"Local version of Las Vegas?" Xander guessed as he took in the town and noted all the tourists and casinos. They might not have had giant flashing neon signs, but they had people out front trying to lure people in and the occasional nin doing flashy tricks to attract customers, which more than made up for it.
"No idea what that is," Jiraiya replied, "but if you mean a city built on vice, then yes, that is exactly where we are."
"Sounds like my kinda town," Joan said with a grin.
"Aren't you supposed to be a sage of a forest?" Anko asked. "How does this," she waved a hand at the crowd of people drinking and partying, "fit into that?"
Joan chuckled. "There isn't a place in the world empty of life in one form or another and that includes cities. If I told you how many species of insects and vermin inhabited this place you'd be shocked, plus there is a great deal of lust and reproduction going on and what's more natural than that?"
"Huh," Anko said thoughtfully.
"Kids," Jiraiya said, exchanging a knowing look with Joan.
"How are you going to find your friend in all of this?" Tiamo asked.
"Princess is a gambler and a lousy one," Jiraiya said cheerfully, "all I have to do is stop by a betting parlor and ask."
"High roller?" Xander guessed.
"She tries," he replied, "but she is very unlucky. Tsunade is known as The Legendary Sucker, because she loses like you wouldn't believe. She'll rack up a huge debt and either skip out on the bill or someone will give her a load of money to heal someone."
"What's she look like?" Xander asked.
"Tall, blonde hair, blue eyed with a blue seal in the shape of a diamond on her forehead," Jiraiya rattled off, "also... the most magnificent rack on the face of the earth."
"Better than mine?" Joan asked, cocking a hip and using green mana to incite lust in everyone around.
"Yes," Jiraiya said in all seriousness, much to her shock. "Seeing them for the first time is a religious experience. Once you see them, you'll understand."
"Really?" Joan asked, excitement in her voice. "Well then, let's start on our pilgrimage!"
"I know just the place to go," Jiraiya said, "it's a bar that has dancers of both genders and sake that eats through wood!"
The pair of supplicants, searching for the perfect pair of breasts, quickly vanished into the crowds before their companions could say anything.
Xander and Tiamo turned to Anko to see what they should do.
"Let's go get something to eat, then we'll try to track down Shizune, Tsunade's apprentice. I hear she's easier to deal with, just keep an eye out for a young woman carrying a small pig," Anko told them before leading them further into the city.
It only took a minute or two for Anko to locate a restaurant she approved of, one with an open booth for the three of them. Tiamo and Anko sat on one side with their backs to the wall leaving Xander to have his back to the restaurant at large.
"Three two's," Anko ordered, "and some sake, Green Grass if you have any." She passed the waiter some bills and her and Tiamo scanned the place before relaxing.
"What's the number two?" Xander asked.
"Probably something with beef and rice," Anko replied. "It's always best to make people think you have already scouted a place rather than admit you are walking in blind, even in a restaurant."
Xander nodded. "How long do you think it'll take before they find Lady Tsunade or at least her breasts?"
"I wouldn't put it past him to already know where she is," Anko replied cheerfully, "but I expect it'll take him at least a couple of days to check in with his local contacts and run through his favorite dens of sin and vice."
"So, how long do you think it'll take us to track down Shizune?" Xander asked.
Anko grinned. "It'd take longer for us to find her than for them to find her master, especially since I plan on us checking places she probably won't be, like motel rooms, bars, and hot springs."
"Meaning we have a couple of days to relax and have fun," Tiamo said with a smirk.
"I picked up a hefty wad of cash from our last battle," Anko said, "so we can get a top of the line hotel room."
"Same here," Tiamo said smugly. "We can order up some masseuses and a personal chef."
Xander smirked. "I scanned the pattern of a chest of those little gold bars Orichimaru had in his supply drops."
The girls both stared at him.
"I can make three copies of it a day," he said smugly.
"Planeswalker," the girls chorused, as if they were twins.
"Which reminds me," Xander said, closing his eyes and concentrating on the feel of the city around him, sensing the flow of life and people as they went about their lives. It seemed a chaotic mess at first, but he soon began to see the pattern underlaying it and everything snapped into place. "Tanaku Town, one colorless mana, but can be tapped to summon a Tanuki spirit."
"No real surprise there," Anko decided after a moment's thought.
The waiter arrived with three bowls of rice and pork, as well as several square wooden cups filled with sake.
Tiamo and Anko made matching hand signs under the table while taking a deep breath, tasting the air above their bowls for poison before digging in.
Xander started eating after they did, though quite a bit slower as he had only learned the use of chopsticks recently.
