The sun seemed abnormally bright that morning; the day had dawned as though yesterday was forgotten, the fears and dreams of the night not even a memory.  Gazing up into the never ending sky, Sango tried to push the day's events away from her troubled mind.  They seemed too surreal…

Yet she could not.  It was a curse, as though Naraku had bore down upon her soul.  But this guilt and hope and fear which now increased its pressure was more dangerous than anything Naraku could even plot.

Today, as it seemed a daily occurrence, he had put his life on the edge…

There were two things in life she feared the most.  The first of which was losing her loved ones—yet this had already happened, and she had sworn that never again would she allow such actions to take place.  The second fear which she buried deep in her dark heart was that of rejection…rejection from the people, the person, she loved.

Yet, it was her nature to love such a man…despite the fear and utter despair that rose in her heart…

"Come on Sango."  Kagome chirped brightly as they entered the day, "Are you still thinking about the battle?"

"No…no, of course not."

Against Nature

-a Miroku/Sango fanfiction-

by cappie

It had been the night of the full moon, and through the shoji screen of the inn the in five were staying at, she could see the great clouds dance above her head; their edges singed with silver.  The day had been long and hard.  Inuyasha, as usual, had challenged some lesser youkai and had received more than he had bargained for.  Kagome had been by his side—she would be to the end, all figured, and each had fought bravely.

And…as usual, he, Miroku, had risked his life…

Each time she saw that dark abandoned look in his eyes; each time she saw him instinctively reach for the piece of cloth, the beads…she knew that one day he would not be so lucky—and she would loose him, just as she had lost her family.

To loose another loved one, to loose him…she did not think this was bearable.

And so, she had slept, awoken a few times; yet as each passing hour came and went the stresses of the day disappeared.  Perhaps she would have been fully rested if she had not awoken so suddenly from such a terrifyingly real dream…

He, Miroku, had been there gazing at her, as he always did, from across a crowded room.  It had been full of drunkards, farmers, travelers—everything seemed real and almost tangible.  Inuyasha had been dozing in the corner and Kagome (as usual) had pulled out her books to study. Earlier in the evening, Miroku had joined himself with a party of young pretty peasant girls and had for some time now been most jovial. 

Sango had tried not to glare; tried not to cast him angry glances…yet it was so hard, so frustrating.  It was as though every woman in the world held some beauty to him except herself.  Was she so unbecoming? 

And suddenly…the room had melted away and only he and she remained; their eyes interlocked.  His expression was so hard to read that she could not bring herself to imagine that he, Miroku, gazed at her fondly or as though the two were more then friends, despite how much she wished for him…

Remaining seated, she was astonished as he rose, and walked slowly across the room. His dark eyes were serious, although his mouth was turned up in a sly, mischievous, if not perverted grin.

Like an unexpected chill wind in summer, from his mouth came the words, "Sango, why do you act so jealous?"

Startled, aware she was blushing, she glanced down and hurriedly murmured, "Why would I be jealous of you?  You have everything you could possibly want…"

She trailed off, suddenly aware of how very near he was to her.  She could feel his hot breath on the back of her neck, smell his distinctive scent.  The monk had seated himself down behind her, his face nearly cradled in her shoulder.

That was all it took. One innocent question was all it took for what he had been holding his tongue against for what seemed like an age slip.

"That is not true, and you know it."  His voice was firm, yet unsteady as emotion over took each syllable, "I love you with more passion and honesty than I ever could have dreamed to wish for and it's destroying me—even more so than this hole in my hand." He paused and leaned closer; grasping Sango's shivering fingers and intertwining them with his own.  The world had disappeared, and she was beginning to fall into his  dark reflective eyes, "Each time I look at you it tears me limb from limb, leaving nothing but the dismal pieces of my broken heart. Living each day in fear that you will see through the charade lechery and see the love instead of the lust. I love you so much that the thought of you with me, someone who will only bring you more pain, is preposterous, but the thought of you with someone else is some sort of heinous crime against nature."

Pausing, his breath coming in a short gasp, Sango noticed dimly that Miroku was blushing.  Neither of them could believe he had just said that.

"I…" she had begun unsteadily, aware that he was leaning closer…

Miroku's arms slid down to encircle Sango's waist; his trembling fingers tangling in Sango's luxurious hair.. Miroku let out a sound like a muffled sob and gasp against Sango's warm inviting mouth; Miroku pressed himself against Sango's body, trapping her against the wall, his embrace fiercely comforting and fervently possessive — and there was nothing left between them except the rapid beating of their hearts, and the feverish kiss they shared as if it was their last, or first...
When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathless and panting, their eyes filled with mutual disbelief and realization …

After that point, it began to fade fast into the night as world around her began to take form.  She called out, but it did no good…for now he was far away, a look of horror and surprise and lust still implanted on his features…and she could not return to where she most desired to be…in his arms…

She had awoken then, awoken drenched in a cold sweat, her body calling out for him…an irresistible temptation she could never have or fulfill.  Gasping for air, her frame hunched over, she glimpsed about the room where her companions lay.  Kagome and Shippou were embraced together like mother and child with the father, the husband, the lover Inuyasha gently sleeping above them in the silvery light. 

