Creamed. (Nakamori vs the Kid Pt II)
By Icka! M. Chif

"Little birdie in the sky," A familiar singsong voice chanted from the rafters of the supposedly abandoned factory. "Dropped a turdy in my eye..."

Inspector Nakamori, surrounded by his men, looked up in time to see the thief drop something large and white before disappearing into the shadows once more.

Cream pie, his brain calmly informed him as he dumbly stared at it flying directly towards him.

:: SPLUT! ::

Cream pie it was. Direct hit, right in his face.

And there was silence from the police task force for the first time that night since the thief's heist began.

Until the light aluminium pie plate slid off his face, clattering on to the floor like some sort of bizarre knell of doom.

He reached up, slowly and deliberately reached up to wipe the creamy confectionery from his face. The Kid jumped down from the rafters, standing in front of them like a grinning phantom, another pie in his hand. "... I won't laugh and I won't cry. I'm just glad that cows don't fly!" He finished the small ditty with a brief mock bow.

Then he tossed the second pie.

:: SPLUT! ::

One of his men beside him got hit, the pie hitting him right in the torso, splattering everyone with the thick sugary white foam.

And there was another slight pause.

Inspector Nakamori calmly reached next to him, where a large rack holding nothing but cream pies rested. He picked up one and carefully tested it for weight and balance. Satisfied, he took aim and fired.

:: SPLUT! ::

The Kid dodged, dancing back into the shadows gleefully, laughing much like a kid in a candy store.

Scratch that, the Kid in a Cream Pie store.

A third pie flew out of the shadows towards him, and he ducked, allowing the pie to hit the man behind him.

:: SPLUT! ::

"Well?" He barked, causing his men to jump as he reached for another pie. "Don't just stand there! Get him!!!"

His men hesitated slightly, then dove for the pies, arming themselves with the dessert as if it were manna from the gods.

"Spread out! Don't let him escape!" Nakamori ordered, dashing into the shadows for a chance to nail the elusive thief.

His men did as ordered, the factory filling with silence once more except for the occasional 'splut' followed by out raged screams and curses as the thief snipered them from above with pies. It was times like these that he was very grateful for the Kid's sense of humour, otherwise it would have been all to easy to cause some actual harm to his men.

A squawk off to one side made him jump, followed by several of his men shouting about someone hitting them instead of the Kid on purpose. More voices joined in, until one very distinctive sound carried over all the rest.

:: SPLUT! ::

The Kid had taken advantage of the distraction to nail the people arguing. He supposed he should have been grateful that the thief didn't have a pie gun or something equally bizarre. It would just be the Kid's style.

This appeared to be the cue for a free for all. The pies went joyously flying, coating everyone and everything in a layer of white goo. He had the rare opportunity to see his usually serious demeanoured officers act like small children, shoving pies down each other's clothes and laughing.

"There he is!" The cry went out from the opposite side of the factory, causing the Inspector to grin wolfishly. At least some people were still taking their hunt seriously.

A white blur bounced over several crates, then dashed in his direction.

"Got you now!" He roared, stepping out of from between the crates he had been creeping along.

The Kid let out a startled eep! and attempted to stop. Unfortunately, the floor was slick with a layer of splattered whipped cream, and the thief slipped, sliding rapidly towards him, a pie waving around wildly in one hand. "Look out!" He roared, attempting to dodge.

:: CRASH! ::

He found himself looking up at the ceiling, the Kid draped over him, the pie still held safely out of harms range. It took a second for the bells to clear from his ears. When it did, he realized that he had a singularly unique opportunity to de-mask the Kid once and for all.

The Kid realized this at about the same time. There was a quick startled glance at his face, then the pie that the thief still held aloft and back at the Inspector.

:: SPLUT! ::

The Kid buried his own face in the pie he was holding, then grinned up at the Inspector from less than a foot away. "Gimme a kiss!" He cheered, his grin splitting the monstrously swirled confection in two.

"I'll give you one." He snarled back, raising a fist. "Right in the kisser!"

The thief laughed, rolling out of the way and pushing off a crate to slide back towards the shadows, leaving a clean swath across the frothy floor.

"GET HIM!" He roared, attempting to follow.

This rapidly turning to a slipping sliding free for all, as everyone attempted to either dog pile the bandit or just nail him or the general vicinity with pies.

Not that it did any good.

It became increasingly hard to tell who was who as everyone and everything was covered in an all-concealing coating of confectionary cream and crust. The only way he was able to distinguish the thief from his men was the top hat, now decorated with a pie tin hanging off of it at a crazy angle.

The thief disappeared for a moment, only to re-appear laughing up in the rafters looking much like a deranged indomitable snowman due to his entire white suit and cloak coated in the white gunk. "Thanks for the fun, boys! But now this pigeon's gotta fly!" And with that, the thief disappeared onto the rooftop, and escaping out into the night sky.

It briefly crossed his mind that if he really wanted to, they could probably follow the Kid back to his hideout by following the drips of whipped cream the wind blew off him, but he decided against it. Enough was enough for one night.

"Sir?" One of his officers held up what was once a small clear plastic bag that was now liberally smeared in whipped cream. "Doesn't this look familiar?"

Nakamori blinked, then took the bag and after wiping off some of the cream, inspected it. Inside of it was a small pair of earrings. They were familiar, part of a private collection that had been stolen some weeks back that they had been looking for with little luck.

"Here's another one!" Another cream coated officer held up a clear bag. He frowned, then turned to take a good look around their impromptu battleground. According to the reports, the factory was -supposed- to be abandoned.

Instead it was making cream pies... Good for throwing, but not the best dessert.

It took a moment for the facts to slip in, and he started to grin. The too-easy chase into the factory, the bird comments, the pie fight itself. And the fact that thieves were often times notorious about defending 'their' territory from interlopers lest their targets and reputation get stolen.

In all honestly, he could think of worse ways to play stool pigeon than to involve the cops in a large-scale pie fight. A pie fight that his men had given just as good as they got, resulting in the Kid being just a mess as they were.

"Congratulations!" He called to his men, his head tilting back as he roared with laughter. "We Creamed the Kid!"

The Kid always wins, seems only fair that Nakamori and his men get a chance to get him back. ^^;;

Largely inspired by Star Trek novel #36 called "How Much for Just the Planet?" by John M. Ford. Very funny book, holds the record for first, and I think only Star Trek novel with songs in it. (several based off of Gilbert and Sullivan)

And who doesn't love a good pie fight?