A/N the final installment, in which everybody mumbles. Thank you for following this crazy slice of silly!


Pansy Parkinson (Miss Bingley): *incoherent snobbery*

James Potter (Mr Bingley): *indignantly* I'll have you know I did not notice the mud on her gown, I thought she looked remarkably well.

Pansy Parkinson (Miss Bingley): [recovering herself] You must have noticed Mr. Black?

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): *mumbling" I'm not fucking blind.

Pansy Parkinson (Miss Bingley): What?

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): Oh, err… mud I… did… find…

Pansy Parkinson (Miss Bingley): *coyly* Well, I'm sure that changed your appreciation of her [makes bunny ear motion] 'fine eyes'.

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): *mumbling* I wasn't looking at her eyes.


Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): I would ask that you not sketch my character at this point, Miss Granger, the exercise might not reflect well on either of us.

Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet): Why ever not?

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): Well, for one, I look terrible in this light.

Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet):


Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet): I cannot believe you are going to marry him, Luna, Mr Mclaggan has nothing to recommend him.

Luna Lovegood (Charlotte Lucas): Really? *raises an eyebrow knowingly* He has nothing?

Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet): *blushes furiously*

Luna Lovegood (Charlotte Lucas): That's what I thought.


[Reading Sirius' letter]

Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet): Shit.


Tom Riddle (George Wickham): I am most exceedingly obliged to you all, for inviting me and my new wife [looks over at Lavender and visibly shudders] to your home. I am… honoured to be part of your… [loosens his collar] noble family.

Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet) & Dumbledore (Mr. Bennet): *mumbling* Twat.


Myrtle (Mary Bennet): [into an empty room] It's not fair!


[after Lily accepts his proposal]

James Potter (Mr Bingley): [runs from the house lifting his shirt over his head] THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!

[from the window]

Hermione Granger (Elizabeth Bennet): Another fine addition to the clusterfuck that is our family.

Lily Evans (Jane Bennet): *defensively* he grows on you.

[James comes back into view, skidding to a halt on his knees disturbing a family of ducks]

Lily Evans (Jane Bennet): Surely we should give him points for enthusiasm?


Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): Regulus!

Regulus Black (Georgiana Darcy): [Comes into view]

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): Care to explain this?

[Hands over a letter containing an offer of marriage]

Regulus Black (Georgiana Darcy): *Blushes*

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): Well?

Regulus Black (Georgiana Darcy): I met him at a dance, he offered me a huge sum to marry him.

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): What dance? You're not even out!

Regulus Black (Georgiana Darcy): *mumbles* Like you have a clue, you're never here, off pissing about in the country. You missed tequila Friday last week.

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): *Absentmindedly* How much is a huge sum anyway?

Regulus Black (Georgiana Darcy): Forty thousand pounds.

Sirius Black (Mr Darcy): Fuuucccckkk!