My eyes were squeezed tightly shut as I attempted to sleep. No matter how long I laid there, however, it was fruitless. Even though I tried my hardest not to think about him, I still knew there was something missing.

I had grown so used to needing the extra blankets at night to balance out the cold. The icy arm that would wrap around me. The chest that felt more like a rock than a pillow as I laid my head on it. Lastly, the now haunting melody that was hummed to me each and every night—my lullaby.

Now, this room was humid, too soft, and silent.

Endless tears trickled down my cheeks, my shut eyes doing nothing to hold them back. The giant hole that had been ripped out of my chest swallowed everything whole, leaving me an empty ball of nothing. But I at least had known not to be too surprised—after all, he was positively perfect. It never made any sense for him to be with me.

I had never felt secure that he'd stay. It was a constant worry in the back of my mind that he'd leave one day, and it turned out I had been right. He didn't want me. He was gone.

I should have known it for a fact when he said I should go to Jacksonville while I was in the hospital. I should have known it when he was against me becoming like him. Weren't those two giant giveaways? But of course, my stubborn self just had to cling on to him tighter.

The hole in my chest stung when I thought of everyone else. Carlisle. Esme. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Couldn't they have told me goodbye? Sucking in a ragged breath, I tried to force them out of my already hazy mind. It would only hurt worse if I continued to think of them.

The wooden floor of the hall creaked, and I wondered if Charlie was coming to check on me again. It would be the third time this night, a fresh round of guilt consuming me. I know I had scared him to death... Getting lost in the woods and just collapsing. I could hardly remember being found, Charlie's panicked voice finally breaking me out of the fog I had been lost in.

My door creaked open and I could faintly see his head leaning inside. I could see the outline of his frown, worried lines creasing across his forehead.

"Bells?" his gruff voice whispered.

I went through an internal debate, wondering whether or not I should pretend to be asleep. The large lump in my throat and the nonstop flood of tears made me figure now wasn't the best time to talk. Charlie wasn't one to comfort or know what to do when someone cried. It would just be bad for both of us if I tried.

I didn't reply.

The door quietly shut, the creaking floors echoing his retreat.

I shouldn't do this to him—make him worry, especially after what happened at the end of the last school year. I'd never forget his expression as I nearly stomped on his heart before running away to Phoenix. That had just been cruel.

Sucking in a deep breath, I figured I might as well try to sleep again. No matter how wrong I felt, laying here without... And no matter how my thoughts drifted, I had to sleep.

Just as I was starting to drift off, finally, my ears pricked at the sound of three soft taps on my window. Shooting up from the bed, my heart stuttered uncomfortably before speeding away. Was he back? Nearly tripping over my own two feet, I tried not to sprint over to the window—with my luck, crashing through it.

As quiet as I could, I yanked the window open, the crisp fall air hitting me as I did. Peering out into the empty night, I squinted, trying to see anyone out there. Please tell me I didn't imagine it...

"...Edward?" I whispered, my voice cracking. His name felt like rusted nails clawing up my throat.

After a few moments of silence, my heart plummeted with disappointment. Fantastic. I was now losing my mind. Shaking my head, I twisted to make my way back to bed.


My heart stopped, now certain I had heard something. Carefully turning my head, I was stunned to see someone there. Only, it wasn't Edward balancing at the edge of my window.


The shock that filled me was almost mind-numbing. His arms were draped over the window, holding himself up. His golden hair was its usual tousled disarray, along with his clenched jaw. The only thing different being his heavy frown and ashamed butterscotch eyes.

I knew I appeared like a fish out of water as I stared at him with wide eyes, my mouth agape. Only, he was the very last person I expected to see. Well, perhaps Rosalie would fit that better. That shock lasted a moment more before it was replaced with the oddest mixture of confusion and slight joy. Seeing him... showed that it all hadn't been a dream. It was real. It felt like I could breathe again, seeing the inhumanly pale skin and oddly colored eyes.

"Bella... could I come in?" he asked, his voice tight, slightly clipped like it usually was. His eyebrows were furrowed as he averted his gaze, seeming to try hard not to meet my eyes.

"Of course," I breathed, jolting as I realized he needed room.