Shifting her gaze ever so slightly, she nearly gasped as she noticed that Miroku's eyes were open and gazing at her from across the room.  Their black depths glimmered and shown, as though his torture became more acute in the early hours of dawn.

"I—," Sango began unsteadily, a flush coming to her pale cheeks, realizing she was hardly clothed.  Wrapping her arms about her, she glanced down at the blanket which covered her, the images of the dream so real, so beautiful…so impossible.

"Did I wake you?"

"No." He spoke quietly, in a dark deep voice, as though watching her repulsed him.

"Then…," she ventured, "why are you awake…it must be very late."

"Yes, it is…" he replied slowly, his eyes glinting like beetles or glass in the moonlight.  "But I always awake sometime during the night to make sure."

"To make sure of what?"

It was ludicrous to have a conversation such as this at such an hour.  She was probably annoying him, probably causing him to not have the sleep that all of the party so desperately needed.

"To make sure you are safe."

"I-I see."  Sango whispered to herself, fearing this was yet another dream bent on her destruction.

Quickly, she excused herself, and exited the room.  This lust, this passion lay inside her still. She had to escape; she could not be around now…she must get away until all hope had faded.

Wrapping the thin blanket about her, she scurried down the deserted halls and out into the courtyard, illuminated with the color of the moon mingling with color of dawn.  Leaning bitterly against the railing she in took deep breathes, silently cursing herself for this emotion.  To love this passionately was against her nature…and she could do nothing to stop it; except to bury it bury it deeper within her heart.

I am such a fool…how, why would he even be interested in me? I, who treat him terribly all the time, I who…I who…

Her thoughts continued no longer as a gentle voice interrupted her.

"I hope I am not intruding."

She did not reply, yet avoided his gaze, and instead turned her face towards the heaven to gaze out open the perfect circle of light.

"You seemed rather upset inside." He continued, taking a seat next to her, "Was it a nightmare?"

"More the opposite."  Sango admitted darkly after a moment.

"Aaa…I see."  He replied.

It was quiet for a while, and the sound of the cicada's filled the warm summer air.  Calmer, Sango added, "You should go back to bed.  You need your rest."

"So do you." He pointed out wryly.

"I went to bed earlier." She admitted truthfully, now having enough confidence to gaze into his face; to see his eyes.  The same expression remained; as though something seemed at the edge of his tongue.  But she could not hope.  To hope with Miroku was almost as possible as Kagome and Sesshoumaru falling in love.

"Sango…"  Miroku began softly, almost as in the same fashion as that of her dream.

Glancing at him she was startled and disturbed to find his face completely serious, his eyes glazed over in a way she had never seen or believed, "Have you never wondered why I have never asked you bear my child?"

Taken a back, she replied as best she could, trying to force the blood to not rush to her cheeks, "I have.  I have wondered it many a time."

"We are the same, you and I.  We both fear the same thing…death is inevitable…but rejection and the loss of loved ones are things we both had to suffer."

Whispering, finding it hard to speak, she replied, "Yes…this is true."

"If I never asked you, I could never be rejected.  If something dear to me is lost never to be regained then—what is the point?  What is the point of it all?  Other women are a distraction, yes—yet there is only one thing I desire more than revenge."

Studying his serious face, Sango began, "What are you saying?" she turned her face toward Miroku; they were so close now.
Yet, Miroku would never find out what her next words were.  Instead, he raised his head slightly and kissed Sango, letting his eyes fall closed as their lips met; and suddenly the swirling darkness felt like velvet perfection, and empty blackness became the color of completion. He moved to hold her hand, their fingers entwining; everything else fell away like a collapsing dream, and all that mattered was what he had right now, what he held in his hand and what he tasted on the tip of his tongue, his mouth pressed against Sango's warm lips...

Sango forced herself to open her eyes; the bliss of reality came streaming in once again, like light in the glowing darkness. Happiness had finally become hers in this single breath -taking moment…and perhaps this was a dream, yes…but she would relish every minute of it until the morning sun pulled her away from his side.  Yet, as she would find out later, this was not a dream, and she would dawn encircled in his arms…waiting…

Pulling away slowly, Miroku whispered, "It is against my nature not to love you…"


An: he he he. Well, how is it?? He he he. My first Sango/Miroku fic…sort of ends quickly…

r + r!!