Our timing is just off… I guess."
On my way to the car I was still thinking about her and what I said to her in the elevator. Our time is off for dinner, but she need someone to be there for her like she is for Maggie. I need to help her get through this with not so much pain.
It seems like she's had been through so much already in her life. I know something about a shooting, an airplane crash, her mother not really being a good mother and what happened with her husband.
The problem is, she's Meredith, if I come back there right now she'll say that she is fine and that I don't need to be there. I need a good reason to go back there and make she doesn't think that I'm pressuring her for dinner.
Suddenly I realize how hungered I was and probably she's too.
I walked to the on-call room that Amelia told me that I would find her. I don't know why, but I was a bit nervous about her reaction. I knocked soft on the door and I heard she saying.
"Maggie, Amelia are you?" By her tone, I could tell that she was fighting the need to cry. Why she need to try to be so strong all the time?
"No, it's Nathan, can I come in?"
"Yes." I opened the door while she was sitting in bed with her head down, probably trying to hide her eyes.
"Why are you back? They called you for some emergency?" She asked still not looking at me.
"Not really, I went to a restaurant down the street and brought some food. I already gave it to Amelia and Maggie and I have some pasta here for you too" I told her with a smile showing the package in my hand.
"You don't need to do that." She said finally looking at me, her eyes were red, I don't know if it was because of tiredness or of crying. But this made me want to be there with her even more.
"Well, you guys need to eat and I want to help in one way or another." I walked to her and put the package in her hand. "I just came to bring it to you, so I'll let you appreciate your dinner and get some rest, Maggie was trying to sleep, you should do this too". I told her with my hand already in the door to leave.
"Nathan, stay here with me, please." She told me with her eyes fixed in mine.
"Yes, sure." I sited on her side and for a while she just eats in silence and I stood there with our shoulder touching thinking if I should say something to try her to feel better. It was her who broke the silence.
"I didn't imagine our first dinner like this." She told me with a smile in the corner of her mouth.
"We don't need to count this as our dinner."
"I think we should, you know, things like this happen all the time, we are surgeons and I have 3 kids. If we wait the perfect time, we are going to wait forever". She said putting more pasta on her mouth and now avoiding my eyes for a different reason.
"So, you're telling me that this is our first dinner?" I told her with a smile appearing in my face.
"Yep." She told me while she was putting the package now empty in the table near the bed.
"This meaning that I can use all my charming and I can try to feel you up?" Here I'm again making some joke to try make her smile.
"Shut up." She said giggling in that way that made my heart feel a little bit warmer.
"Well, I think I'll have to try again in the next one."
"Probably, and I'll use high heels and we'll drink wine, so much better than this one." She told me with a small blink. "I need to sleep, tomorrow is going to be a long day". She told me with her smile not so bright anymore, remembering what she needs to deal with in the next morning.
"How I can help you and Maggie?" I took her hand in mine. It was the first time that I touched her since that day in her car.
"You're already helping." She squeezed my hand, maybe to show me that she care that I'm here with her.
"I should go and let you sleep." I got up, but I was still holding her hand.
"Can you stay, and just, you know, sleep with me?"
"Of course." I was not expecting this invitation and I tried to behave normal and did not make her feel more uncomfortable than she already was. How many times she must have lay here with her husband? Maybe this feel more like a betray than have sex in a car. I'm not judging her.
I laid in the bed and left a space for her. She turned off the light and some seconds later I felt her body beside mine. At first she was a little tense, when I felt she was relaxing I put one arm wrapped around her waist.
"This is a reason for me to like you."
"You said that you don't have a good reason for me to like you. I'm saying that you being here is a great reason. Thank you." I bring her a little bit closer.
"So, next dinner I can try to feel you up?" I said with my mouth near her ear.
"Oh god, just shut up." I could feel that she was smiling again.
I made Meredith Grey smile twice on a terrible day and for now this was enough for me.