[Here are the bonus nights that I couldn't work into the plot. They take place during or after each episode named.]
Otherwise Engaged (701, TOW Monica's Thunder):

In the middle of the night, Chandler sneaked across the hall and into Joey's apartment, as if he still lived there. He went into Joey's bedroom and sat down on the bed.

"Joe?" he rudely shook him awake. "Joe?"

Joey blinked and rubbed his eyes. "What? Chandler?"

"Yeah it's me," he answered. "You gotta help me out."

"What?" Joey looked at the clock and groaned. "I told you I have to get up early tomorrow, Chandler!"

"I know, I know, but I can't wait until morning! I need--"

Joey rolled over to return to sleep.

"No, Joe! No, please! I need your help."

Joey reluctantly rolled back to face him. "With what?"

"I'm still having my problem."


"Yeah, my problem! My problem in the bedroom. Come on, you embarrassed me by telling everybody."

"Oh yeah," Joey chuckled as he remembered. "I had to get back at you for saying I can't play 19."

"Wh--! You did that on purpose?"

He shrugged. "You made fun of me on purpose."

Chandler sulked. "Just for that, I'll, I'll--!"

"Go to bed?" Joey rolled over again.

"No! Wait, wait! I'm sorry, Joe. Just help me, please?"

Joey yawned. "Go to sleep. It'll be fine in the morning."

"I can't go to sleep! I can't! I've gotta fix it tonight. I have to."

"Why?" he groaned.

"Because I'm engaged tonight! Engaged! This shouldn't happen to me."

"You can't control it," Joey murmured.

"I know, but this is really freaking me out. What if it doesn't fix itself like Monica says it will? What if it lasts for days, or weeks, or God forbid, right through the wedding? Think of the crappy honeymoon!"

"Chandler, where do you get ideas like that? Calm down."

"I just, I just have this awful feeling, Joe. This horrible dread because it happened tonight of all nights. You know how I get about marriage? Maybe this is one of those deep psychological things that no pill can fix. Something about my parents' divorce maybe."

Joey frowned. "Have you told Monica this stuff?"

"Are you crazy? I can't do that. She'll think I have doubts and want to back out of the wedding."

"Yeah, but you gotta work it out with her." He shrugged. "Maybe you telling me about it is enough. Go back and try it with her."

Chandler didn't budge. "No, she's a quitter. She gave up on me already."

"Oh well." Joey rolled back over to sleep.

"Joey!" Chandler hugged his shoulders. "Don't go to sleep too!"

Joey sighed and tried to be patient. "What do you expect me to do? I'm not a shrink or a doctor."

"No, but you're my friend, and--" he paused significantly, "--and my ex."

Joey blinked. Chandler had just called him his "ex", as if they had been a real couple. He sat up in bed, fully awake now.

Chandler nodded and sat nearer to Joey. "You were always, always so good. If anyone knows how to fix me, you do."

Joey was flattered, but level-headed. "We can't do any of that stuff now. You're engaged, remember?"

"I know," Chandler said. "But I thought, um, you could talk me through something. We wouldn't have to touch. It's just, the sound of your voice..." He closed his eyes and shivered. "And, um, it could be good for you too. Just think of phone sex, or did you never have to do stuff like that, when you could get the real thing?"

Joey contemplated this scheme. It still sounded against the rules.

Chandler coaxed irresistibly, "We could start with you. Do you remember, um, when I would suck you? Remember how wet, and hot, and...?"

Joey remembered all right. He closed his eyes as Chandler kept narrating in filthy detail. Joey started stroking himself and fantasizing.

Chandler breathed right in Joey's ear and pulled back the covers so he could watch everything Joey did. After a while, Chandler noticed that he was becoming hot too, but it would be rude of him to stop in the middle of Joey's treat, and besides, with Monica, Chandler's arousal had kept coming and going all night. He wasn't fixed yet.

Almost imperceptibly, they started to cross the line. Chandler moved closer and closer until their bodies touched, and their breathing coincided. Joey reached over and groped inside Chandler's pants. Chandler reciprocated the touch and licked his lips.

Finally Chandler kissed Joey passionately and sank with him onto the bed. Joey moaned and embraced him, helping him get naked. They made out and began rolling passionately under the covers.

