DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Hanging By A Moment

BY: Lara_Winner

SONG BY: Lifehouse

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

Hilde couldn't help but stare at the object of her thoughts. He was so close but she couldn't move. She wanted to go to him so badly but something held her back. Fear gripped her and held her like a vice. Her courage deserting her she pressed herself against the wall behind her. She continued to sit sideways just to watch him.

He looked so…….lost. Oh God, how could she do that to him? This was all her fault. Everything that happened, all the pain, it was all her fault. More tears spilled down her cheeks unnoticed. He had every right to hate her. He hadn't deserved that from her. She should have tried harder or done something more to reach him. She should never have left. That one stupid action ruined everything.

She paid no attention to time as she sat in silence with her emotions raging. She noticed the bartender occasionally glance her way but she paid him no mind. Her eyes were set on Duo. What could she say to him? If she walked over there right now what could she say? She was at a loss. There was so much she needed to explain and so much she wanted to say that she didn't know where to begin. But that all depended on if he wished to hear the truth. He might not accept any explanation she could give. He might not even want to see her.

Surrendering to the fear she slid out of the booth. He was too close, she had to get out of here. To know he was right there was killing her. Biting her lip she choked back even more tears as she rushed out the door and into the cold night.

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

"Boy, you need to wake up. Some chick was just checking you out. She just waked out, if you hurry you can catch her."

Duo snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Nick's cheerful voice. What was he talking about? Some chick? He laughed sadly at the complete lack of desire to pursue the suggestion.

"Thanks but no thanks. Women are bad for your health." Duo said grinning.

"I'm tellin' ya, she was staring holes in your back. Your stupid to pass her up. Shit man, if I wasn't married I'd have tried to get her attention. She was fine. You know the type, black hair and petite, cute face. Believe me, she was looking right at you for the last half an hour."

Duo stiffened at the description. He ignored the way his heart lurched in his chest. It couldn't be HER, it couldn't. A strange light entered his eyes making Nick smile.

"Did she have short hair and blue eyes?" He asked trying not to sound to anxious.

"Yeah, she had short hair but I don't know about the ey…."

That was all Duo heard as he slid off the stool and rushed out the door. He winced at the blast of cold air that hit him right in the face. His heart pounding frantically, he looked up and down both sides of the street. At first he didn't see anyone but then his eyes caught sight of a small figure walking in the shadows down the dimly lit street. Without thought he began to run trying to catch up with the figure.

The closer he got the more his heart started to pound in excitement. It was HER, he just knew it. He would know her anywhere, especially after picturing every inch of her body in his mind for the past weeks. He quickened his pace trying to reach her before he lost the courage.

"Hilde!" He called, holding his breath as he waited her next move.

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Hilde froze at the sound of his voice. She could hear his footsteps now and she tensed the closer they came. How did he know she was here? She had left before she did anything stupid. She didn't think he noticed her but she was obviously mistaken. Bracing herself she turned to face his approaching form.

He stopped before her out of breath, his harsh breathing making little clouds of mist in the freezing air. Her heart jumped at the sight of his face in the dim lighting. His flushed cheeks and red nose made her smile inwardly. She could feel the love swell up inside her almost overwhelming her.

"Hilde…." He whispered.

She heard the slight tremor in his voice. She didn't miss the way his eyes glowed but the light was anything but anger. She forced herself to relax as a sad smile crossed her lips.

"Hi Duo." She said softly.

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

He felt like he was in a dream, the sound of her voice breaking through the building excitement raging through him. She was right in front of him and he couldn't let her get away again. This was his only chance to set things right. It was so obvious now. He was nothing without her and to be away from her was killing him. Nothing in the world could take her place. His thoughts were of nothing but her. God had blessed him by giving him this angel in the first place and now for the life of him he had to get her back.

"I think we need to talk." He whispered hoarsely.

"Do we?" she replied lowering her eyes. Her voice conveyed the uncertainty she tried to hide from him.

"Please, just give me a chance to explain some things to you." He pleaded.

"I….What will it change?" She choked as fresh tears flooded her eyes.

"Maybe everything." He said softly as he gently brushed away the single tear that trickled down her cheek.

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me

As her eyes slid closed her entire being was focused on the light touch of his fingers. She fought the urge to fling herself into his arms. Why was she trying to push him away? He wanted to explain and yet it was almost as if she didn't want to hear his reasons. Deep inside she felt the fear starting to flutter around her heart. She had left because she couldn't take the constant isolation. When he was ready to let her close he was there but when he didn't want her near he was gone. As much as she loved him that kind of existence would eventually break her. Hell, look at what it was still doing to her.

"Why don't you trust me?" she asked, her eyes snapping open startled as she realized she said the question out loud. Praying she didn't make him angry she waited tensely for his reply.

"It's not easy Hilde. I trust you, with all my heart, but it's not easy when you're terrified of yourself." He replied.