"Where do you think the best inn is?" Tiamo asked Anko.
"Best tourist one is connected to the Golden Maple casino," Xander replied, "the best hotel catering to the upper class is the Ruby Dawn."
"Planeswalker bullshit?" Anko asked, as she knew he'd never been here before.
"Planeswalker bullshit," Xander agreed cheerfully.
"How does that work?" Anko asked curiously.
"I'm gaining more knowledge of places when I claim them," Xander replied, "common knowledge, local languages, background lore."
"Is that how you picked up Jutsu so quickly?"
Xander nodded and took a sip of sake. "Probably and I can even tell you where Tsunade is."
Anko waved it off. "That's Jiraiya's job. You guys wanna go classy or flashy?"
"Classy," Tiamo said. "If we're going to live it up, let's do it right."
"Ruby Dawn it is," Xander said. "How do we play it?"
"Gold speaks louder than words," Anko said, "plus you'll have two sexy as hell kunoichi hanging off you, getting a room is easy."
"Wear my armor and drop a chest of gold on the counter," Xander guessed.
"Grab a couple of dancers off the stage to personally entertain us as if it's your right and they'll assume you're basically royalty," Tiamo added.
"Which you kinda are, being bullshit level powerful," Anko said.
"Point," Xander agreed as the girls downed their sake in tandem. He finished up his rice and pork and took another sip of sake.
"How far away is it?" Anko asked, waving away the waiter when he approached with more sake.
"Tsunade is at the Fallen Petals casino, Joan and Jiraiya are at the Crystal Pear hot springs, both on the wrong sides," Xander replied.
"Nah, where's the Ruby Dawn?" Anko said.
"Three blocks from here," Xander said gesturing to the east, "just off the main strip."
"Excellent," Anko said with a grin, "then I'd say we should follow our leader's example. I figure we've got at least a day or two before he finds her and I'd like to spend that time liquored up and relaxed!"
"I think I'm pretty much immune to alcohol," Xander said, before picking up and downing his sake, "but watching you two get drunk sounds like fun."
The three got up and Anko dropped a handful of bills on the table.
They joined the flow of traffic, filled with wide eyed tourists and pickpockets. Xander could tell there were pickpockets because he'd had to smack several hands away from his pockets, being careful not to harm them.
Anko and Tiamo handled it differently he noted as a young man 'stumbled' into the pair and they pretended to be oblivious to the quick snatch of a pouch hanging from a belt as they continued on.
"Snake!" came the high-pitched squeal from the pickpocket half a block behind a few seconds later, making the pair giggle evilly.
The three ducked into an alley across from their destination, an understated but perfectly maintained three story inn.
Xander called up his emerald armor and spent a mana to create a copy of the small chest he'd scanned earlier while the girls adjusted their clothes and touched up their makeup. He grinned as they turned up their sex appeal and danger by subtly shifting the way they held themselves.
"This is either going to be a great time or a magnificent mistake," Xander said, "either way it's going to be fun!" He threw his shoulders back and tucked the chest under one of his arms before striding out of the alley and towards the inn.
The girls gave off identical giggles, ones designed to raise goosebumps as they promised sex and insanity in equal measures.
As they approached the entryway a pair of black clad bruisers stepped out of the recesses they'd been lurking in. Both the men were over six and a half feet tall with broad shoulders and bulging muscles, but as they took in the girls with Xander, their eyes widened and they quickly pulled open the front doors to allow them entrance.
Xander didn't pause, acting as if he'd expected such a response and was used to it, as he entered the inn and stepped up to the front counter. He set the chest on the counter with a thud as he looked over the older man in a crimson kimono who was in charge. "This should be sufficient for the week. I'll need several masseuses, a cook, and some entertainment."
Xander didn't wait for a response as he turned and scanned the room, taking in the atmosphere. There were dozens of tables filled with the upper crust who demanded the best and paid well for it, drinking and eating while musicians played, setting the tempo for the numerous dancers of either sex that did their best to catch the eye of the rich patrons.
Two girls caught his eye as they were obviously both skilled and competing with each other as they vied for attention.
"Send the redhead in the blue silks, and the blond in red up to my room," Xander ordered.
The host's eyes widened as he peeked in the chest. "At once, milord," He clapped his hands twice and a pair of young ladies in understated black kimonos appeared.
"Please follow us," they chorused with a bow, before leading Xander and his personal servants towards the stairs.
By the time they reached the suite, both the dancers were there as well as a musician playing relaxing music, while a cook was prepping a grill in the corner.
