Author's Notes – This took forever to write, but I got the idea while I was getting my car washed and I wrote out the basics on my hand. LOL, so here's another one-shot, courtesy of me. This is supposed to be a one-shot, but if I get enough reviews, I might consider extending it to a double-chapter fic with what happens to Shesshomaru and Rin. And more importantly, Jaken (not). So please sit back and enjoy the fic! Oh, and please, use the reference down below if you ever do get lost in this fic, ok? It's confusing to do these kinds of fics (in writing anyways), so I understand that you may get lost at one point or another.
Rated – PG – 13 for language
By – Merc
Kagome is in InuYasha's body
InuYasha is in Sango's body
Sango is in Miroku's body
Miroku is in Shippou's body
Shippou is in Kagome's body
Kagome Higurashi sat up and stretched, shielding her eyes from the early morning sun. Scratching at an itch on her stomach, the raven-haired girl stood up and took a deep breath, letting the warm morning air enter her lungs. Walking out of the room where she had slept, Kagome took in her surroundings, noting how the beauty of Spring had really drawn out nature's wonders. As she gazed out onto the flower-covered valley below, she gave a sigh of content.
"The air is so clean here, just smell that strong fresh breeze scent!" Kagome thought to herself as she watched a bird go by. The creature turned around in flight and landed on the window sill. Kagome smiled as it began to chirp a very happy song, but noting with unease that it was quite loud. "I hope it doesn't wake anyone," she though to herself as she walked up to the bird and waved at it.
"Hello little fella," she said, interrupting the bird's springtime ballad. Suddenly, a strange expression came over Kagome's face.
"My voice…" she said, shuddering at the sudden deepness of it. "What in the world?" She wondered as she grasped her throat, feeling for signs of swollen glands that would signify a cold and thus her change in voice. Then she froze. Her fingers felt longer, sharper, and rougher. Her throat felt strange as she felt over the addams apple. "But I'm a girl," she thought to herself, "why would I have an addams apple?" To answer her question, Kagome walked over to a nearby mirror and peered into it.
Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and InuYasha all jumped up, awoken by a massive male scream.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs as she gazed into the mirror with a look of horror on her face. Stopping only to take a deep breath, Kagome continued to scream until everyone ran into the room.
"What's wrong Kagome?" Miroku asked as he ran breathlessly into the room, followed closely by the rest of the group.
"Yeah Kagome, what's th- OH MY GOD!!!" InuYasha screamed in a high pitched tone. Turning very pale at the tone of his voice, the hanyou gulped and looked down.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" He screamed as loud as humanly possible, considering that he was now human. Sango, Shippou, and Miroku all looked at each other before looking down, only to look back up and join InuYasha in his scream-fest.
"What the? What? Why? WHY GOD WHY?!" InuYasha screamed as he tugged at the robes that he was now wearing.
"It appears as though we have all switched bodies," Miroku said as he tried to calm himself down.
"Thank you Captain Obvious!" Kagome said exasperatedly as she tugged at her red robes.
"Hey cool, I'm so tall!" Shippou said as he twirled around and checked himself out. "Wow, my legs are so smooth too!" He said with delight as he felt his legs. Kagome screamed and threw a pan at Shippou's head.
"Oh God, I'm a girl!" InuYasha whined as he poked at the Hiraikotsu currently strapped to his back. "This is heavy Sango, how do you lift damn thing?" He asked, as he faced Kagome.
"I'm here," Sango said irritably as InuYasha looked at Miroku, who was staring angrily into the mirror. Sango tugged at the long set of black and purple robes that she now wore and gave a defeated sigh. Picking up Miroku's staff, she shook it a little bit to let the small rings jingle.
"Oh Sango!" Kagome said.
"This sucks," Sango spat angrily as she glared at InuYasha, who currently inhabited her body.
"Speak for yourself!" A small kitsune's voice squeeked from below. Everyone looked down to see the body of Shippou standing rigidly in the corner. "I'm a goddamn fox kid!" Miroku yelled uncharacteristically as she stomped over to Sango and jumped up onto her shoulder. "This," he said, taking the staff, "is not a toy!" Holding the staff, Miroku wad dragged down by the weight, and with a mighty crash, fell onto the floor.
