors signature or something to prove he was 100% retarded and was allowed to do foundation level and he did the exam
there are 24 balls in a sack how many are red
Phoenix wrote a dick on the answer which is right
There was stuff like 2+2
but the best part was that he didnt need to write all that stuff for pi he didnt need too know 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 he just had to write 3
"Im gonna win this shit" said Phoenix
The next day Phoenix went into school EVERYONE WAS CRYING
"whatever could be the matter" he said ponderously when the screen appeared
"I am the master of education of Ireland and we got the results of your tests"
Phoenix used a machine to examine the video in detail and saw his maths test in a pile and it had 100% written on it!
"The results are Phoenix Wright failed Maths" said master of education
"WHATT" shouted Pheonix he had to investigate this matter on his own noone else was smart enough to solve this puzzling mistery
Phoenx went up to the north that is Northern Ireland when he heard loud voice
"KILL THE BLASFEMERS" shouted a powerful man and a bunch of Catholics ran out with guns
"MURDER THE FAITH PEOPLE" shouted a powerful man and a bunch of Protestants ran out with guns and killed lots of innocent people while trying to kill each other but not by accident they killed them for lol
"HOLY SHIT GUYS STOP FIGHTIIIING" yelled Phoenix so they stopped fighting "Go home" so they went home
Actually wait there was a guy called Jimmy who had a nice family and never drank bad stuff but someone on Team North shot him because fuck you (its an An Gnathrud reference)
"Hey you powerful man" said Phoenix and the guy pointed gun at him
"Catholic or Proddy"
phoenix considered logic and decided it was best to say
"KILL- wait no one is this stupid lol good joke my friend good GOOD joke I am Ira Ayy I am the leader of the IRA we are fighting for the 32 counties up the ra"
"Ok but listen the 32 or well 28 countries or something are being taken over by the master of education and he failed my maths exam even tho i got 100% this is a big problem so can you kill him"
"We are the best terrorists I mean Southern Justice Warriors in the world so we will help but only if we reclaim the 32 counties up the ra"
"ITS SA DEEL but first we need u to go on secret mission cause my son is named Patrick wait shit I mean Padraig because if we are going to reclaim the 32 counties and become 100% independant from britain we must speak Irish at all times up the ra"
"(What but surely thats an EVIL plan i know because i dont comprestand the language that is IRAsh)" thought Phoenix
"Anyway my son Padraig and his friends Seamus and... shit let me google this oh its Liam (i think) anyway they havent returned home and we are preparing them for war so could you get em home"
Phoenix went to the beach to look for PSL and saw a boi lying on the ground and he was DEAD!
"NOOOO ITS PADRAIG! IRA IS GONNA KILL ME!"
the noise woke him up
"Hello Im Padraig my friends went to sea with some drunk laughing guys"
"THEYV BEEN ARRESTED" shouted Phoenix grabbing a criminals boat and began a police chase but the boat had fallen into the sea because Seamus and MICHAEL (oops I got it wrong LOL I just realized Michael is dead (ud understand if your FFS or WC)) Seamus and Michael were so heavy the boat sank and they were dead
When he told Patrick he did an exaggerated pose where both his hands hit his head like Bob the Fulbright
Thats when the IRA came running after Phoenix he ran but they had planes with bombs that blew the sea up
The best fighter in IRA threw Phoenix on the ground and dramatically pointed his long gun at his scared head
"Goodbye from the world forever Mr Phoenix Wright" said the man
BANG... went the speech bubble saying "HOLD IT" Phoenix turned to see it was Seamus and Michael
"Look a few lines up it said someone blew up the sea so there was no water so we survived"
Ira Ayy came and hugged his son and his friends he was so glad his future fighters were alive
"Now Phoenix lets go to war"
Phoenix and Ayy got in the tank
"How did we get a big tank" said Phoenix
"Fortunately we managed to recruit the help of Adolf Hitler we ran into him when my cousin Liam crashed his car into his during a driving test"
"He pissed off Hitler WTF" shouted Phoenix
"Dont worry it was only a fake Irish version so hes fine"
"But how he has tank"
"Irish Hitler is still Hitler Mr Phoenix" said Ayy
the tank sped toward IS at 100% speed which is slow because its a tank
but it fired guns at the school which damaged it and the impact was so strong that an old technology teacher fell off his ladder and he was rushed to hospital and the replacement teacher was a crazy scientist
The phone rang and Phoenix answered it
"This is IRA Leader Phoenix Wright wats da story"
"Aight maight we s'round d' bees"
"He said Alright mate we surround the base"
"ALL YOUR BASE ARE"
Phoenix sped off at 88 miles per hour so time warped and people from the 1916 Rising were tehre
"You filthy Brits we shall make Ireland great again" said Tommy Clarke but in Irish cause is the absolute nerd who is responsible for making us learn Irish if you see him report him to the police for a million uro reward
"YEAAAH" shouted Patrick Pease and the 13 of them jumped out and killed a bunch of innocent people to show they wanted independence from Britain but they got arrested and were executed and people got angry cause of that
"YOU ARE A BUNCH OF CACAS" shouted Clarke but bang said the guns
Phoenix jumped out of the tank to fight but there was still a long way to go so he got on the train. Next stop: destruction of the master of education!
