Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha and co. If I did, do you think I would give it to you?
WHEW! Close Shave!
Chapter 1: ONE-HANDED!
HEY EVERYONE! I'm back! Yes, you guys persuaded me to write the mystic (hilarious) "Shave Saga!" If you liked "Ready, Set, SHAVE!", you will LOVE "WHEW! Close Shave!" Can I just say some guys just like to get down and dirty? MEEEOOOW!
Oh, and please, please, PLEASE go read, "The Forgotten Sister"? It's really my story, but I'm letting my friend Shirahime type and post it. Please review and tell me how I did on a semi-serious story. Arigato minna-san! Review this story, too!
"YES! Finally, another shard!" Inu Yasha said, victorious of finally getting another jewel shard. He punched through the air.
"Inu Yasha! Are you okay?" Kagome asked, worried. She pointed to a large gash on Inu Yasha's shoulder, a wound he had received when he was fighting the three-headed snake demon.
"Feh! With a scratch like this? Are you crazy?" he snorted.
Kagome glared. "I was just asking!"
"Well, don't ask then!"
"Sorry if I cared!"
"I didn't mean it!"
"Will you guys shut up?" Sango asked, rolling her eyes.
"Yes, listen to the Lady Sango!" Miroku said, instantly agreeing with Sango.
Before anyone had a chance to say anything, one of Naraku's wasp thingies (A/N: I forget what these are called. Honestly, I don't care either.) flew down. It rammed into Inu Yasha, making him drop the shard. Flying as fast as it could, the wasp grasped the shard and flew eastward.
Inu Yasha cursed very badly. Grabbing a very surprised Kagome, he threw her across his back. "COME ON!" he roared. "Let's get that shard back! Damn you, Naraku!"
Miroku, Sango, and Shippo jumped on the already transformed Kirara and they flew into the air.
Inu Yasha jumped up and ran/flew after the wasp, which no doubt was leading to Naraku.
Soon, they had arrived at a clearing in the forest. There, Naraku was sitting on the ground. Mind you, it wasn't a Golem doll; no, it was Naraku himself! He was wearing the clothes of a young lord and was carefully… SHAVING his legs?
"Ohmygod!" Kagome gasped.
"What do you? He's not that scary!" Inu Yasha asked roughly.
"No, it's not that! He's doing it one handed!"
It was true. The baboon-skin clad half-demon was indeed shaving his legs with one hand. And not any hand! It was his left hand! (A/N: Naraku's right-handed! Why? Because I day so!)
"Well, any guy can do that!" Inu Yasha said, not being able to let his enemy/new rival have any praise.
"Really?" Kagome asked, her voice breathless. She smiled flirtatiously.
"Y-yeah…" Inu Yasha stuttered, not being able to take this much heat.
"Well then… SHOW ME, LIAR!" she yelled.
Inu Yasha sputtered with rage. "F-fine! I WILL!"
Naraku, by now realizing that his enemies had arrived, jumped up. "Oh, my dearest Inu Yasha! You've finally arrived!" he said joyfully.
Inu Yasha's face went, 'WHAT-THE-HOLY-*BEEP*-IS-HE-TALKING-ABOUT?'
"WHAT-THE-HOLY-*BEEP*-ARE-YOU-TALKING-ABOUT?" he yelled.
"Well…" Naraku smiled (A/N: SCARY!). "You do want the shard, right? Right?" He peered into Inu Yasha's amber orbs.
Inu Yasha was still in the land of the surprised and scared. "W-what? Oh, yeah, yeah! I WANT that shard!"
"DAMN STRAIGHT!" he screamed.
Naraku went all sad (A/N: Pathetic, I mean.). "I-Inu Yasha! W-why are you always so m-mean to me? All I did was k-kill your first love a-and steal a couple shard from y-you…!"
A couple veins popped on Inu Yasha's head. "And you think that's a good thing?" he asked quietly, his bangs covering his eyes so Naraku couldn't read his expression.
"Er… Yes?" Naraku guessed.
"WELL, IT'S NOT, YOU IMBECILE!" Inu Yasha yelled with enough force to knock down a few mountains.
Sango looked at Miroku. "One day, Naraku's going to die a very stupid death."
"Yeah. Probably fall down in the tub and break his skull."
Sango and Miroku both cracked up.
"Shut up!" Naraku yelled.
Inu Yasha grew madder. "Did you just tell me to shut up?" he asked.
"Inu Yasha, be rational!" Kagome yelled back, running to his side and pulling on his arm.
