Later that day we recieved all the information needed for the expedition, I was put in a formation with Eliza, Reiner and Jean. For some reason Erwin always decided to put me with Jean, I wandered why but didn't give it too much thought. The next days passed by with training as we went over the formations and the flares a thousand times, until the morning before the expedition arrived. As usual, they gave us a day off to do all the stuff we wanted to do before what could be the last day of our lives.
It was supposed to be a cheerfull day but it never was, everyone was nervous and frightened and so was I. All I had in my mind was that I wanted to talk to Levi since we hardly spoke that week, he was always super busy before expeditions I hoped he would also have the day off. Lukily I ran into Mike so I could ask him.
"Hi Mike." I smiled at him, no one was ever formal with Mike even if he was a veteran, he was the chillest person in the Survey Corps and everyone liked him.
"Catherine, right?" He asked with a smile. I nodded. "Ready for the expedition?" He asked.
"I don't think anyone ever is, I'm a little scared honestly." I shrugged.
"I don't blame you, after all you've been trough in the last one!" He answered.
"Yeah, that's an experience I do not want to repeat." I laughed nervously.
"Don't worry, Erwin has everything planned out to avoid the titans, all we need to do is find the quickest way to Shiganshina, we shouldn't lose too many people." He tried to reassure me and he almost succeded. Then I remembered that I wanted to ask where Levi was, but I kind of felt guilty about it, he was so nice and I didn't want him to know that I started the conversation just for Levi.
"I hope so.." I looked to the ground, letting a couple of seconds pass before finally gathering the courage to ask about Levi. "Sorry for asking but do you know where Captain Levi is?" I asked as I bit my lip nervously.
"Mh… Hanji told me he hasn't left his room yet, it's also his day off, he's probably taking it easy for a while." He shrugged. "I bet he won't be upset if you visit him, though." He said with a smirk. Of course he still remembered that we had sex, great.
"T-Thanks Mike, I'll go see if he's allright." I smiled and started walking away.
"Wait, Cath." He called out, I turned around to face him again. "Can I call you Cath?" He asked quickly, I nodded, holding in a little laugh. "By the way, if he hasn't left his room he probably didn't have his usual black tea yet, he's going to love it if you bring him a cup. He likes it really hot." He winked at me and walked away.
"Thanks Mike!" I smiled brightly at him. Now I knew why everyone loved him, he was so nice… he even gave me advice on Levi! With a smile on my face I went to the kitchen and prepared a cup of really hot black tea, following Mike's advice, then I headed to Levi's room. I was a little nervous about seeing him again, what if he changed his mind about us?
I gathered all my courage and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" He sounded kind of annoyed, I didn't wake him, right? I knew it was a mistake. I sighed, trying to calm down a little.
"Catherine." I answered, expecting the worst.
"Come in." He sounded a lot less annoyed after he heard my name, when I opened the door I saw something I would have never expected, Levi was in his underwear, sitting on the bed with messy hair and he looked well rested for the first time in his life. I blushed as I caught myslef staring at his super defined abs. "Eyes are up here." He said ironically, I blushed even more. "Close the door." I did as he asked.
"Good morning Levi." I smiled sweetly as I put the burning cup of black tea on his desk. "I brought you black tea." He looked surprised but really impressed at the same time.
"Thanks." He answered as he stood up with an adorable yawn, he walked towards me.
"Did I wake you up?" I asked, kind of worried, he was a hinch away from me now. He put a hand on my lower back and stared deep into my eyes, making me shiver.
"No." He said as he placed a kiss on my forhead, my heart started beating ten times faster as I started smiling like an idiot. He then walked away, took the black tea and sat on his bed again, then he signaled me to sit beside him, so I did.
"Levi… I wanted to talk about the other night.." I blushed at the thought of that night.
"I know." He sighed.
"It wasn't a one night stand, was it?" I looked at the ground, hoping with my all heart he would say it wasn't, I wanted him to feel something for me so badly.
"How can you even think it was a one night stand?" He gave me a confused glance and I sighed in relief.
"I just wanted to make sure." I shrugged.
"How did you feel about it?" He asked. "Did you get any flashbacks?" He didn't need to explain, I knew exactly what he was refearing to.
"What? No! Of course not! I would have stopped you if I did…" I looked him straight in the eyes. "You didn't remind me of those perverts, it was compleately different.. I enjoyed it too this time." I was so nervous, I didn't even want him to come close to comparing himself with them.
"I'm glad." He smiled and I thought that his smile must have been the most amazing thing in the whole universe.
"But… what are we now?" I asked, he tensed up as he took a sip of his steaming black tea.
"That's a difficult question…" He looked away. "I can't deny I feel something for you, brat. But I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." I looked away too, that wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear but it was better than nothing.
"It's… ok." I answered, trying not to sound too upset, he turned to face me, but I wasn't ready to look at him again.
"Everyone I care about dies." He stated harshly. "I don't want to lose you too."
That must be the stupidest excuse I've ever heard. I thought as he said those words, not believing him. He sighed as he understood I didn't believe it.