He got seated but then a blind man came in panting harder than a white straight man in a bath full of feminists for more than 1 reason
He sat down and Phoenix talked to him and he was like
"YAPYPAYPAPYPYAPPYPAYPYPAPYPAYPPYPAYPAPYPYPAPYPAPYPAYPPYAPYPAPYPYAPAY" and he pulled a pink thing out of his bag
"i i its pink"
"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK" he moaned as he ate and ate and he grabbed Phoenix and he made him watch as he put cofee into his mouth full of cake wich was comin out of his mouth (srsly this is actually wat its like)
"Hey wat ya eatin there sik man" said Phoenix reading the label on the bag "Caca Milis" (but he pronounced it as Kakka not Cawka)
Suddenly the man who btw is named Pole spat out his cake and was panting heavily "Wheres my inhaler" he gasped but before Phoenix could get the inhaler to him A WOMAN BITCH GIRL JUMPED INTO THE TRAIN AND STOLE THE INHALER AND POLE DIED
"BAHAHAHAHAHA" laughed woman
"Why did you DO THAT" shouted Phoenix
"Because I'm evil and his astma annoyed me"
"How dare u kill him for that"
"Suck my tits SJW" said woman and she jumped out
"I WILL DEFEET U SOMEDAY whoever you areEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Now arriving at destruction of the master of education" said the person in the roof of the train
"Oh nice thats my stop" said Phoenix stepping out into a world of black twisting white
"Hello Mr Phoenix Wright" said the master of education and the place was like a courtroom
"You are guilty TAKE THAT" he presented his exams "Look I got 100%"
"Ha but that doesnt matter you faield because of the BELL CURVE"
"The bell curve is how we mark exams so like 10% or some small% have to get H1s (which is like an A) some% have to get H2 and others H3 which also means a certain number have to FAIL"
"NOOOOO I I" Phoenix was doomed but he thought
"Wait I HAVE IDEA"
"What is your idea"
"I can use this bell curve if I got the shittiest luck in Maths maybe Ill get the best luck in Irish"
Just then the results were done for Irish and released and the guy from before said Phoenix got a H8 in Irish so he faield but he got a H1 in every other exam
"DAAAAMN thats a lot of points said Phoenix" because all those H1s gave him 600 points so he could definitely go to college
"But how did the bell curve get so fucked up its usually perfect" said master of education
"Its simple there was a mastermind" said Phoenix and he pointed "It is YOU, Catherine" he pointed at Catherine who btw is the bitch who killed our best friend from earlier Pole
"You cant prove it"
"Oh yeah, well see about that in court"
COURTROOM NO. 4
the bailiff came in and kicked out all the shitposters in Courtroom No. 4 (OMG have you guys EVER been there?)
"Courts in session" said Judge
"Make your testimony Detective Gumshoe" said Godot
"Okay pal" said Gushoe
"Okayyyy pal, the victim is Mr. Pole."
"The defendant did it."