"Serves you right you stupid houshi," Sango said gruffly. "Hey, where's Kirara?"
"Ow…" Miroku whined.
"Kirara?" Shippou asked,
"Uh-oh," Miroku added.
"Ok, so let me get this straight. I'm InuYasha, Sango is Miroku, Shippou is me, InuYasha is Sango, Miroku is Shippou, and Kirara is nowhere to be found," Kagome summed.
"Kirara's probably a cricket or Naraku or something like that," InuYasha said with a grunt.
"Wait a minute, who's who again?" Miroku asked, confused.
"This is too hard to get straight," Shippou said with a frustrated sigh as he sat down on the floor. Suddenly, Kagome yelped and, with her new demonic speed, raced over to the now-human Shippou and yanked him up.
"What'd I do?" Shippou asked innocently,
"You don't, er, sit, um, like that in my outfit," Kagome explained, her face beat red from seeing her body flash the entire world when Shippou had decided to sit down.
"What are we going to do?" Sango groaned as she walked over to the doorframe and began to bang her head against it.
"Hey Sango, don't hurt me too badly now," Miroku warned in his wimpy kitsune voice.
"Kaede," InuYasha said.
"What?" Kagome asked,
"Kaede, we should ask Kaede about this," InuYasha replied.
"Hmm, that's a good idea, if anyone would know what's going on, it would be her," Shippou said as he stood, thinking.
"Should we leave then?" Sango asked as she stopped banging her head against the doorframe.
"Yeah, why not?" InuYasha said as he left the group to get his pack from his room. The others followed, and after regrouping, they began to head out.
"Ah, these feet are so small!" InuYasha complained as he tried to take careful strides.
"I hate being small," Miroku complained as he sat on Sango's shoulder.
"Oh shut up, I got the worst end of the deal," Sango shot back as she bonked Miroku on the head.
"Hey Kagome," InuYasha said as he tugged on her sleeve, "is it just me or does the inn seem to be bustling more than usual?"
"I'm Shippou," Shippou said as he removed InuYasha's arm from his sleeve, "Kagome is in your body now, remember?"
"Oh yeah," InuYasha said.
"It does seem to be a bit lively for so early in the morning," Kagome said as she and the rest of the group tried to push their way through a crowd of confused guests.
"Houshi-sama!" A cry came from behind, Miroku turned around.
"Yes?" He asked,
"Not you kid, the houshi," a man about 6 feet tall replied. Miroku, having forgotten that he was now in Shippou's body, gave a frustrated sigh and pulled on Sango's hair.
"What?" She asked irritably,
"It's for you," Miroku said as he pointed to the desperate innkeeper behind her. Remembering that she was now Miroku, Sango turned around and greeted the man.
"Houshi-sama, you are the only one who can help us! Everyone has somehow switched bodies. Husbands cannot find their real wives, children are switched, soldiers are now animals, everything is chaos. Please houshi-sama, there must be something you can do to help us out!" The innkeeper begged breathlessly,
"I, uh…" Sango started, not knowing what to do. Miroku, being on Sango's shoulder, leaned over to whisper instructions into her ear.
"Come on Miroku or Sango or whoever!" InuYasha cried out from far ahead, "We don't have all day ya know!" Taking that as an excuse, Sango quickly brushed away Miroku's whispered suggestions and with a quick excuse, ran after Kagome, Shippou, and InuYasha.
"Jeez you're slow," InuYasha complained.
"The innkeeper wanted me to charm the guests or something. It seems we aren't the only ones affected by this sudden change," Sango replied.
"Oh?" Shippou asked,
"Everyone has been affected somehow by this," Miroku answered. "Also, Sango, next time you could take a suggestion instead of shrugging me off like that."
"I wasn't about to offer to charm every guest in the place! I don't know how to work those ofundas of yours," Sango shot back.
"We should be in Kaede's village in a couple of hours," Kagome said, interrupting the argument.
(Author's note – in case you ever get lost, see the reference guide to who is in who's body above the title of this story)
"Good, the sooner we get there the better," InuYasha said as he began to run.