The painful confusion in his eyes made her heart lurch. What could she say to that? Maybe he didn't need her to say anything. Maybe he just needed her to listen. Pushing the fear away she reached out taking his hand and squeezed gently encouraging him to continue.

"I'm scared. I take a look at everything around me and it's like I'm not really a part of it. For so long I haven't let anything come close me. Its easier to distance myself from everything." He whispered.

His words hurt. Did that mean everything they had meant nothing? Or did he not realize just how much she gave to him? He might feel he needed the distance but it was destroying her, couldn't he see that? Hoping her voice sounded somewhat normal she asked the only important question out of the thousands whirling in her head.

"Why are you scared of me?" At her words he turned his gaze across the dark street his brow creasing in quiet reflection. His grip on her had tightened as pulled her slightly closer.

"You make me…I….I can't fight you. You mean so much to me. Hilde, you don't really know me. I've done things and I felt things that would…would…If you knew you'd hate more than you already do." He answered refusing to meet her eyes.

"Then you don't know me either if you really think I could ever hate you." She said her heart twisting even more as she realized just how many assumptions they let come between them.

Now I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by moment here with you

Duo felt the hope start rise and tried to ignore it but her words rang clear in his mind. And he wondered why he loved her? But she couldn't understand what he was trying to say. She might want to but she couldn't. He didn't even fully understand it himself. It's so hard to keep up appearances that everything is fine when its not. Even if he thought she had a hope in hell of redeeming him nothing could save him from this pain. All he could do was spare her the brunt of the anger he bottled up inside. But even trying wasn't good enough. After all, maybe she was smart to leave.

"I've hurt you, God I'm sorry for everything, I really am." He sighed as an ironic smile twisted his lips. He laughed bitterly, "We don't know each other do we?"

"I know you enough to know that you're making things more difficult than they have to be." She replied. His eyes shot to hers and he almost flinched from the searching look she was giving him.

"Do you have to be so damn understanding?" He asked harshly.

"Don't you get it Duo? Shutting me out is not going to make your problems go away. Just tell me what is going on with you, please!" She begged.

The underlying desperation in her voice hit him hard. She deserved some sort of explanation. He knew he was confusing her. Still it was so hard to put his emotions into words, his fears and doubts and the guilt that consumed him inside out. But for her sake he had to try.

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and I don't know where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

"Hilde, your soul is free. It's that simple. I don't know how you manage to keep an open mind about life but you do. When you smile you mean it and I guess that amazes me. I'm the master at hiding what I feel. I lost my soul a long time ago. I sold it to make sure that no one else would suffer, that no one else would have to lose everything. I wasn't supposed to survive the war, damn it! Do you even realize the odds the five of us were against? All those people I killed and it never once occurred to me that I was causing the same pain I wanted to spare to more innocent people. How many children lost mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters at the hands of Deathsythe?"

Hilde's breath caught in her throat at his tormented words. Though his face was turned away she could see his eyes squeezed shut tight. She was about to deny his words when his soft voice continued softly.

"I thought I could handle it. I thought if I tried to live maybe I could forget what I did, but I can't. It's always there in the back of my mind. Everyday I wake up and I know I don't deserve to be alive. I can't even look at myself in a mirror without seeing the monster I've become. And the worst part is that I put you right in the middle. I never gave it a second thought, I just expected you to put up with me. I never once thought about how you felt. I never thought I'd lose you. What can I say, I'm a selfish bastard." He hissed.

Her first impulse was to tell him he wasn't but she held back. He wouldn't believe her and right now he needed more than just consoling words. Gently pulling on his wrist she turned him to face her. He continued to stare at his feet with his jaw clenched. Taking a deep breath she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. Expecting him to push her away her eyes widened as she felt him pull her closer. Burying her face in the fold of his warm jacket she ignored the freezing air and focused on the feel of his arms holding her in return.

"I didn't fall in love with a monster. I fell in love with you." She mumbled against his chest blinking back the hot tears that welled in her eyes.

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That could change my mind

"But you don't love me anymore, remember." He said the words hating the way his voice cracked. When she stiffened against him he cursed silently.

"I never said I didn't love you." She replied. He tried to fight the hope that surged through him at what she left unsaid.

"Actions speak louder than words." He said softly pulling away slightly.

"I was wrong. We were both wrong. Maybe I didn't give you a chance but you never gave me one either." She accused.

Meeting her eyes he wasn't prepared for the tears spilling down her cheeks. He knew she was right. They had made a grand mess of things but the fact that she was here now had to mean something. There would never be enough words to express just how sorry he was. He could never do enough to prove just how much he loved her. But if she was willing maybe he could try. And if he was willing maybe could let her try and help him.

"I need you. I can't go on like this, it's killing me. I'll never be forgiven for the past and I don't expect to be. I deserve this hell." Swallowing against the lump that rose in his throat he pulled her tighter against him. Searching her soft blue eyes he could clearly see her denial at his words. "But baby, if you hate me then I have nothing. I need you to forgive me."