Xander was impressed, they'd only climbed one flight of stairs and made one turn to arrive.
"Masseuses and sake?" Anko demanded as she and Tiamo sized up the room, spotting the servants' stairs hidden by the cherry tree paintings on the walls and the concealed alcove where the grill had been stored.
"Are already on the way," the pair chorused as they prepared lounges for the trio to lay on, "the sake and oil are being heated and prepared."
Anko and Tiamo grinned and shed their gear, slithering out of their clothes in seconds, making Xander smile as he dismissed his armor and started stripping himself. The masseuses arrived less than a minute later and went to work as the two young women left, satisfied that their new client was being taken care of.
"This is the life," Anko said with a relaxed smile as she was massaged.
"You said it," Tiamo agreed.
Xander sighed happily as hands worked on his lower back. "I'm going to have to get my own personal masseuses." After a moment's thought he held up a hand and the masseuse carefully shook it once he realized what his client wanted. "Great job," Xander told him.
Realizing Xander had just scanned his masseuse so he could make one for himself the two kunoichi laughed.
After an hour of food, sake, massage, and music, Xander dismissed the cook and masseuses. The musician stepped out to re-tune his instrument and the two dancers approached, not looking the least bit tired.
The red-haired dancer in the blue silk outfit smirked and set up a table in front of Xander's couch. "Out of all the dancers, why pick us?" she asked, pouring herself a cup of sake.
"You were the most skilled and were playing off each other to see who was better," Xander replied as he sat up, "I figured it'd make for a better show."
"I'm not sure I believe that," she decided. "How about a little wager?" A pearl the size of a golf ball appeared in her hand and Xander raised an eyebrow as he could sense the power in it.
Anko and Tiamo softly sat up, performing hand seals that burned away the alcohol in their system, but waited to see if the dancer was a threat.
The redhead set the pearl on the table and covered it with a cup, before turning over two more and mixing them up. "I can feel your power, you fairly radiate it. So, you guess where my hoshi no tama is and you can have it, lose and you have to tell me the truth."
Xander felt a mild geas settle on him that would take effect if he agreed to her terms. "One blue mana," he muttered absently. "Alright." He examined the three cups and then his hand darted out and snatched the star ball from a fold in her dress near the waist. "Got it."
"How?" she asked in shock.
"It radiates blue mana," Xander told her as he examined it.
She chewed her lips nervously while her blonde-haired friend snickered, trying to figure out how to get it back.
Xander tossed it back to her. "Seriously, you two were the best dancers, that's why I picked you, not because you're kitsune."
"Hey!" the blonde complained, offended.
Xander turned and looked the blonde over. "I was referring to her as a kitsune, you're obviously a tanuki."
"Oh, that's alright then," the blonde said with a grin.
"Damn," Anko cursed, "burned off my booze for nothing."
"They are trickster spirits," Tiamo pointed out, "it's best to keep your wits about, around them anyway."
"Spoil my fun," Anko grumbled, "I was looking forward to drunken shenanigans."
"Drunken shenanigans are my specialty," the blonde said brightly, pulling a gourd from behind her that hadn't been there a moment before and flipping the cups back over.
"We're not foolish enough to drink a Tanuki's sake," Tiamo said.
"Speak for yourself," Anko told her, snatching up a cup, "I've wanted to try this since I first read about it."
"We're supposed to guard Xander," Tiamo reminded her.
Anko looked at Xander and then back to Tiamo and raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, fair point," Tiamo admitted.
"They're only a threat to dignity," Xander said, "and I never had much of that to begin with." He grabbed a cup. "Bottoms up."
"Alright," Tiamo agreed, grabbing a cup and tapping it against theirs. "Cheers."
"Are you a god?" the kitsune asked curiously.
Xander finished his cup of sake and stuck it out for a refill, before saying "Yes," knowing that was the only correct answer, already feeling the burn of the supernaturally enhanced alcohol, and a little surprised that it was actually affecting him.
"Of what?" the tanuki asked, as she refilled his cup.
"I'm the god of tits and beer," he said proudly. "Now, let's get drunk!"
Typing by: fyrewolf5
TN: Wonder how much mana Xander has left at this point, and what sort of drunken foolishness he'll use it for before sobering up. His own tanuki and kitsune to start with, maybe upgrade a few buildings, create a new "park", if he had gotten Tsunade and Shizune's patterns already could see him creating a new "sanin trio" with reversed genders, so a female Orocimaru, and a male Tsunade, to go with Joan, just to fuck with everyone's heads.
AN: That does sound like him.