"My mother was a whore in the underground, she died of starvation when I was really young but I still loved her. Farlan and Isabel were my best friends, I cared about them above all else, I found their dead bodies on our first expedition. I don't want you to become part of the list." I looked at him in shock, I would have never expected him to tell me so much about himself.
"I…" I couldn't find the right words. "I'm so sorry, Levi, it's horrible.." I looked down. I couldn't believe he was actually scared of getting attached to a person for the fear of losing them, maybe that was why he was always so cold to everyone.
"That's not the point, I don't want you to feel sorry, I want you to understand why I can't be with you yet." He said coldly. I froze.
"I understand but… what do you mean with 'yet'?" I asked.
"When this is all over and the titans are defeated I promise we'll finally be toghether." He took my hand and stared deep into my eyes. I smiled and gave him a small nod.
"I'll live waiting for that day." I wispered, he smiled too and looked away. "So… you got anything to do today?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"Would I still be in bed if I did?" He answered ironically, I jiggled.
"Want to do something?" I asked, blushing.
"Like what?" He was a little confused and surprised, he didn't seem to expect it at all.
"I don't know… Let's get out of HQ and visit the nearby city or something." I shrugged while I blushed.
"I don't know…" He sighed. "I'd like to but I should probably stay here, in case Erwin needs me, it's the day before the expedition after all."
"It's ok… It was a stupid idea anyway…" I brushed it off.
"We can go after the expedition?" He suggested with a little blush on his cheeks. "Hanji told me the nearby city is having a huge party in a couple of days, we could go." He blushed even more, I almost laughed at how adorable that was. I defenately could not imagine Levi at a party, he didn't seem the type of guy who would like something like that but I was defenately glad he wanted to go.
"Of course! That would be awesome." I gave him the brightest of smiles. "Enjoy your day off then… I'll go see what Gray and Eliza are up to." I got up from the bed and headed towards the exit.
"Wait." He stopped me. "I need to tell you something about the expedition." He said, I turned around.
"Sure… what is it?" I asked.
"Be really carefull, Erwin thinks a traitor is in the Survey Corps and that he or she can trasform into a titan, just like Eren…" He looked at me with his intimidating gaze. "Tomorrow's mission is not to actually find a way to Shiganshina but to capture the traitor." He sighed. "I just thought you should know, don't tell anyone, brat." I gulped and nodded. I knew about the traitors but I didn't even consider they could be able to transform into titans.
"Thanks for telling me, Levi… see you later." I opened the door and left. If what Levi told me was true the mission was a lot more dangerous then what we all thought, how could I not tell anyone? What was I going to do? I shook my head and went to look for Gray and El, I needed to get my mind off the mission and off Levi.
They were not in our dorm so I went to look for them in the mess hall where I found Jean and Eren fighting instead, Mikasa was trying to push Eren away while Armin tryed to take care of Jean, without success, I had never seen Jean so angry so I rushed there, I helped Armin hold him back until they were finally done shoutig at eahother and both left the mess hall.
"Are they always like that?" I asked Armin. "It seemed like they actually wanted to murder each other!"
"Honestly I don't think they actually hate eachother, they always fight like that before expeditions, I think they are just scared and try to release their feelings by fighting." He sighed. "It's really annoying." He complained.
"Yeah, I figured…" I answered. "Have you seen Eliza and Gray?" I asked
"Your friends? They were here at breakfast but I haven't seen them since then." He shrugged. "Sorry."
"Don't worry… they must be in Grey's dorm then, thanks Armin." I smiled, then I realised I had no idea where his dorm was, I had never been there. "Wait… do you know where it is?"
"It's next to the one I'm sharing with Eren, Connie and Jean." He answered.
"Woah, Jean and Eren are in the same dorm?" I asked, surprised, he laughed at my reaction.
"Unfortunately, yes… I honestly can't stand their bullshit anymore." I laughed.
"Well, thanks Armin, I'll go look for them, see you later." I smiled and left, I knew where Jean's dorm was because we cleaned it toghether during training a month ago, I smiled at the memory.
I walked to the dorms again and when I got to the one that was supposed to be Gray's I saw Reiner walking out of it.
"Hi Reiner." I faked a smile, I didn't like him very much.
"Hey, Catherine." He smiled back, I couldn't tell if he was faking it though.
"Is this Gray's dorm?" I asked, he smirked.
"Yeah, he shares it with me and Berthold." He let out a little laugh. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you." He added, I gave him a confused glance.
"Why's that?" I asked.
"Your friends are making out." He smirked again, my eyes widened, I couldn't believe it.
"What?" I smiled widely. "Are you serious?" I couldn't stop smiling, I had been waiting for the two to get toghether since the day I met them, I was so happy.
"Of course I'm serious!" He shrugged. "That's why I was leaving, I wanted to give them some privacy." I laughed.
"Well, thanks Reiner!" I was still smiling, dammit.
"Why are you smiling like that?" He asked.
"You have no idea how much I was waiting for this to happen!" I answered, adding a little jiggle. "I'm so happy for them!"
