A shiver causing wind found its way through the trees and Remus was quick to catch up on the quiver escaping my body.
"Are you cold?" He asked, and before I knew it he had undressed from his jacket and hung it over my shoulders, "Here, take this."
"But what about you?" I raised a brow, touched by his kindness. It was a shame that I hadn't spent more time getting to know him during our studying days in the library. Maybe we would have been close friends by now?
"Don't worry about me. I am per say, always warm," he smiled and I gave him a distrusting look as I reached out to touch his arm, and much to my surprise and to Remus amusement I found his skin completely warm. It felt as if he had laid in the sun for hours, and he smiled smugly.
"But, how?" I said, still with my hand on his bare skin when I caught an obscure glare coming our way from across the fire. Really? You're the one being jealous?
"Perhaps it has got to do with my warm hearted personality," Remus suggested with a hint of sarcasm hidden deep inside his words, and a furrow found its way to my forehead. But before I could say something about it Remus discreetly nodded towards Sirius, "I believe it's in both of our interest that you go speak to him before he decides to rip that jacket of you and throw it in my face."
And he was right, Sirius looked anything but pleased with our exchange of words and outerwear.
For Merlin's sake, relax. He's gay. I muttered for myself, but the second I thought it I also decided that had nothing to do with it. I was allowed to speak to whomever I damn pleased.
"Fine," I hissed, "Where's Lara with that bottle?" I said in slight desperation but Remus just shook his head and gave me a gentle push up from my seat.
"You're speaking to him, now."
"How can it be that you, James and Lily are the most annoying people in my life right now?" I said bitterly while standing up.
"Enough, you're not escaping this, Fione." and with those words he had put an end to the discussion and I realised that I was already standing up. There was no way out of this, if I wanted to avoid running deep into the woods by myself, hiding there for the rest of the night or perhaps forever.
No, Remus was right. I needed to do this even if it brought my chest a hell of a lot of trouble breathing normally and my legs the same consistency as Gummy Worms from Honeydukes.
It seemed as if every eye around the campsite followed my every step as I rounded the fire and stepped up into Sirius sight. The short time it took for him to raise his head to met my eyes, I swear it felt like hours. But then he did it, his eyes met with mine and at once I forgot all about the world around us.
He didn't say a word, and his lips was snarled into a proud and slightly resentful line and I clenched my hand into a fist behind my back.
"Mind if I sit down?" I finally spoke, and an almost unnoticeable flinch crossed his stone cold face.
"Not at all," he had the decency to answer after a long time of consideration, and I made my move slowly not to risk touching him as I took a seat next to him. His eyes searched for the safety within the flames once again, and I stopped the urge to grunt at him.
What was I supposed to do now? Yell at him that I most certainly was in love with him? Or that he really had hurt my feelings when he left me like that after the party? Or that I wanted to drag him to the first three out of earshot and let him fuck me until we both forgot everything about the games we both seemed to be playing? Of course I did neither.
"How was your Christmas?" I asked after minutes of uncomfortable silence.
"Splendid," he said blankly, still staring right ahead instead of meeting my eyes, "and yours?" he returned the question with no true interest at all. Has he really forgot all about us? Or is he just really good at acting careless?
"It was perfect," I lied with ease, "The absolute perfect Christmas," and a hint of an eyeroll crossed his face but he made no attempt to say anything further.
"I almost wrote you a letter," I admitted, my fingernails digging deeper into my hand. Another flinch in his otherwise stale face revealed that the words actually affected him, but in what way was impossible to say.
"What stopped you?" He slowly turned my way, and my breath got caught in my throat as our eyes caught each other and every suppressed thought about me and him came crushing down over me. Don't stare at his lips, don't stare at his lips. I, of course, stared at his lips.
"I came to the realisation that you're the type of person that if you wanted to speak to me; you would've."
There was a slight surprise in his eyes as the words hit him, but he gathered himself faster than I could say blockhead.
"And that you're just a hundred percent sure off?" He muttered under his breath, and I had no idea if it was meant for me to answer or not and another thick silence fell down in between us. I glanced down at his hand that laid pressed against the tree trunk, his nails painted black apart from the top of every nail that he must have scuffed away while biting his nails.
"Can we go somewhere more private to talk?" The question came out of nowhere and a cough made its way up my throat. Could I really handle that? Being alone with him? Yet again, I didn't have much of a choice when it came to Sirius Black.