Flittering to the other side of the room, I watched as he gracefully pulled himself into my room, his feet quietly stepping onto my floor. Not a sound had been made.

"What are you doing here? Is... Did everyone decide to stay?" I whispered, my heart like a hummingbird's wings within my chest. Even if he didn't want me, even if I couldn't be with Edward... At least they would be here.

He grimaced slightly, still refusing to meet my eyes as he lingered by the window. I could tell by his stiff form that he was trying to remain in control. Still, with my odd mind, I felt no fear. I certainly didn't intend on opening any wrapping paper around him, either.

"No." He shook his head, guilt flashing within his eyes.

I felt my heart drop at once, the disappointment staggering. Enough to make me sit on the edge of my bed, those awful tears threatening to spill again. But I couldn't let that happen now—Jasper was here. And I didn't know for how long.

"Oh," I managed to get out, trying my hardest to sound like it didn't sting.

I noticed him flinch, probably from feeling my chaotic emotions. Almost confirming it, I felt a wave of calm wash over me that didn't last nearly as long as I had hoped. Once I had been irritated with him using his gift on me. Now, I wished that he wouldn't stop, swaddling in that peaceful calm like it was a thick blanket.

"I wanted to apologize," he broke the silence, finally meeting my eyes. I could see the guilt that swam within the topaz as clear as day and I wondered why in the world it was there.

"For what?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing. His mimicked mine immediately as his eyes dropped.

Shifting where he stood, he appeared frustrated as he stared intently at my bookshelf. I doubted he was looking over the titles, however.

"I don't understand it. All I felt when you saw me was shock, confusion, and happiness, of all things. How are you not... angry?" he managed to get through his teeth. I noticed him tilt towards the window, catching a fresh gulp of autumn air. By the looks of his eyes, he had just hunted as well. He was not taking any precautions, which saddened me in a way.

Did he really think I'd be angry because he had slipped up? He was a vampire; it was odd enough that he didn't drink the blood of humans. It was in his nature—the last thing I should be was angry. Not to mention he hadn't harmed me. If anyone did, it was...

Swallowing, I furiously shook my head. "Jasper, I promise you that I was never mad. It was an accident, there is no need to apologize. There never was." I tried to offer him the best smile I could muster, but I don't know how well I had managed. I saw him open his mouth, prepared to argue, but I immediately cut him off. "You're the newest at not drinking human blood and mine spilled right in front of you. Not to mention you didn't hurt me. I don't... I don't want you to feel guilty about it. It was nothing."

What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!

I tried not to flinch as those familiar words sprang through my mind, instantly shoving them back down into the black abyss. Staring down at my fingers, I shrugged my shoulders. It was simple within my mind. Perhaps if he had done it while in control, then I'd be angry. But that just wasn't the case.

I heard him chuckle softly, seeing his hair shift as he shook his head out the corner of my eye. "You are too nice for your own good," he murmured in reply, a melancholy edge to his voice. "How you can still say that, knowing that is why everyone left-"

His voice faltered as my head shot up, pain glistening in my eyes. "That's what you think?"

My frown deepened as I wondered if that was what he had told them all. That Jasper's mistake was why their immediate departure was necessary... to make himself look better? So they wouldn't know that he didn't... care? Or was there the slim possibility that it was the truth? If it was, I would be far more than angry. But I knew which I believed—which made sense.

Jasper was as still as a statue, although his head was now cocked to the side, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. "That's the truth," he replied, curiosity flickering within his eyes. "What did he tell you?"

A humorless grin masked my face as I shook my head. "That's not why. He didn't want me anymore. What happened... just made him see that it was time for him to end things. It had been coming for a while."

I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that.

Brushing his voice out of my head, I looked up to see Jasper now the shocked one. "No... that couldn't possibly be right. He loved you. I felt that," he reasoned, his voice softening.

Of course, I'll always love you... in a way.

Gritting my teeth, I dropped his gaze, furiously shaking my head. "You were mistaken, then," I pushed through my clenched teeth. "He told me you left already," I added, trying to change the subject. I didn't want to talk about fake love.