Joey's conscience nagged when Chandler reached for condoms and lubricant from the nightstand. "We shouldn't. You said we weren't gonna touch."

"I know," Chandler shrugged. "But I could give you a real blowjob, huh?"

Joey was tempted, but shook his head. "We had our last night already. Remember?"

Chandler kissed him. "Then let's have a bonus night."

"A bonus night?"

"Yeah, Ross and Rachel kept talking about having one tonight, but they never did it. Let's take theirs."

He gave in. Unlike Rachel, Joey was stealing far more than Monica's thunder tonight.


Getting Over Rachel (817, TOW The Tea Leaves):

"She really hurt you, huh?" Chandler caressed his face softly.

Joey knew that look in Chandler's eyes. He didn't think he'd ever see it again, especially not after Chandler's marriage. After two years, it seemed like Chandler had learned some self-control at last. Or else, he truly loved Monica.

"Are you--are you sure she'll be gone all night?" Joey asked. He didn't really know whether he meant Monica or Rachel.

Chandler nodded. "I told Monica and Phoebe to make it a sleepover, so we could have a guys' night and get you over her. Then I told Ross to meet us at the strip club. We'll just stay here and lock the door."

Joey nodded and watched Chandler lock the door, unplug the phone, and turn out the lights. It was so methodical, as if he did it all the time. He took off his wedding ring and put it on the kitchen counter.

Then they went to Joey's bedroom. "You can pretend I'm her," he said as they kissed. But Joey realized that this whole crush was about him pretending that Rachel was Chandler.


It Must Have Been the Mistletoe (910, Christmas in Tulsa)

After Chandler gave everybody their gift envelopes, and the gang discovered that they were donations to the New York City Ballet, they complained a lot.

Chandler defended himself. "I don't have a job."

Monica nodded. "Yeah, and besides, all the presents I already gave you guys were from the both of us."

The gang grudgingly accepted that, and Monica told Chandler to come look at the snow falling outside. He did so and exchanged a glance with Joey.

After a moment, Chandler left the window and went to get something from his coat pocket. "Um, guys, when I was in Tulsa, I kept remembering all the holidays we've spent together in the past. And, um, Joe, if you wanted to repeat our New Year's kiss..." He pulled out a sprig of mistletoe and held it over his head.

Everyone but Joey was confused. Monica asked, "Why would Joey want to--"

Joey went up to Chandler and kissed him.

Surprised, the gang just pointed and laughed. Ross said with a smile, "Damn, I don't have a camera this time!"

Joey stood back from Chandler and wished they could have more than just an innocent peck on the lips, but he knew Christmas was no time for Chandler to break Monica's heart.

Chandler met Joey's eyes sadly, and braved whispering, "I love you." Unable to hold back, Joey kissed him again, passionately. Chandler dropped the mistletoe and moaned, returning Joey's embrace.

Monica no longer thought this was funny or cute. Everyone else gasped in shock. Monica came over and pulled Joey off of him. "Joey, that's my husband!"

Joey reluctantly turned away and shrugged, just sitting down on the couch. Chandler watched him and leaned back against the door, in a daze.

Monica scowled at her husband. "Chandler! What's the matter with you?!"

Chandler sighed and bluffed, "He's--he's a really good kisser."

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed, having shared kisses with Joey before.

So had Ross, who shrugged, "Sorry, Mon, it's the truth." He looked at Joey and joked, "Are you planning on kissing all of us like that someday?"

Monica was still pissed. She suddenly grabbed Chandler and kissed him hard, wanting to confirm that he was straight. Chandler had to go along, but Joey frowned and looked away.

Phoebe hated watching it too, so she grabbed Joey and kissed him.

"Whoa!" Ross and Rachel were shocked.

"There's a baby in the room!" Rachel said, going over to make sure that Emma couldn't see.

Ross helped her shield Emma from the make-out sessions. He thought about the irony that he and Rachel, who were parents of a child, weren't kissing too.

It was a good thing Chandler was bisexual, or he'd never have got through having sex with Monica that night. As it was, he had to picture Joey and bite his lip against saying his name. "Oh God, I missed you!" he kept his eyes closed. "When you kissed me tonight..."