"I kind of like being Kagome!" Shippou proclaimed as he climbed up onto a tall tree stump and looked down. Kagome turned beat red as Miroku eyed Shippou admiringly and Sango averted her eyes.
"SHIPPOU, GET DOWN HERE!!!" Kagome screamed, horrified that she (and everyone else for that matter) could now see up Shippou's skirt.
"No!" Shippou said defiantly as he began to twirl around, causing the skirt to blow up above the waist. Kagome wanted crawl under a rock and die.
"Shippou, this isn't funny, you can see up my, er, your skirt!" Kagome yelled up to the young kitsune-turned-human. Suddenly, Shippou stopped twirling, and an evil smile formed on his face.
"What?" Kagome asked,
"Sit!" Shippou yelled, causing Kagome to go crashing to the ground.
"Ow!" Kagome cried out, her face now eating dirt. InuYasha and Shippou began to laugh hysterically.
"Revenge is sweet," InuYasha said as he kept doubled over in laughter.
"That was fun," Shippou said, a wide grin on his face. Shaking her head, Sango walked over to poor Kagome and helped her up.
"Shippou…" Kagome began in an acid tone.
"Ow, my foot!" Sango cried as she hopped up and down holding her injured left foot, Kagome having squished it when she slammed back into the ground.
"Your foot? How about my face!" Kagome cried as she sat up, a giant red footprint visible across her cheeks.
"Make him stop InuYasha," Kagome whimpered.
"Quit it twerp." InuYasha said, taking pity on the girl.
A half an hour later, the group was still walking towards the villiage, every person in a very foul mood.
"Shit, human bodies are slow," InuYasha complained, "and my back hurts. How can you stand to carry this damn thing around all day Sango?"
"I'm hungry," Shippou replied as he bent over and stuck a bunch of flowers in his hair.
"Houshi-sama, how can you stand to travel in these robes? They're so hot," Sango complained.
"Houshi-sama?" Sango asked when she didn't get a response. Looking at her shoulder, she noticed that Miroku seemed to be in a state of suspended animation. Sango quickly fixed that by bonking him on the head with her staff.
"Hey!" Miroku exclaimed, rubbing his head.
"Sorry, but you were out of it." Sango said apologetically,
"No I wasn't! I was this close to enlightenment!" Miroku said angrily, his fingers showing positioned to show that he was very close to his goal.
"You were planning on meditating for the entire journey?" Sango began, when InuYasha's voice suddenly cut through the air.
"Ow, my stomach hurts. I hate the world. ARGH!!! Why am I feeling this way?" Sango suddenly blushed fifty shades of red.
"Shit," Sango said under her breath. Miroku, being on her shoulder, picked up on the curse and gave her a shocked glance.
"What?" Miroku asked,
"I…forgot…about…that…" Sango said, nearly passing out from embarrassment.
"What?" Shippou asked,
"What is it Miroku?" Kagome asked,
"I'm Sango," Sango corrected. The group was still getting confused over who was in who's body.
"What is it Sango?" Kagome corrected. With a massive blush on her cheeks, Sango leaned over and whispered her problem to Kagome. Kagome in response turned about twenty shades of red, and shook her head.
"I know, I know, what am I going to do?" Sango asked,
"You'll just have to tell him, there's no other way around it," Kagome said, the thought not turning over well in her mind.
"But, but, grrrrrrr," Sango growled as she threw up her hands in defeat and grabbed onto InuYasha's shoulder.
"Don't touch me monk!" InuYasha shot at her,
"I'm Sango!" She yelled as she glared at InuYasha,
"Oh yeah," InuYasha said as he remembered that it was now Sango that inhabited Miroku's body. Sango glared at InuYasha a bit more.
"What?" He asked,
"We need to talk."
"Come with me," Sango said as she led InuYasha to another part of the forest, out of earshot from everyone else.
"You see, *ahem*, you know how once a month you turn full demon and once a month you turn full human?" Sango explained,
"Yeah?" InuYasha asked, cocking his head in confusion.