He winced inwardly at how mushy he sounded. Unable to meet her eyes he looked down praying she didn't realize just how nervous he was. Her response meant everything. His entire world hung in the balance of her decision. Please…..Hilde…...

"I love you and I've already forgiven you. God forgives you for your past. I think the only person you need forgiveness from is yourself. How can you say you love me if you're not capable loving yourself first?" she asked softly.

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

Hilde stared into his wide violet eyes knowing her words hit home. He needed to realize he was putting himself through hell for nothing. The war was over. They had all done their share of things to be guilty for but war is not merciful. He did what he had to do and he had survived to enjoy the peace he sold his innocence for. If only he would just let it go, let it go and live for today, not yesterday.

"You're not the monster you make yourself out to be. Believe me, if you didn't have a soul you wouldn't regret the things you've done. Duo, you don't have to do this to yourself. The others have found peace and they fought in that stupid war too. Why do you always take sole responsibility for everything, even the things beyond your control?" She asked the question not for an answer but to prove her point that he needed to open his eyes.

"I had the choice. I became the God of Death fully aware of the consequences. I can't ignore what I've done," pulling away completely held out his hands between them, "Don't you see the blood on them? How can you stand for me to be near you? You know what I am. You've seen what I'm capable of." He whispered. Anger surged through her at his words.

"Do you think you're the only person with regrets? Just how do you think I got aboard the Libra? How do you think I got that uniform? I didn't leave any witnesses. But it was that or let the world get blown to smithereens. I pray every night for their souls. I beg their forgiveness over and over. I've begged God to forgive me too. But in my heart I also know that I had to what I had to do. They would have killed me. It doesn't justify things but I didn't have a choice. Nobody had a choice Duo. If we did that war would never have started in the first place." She snapped.

Grabbing his hands she gripped them tightly. Staring into his wide eyes she willed him to see the truth in her words. He had to let go. If he didn't it would kill him. She had learned that through her own soul searching. True, he had experienced horrors she could never imagine but he had to find his own peace. No matter how much she wanted to she couldn't do it for him. He needed to find his own reason to carry on. He had to do it, not for her but for himself.

"Please trust me on this. You can let it go. I'm not saying forget but you can live." She said firmly refusing to release his gaze. She could see the inner battle raging in his eyes. He wanted to believe but….

"I want to live but I don't know how. I don't think I can." He answered softly.

"You can and you will. Just let me help you please." She pleaded,

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

He couldn't say no. He wanted to. He wanted to spare her but the selfish need to be with her was too strong. He needed her strength and her determination and her love. He needed it so much he had no will to resist the hope that settled in his heart. He was so scared to believe that it could work. Could she really teach him how to live? Could she really show him how to let it all go? He had to let her try. But if it didn't work then what? He didn't know. The worst would be that she would leave again. He had to risk it. He needed her too much.

"I'm scared." He whispered. Her eyes softened and a small smile curved her lips.

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself." She countered challenging him to object.

"Yeah but is it really that easy?" He asked smirking at the determined expression crossing her face.

"We'll make it easy." She replied smiling in reassurance.

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

Just hanging by a moment here with you

Hilde smiled even wider as Duo pulled her against him. The crushing embrace sent her heart pounding and her legs turned to jelly. Wrapping her arms around his neck she held on to him tightly as her eyes slid closed in pure pleasure. He buried his face against her neck placing tiny kisses wherever his lips would reach. Sighing in contentment she fought the fresh tears the filled her closed eyes. Even tears of happiness were unwelcome. This moment was too perfect.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I swear." He breathed between kisses.

"I know."

Pulling back he looked her right in the eye and her breath caught in her throat. His violet eyes glistened with what looked suspiciously like tears. In all the years she had known him she had never seen so much emotion openly displayed in his features. For the first time she was seeing beyond his ever-present mask and the realization warmed her heart. She could feel herself falling for him all over again.

"I love you, I trust you and if I have to I'll prove it." He said the words with such an intensity she knew without a doubt he meant them.

"I don't need proof, I just need you." She grinned.

Not giving him a chance to answer she leaned up and pressed her lips to his in a sweet but firm kiss.

Just hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment here with you

Reluctantly she pulled back dragging much need air into her lungs. She shivered as the cold air made its presence felt seeping through the thick material of her sweatshirt. His arms tightened around her as he chuckled softly.

"Lets go home." He smiled. As he spoke she literally felt the tension drain from his body.

"Yeah, lets go home." She laughed.

Feeling like a burden had been lifted off her shoulders she smiled her eyes glowing with all the love bursting inside her. Everything was going to be fine. She was back where she needed to be and home had never sounded so good.

A.N.- Okay here it is, the sappy and mushy conclusion to my little songfic trilogy. I know it took forever, I'm sorry. I don't like the way this one turned out. I dunno, I just wanted to write something really cheesy and sweet. After all, when it comes to love you never can get too sappy. Thanks for patiently waiting and as always, luv ya guys!!!!*_*