"Yeah, at least they are not thinking about the mission tomorrow." He said, it was true, I was so glad they were cheering each other up before the mission.
"Well, I'll leave them to their making out, see you tomorrow Reiner, we're in the same formation after all." He smiled and gave me a quick nod and I left.
What was I going to do? Everyone was busy and I really didn't want to spend what could have been my last day doing nothing.
I took a walk around HQ, looking for someone I could hang out with, when I got outside, close to the training forest, I found Jean, he had a pencil in his hand and a notepad on his lap, he looked really focused, I didn't want to interupt him but he also seemed kind of lonely. So I gulped down any uncertainty and walked towards him.
"I never took you for a artist." I said when I was close enough for him to hear me, he tensed up and put his notepad away really quickly. "Woah, calm down, it's just me." I stopped, he looked really uncomftable and flustered and I suddently regretted going to talk to him, I thought about just leaving but that would just make things more awkward.
"Hey Cath." He said, looking away. "It's… kind of a secret hobby." He was so embarassed it was almost cute.
"Sorry for interrupting…" I looked away, it had never been so awkward with Jean, we were usually so casual with each other.
"It's ok… Actually, it's great, I was feeling kind of lonely." He shrugged.
"Yeah me too…" My thoughts went to Gray and Eliza, I wandered if they were getting it on or if it was just a make out session or something, I would defenately ask them later.
"What happened to your friends? They're always stuck to your ass." He said ironically, I laughed at his joke.
"They are stuck to each other's asses right now, if you know what I mean." I winked at him, he got it right away and laughed.
"Seriously? Wow, you newbies are getting a lot of action these days!" He joked, he still had a little blush on his cheeks. I laughed as he looked me in the eyes with a sweet smile. "So… your friends left you and you came to me?" He smirked. "What about Levi?"
"He's busy, I guess…" I shrugged, remembering my chat with Levi made me a little sad. "But hey, you're my friend too and you looked so miserable here by yourself!" I mocked him sarcastically.
"Well… I didn't know what to do." He answered.
"What were you drawing?" I asked curiously, he blushed a dark shade of red.
"I… just a doodle." He looked away, still red.
"Can I see it?" I smiled. "I mean, I never had time for art and stuff… so I'm just a little curious."
"It's not a good idea…" He answered, scratching the back of his neck nervously so I let it go.
I spent the rest of the day with Jean, we sat down and talked about the mission coming up and how ironic it was that we always ended up on the same formation, then we took a walk around talking about random things. Jean was a really pleasant person to hang out with, he was funny and ironic but he could also be nice and serious, but the thing I liked most about him was his blunt honesty, he always spoke his mind, no matter what, so I felt like I could trust anything he said.
When we gathered in the mess hall for dinner that night we reluctantly parted ways, he sat with Connie and Sasha as I got back to Gray and Eliza, who were finally done smooching or whatever.
"So, I heard you two had fun today." I said as I sat down next to them. "I knew it was going to happen, seriously." They didn't even deny it, they were acting all clingy and I was so happy for them, they were perfect for each other.
That night the three of us drank a bit of rum, I tried not to drink too much, I had absolutely no intention of going against the titans with a hangover but I was tipsy anyway, I was able to get drunk even with just one glass. Eliza and Gray left to go make out in his room, I wasn't mad at them for leaving me there, I was just glad they were spending this night the way they both wanted. I just lingered in the mess hall by myself with the third glass of rum in my hand until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Who's the miserable one now?" Asked a voice behind me, I laughed without turning around, the alchool made me a little sleepy and I felt like anything was the funniest thing in the world.
"You are!" I answered with a drunk laugh.
"Woah, I think you drank enough." He took my glass away and finished the drink in it before I had time to protest, but I knew it was for the best, I would have ended up drinking a lot more if he didn't stop me so I mentally thanked him.
Jean stayed with me a little more and made me hang out with his usual group: Connie, Sasha, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Reiner, Berthold, Ymir and Christa.
Connie was really drunk, but he acted as he usually did, he was goofing around with Sasha, who also acted the same was as she normally did, but the blush on her cheeks gave away that she was a little drunk too.
Eren was seriously wasted, his head was resting on Mikasa's shoulder and he had a grin on his face, probably listening to the others' conversations, Mikasa on the other hand was compleately sober, she had a glass of water in her hand, ignoring Connie and Sasha calling her boring.
Armin was drinking rum too but he didn't look drunk, he was just sitting quietly as he looked at Connie and Sasha dancing around, he seemed in deep thought.
Reiner and Berthold were having a conversation, well at least Reiner was, Berthold was just nodding nervously at him.
Ymir was being super loud, she was defenately drunk, she also seemed to convince little innocent Christa to drink too even if she was a little more focused on making sure Ymir didn't do anything stupid.
Jean was a little drunk too, not as much as me but still tispy, he introduced me to his friends, even if we already knew each other, but it was nice to bond with them, they were all nice and enjoyable people. I laughed and talked to them until eleven, when I decided I should go to bed to get some sleep before the expedition, most of them agreed with me.