"Well, girls have this once-a-month thing too," Sango began when she felt a rustle on her shoulder. Stopping her sentence, she looked over to see that she had forgotten that Miroku was still riding on her shoulder, looking enthralled in what she was about to say.
"Go away," she said angrily as she shoved him off her shoulder and then scooted him away with the help of her staff.
"But Sango," Miroku protested before Sango pointed towards Kagome and Shippou and told him to scoot. Trudging back to Kagome and Shippou, Miroku plopped down on the ground with a hmph.
"Sango can be so unfair at times," Miroku whined as he looked up. Suddenly, his eyes turned as wide as dinner plates. Miroku had been so busy that day sulking that he hadn't realized the benefits of being small. With a wide smile, he stared up Shippou's skirt. Kagome, who had looked over at Miroku to cheer him up, noticed what he was staring at.
"HENTAI!!!" She screamed as she swiped at Miroku with the dull end of the Tetsusaiga, sending the perverted-monk-turned-kitsune flying. After a few minutes, Miroku returned, bruised and banged up.
"You deserved it," Kagome hmphed as she turned a cold shoulder to Miroku.
"But you have to admit, that was a bit harsh." Shippou added,
"He's just lucky I didn't use the Cutting Wind attack on him," Kagome said as she eyed him evilly. Suddenly, a shrill female voice broke through the air.
"I'VE GOT MY WHAT?!" InuYasha screamed. Kagome blushed red again.
(Author's note – in case you ever get lost, see the reference guide to who is in who's body above the title of this story)
Another hour later, the group had finally returned upon Kaede's village. The passing time had gone rather quietly, although InuYasha at one point started to cry due to Sango's body's raging hormones, and Shippou kept looking down his shirt, each time eliciting a slap via Kagome. Knocking on the door to Kaede's hut, the group swayed wearily.
"Hello there," Kaede said as she opened up the door to let the group in. "I am surprised to see ye here. Weren't ye searching for jewel shards earlier?" The old woman inquired,
"We were until now," InuYasha grumbled as he plopped in a corner and curled up into a small ball.
"What is wrong with ye Sango?" Kaede implied, to which InuYasha gave a sad huff and turned over.
"Life is worthless, I feel like a speck in the universe, my stomach hurts, I have a bazillion different emotions flowing through my head, I wanna cry, I wanna laugh, and I wanna kill anything and everything that moves," InuYasha whined.
Shippou meanwhile walked over to the table in the center of the room and plopped down.
"Kagome…" Kaede started as she eyed Shippou strangely.
"What?" Shippou asked as he leaned back. Kagome however, blushed yet again.
"Shippou!" She exclaimed as she stared at her young friend sitting like he normally would- with his legs open as wide as possible. Miroku's face broke into a perverted smile, which was quickly put out by Sango's smack with her staff. Miroku hit the floor with a small plop.
"Close your legs!" Kagome ordered,
"Sit!" Shippou ordered back.
"Owie…" Kagome whimpered,
"Shippou don't sit like that, it's not very ladylike of you," Sango warned.
"But I'm not a lady!" Shippou retorted as he played with his skirt, "Being a girl stinks, I wanna be a guy again."
"All of ye are acting strangely," Kaede said observantly as she poured the group some tea.
"Yeah, well…" Kagome said as she told the entire story from that morning to the present while the rest of the group sad idly by drinking tea. After she finished, she let out a melancholy sigh.
"So that's why we're here now," she finished.
"I see, this is indeed a very serious problem," Kaede agreed.
"Can you help us?" Kagome asked,
"Please say you can. It hurts! I hate being a girl!" InuYasha begged as he started to cry. Kaede, seeing that this was indeed a serious situation, got up and began to rummage through her cabinets of herbs.
"I will see what I can do, kukukukuku," Kaede responded. Kagome's now-sensitive ears picked up on the laugh and looked over strangely at Kaede.
"You must admit, this is a very humerous situation, kukukukukukukuku," Kaede laughed hoarsly as she began to mash some herbs together. After a few minutes of mashing and mixing, Kaede poured some into everyone's tea.
