A/N: Well. Okay. A return to Bebop fanfic. Um, here's a fic that's probably been overdone, Spike angst after Julia dies. Well, I never name anyone, actually, until the last line, but it's obvious who it is. Not to mention the title. I was watching Real Folk Blues (again) and this popped in. It's sort of stylistic so if you don't like it, flame it, whatever, I don't care. I just wanna know if I'm a complete idiot for rewriting this for the millionth time. Well, just read and review, deal? Cool.

PS: I did accidentally write a song that reminds me a lot of Bebop into here. If anyone can tell me what song it is... wow, I'd have a prize if I could. Well, whatever. There it is. Now read the fic!

My Julia

Just like a dream I can never wake up from...

More like a nightmare.

I keep seeing the bullet hitting you. The shock everpresent in your eyes.

How many people have I seen stabbed, shot like dogs? How many have I killed? How many bloodstains are on the resume I sent to Paradise?

I don't even remember. There may be honor of the sword, but no honorable hands will ever kill someone with a gun. Guns are just like their users; cold, soulless killers.

You never should have been there. I never should have let you.

I should never have opened my damn mouth. But I did, and you're dead.

The waitress hardly notices your blood all over me. I must be in Tharsis. "Whaddya want?" she says.

"Do you have beer?"

"Yeah." She yanks a pencil from over her ear. "We got--"

"Just bring me a beer. Under twenty woolongs."

How much does money buy, when it comes down to it?

I've seen pieces of you in every woman who passes me on the street, sits in this restaurant, gives me half of a look.

If money could buy your soul from Hades, I'd pay anything. I'm no Orpheus--maybe I can just shoot my way into the Underworld to find you, my Eurydice.

I'm wasting my time here, seeing your face in the face of every woman. Your words suddenly echo in my head, thoughts of yesterday making themselves known.

"This is... just a dream..."

I could go for some food.


"There once was a tiger-striped cat. It lived a million lives and died a million deaths."

My white cat... was I ever alive, or were you my life support?

I don't know what I believe.


"One of my eyes is a fake. I lost it in an accident. Since then, I've been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other."

When I close them both, all I can see is the past.

Trapped in that darkness... I don't know what I believe.

"I'm not going there to die. I'm going to see if I was ever really alive."


"Julia passed away."

I believe...

"Let's finish it."

I believe in the truth, from inside.

"This is... just a dream..."

Repaying countless amounts of blood spilt by my hands with my own blood. I drift down the stairs.


My white cat, my Eurydice, my devilish angel...

"Let's go away from this place... just the two of us..."

My Julia.