"I did. Came back to get some of my things I left behind and to talk to you," he shrugged. "Knew it'd be easier if he was already gone, otherwise I never would have been able to talk to you," he chuckled sourly. I knew he was right, too. None of them would have allowed me to be in the same room with him if they had stayed. "Not that it would have been unreasonable," he added even lower, his eyes hardening.

"You seem to be doing okay now," I smiled, half-heartedly. He needed to start having some faith in himself, otherwise, he'd get nowhere.

He returned my small smile, shrugging as he snuck another peek out the window.

"Did Alice tell you things would go well?" I asked, it a bit hard to say her name as well. She had been my best friend... She could have at the very least come with him to tell me goodbye.

He now appeared troubled as he shook his head. "I haven't seen Alice since I left," he admitted, shocking me.


"I wanted some time to myself after what happened," he sighed, his lips a hard line. "Nothing against her, of course, I just didn't want to be around any of them. Being the only one to slip in decades... feel all the pity and sympathy..." he scowled as he traced the top of my rocking chair. "Decided I'd go see a couple of my old friends and get my mind off of things," he shrugged. "It was about time I visited them anyway."

I nodded, understandingly. I barely knew Jasper, but I could tell he wasn't one to enjoy hearing 'it's okay, don't feel bad,' constantly. He seemed uncomfortable enough when I told him not to apologize.

"Does she know... that you came here?" I asked.

Pursing his lips, he shook his head. "I didn't tell her, and I didn't think of it in front of..." he paused before saying his name, and I was partially grateful. "He um... told her not to look for your future," he hurriedly said, it feeling like a punch to the gut, "And I told her not to look for mine, so neither of them should know."

"She would have stopped you if she saw," I sighed, my shoulders slumping.

His eyes were filled with remorse as he looked over at me, his fingers clenching and unclenching as he stood.

"I had to apologize whether you wanted it or not," he sighed.

"Would he be mad... if he knew that you were here?" My voice was so small as I aimlessly played with the frayed edge of my blanket. I knew his answer already, but I still wanted to hear it. To give me some reason to be more angry with him.

A humorless laugh tumbled from his throat, startling me. "Yeah, wouldn't doubt it. But he didn't own you, and it was my business anyway, I think." After that rush of words, I noticed him tense, twisting to the window once again, his fingers harshly gripping the frame. I gave him a moment to collect himself, seeing him sheepishly turn back.

Offering him a small smile, I thought of how this was truly the most I had ever spoken to Jasper. He was always kept away before, never giving me a chance to really talk to him. The only time we really spoke was when he and Alice took me to Phoenix. You are worth it, he had said. Seems to be untrue now.

"I should... probably get going," he murmured, looking back out the window.

A surge of panic flooded within me, my heart now galloping in my chest. "Don't go!" I brokenly whispered, trying to calm myself.

Jasper's eyes were wide as he took an unconscious step forward before shaking his head. A wave of calm surrounded me, setting my heart at a normal pace as my muscles relaxed. Still, I knew that once he walked out that window... all my ties to them would be severed.

It will be as if I'd never existed.

That crushing hole was beginning to ache again as those cursed tears welled in my eyes. Jasper's confused expression smoothed, understanding now etched within his eyes. Gazing around my room, his eyes stilled on my desk before he started towards it. I watched as he took my notepad and pen, quickly scribbling something onto it. Ripping the page off, he hesitantly handed it to me.

It was a phone number.

"I know it's not the same as Alice's or-" rubbing the back of his neck, he refrained from saying that name again. "But if you need to talk, just call."

His smile was small as I gazed down at the small piece of paper like it was gold. I sent him the strongest wave of gratitude I could muster. I knew he couldn't stay here, considering his family was gone and it wouldn't make sense for him to be here. I could never ask that. Plus this one night must have been beyond strenuous already—asking him to stay the night would be simply cruel. But this... this was perfect.

My smile grew as I ached to throw my arms around him. "Thank you," I breathed.

He nodded, the corner of his lips twitching. "Goodnight, Bella," he whispered before heading to the window.

I watched as he pulled his legs up and over the edge. Then he dropped down, off into the night.

"Goodnight," I replied, staring down at the piece of paper I now tightly gripped.

Should I continue? Please review!