"NO! I don't want to! You can't make me! I'm the king of the world!"
When no one answered his 'outburst', Inu Yasha sighed, looking defeated. "Okay, fine! I'll do whatever you guys want! Jeez. Evil controllers…"
"What did you call me?" Kagome shrieked.
"Um… Nothing! Nothing at all!"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Okay… I'm watching you, Inu Yasha…! I know where you live!" Kagome said with a glint in her eye.
"Okay…! Um, what were you saying, Naraku?" Inu Yasha asked 'warmly'.
Naraku sighed and turned around to look at the scenery. "Nature's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked in a wistful voice.
"Yeah, sure, if you say so." Inu Yasha looked confused.
Naraku continued gazing at the trees. "Everything is so… calm and reserved…"
"Yeah…" Inu Yasha cocked his head it confusion. 'What's he hitting at?'
Naraku suddenly snapped. "Well, if nature's so beautiful, then how come my natural legs aren't beautiful?"
Naraku reached down and pulled his kimono up to reveal very hairy legs.
Kagome, remember how, jut moments ago, they were smooth, screamed. She fell, almost fainting.
Inu Yasha, however, in time, had caught her.
"Thanks…" Kagome said, a tinge of red on her cheeks.
"Feh. Just didn't want to lost my shard detec-" He quickly shut up.
Kagome suspiciously looked at Inu Yasha. But, deciding to give him a break, she stopped herself for saying 'sit'.
Inu Yasha snapped his attention back to Naraku.
When he saw the hairy caterpillars Naraku had for legs, he almost let Kagome fall.
Instantly, he started spurting his colorful curses (which the authoress will not repeat due to the fact that she a)doesn't know any cursing other than the usual, and b)doesn't feel like doing it. In other words, is lazy.).
"DAMN! Naraku, what the hell happened?" Inu Yasha concluded.
"Er… I don't know! It's the hairy demons who ate Onigumo and his soul! Their hairiness was reborn into me!" Naraku looked like he was about to cry.
"Poor guy… I mean, a little hair is dangerous, but these… stockings… they're just horrific!" Kagome whispered.
"The reason I called you here is a request. Help me get rid of all this… stuff… and I'll give you half of my Shikon Shards," Naraku explained.
Inu Yasha's eyes gleamed like the sun. Grabbing Naraku's hand instantly, he said, "O-KAY! It's a deal!"
Sango and Miroku looked at each other again. "You know, one day, Inu Yasha's going to die a very stupid death, too."
"Yeah. Probably break his neck trying to reach a fake Shikon Shard."
So? How was it? Good or bad? Should I continue? Was it humorous enough? Ack! Can you guys wait until the next chapter? Something surprising will happen. Just use your imagination! Anyway, the reviews from the last chapter of "Ready, Set, SHAVE!" are below for you guys! Thanks for 'em and now review this! Flames will be welcomed with a bucket of cold water!
Responses to Reviews:
???????: How you know what Naraku was talking about! I will write more! Trust me! Maybe some slow updates, but they'll be here still!
Animeangelstar2000:Wow! I feel so loved! Welcome to the No-Sanity club! You know how people get more 'mature' as they grow older? Well, can I just say that's a lie? When I was about 10, I was fairly normal. However, as the years went by, I became more and more crazy!
Assyla:Yay! You think it's funny, too! I'm so happy! Anyway, remember that this isn't a sequel, but more of another story with the same major plot thing. They are NOT connected. It will be very confusing if you don't know this!
Regicidal Dwarf: Just, Totally Wicked is the name, insanity/weirdness is the game!
Julia-Tears:You know, I always look forward to your reviews! They're always thought out! I can't wait for your story! I'm like, quaking with excitement! I'm going to continue in "Camp of the Chaotics," and I already have a lot written. However, what's hard is that the "Future" (you were right to use quotations!) fics… I have some of them written down, but they don't seem to be working as well as I thought. I mean, the stories have good ideas and plots, but I just can't seem to write them good. Oh, and if you want a pretty good story, read "The Forgotten Sister", posted by Shirahime. She's a friend who's writing it for me and posting it, even though it's my story. Wow! Long reply!
Rin281:Yes, very supportive! My neopet name is 'luvs_inuyasha'.
LonelyAngelofSadness:RUN! Run for your life! Stupid wall! *Tears it down* HAHA! How do you like that, eh? What's that sound? *Realizes it's a wall of a dam* Oh, CRAP! RUN! Run for your life!