"Yeah, that's right!" Monica thought he was just being apologetic for the kisses with Joey.


Full Circle (the last bonus night):

Surprised to find him at home, Joey asked, "How come you didn't go with Monica?"

He shrugged. "I changed my mind at the last minute. She'll be happier talking food with other food people. Besides, we always fight when we go away together. There was Atlantic City, Vegas, the bed and breakfast where the deer kept watching us make out..."

Joey sat on the couch with him. "Well, you wanna get a pizza or something?"

"Sure, and some beer. How about some porn too? Monica disabled the free porn channel and won't let me pay for it either."

"Ouch. What do you want to rent?"

"I don't know. Actually, don't you have a pretty good collection at your place?"

"Oh, you want to see one of those?"

"Yeah, why go out?"

"Okay, you call for pizza and I'll go bring over some videos. Which would you rather see, straight or lesbian?"

"Wait, why don't we just watch at your place?"


They went across the hall and opened up the entertainment center to view Joey's porn collection. Chandler chose a few videos, while Joey ordered the pizzas.

They sat in the living room and had beers while they waited for the pizza guy. Chandler was on the couch and Joey settled in his recliner.

"You wanna put in the first tape now?" Joey asked.

"What if the pizza guy is a girl, who gets all offended when she sees the porn?"

"It's my home!" Joey shrugged. "Well, maybe *Baywatch* is on." He flipped through the channels with his remote.

Chandler checked his pockets, then stood up to return to his apartment. "Oh wait, let me get some cash for the pizza guy."

"I can pay for it," Joey said.

"Oh, sorry. Force of habit." He sat down again. "So, um, how is your career going? Are you thinking about moving to L.A. yet?"

"All my family's here," he said noncommittally. Joey had thought about moving several times, but had never been able to actually do it.

"Well, you could try it out," Chandler suggested. "If you have enough money, you could rent a second home there. A nice sunny place to stay at during the winters."

"Maybe. Would you guys come out and visit me?"

"Sure, if you invite us."

It sounded almost like a group trip to the beach, or London, or Vegas. Joey wondered whether he could stand seeing Monica and Chandler together at his second home too. Could he find some excuse to invite only Chandler again, like when he brought just Chandler to his movie premiere? But maybe Joey shouldn't invite Chandler at all; maybe he should be thinking of letting go of Chandler permanently.

The strange silence in the room was finally broken by the arrival of pizza guy. Joey got up and paid for the pizzas, then brought them over to the table.

"I guess we can start the porn now," Joey said, putting in the first videotape.

Chandler answered, "I'm sorry. It is your home. Do whatever you want. I guess I'm used to living by Monica's rules."

*Tell me about it.* Joey frowned, then settled back and watched the porn.

Chandler felt bad. "Joe?"


"Are you still angry about me not leaving her after Tulsa?"

Joey shrugged, still not turning to him. "We're friends again. Just friends."

"I'm sorry."

He was always sorry.

"I'll go if you don't want me here."

Joey snorted. "Yeah, that's right. Go back to her place!"

Chandler was hurt. He put down his beer and started to go. But he turned back at the kitchen. "Why do you keep waiting around for me anyway? Why don't you find somebody else yet? Maybe if you go to L.A., Kate might be there and you can fall in love again."

"I don't want her! I don't want somebody else! I just--" He broke down and threw the remote on the floor.

Chandler came back and squeezed onto the recliner with him, holding him close. He didn't know what to say, but he felt like crying too.

The cheesy porn music kept playing in the background, and Chandler finally said, "I, um, I stayed home because--well, I had these dreams--"

Joey cut him off by kissing him. He pulled Chandler onto his lap, and they made out. "How many days is she gone?" Joey asked.


"Okay." Joey got up and turned off the TV and VCR. He wanted to ask Chandler to leave her when she came home, but he really didn't feel like being disappointed again. Maybe he'd have just one more weekend with Chandler, then move away.

Chandler slid his wedding ring into a pocket and put away the pizza boxes and beers. Then they retired to Chandler's old bedroom, kissing and rapidly getting naked. It may have been two years since the last time, but they remembered everything about each other.

It wasn't until the second day that Monica came home and caught them in their guilty pleasures.