Mikasa basically dragged Eren to his dorm as he laughed and whispered something about murdering titans as Armin and Jean followed, I said goodnight to Jean with a little kiss on the cheek, to which he blushed a dark shade of red but he still responded with a cocky grin. Mikasa decided to stay there for a while, to take care of Eren's drunk ass.
Connie, Sasha, Ymir and Christa all stayed in the mess hall, drinking some more.
Since Mikasa was so worried about Eren, I had to walk alone to my dorm… everything was going well until I bumped into someone in the darkness.
"Excuse you." I blurted out with an exausted tone, followed by a giggle I did not mean to make.
"Seriously? You got drunk the night before the expedition, brat?" Answered the man in the darkness.
"Levi!" I spread my arms and hugged him with a smile, what was I doing? I couldn't even control my actions. He tensed up but let himself melt into the hug after a while. We just stood there in eachother's arms for a while, he started stroking my hair gently and there was no need for words.
"Get to bed, we are leaving early tomorrow." He said arshly yet it didn't sound like an order but a nice suggestion.
"Where is my dorm?" I asked as my head still rested on his chest, if we both stayed quiet I could hear his calming heart beat, I was so glad he was there with me. He let out an exasperated sigh, took my hand in his and started walking, I reluctantly started walking too, everything was spinning as I held on to his hand as if it was the only thing that could save me.
We got in front of my dorm a little too quickly, I wished I colud keep my hand in his forever but he let go, without saying a word, I just stared at him with a little smile as everything spinned. He waited for me to get inside but I didn't, I kept looking at him so he rolled his eyes, put a arm around my waist and opened the door, he walked me to my bed and I noticed that Gray and Eliza were sleeping toghether on her bed, they looked so peacefull and happy even in their sleep, I smiled and I got back to looking at Levi.
I sat on the bed and as he turned around to leave I caught his wrist, he turned around, the moonlight coming from the window was gently lighting up his handsome features.
"Thank you." I whispered, without letting go of his wrist.
"Go to sleep." He answered, I just sat on the bed with my hand on his wrist for a couple of seconds, thinking of what I could say to keep him there, I didn't want him to leave.
"Can I kiss you?" It came out almost by it self, why couldn't I control myself when I was drunk? It was such a stupid thing to ask after the conversation we had that morning but at the same time I was a little glad for asking, hoping he wouldn't reject.
He stared at me with a stoic, cold glare for a couple of seconds, until he sighed and gave me a nod. He sat on the bed next to me, getting closer, my heart almost burst from happiness as I gently touched his lips with mine, I placed my hand on the back of his neck, scared that he might leave me, I gently stroked his undercut and let out a little giggle on his lips, it felt so nice.
Not able to hold myself back, I licked his lower lip, asking for permission to go on, he tensed up but opened his lips in the end. It was a fiery and passionate kiss, it lasted a lot more then I intended, so he pulled back, gasping for air.
"Don't you dare die tomorrow." He said coldly before giving me another quick kiss, then he stood up. "Good night." He left the room, leaving me with a huge grin on my face.
"I won't…" I whispered to myself then I let myself fall down on the bed and drift into a deep, peacefull sleep.
The morning took me by surprise, between the emotion of making out with Levi and the drunkness I totally forgot about the mission. So when I got woken up by a person shaking me, I was a little annoyed.
"Let me sleep, for fuck's sake!" I groaned as I opened my eyes and realised that everything was spinning again. "I have a headache!"
"Get your ass up, Eliza's making you something for the hangover." I realised it was Gray's voice talking to me, I smiled, Eliza was always so nice, I loved having a friend like her.
"We don't deserve her." I answered, clearly joking, he laughed at my joke but mumbled "true" under his breath, thinking I wouldn't notice. He was fully dressed in his uniform and gear, ready to go.
I reluctantly got out of bed and started putting on my uniform as well, my head was killing me in that moment, I had nausea and I never had so much trouble with the belts, Sasha ended up helping me to put them on. When Eliza got back to our dorm, she had a warm cup of something in her hand, she handed it to me.
"It's lemon tea with a couple of herbs I found outside, it should make your nausea fade compleately and help with the headache." She explained.
"El, you are the nicest person in the universe." I smiled at her sweetly, I was so luky to have her.
"We heard you and Levi yesterday, by the way." She smirked.
"Oh, Levi, please let me kiss you, I'm so thirsty for you!" Said Gray, mocking me. "And they say I'm the fan girl." He crossed his arms and smirked. Eliza laughed at his interpretation of me.
"You two are the worst." I rolled my eyes, sipping on the drink Eliza made me, it had a really nice taste of mint and lemon and maybe something else, but I couldn't work it out by myself.
"I thought I was the nicest person in the universe!" She said, still laughing as Gray put an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a quick kiss. I smiled at them, they were the best friends I ever had, just looking at them so happy made me happy too.
We went to the mess hall, where everyone was feeling down, Eren was puking in a bucket but said he felt absolutely fine afterwards. Erwin gave the usual inspirational speech, to cheer us up and make us understand how important what we were about to do was for humanity, and bullshit like that.
