69. If This Was a Story

10th day, 8th month, standard year 24941

Sometimes I hate choices.

5th day, 9th month, standard year 24941

Oh, there's just no point. I've grown out of this journal- it's not like talking to a real person. Real people can answer back, after all. Real people are more important to me.

Besides, there's too much else to do- there always has been. This is just a bit- trivial, really. I think this will be my last entry- I'm not even sure why I'm writing down that it is. It was good while it lasted though- I do after all have a record of my childhood now, something to hold onto.

All the same, my childhood is over.

2nd day, 3rd month, standard year 24942

well, I suppose that last entry wasn't quite true, then...



(Tahl- I remember everything you ever wrote in here. All the things you said to me. Thank you.)

(To the people in the future- and there is alwas a future- you won't remember me, and I won't know you. Remember the Dark Side- it's so hard to fight, but there must be a way.)

4th day, 5th month, standard year 24942

Okay, so now I'm curious to know- why did you write that all in capital letters, Qui?

I don't know. So it'd be the first thing people saw, I suppose. If they were flipping back from last page to first- which not many people would do, I suppose, but-

I know what you must have been thinking- I was thinking it too. Are you ready for an incredible understatment?


I'm glad you didn't die.

This is a message to anyone in the future who found this diary and picked it up- our Temple was invaded. It wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last. It was Dilan, you see-

It began as a quiet sort of day- and I barely noticed it. The fact that it was a quiet day, I mean. Can you believe that? I got up and began the day and I didn't even notice.

The attack came at about...midday, I think it was. I was waiting in a corridor for Tahl- Mace came and gave me the news.

"We need to make him think we don't know yet," he said calmly. "Currently, the idea is for everyone to continue what they were doing, to avoid the center tower and stick to the areas around their quarters- then an alarm will sound, which means we've got him cornered. If the alarm doesn't go off within ten minutes, then - make your way to the third tower. But listen when you do so."

I didn't need to be told that. "How many will we lose?" I asked.

"We must remain realistic," he said. "Perhaps a few, perhaps even none. But it won't be as bad as..." He trailed off.

"What about the Younglings?" I asked.

"Oh, that's taken care of- they're in the Council Chamber."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It seems a good idea as any."

"I was waiting for Tahl-"

"She'll be back in her quarters by now- you should be too."

So I went. The corridors were quiet- I could hear my own heartbeat. I reached the quarters, and my Master wasn't there.

So I waited ten minutes. In order to give me something to do, I wrote in this- I wrote what you, person from the future, can see a page or so back. In bold, big handwriting.

Because it seemed like the right thing to do.

I waited and there was no alarm. I felt nothing- I went outside. I passed a window. Coruscant was outside. Countless buildings, millions of them, with people inside, and the constant stream of transports- it would go on, I thought, it'd always look like that.

I headed for the Council chambers- my thoughts were for the Younglings, and I didn't want them even hurt. I was running. I remembered what I'd written in the diary. It seemed decidedly foolish now.

Then Dilan jumped out at me.

At first, it barely registered that this was him. I thought Well, at least Tahl will find my diary entry, and at least she'll...
But there seemed to be no more of that. Dilan laughed.

"I've found you!"

"You were looking?" I asked.

"Yes. I always hated you...but you knew that."

He wasn't attacking, not yet. "Things shouldn't have been this way," I told him.

He shook his head. "Oh yes. They should. Remember all the things stolen- the book, remember the book? It went into the hands of the Force itself- he needs one little thing to learn, one useful little thing-"

I knew what was coming and I got ready for it. But Dilan didn't care.

"When will you learn?" he said. "Not everyone uses a lightsabre. I don't, not anyone. I'm not lowering myself to your level-"

I didn't want him to die, I realised, but I didn't want him to live. I thought I'd kill him, quickly as possible-I aimed for his head, he kicked me, we just fought-

-and I was pushed up against the window.

"You destroy everything you touch," he said.

I was fast- he was faster. Before I could kill him- yes, kill him- he pushed me out and I fell.

I fell and kept falling. The Jedi Temple is so high in the air, higher than it needed to be...

You're not going to die, you have a job to do.

I reached out to grab whatever was going to save me.


I didn't fall- I realised that I was floating in mid-air. Above everything, below the sky- and I should have been scared out of my mind. I wasn't.

I looked up and saw that my Master was holding me in mid-air. He had a look of intense concentration on his face- he was alive, I thought with relief. And then I realised that it wasn't just him, it was Yoda as well- they were saving me together. I wondered where Dilan was, if he was dead-

They moved me towards a railing, and I held onto it and pulled myself up.

"Nice to see you, Padawan," Master said.

"I...thanks," I gasped. "Where's Dilan, is everyone alright..."

"I'm alright," said a voice. I turned around and it was Tahl. She made a move to hug me, then realised we were in front of Yoda and stopped.

"I'm so glad to see you..." I said. "What happened, where's Dilan?"

"Mapru killed him," my Master said. I looked at Yoda, he said nothing. "A whole group of us were there, he was merely lucky to be able to strike the blow..."

"Rather he had been your kill, would you?" Yoda spoke up.

"No, my Master, but..."

"He was yelling stuff," Tahl piped up, "Dilan, I mean. He said..."

"He said wait until you find out how many traitors are in your midst." came a voice. I didn't even have to look to see who it was. It was Mapru- but when I did look Vulna was behind him.

"Are you alright?" Vulna said to me.

I nodded. And then Mapru swept away, down the stairs and out of sight.

(I think if this was a story- and it does seem like a story, you know -I should have the next sentence be and I never saw him again, but it's not true because I did.)

The rest of us were left there alone, just for a few minutes. No-one knew quite what to do or say...

"I thought you were dead," Tahl said eventually.

"No," I said, "It's not my time yet."

And that's it, I'm afraid. Like I said, this diary does read a bit like a story- I'm sorry I'm not a better storyteller. But perhaps that's not the point. Although it's a pity- you'll have the words, but you won't know what was going through my mind when I wrote them.

Just so you know- whoever you are...

My Master and Yoda don't speak much. I told them both about everything Dilan had said, Yoda took it to the Council. It was mostly dismissed as the ravings of a madman- I think. They're an arrogant lot- I'm not afraid to say this, certainly not now.

Vulna seems to rarely be here: it's possible he might leave. He's not exactly well trusted, or even, it seems, all that well liked.

Three people died at Dilan's hands: I didn't know them: I wish they were still alive-

Tahl and me are alive. Clearly. Tahl tells me she has no intention of dying.

I intend to find out what my job is- no matter the consequences.

May the Force be with you.