"Sure," I tried to answer in the most casual tone I could manage to perform and he wasted no time.
I could feel the eyes of Lara and Remus burning in my back as I followed Sirius deeper into the forest, every step away from the campsite causing my heartbeat to quicken and by the time he stopped my cheeks were warmer than the fire we just left behind.
He leaned in against a thick oak and I stood awkwardly in front of him before I decided to sit down at a overgrown stock not far from where he was standing.
"A cigarette?" He offered, and I sighed. Not in annoyance, just in pure frustration that I didn't have the option to stand up, grab the collar of his leather jacket and press myself up against him.
"Yes," I said, and swallowed my sinful thoughts, waiting for him to give me a cigarette and a lighter. Instead he did something completely different. He took out a cigarette and put it between his plump lips, lightened it and took a deep inhale before he handed it to me. The filter was slightly damped from his lips as I placed it in my mouth, and a spark of lust for him shot down from my head to my lower middle. What an complete asshole.
"So," I said after the tobacco had done its thing, "why did you bring me here?"
"I don't know, you tell me," he was quick to answer, another cigarette glowing between his teeth.
"It was your idea," I furrowed, flicking the cigarette in my grip so that the ashes fell down on the frosty ground.
"It felt slightly uncomfortable over there with everyone watching us," he raised a brow, "But it was you who came to speak to me. Not the other way around."
Ouch. Why was he acting like this? Had I really frightened him that bad?
"Honestly, I did believe your friends had told you I was coming," I contoured, ignoring the pain that slowly built up in my stomach. Pain together with lust, probably one of the most dangerous combinations.
"But they didn't," he fired back, a dark expression forming over his face.
"Merlin's sake," I whispered under my breath before I had the chance to stop myself and Sirius inhaled a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" He said, staring me right in the eye.
"Nothing," I grunted between clenched teeth and a arrogant laugh left his mouth. I took a steady grip on the stocks edge, just to make sure I didn't grab a stick and threw it in his face. Instead I took another breath of the cigarette, gathering all of my pride and courage before standing up.
I need to be the bigger person. Don't let your emotions make you foolish. I repeated for myself as I took a step closer towards the annoyed man and his watchful eyes that looked as if I was a dementor coming his way to suck out his soul.
"Sirius," I said, my voice not stronger than a whisper, and as I came up closer I dropped the cigarette to the ground and he pressed himself even closer towards the tree before I stood only inches apart from him.
He didn't answer, but his heavy breathing did the talking for him. It didn't care how much he tried to deny it, my presence did affect him.
"Sirius," I said again, this time with much more confidence, and I stretched out my hand towards his cheek but in the last second I regretted my decision, "I just want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I handled things after the party."
His eyes were locked on mine, and I could smell the tobacco escaping his lips as his breath turned to steam in the cold January air.
"I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you," I continued, and I stepped closer towards him. Now I would touch the sleeve of his jacket if I didn't hold my arms pressed against my sides, "Instead I should have explained to you what was going on. I should have made sure you knew that I didn't kiss Oliver Rickett, and that I didn't want him to kiss me."
I had no idea where all of this confidence came from, but as I watched the man in front of me I realised I had to be humble. My own pride wasn't the most important thing in this situation. He was. I needed him to forgive me, and if that meant I had to step down from my high horse, and admit my wrongs, then that was what I was doing.
"Alissa," he spoke slowly, every letter uttered with highest caution, and for every syllable, shivers made its way over my whole body. I had never loved the sound of my name more than on the lips of Sirius Black. He stepped down from his position and took the last step that kept us from touching, and his cold hand made its way up my jaw and into the back of my hair.
My breathing stopped as he tilted his head downwards, his lips dangerously close to touch mine before he let them caress my cheek, every millimetre he touched was lightened up and I fought a moan from slipping into his ear. His hand grabbed my hair and as his lips reached my earlobe, I was seconds away from losing my senses and as he whispered the words into my ear I knew I had put myself in another hopeless and doomed position.
"Alissa, please, don't tell me you've fallen in love with me?" he whispered as his lips touched my skin, and it was probably a good thing that he was holding on to me, otherwise I might have fallen straight to the ground, "Please, don't be in love with me. Because that is something I can't reciprocate."
And I could barely hear myself say it, but as his lips left my ear I watched him straight in the eyes, my hand grabbing the collar of his jacket as I leaned in closer, "Of course not, Black. Of course I am not in love with you."