Before leaving I hugged Gray goodbye and witnessed his and Eliza's heartbreaking goodbye, as they promised eachother not to die. Then Gray took me aside, leaving Eliza alone, which made me feel a little bad for her.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Look… El is weak, she'll never admit it but she is, on the last expedition I had to save her twice, she can't do this by herself." He gulped. "Please keep an eye on her, I can't lose her now."
"She's my best friend, I have absolutely no intention to let her die, don't worry Gray." I smiled to reassure him, he smiled back and quickly got back to his girlfriend, who was standing alone with a shy blush on her cheeks.
When we finally got on our horses ard headed for the gate I was feeling the same panic that I felt in the last expedition, it was a little less but it was there, so vivid and terrifing, I had a really bad feeling about this mission, especially as I remembered what Levi told me about the titan traitors, I didn't want to think about it but it was stuck on my mind as we galopped outside the gate and got in formations.
My heart was pounding, I felt it coming in the air, the danger and the pain, I could already smell the blood and death of what was about to come. Yet I also felt a strange thrill, as if I liked the panic, it was a scary feeling but I had always loved feeling strong emotions and nothing compared to the adrenaline of fighting and risking my life, it was strange and I did not like the fact that I liked it but it was like that and I couldn't change it.
We encountered a couple of titans, Jean took one down and Reiner the other. When we encountered an abnormal, I killed it easily and everything was going smoothly until we saw a flare indicating another abnormal, we rushed to it and bumped into Armin, he was on the ground with a dumbstruk expression, he looked terrified and in deep thought at the same time. Lukily, we had an extra horse that ran to us when the owner probably got eaten.
"Armin!" Shouted Reiner, being the first to reach him with the extra horse behind him as El, Jean and I followed.
"Reiner!" He answered, snapping out of his thoughts.
"Can you stand?" Asked Reiner. "Don't forget you can't survive without a horse out here! Hurry!" Armin quickly got on the horse and started galoping after Reiner.
I was behind them with Eliza and Jean, they were having a conversation as we galoped after a huge titan with a female-like body, I had never seen anything like it, it was running and totally avoiding us. Jean shot the flare for an abnormal and sped up to reach Armin and Reiner, I followed with Eliza.
Flares were shot from the right wing of the formation, signaling us that they had been attacked and probably wiped out.
"What's a titan doing here?" Asked Jean, looking at it, it was running away from us and I thought for a second that we should have been running away from it, not towards it.
"Is it an abnormal?" I asked.
"No… It's different.." Answered Armin, keeping his frozen gaze on the titan. "It's a human in a titan's body." I froze at his words. The traitor Levi was talking about, the one we were trying to capture was right in front of us. I gulped, trying to decide if I should share the information about the traitors or if I should keep it to myself, one of them could be on the traitor's side for all I knew, so I decided to gulp it down and be cautious.
"What?!" Shouted Jean, his eyes were wide and he seemed a little scared at the thought.
"Why do you think so?" Asked Reiner, getting Armin's attention on him.
"This titan… When the scouts targeted it's nape, it caught and smashed them. It didn't kill to eat. It killed to kill." I gulped.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked with a little too worried tone. "What's it's objective?" I asked.
"I don't know it's objective, my first thought was that it could be working with the armored and colossal titan to destroy mankind but I'm not sure." He sighed. "What if it was looking for someone? It checked my face before running away… who could it be? Maybe Eren?"
"Eren? He was on the right formation, where it came from, with the Levi squad!" Said Reiner.
"The right?" Asked Jean, kind of surprised. "On my papers, they were in the left rear."
"My papers showed them in the right front." I commented.
"No, there's no way they'd put him in the front line." Stated Armin, looking at me and I almost felt stupid for believing it.
"Then where is he?" Said Reiner, he seemed almost impatient and a little pissed off.
"He must be in the safest spot of the formation, probably in the rear, at the center." He answered, looking straight at Reiner, a little suspitous.
"Enough of this, Armin!" Shouted Jean. "We got no time for philosophy. The flares aren't enough to comunicate the details of that titan! It'll eventually catch up to commander's Erwin troops too, then the formation will fall apart and we'll all die."
"Optimistic much?" I said, jokingly, but Jean wasn't in the mood for it, he just ignored it.
"What's your point?" Asked Eliza, who had been quietly listening for all this time.
"From this distance, we might be able to catch it's attention and buy time for thier escape. Maybe." He gulped, he seemed terrified at the idea but at the same time, he was determined to do it.
"That's smart, Jean." Praised Armin. "But from it's point of view, we count less then nothing, it's going to crush us."
"Seriously?" He let out a nervous laugh, his eyes wide open and fixated in front of him. "That ain't good."
"Who are you and what did you do to Jean?" Asked Reiner. "The Jean I know only cares about himself."
"Bro, that's rude." Answered Jean, with a creepy smile on his face, then he got serious again. "I just… don't want a lot of people to die, that's all." His grip tightened and he had a strange determined spark in his eyes, I gulped, I never thought he could get so intense. "I… I know what I need to do! It's the job we've chosen! Help me!" He shouted looking straight at us. I gulped but gave him a serious nod of agreement.
