Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the last man standing. Let the battle begin.

And then suddenly, Ninjas! Thousands of Them!
Yes, it's a sequel

It's been five fucking years


A few hours after the Attack on Konoha.

When Hiruzen Sarutobi first launched his conspiracy to completely disobey the Fourth's absolutely stupid last wishes, there were a total of nine people who knew the truth of what happened that night: Himself, the smarter of the two ANBU mooks, his former teammates Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane, his students Jiraiya and Tsunade, and the clan leaders of the Uchiha and Hyuuga clans, Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha and Hiashi Hyuuga.

As he had expected, getting the Hyuuga and the Uchiha on board for keeping the secret was easy. Hiashi really wanted to thin out the Hyuuga Bloodline after having to ship off another deformed, mentally challenged incest baby to ROOT, and an Uzumaki was just the blood thinner he needed for his (thankfully not deformed in any way) daughter Hinata.

When the Uchiha were given their deal, not only did they eagerly agree to it, but they quickly renounced the name of Madara Uchiha and proudly wore their Police Uniforms as they kept the peace and helped rebuild Konoha. Plus, Mikoto proved to be a wonderful caretaker for Naruto during the infant and toddler years. It just warmed Sarutobi's heart.

Jiraiya found out because he was the Fourth Hokage's teacher and closest confidant. It was only right for him to know that his pupil's son still lived. Homura and Koharu, they found out after torturing the truth out of that ANBU that Sarutobi neglected to silence in all the post Demon Fox cleanup. He tolerated their knowing it because they were his teammates, and because they also ended up killing that poor sap. One less corpse for him to burn, at least.

Tsunade found out as only Sarutobi expected her to find out:

"You told Tsunade for a lapdance?" Sarutobi asked Jiraiya, who stood before him in his office with his head held low.

"From her and her pupil Shizune, at the same time, and they were both wearing really tiny bikinis and covered in oil," Jiraiya reasoned.

Sarutobi slowly nodded. "Yeah, I'd do it too."

It didn't stop Sarutobi from kicking his ass all over Konoha and subjecting him to a follow-up dance courtesy of the Legendary Stupid Brothers, though.

Tsunade's knowledge of The Great Naruto Deception didn't bother Sarutobi too much up until what became known as the the Konoha Crush. She was his master's granddaughter and one of his brightest students, she was also a force he could use against Orochimaru if the ever unlikely circumstances called for it, so he let her run wild with it. Then, apparently, Orochimaru found out.

With that in mind, Sarutobi began plotting a punishment for Tsunade that no amount of big, oil-slathered tits barely contained and covered in tiny bikinis could get her out of. It would take time, money, and a lot of bodies, but Sarutobi would make Tsunade pay.

It was time to roll the fucking dice.

A/N: Oh look, this is back. I wonder what's coming next?