My Dearest John,

If an angel kissed a star which fell to Earth, she would be whispering your name. Upon her kiss it was written what I am about to say to you now and embedded within my mind palace was your precious name.

It is difficult to believe the Universe would outcast an alluring work of serendipitous perfection like you, for not even divine angels could look upon your handsome face without sacrificing themselves for you. Something about you makes me want to take you in my arms and keep you forever.

I can't wait to go out to another crime scene with you again. This time, if I am brave enough, then I might grudgingly admit that you inspire me to be at my best. I promise to not insult Anderson or remind Sally of the rug burns I saw on her knees when I deduced she was shagging Anderson on cheap carpeting. Though, I must say, indeed, the guttersnipe deserves no less than my disdain for being so obviously ordinary. I won't say boring, pout if you call me a Drama Queen or say your deductions are dull. Even if your deductions are horrifically wrong, I promise not to point out your errors because I love you.

Anyway, Darling, I must depart now because a new experiment beckons and must attend to it before Mrs. Hudson finds it and faints. I really can't wait to see you again, John, especially if you are going to be wearing sexy red pants for me! I've deduced they are your favorite pair and you wear them when you're wanking off while watching videos on your laptop. I can assure you, John, I've learned more via YouTube than Origami for my hands. It has also taught me the finer points of tantric activities which I would like to experiment upon you sometime with your permission.

You always remain in my mind palace, inspiring me to be a man worthy of your love and admiration. It's you, John. It has always been you and you keep me right.

Forever lost without you,