"Put on your hood." Said Armin, pulling his hood up. "So it can't see our faces, it won't kill us if it doesn't know who we are."
"Right… It can't kill someone that might be Eren! That's super smart Armin!" I exclaimed with a smile directed towards him as I pulled my hood up.
"Armin… I thought it was pathetic how you constantly hung around Eren, but I always knew you had it in you!" Said Jean, pulling up his hood.
"Uh… thanks." Answered a confused Armin. "But that pathetic part was still mean."
We galopped to the titan, it seemed to have gotten a little slower, could it be tired?
No time to think about it, we agreed we would catch it's attention enough for the column to retreat, we just needed to keep it here as long as we possibly could. We couldn't try to kill it, it was stupid… it knew it's weak spot was the nape and it would kill us if we tried to get it. If only Levi was there, he would surely be able to fight it.
Jean kissed his blade and jumped off his horse to target it's leg, the female titan suddently stopped, she turned around and avoided Jean it slapped it's hand in the air, sending wind in Jean's direction, pulling back his hood, revealing his face. Then it quickly headed towards Armin, it slapped his horse in the air, sending him flying, for a moment I thought he was dead.
"Armin!" I shouted. He was on the ground, his gear flew off him with the impact and his horse was dead. He was on laying the ground but lukily I saw him move his head, he wasn't dead… for now.
The female titan was awfully close to him, it kneeled down and took a good look at his face. Jean and I rushed towards him, Jean attached himself to the titan's shoulder to save Armin as I ran towards him, jumping off my horse. The titan lost intrest in Armin and turned towards Jean, he was able to dodge it's fist, it would have surely killed him. My heart was racing so fast, I had to save him! Jean went for the nape, but the titan protected it. I felt tears in my eyes when I realised he was done for, I was frozen. The titan was going to grab his wire and kill him, everything was going in slow motion.
"No! Jean!" I attached myself to the titans arm, in a desperate attempt to save him, was I about to kill myself?
"Jean! Avenge the suicidal bastard!" Shouted Armin, the titan suddently stopped. I tried to slice it's arm but she removed it from my reach too soon, pushing me to the ground, I hit my head but I was alive. "This shit killed him! My best friend in the right wing!"
Jean escaped as soon as it stopped, landing next to me, he shook my shoulder to make sure I was ok, I gave him a reassuring look and went back to concentrating on Armin. What the hell was he saying?
"Did Armin hit his head?!" Asked Jean, looking directly at him.
"I saw his body under it's foot! It killed him!" Armin kept on going with desperation in his voice.
Then I saw Reiner, that fool was heading right to the titan to slice it's nape! I couldn't understand if he was really brave or really stupid, Eliza was next to him to back him up, did they talk about this? Should I go with them and save her? What if it went wrong?
Reiner attached himself to the nape as Eliza went for it's eyes, but it was too late, the titan took Eliza's wire and threw her away, she landed next to Armin, he shook her to make sure she was alive and lukily she was. Right after that, Reiner was about to reach it's nape but she gave him an ice cold stare and caught him in it's hand. It looked like she crushed him.
Jean gasped, slowly walking back, in shock. "No, Reiner…" Armin and Eliza looked at the titan's hand in shock, everything seemed lost, I couldn't believe what was happening, did Reiner really just die?
Then, somehow, he freed himslef of the titan's grip and flew on the ground, he caught Armin and Eliza and started running towards us.
Jean was beyond shocked but relieved, we also strated running away, it was a miracle that we were still alive.
"Run!" He shouted at us, noticing we were both staring at him. "Hurry and get away from it! If it's not a man eater, then it won't chase us!"
I was about to start running as Reiner told us but I noticed something strange, the titan looked at it's hand for a couple of seconds then it started running off to another direction. Why was she running away? Why did it look like it knew exactly where to go? It was heading for the center rear, where Eren was!
When it was finally gone, we stopped running. Eliza helped Reiner patching Armin up, he had a deep cut on his forhead lukily his gear wasn't damaged in the fight, it was still working perfectly.
Jean kept whistling for the horses, Armin's horse was dead, the others all ran off, besides Reiner's and Eliza's.
We only had two horses and there was five of us, there was no way we would survive without horses, we only needed one more horse to move freely or we would have to leave one of us behind and just thinking about it made me sick. Who would it be…?
"Shit!" Shouted Jean, as he stopped whistling. He was probably thinking the same thing that I was, but I didn't question him about it, he was too nervous at the moment. He went back to whistling. I sighed and reached Eliza, Armin and Reiner.
"Armin, Eliza? How are you feeling?" I asked, kneeling next to them.
Eliza's arm was bleeding uncontrolably but she insisted she was fine.