"Oh thank God!" InuYasha cried as he went to drink the liquid. Kagome however, was suddenly on guard. She had been watching as Kaede had pulled out her herbs, the ones that she had mashed being ones that were used as sleep aids.
"Yes, drink, kukukukukuku," Kaede said evilly. Kagome suddenly bolted up,
"Everyone, don't drink those!" She screamed as she pulled out the Tetsusaiga.
"Why?" Sango asked inquisitively,
"Those herbs will put you to sleep!" Kagome exclaimed as she held the sword out in front of her, pointing it directly at Kaede.
"You mean they won't cure us?" Shippou asked, his hopes fallen.
"This is turning into one sick cosmic joke," Miroku said annoyed.
"OH GOD NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE SANGO ANYMORE!!!" InuYasha screamed as he curled back up into a ball and began to cry. Sango shook her head at the sight, understanding now why men were never meant to get a period.
"Kukukuku, what makes you say that?" Kaede asked,
"Everyone switched bodies, didn't they? Even you," Kagome said.
"Kukukukukukuku…" Kaede cackled evilly. Suddenly Sango's ears perked up.
"I recognize that laugh anywhere. Wait a minute, Naraku?!" Sango yelled in surprise,
"Kukukuku, so you found me out."
"Naraku, you're…an old…woman…" Shippou stuttered before bursting out into gales of laughter.
"But if you're here, then who's in your body?" Miroku asked,
"Kukukuku, I don't know," Naraku answered.
"Wow, you'll be so much easier to kill now that you're old and weak," Kagome said, the irony hitting her like a lead weight.
"Wait! If we kill Kaede, will that kill Naraku, or do we have to kill his body too? Or do we have to kill only his body? Maybe we have to kill his presence?" Sango continued, confused.
"THIS IS TOO CONFUSING!!!" InuYasha cried from the corner as he grabbed his head and rocked back and forth.
"Who do we kill?" Miroku asked, panicked.
"Kukukukuku…" Naraku continued. Suddenly, a dark aura surrounded the place, causing Miroku to bolt up. The door then burst open, and in walked in Naraku.
"Naraku," Kagome, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou growled. InuYasha stayed curled up in a ball in the corner, crying his eyes out. Naraku looked into the eyes of everyone in the group, and opened his mouth. With a deep breath, he let out a tremendous,
Everyone in the room facefaulted.
"KIRARA?!" Sango exclaimed. With a happy purr, Naraku's body ran over to Sango and pounced on her, licking her face. Naraku (in Kaede's body) shook his head in shock and embarrassment. Kagome, figuring that she would never see this again, grabbed a disposable camera that she had placed in her pack earlier that week and took a picture. Miroku glanced over at Naraku (in Kaede's body), who was shaking his head in shock and disgust.
"So then, how do we go about killing you?" Shippou asked as he grabbed onto Naraku's hair and held him in place.
"Let me go weakling! It took countless demons to form me, I can kill you with a simple snap of my fingers!" Naraku warned, to which Shippou stepped on his foot.
"Sure, it took countless demons to form an old frail woman," Shippou retorted, to which Naraku, gave up with an exasperated sigh.
"I don't believe this," he mumbled angrily.
"Tell me about it," Miroku said as he watched Naraku's evil, stinking, black-aura-drenched body hug Sango and lick her face.
"Meow!" Kirara purred happily as Sango laughed at the total irony.
"This is a really weird dream," Kagome said as she looked over at the still-crying InuYasha and pinched herself. To her surprise, she found that she was really awake, and that the whole scenario wasn't a dream.
Elsewhere in Japan, Sesshomaru awoke with a start. With cold sweat pouring down his face, he stood up and looked around.
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" He heard his voice cry out. Startled, Sesshomaru turned around in time to see himself running around with a veritable plethora of daisies in his hair. Was that him…FROLICKING?! Sesshomaru rubbed his eyes, and looked down.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" He screamed as he eyed his small orange and white-checkered kimono, some of his black hair pulled back into a small side pigtail.
Wow, that was a totally evil one-shot, ne? I had WAY too much fun with this. Anywho, please review. I totally thrive on reviews. I hope you all enjoyed it too. Well then, until next time!