"OBJECITON" shouted Phoenix "There is no defendant"
"Oh yeah" said Gumshoe "Sorry forgot to mention it wasnt a murder it was an accident so the defendant is fate"
"WHAT" shouted Phoenix "HOW"
"Cause he couldnt find his inhaler so he struggle to find it, thats why teh crime scenes a mess" sadi Gumshoe
"Testify again" said Godot
"Okay pal" said Gumshoe
"It was an accident"
"HOLD IT" said Nick "Why ya say that"
"There is no signs of anyone else being at crime scene"
"OBJECTION" shouted Phoenix and he presented the crime photo "Have a look all of Poles stuff like his cake and bag are on the floor because he push them off the table"
"Yes" said Godot throwing him a coffee to drink cause hes smart
"Well Godot theres a contradiction if Mr Pole really did do this and there was no one else at the crime scene then WHY WAS THE INHALER FOUND ON THE TABLE?"
"WH-WHAAAT" shouted Godot spitting out his coffee as the Objection from Trills and Triabulations played in his face
"If there was noone else there then the inhaler should have fallen on the floor too!"
"But why was it on the table" said the Judge
"Its simple ur honor" said Phoenix "The inhaler was the only thing on the table which can only mean one thing. While Pole was looking for it, SOMEONE HAD IT IN THEIR HANDS"
"PHOOOOO" blew Godot
"But Mr Wright" said Judge "Why didnt that someone help him if they had his inhaler"
"Theres only one reason" said Phoenix deskslamming "The man or in this case woman held onto the inhaler because she wanted to MURDER HIM!"
"WOOAOOHOOOLY SHIT" shouted the Judge
"Damn pal how come the police never thought of that" said Gumshoe
"OBJECTION" shouted Godot "But who did it Trite"
"Theres only one person who could have done it... CATHERINE"
"IDK ANY CATHERINE WILL DO"
So they called Katherine Hall to the stand
"Uhhh thats Katherine not Catherine"
"Good enough" said Judge "Testify"
"Hmm hmm hmm hmmm hmmm you are an idiot man"
"Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmm theres no proof I killed him"
"OBJECTION" shouted Phoenix "Yes I do you see when you picked up the inhaler you werent wearing gloves"
"Oh shit" said Godot as Phenix pointed
"Your FINGERPRINTS ARE ON THE INHALER!"
"HMM HMM HMM HMMMMMMMM" she hummed fast sweating
"Bailiff test the inhaler for prints" said judge and the inhaler ran out
"Well Catherine I mean Katherine" said Phoenix and he pointed "Confess and ull get lighter sentence"
Her humming got faster
"I didnt do it"
"(This is strange she seems to be telling the truth)"
Then the bailiff came in
"The prints dont match Katherine." said Bailiff
"WHAAAT" shouted Phoenix
"...they match Catherine"
"OH SHIT HOW DID I FORGET WE HAD THE WRONG KATHERINE" shouted Nick
"Call the Catherine who matches the prints" shouted Judge
The bailiff dragged in the sweating woman Catherine from the train
"I-I DIDNT DO IT TO KILL HIM" she cried "I GOT IT TO HELP HIM"
"OBJECTION U LIE, UR AN EVIL BITCH EVILER THAN DAHLIA"
"Wh-what motive would I have to kill him."
"Its simple" said Phoenix "Here is your motive to kill Mr Pole!"
He presented the inhaler
"This inhaler is a special inhaler that is only given to people with asthma and there is one other thing that motivated you"
"Mr Pole was blind"
"But what does this mean" said Judge
"It means Mr Pole was really disabled! Thats why she killed him!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH" screamed Catherine and she screamed at the roof "FUCK YOU PHOENIX" and she got arrested and executed publicly
"I declare fate NOT GUILTY"
===AFTER THE TRIAL===
"Wow nice defending Mr Nick" said Ira Ayy "Now lets go back to reclaiming the 32 counties up the ra"
Thats when Phoenix remembered the plan to make Ireland an Irish speaking country so he took out a gun and pointed it at Ayy
===AFTER PHOENIXS TRIAL===
Phoenix went to a bunch of colleges with his ace smartness but noone would accept him because he was shit at Irish so he spent the rest of his life selling burgers forever