"I feel a little dizzy but I'm fine." Sighed Armin. "Anyway… we need to decide." I gulped, I knew exactly what he was talking about. "It's a tough choice but one of us will have to stay here." Jean stopped whistling and looked at him in shock, Reiner seemed less surprised. Then Armin shook his head. "Wait. Let's shoot a flare first. If the formation moved straight ahead, the thid troop in the fourth row should be nearby."
We did as he said, Jean shot a purple flare that meant emergency, we hoped someone would come for us. "I shot the signal but.. who knows? I doubt anyone is gonna see it and think hey, somebody must need an extra horse." Joked Jean.
"We'll wait three minutes.. in the mean time, we need to decide who stays behind." Stated Reiner in a serious tone.
"I'll stay." Answered Armin, biting his lip. I shivered, no way we could leave Armin behind, he was too smart and valuable to the Survey Corps.
"No way Armin, you're too important..." I clenched my fist, struggling to get the rest of my sentence out. "I'll stay, I'm the most unexperienced and the newest recruit, it should be me." He gave me a sad look.
"Look, I appreciate that you want to save me but I've made my decision." He gulped. "I'm not as important as you think, anyway." He added, I wasn't supposed to hear it but I did, I was about to answer, he cut me off. "But I need you guys to report something to Commander Erwin, only him."
"Hang on! You might be able to tell him yourself!" Said Jean, he was gazing in the distance where we saw some horses coming towards us. "Someone answered the call! They even have horses with them!" He smiled as they got closer and closer, I noticed it was just one person with a bunch of horses. "It's Christa!" Added Jean.
"You guys!" She shouted, riding towards us. "Are you allright?" She asked, reaching us. I had never been so happy to see someone in my life.
Our horses were all with her, mine, Jean's and Armin's.
"My horse!" Exclaimed Jean, going towards him, he stroked his face gently and I reached mine to do the same. "Oh, calm down, good boy."
"They ran right past me, scared out of their mind." Said christa. "Did you fight a titan?" I was about to tell her but she quickly turned to Armin. "Armin! You're injured! Are you ok?" She asked sweetly.
"Don't worry, I'm fine." He said, focusing on getting his horse ready.
"I'm surprised you got to us thanks to that signal!" I said, I honestly did not even hope for someone to reach us but I was really glad she did.
"I was close by and I recognised Jean's horse.." She smiled, I really liked the vibe that she let out, I hadly ever spoke to her but she seemed really nice.
"One of us would have died if it weren't for you. Thank you Christa." Said Reiner with a smile. "You're an exeptionally nice person."
"I'm just glad…" She had tears in her eyes but a really cute smile. She quickly wiped a tear away. "You're all alive and well. I'm really glad." She added and I noticed that all of the guys were staring at her in awe, it almost made me laugh.
"We should head back to the formation." I said, snapping the guys out of their admiration for Christa and I got on my horse.
"Right! A retreat order should be issued soon." Agreed Jean, jumping on his horse too. Unlukily, I knew we would not retreat anytime soon, Erwin wanted to capture the traitor, not run away from it.
When everyone was set and ready to go we started galopping towards our formation as Reiner told Christa about the female titan we encountered. After a while of riding we saw green flares, I wasn't surprised.
"Green flares?!" Shouted Armin. "So we're continuing the operation, just changing our direction?" He was a little shocked and I honestly could understand why.
"No way! We should be retreating!" Shouted Christa.
"What is commander Erwin thinking?" Added Jean. I gulped, I knew what he wanted to do but I honestly did not know how he intended to do it.
"We have to follow the orders." Said Armin, shooting a green flare.
We rode for long, fought a couple of titans easily until we saw a forest of giant trees in the distance, we were all really confused when we reached it, most people from most formations were there, it was like a hundred of us. A veteran soon reached us to communicate we had to keep titans away from the forest for as long as we could. We were all reluctant about it but he told us it was an order.
My thoughts went to the female titan would we be able to kill it if she tried to get in?
"I need some volonteers to come with me, like twenty of you or so." I gulped, what did going with him mean? I thought about it, should I go? No one was volunteering so I thought that it wouldn't be a wise choice… until Eliza put her hand up, followed by Jean. I gave them a really confused glace.
"El, Jean… you don't know what you're signing up for, it could be super dangerous!" I warned them.
"I have no intention to stay here and be useless." Said jean.
"We're in the survey corps, everything is dangerous, they need vounteers and I'm willing to go if they ask." A sparkle lit up in her eyes, she was really determined about this.
I sighed and put my hand up too, remembering the promise I made to Gray.
"You don't have to babysit me, you know?" She rolled her eyes at me.
"I'll do it if I want to." I answered with an ironic smile.
When it was finally twenty of us with our hand up, the veteran told us to follow him and he flew off with his gear.
"What are we supposed to do?" Shouted Jean.
"We're going to get closer to the central formations, they need help in case titans aproach them." He explained.
We were going so fast and in five minutes or so we reached a formation, I couldn't make out who they were until I got a little closer. The Levi squad and Eren. My heart started pounding at the thought that something bad might happed to their formation, they were galopping quickly and the group of volunteers was now scattered in the forest fighting titans. I kept following the Levi squad, Eliza was with me and Jean had stopped to fight off a titan so I couldn't see him anymore.
