Well, here we are. Tape Thirteen. The end. My last thoughts before I end it all.
If you're listening to this and haven't heard your name yet, you're either the intended recipient or someone didn't listen to all of the tapes and the backup plan has kicked in.
I won't leave you in suspense for too long
You've always been different. You sort of faded into the background at school. You rarely went to parties and you ride a bicycle when most people your age would be driving.
So why should this tape be any different? This isn't about what you did to me. You didn't abandon me, like Alex and Jessica did. You didn't betray me, like Justin did. You didn't violate my privacy, like Ryan and Tyler did.
Welcome to the tapes, Clay Jensen.
This tape is instead about what you didn't do to me.
You didn't open up to me. You didn't comfort me whan I so desperately needed it.
You didn't tell me you loved me.
Yes, I knew. Maybe you were waiting for the right moment.
Too late now.
Sometimes, not doing something is the right thing.
You didn't spread candid pictures of me.
You didn't wreck my reputation
You didn't abandon me
You didn't try to push things too far
You didn't spread my innermost thoughts
You didn't throw me under the bus
If you saw that picture of me and Courtney, you didn't say or act like you did.
You didn't try and cover up your friends heinous acts.
You did, however, withhold something I desperately needed.
I needed someone to hold me as I cried and spilled my problems. I needed an ally. I needed another outcast to commiserate with. I needed a freakin' friend. I'm sure you'll get the reference. I'll let you decide which one of us was which.
I needed someone to love me.
Before I started recording these tapes, I called you. Before you could pickup, I ended the call. I had hoped that you would ride over here to find out why I had called.
Maybe you would have pulled some stunt from a bad 80's teen movie, complete with oversized boombox.
Life isn't like a bad 80's teen flick. Life is like one of those horrible Serbian torture porn movies that make you question the point of living.
I'm done questioning the point of living. What's done is done. What once was happy, now is sad. I'll never love again. My world is ending.
Clay, I'm so sorry to have done this to you. Had it been you that caught my eye at Kat's party and I asked about you, perhaps things would have been different.
But they're not. Things are things.
I do ask you to do one thing for me.
Don't join me any time soon. Just because my life turned to shit doesn't mean that you should join me because you could have done something.
Perhaps the ones I'ver named on the tapes are getting their comeuppance. Maybe they're trying to atone. Maybe I've kicked off a wave of suicides.
Remember me, Clay Jensen. Someone has to.