Everything was going well and the situation was under control until a black flare was shot right behind us, it was hard to see because of the trees but it was there. The female titan had reached us. I stopped on a branch with Eliza next to me, I needed to buy time for Levi to escape with Eren.
Everything seemed to go in slow-motion for a couple of seconds, I could hear loud footsteps aproaching, she was running towards us, I gulped, trying to let go of all my uncertainty. I had to fight, even if it meant dying. I was ready to fight, I was ready… I kept tellig myself that until the titan showed itself. She crushed a soldier with her hand and I tried to charge towards her, going for the eyes, to blind her, it would have been enough to buy time.
But as I went for the eyes Eliza flew for the nape. My heart stopped, one of us was done for, the titan would eather go for me or for her. When I saw that her hand was reaching behind her I paniked, she was going for Eliza.
I didn't blind it, instead I tried to rush to Eliza to push her away but I wasn't quick enough. "Eliza!" I shouted, time stopped, my heart was pounding so hard in my chest and tears came to my eyes as I screamed the loudest scream that ever came out of my mouth, I couldn't control myself anymore, desperation was taking over me.
When my best friend realised she was done for, she didn't scream, she didn't cry, she didn't even look scared, she just accepted it and looked at me with a sad expression as she mouthed a "goodbye." Then the titan got her wire and threw her on the ground.
I stared at the Female Titan, it was now looking at me, I gazed into it's blue evil eyes, I wanted to be quick and avenge my friend, cut it un into pieces and make it suffer as much as I was suffering, I wanted it to feel pain for eternity to reapay what it had done to my friend, but I was frozen, the image of Eliza's body hitting the ground was still vivid in my mind as he titan reached for me, I wanted to charge towards it and destroy it, make it suffer the pain of hell.
But all I was ablr to do was to just stare at the titan with disbelief, why? Why Eliza? She was good, she was kind, she was sweet and she wasn't here anymore..
I wished I could have taken her place, she deserved to live a thousand times more then I did, why wasn't I quick enough? Why? Why? Why...
The titan's hand was getting closer every second while I just stared. Was I going to let her kill me? She was about to crush me but I didn't move a inch, maybe death was better then suffering like that. I was frozen. When her hand was a inch from me I felt an arm wrap around my waist and suddently I was being taken away.
"You idiot!" Shouted a distant voice that I couldn't quite understand, I was too shocked. "What the fuck were you doing?!" He sounded really angry but I didn't care at all, my mind was blank, all I could see was Eliza's body hitting the ground.
I didn't even realise Jean saved my life until he put me down on a branch and stared into my eyes, I didn't even care, I would have let the titan kill me… I was so sick of pain and sadness, why was it always me? Why did everyone I care about die? Why?
I wanted was to be relieved of it all, I didn't want to feel anything because the pain in my heart was too great to be dealt with, I wanted to be a coward and die for the first time in my life.
"Hey… snap out of it, you're scaring me." Said Jean, his hands were on my shoulders and his hazel eyes were staring deep into mine, when I was finally able to start thinking again I started sobbing uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry…" I whispered "I'm so sorry!" I said between sobs. Jean stopped on the top of a tree and gently put me on a branch. I screamed, shouted and cried, I couldn't control it, this feeling was too strong to be caged, I couldn't believe that I would never see her again, that I would never hear her laugh again, that I would never see her big blue eyes staring at me or the blush on her cheeks when people talked to her. I would never feel complete again, not after losing her, I lost a part of me, the person I spent every day with, the person that made me believe again after all that happened to me.
The last time I felt like this was when Louis died and she and Gray fixed me. I forgot how it felt… My life was going so well, I had friends who loved me, I had Levi and just when I thought I was finally happy my heart was shattered to pieces again, the best friend I ever had wasn't in this world anymore.
Why didn't I do anything? Why wasn't I quick enough? Would she still be alive if I had done anything differently? Why? Why? Why? So many questions were in my mind and I couldn't focus on the present situation anymore. Jean started shaking me up a little. "Why… why..? Why…" I was whispering without even noticing. Jean looked at me sadly until he decided to put his arms around me, I held on to him as tightly as I could and sobbed on his shirt.
"Hey… you have to be strong for now… until we get back to the walls." He said as he gently stroked my hair. I gulped in the sobbs and sighed. Tears were not stopping but I couldn't do anything about it. "You need to do it for her, she would have wanted you to live." He added, I let go of him and tried to wipe the tears away. He was right…
Hey, I've been gone for a while, I know… but I wrote you a super long chapter! I really hope you like it…
(spoilers if you didn't read the chapter, but I guess you wouldn't be at the bottom of the page if you didn't lol)
Sorry for killing Eliza, I don't know if you guys liked her but I hope you did, it was kind of sad to write, I created her and now I killed her off, I feel like shit for it but I planned on killing her since I started writing this story so it couldn't be helped.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's reading because I really love writing this story and recieving your reviews, follows and favorites always puts a smile on my face, thank you so much, I wish you all the best.