Daily Prophet

Wednesday August 15, 2018

NO BREACH OF ISS – "BEWITCHED" DECLARED MUGGLE ENTERTAINMENT

MACUSA Department of Justice Completes Investigation


Rita Skeeter

Today in Los Angeles, California, the MACUSA Department of Justice released the results of a fifteen-month investigation into the allegations raised by the respected Rita Skeeter of this paper. The result of the investigation states that in the opinion of MACUSA, there were no breaches of the International Statute of Secrecy nor any No-Maj protective laws.

After the reading of the release, the Daily Prophet was able to garner an interview with the Lead Investigator. Lieutenant William Malloy, a tall blonde-haired, blue eyed man, sat with us at a local coffee shop. He wore a well-tailored navy muggle business suit with silver cufflinks. His white shirt was heavily starched and closed with silver buttons embossed with the figure of a Thunderbird. His black Italian leather shoes were shined to the point that images reflected from them. Reflecting his magical heritage, he wore a floor length coat which flowed like the capes Wizards in Britain wear. It was more practical though as it had sleeves, pockets, and a belt.

The transcript of the interview follows.

"Thank you for meeting with me, Detective Malloy." Rita Skeeter gushed. "I understand that you have already been assigned your next case."

"It's Lieutenant, actually," He gently corrected as he took a sip of his coffee.

"I hope you don't mind. I typically use a Quick-Quotes quill during my interviews," Rita leaned forwards slightly. "It makes the interview ever so much more relaxed." She finished with a smile.

With a slight upturn of his lips, "As long as what is printed is accurate, I have no issues with the use of your quill."

"Again, thank you." Rita paused, "Can you explain how the Muggles, excuse me, No-Maj's were able to perform magic on the supposed entertainment show?'

Sitting back in his chair, the DoJ representative sighed as he looked furtively to the side, "Miss Skeeter, we interviewed everyone who is still alive that worked on that show. There was no magic performed. There were non-magical illusions set up. When objects were Accioed, for instance, they were connected to wires which lifted and carried the objects. When people apparated or conjured items, the filiming was stopped while the additions or subtractions to the scene were made."

To this writer, his answer seemed to be rehearsed. "The powers used do not use the same phrasing as we are normally taught and were cast wandlessly. How can that be explained by wires? Also, why couldn't the wires be seen?"

Still not looking the reporter in the eyes, Lt. Malloy seemingly recited, "Miss Skeeter, the phrases were nonsense phrases to make the illusions seem more believable. The wires were very fine, thin enough that they were lost against the background of the scenes. It is perfectly explainable by mundane means."

"I have discussed the manner wizards and witches were apparated in with the British Department of Mysteries. You know where an incantation was performed to allow the target to soundlessly apparate to them." The reporter smiled at the DoJ representative, "I was told that it is possible that such a method could work. In fact, they were rather excited about the possibility as I left."

"While it would be more convenient to have others call us and allow us to apparate anywhere in the world, you need to remember that this occurred on a fantasy show. Everything was being performed for comedic effects." Lt. Malloy sat forward to emphasize his point, but curiously refused to look the reporter in the eyes.

"Am I to assume that you will have the same answer regarding the ability to apparate while maintaining invisibility towards Muggles, sorry No-Majics?" Rita calmly responded while taking a sip of her tea.

"Yes, that is correct, Miss Skeeter." The Lt. relaxed back into his seat. His body language asking for a change in topic.

"Very well. I have one last question to ask. Before I ask it, I want you to know that I spent quite some time at the DoM reviewing the Bewitched", she paused with a small smile gracing her lips, "entertainment show. Needless to say, they were quite taken with the magical possibilities shown. In particular, I asked them to comment on the potions used to give magic and remove magic from families. If you remember, the potion only began working seven generations after it was ingested. Conversely, the potion to reverse the gift took the same number of generations to become effective." Looking across the table at the Lt. she paused before continuing, "Would you like to know what their thoughts were?"

"Not really, no." He stated, with a shrug. "You're going to tell me anyway."

"At first, the thought of a potion that worked on families and would only be effective after seven generations was laughed at. Unspeakables, being who they are, began tossing ideas to each other. It was soon apparent that if a potion could be bound to a family line, that effects could be delayed or made more effective on future generations. With the use of the magical number seven, the effect would be very strong." Rita smiled at the Lt., "Did your investigation look at any of the potions and their effects?"

Looking very uncomfortable, Lt. Malloy countered, "Miss Skeeter, my team did a very thorough investigation and found no evidence that any of the spells, potions or other so-called magical effects occurred through any means other than mundane ones."

"The reason I am asking is that a potion that gives magical abilities to a family seven generations past ingestion could explain how Muggles are gaining magic." Rita forced on, "Can you see any other way? Could Samantha and her family not be part of the Primordials? Those first blessed with magic?"

"…", the Lt. stood up, "Miss Skeeter this interview is over. I do not have the time nor the inclination to discuss conspiracy theories with anyone." He then left.

MACUSA COVERUP OR INCOMPETENCE


Rita Skeeter

The MACUSA Department of Justice brushed the entire "Bewitched" series away as being Muggle created. Anyone who has gone to Hogwarts and taken Muggle Studies knows that they do not have the ability to create memories which can be played in pensieves. Ridiculous.

The most alarming point in their "investigation" was the willful ignoring of the abilities shown by the Witches and Wizards in the program. The inquiry did not take note that a moving picture called, "Bewitched", was available in 2005. Samantha and her family were in it. There looks were mildly altered, but it was easily seen that they were the same. It is as if they are flaunting their abilities.

Why would they do this? The only logical explanation is that they do not want the truth known.

What is this truth? That there are magicals, witches and warlocks, that have powers similar to ours, but not the same. In addition, they have the ability to give the gift of magic to entire family lines and to take it away. They can travel through time through spells and incantations, no time-turner needed. These people are also extremely long-lived. Endora may be 5,500 years old. She also is able to change her age. She has been a "child-bride" at least twice, once in the 1600's and the other in the 1800's. They are functionally immortal.

In discussions with the Unspeakables, we have asked about the magic giving and removal potions. We were told that, "A seven generational potion is not possible with our current knowledge. However, the existence of one is very possible. With magic, most things are possible after all. The concerning factor would be what happens to the following generations, the potions build potency to the seventh generation. What happens then? In most potions, after their point of peak potency, their effects weaken to the point of uselessness. Theoretically, by the fourteenth generation, the family could be squibbed out. This would be counteracted by the influx of newer blood, such as Muggle-borns. If the potion exists, Muggle-born wizards and witches would have the strongest connections to their magics. It would explain why Half-bloods, such as Headmaster Dumbledore, Severus Snape, and Harry Potter show such strength. The combination of the newer potion with the older must regenerate the potions. This would explain the rise in the number of squibs in our Pure-Blood peers."

Therefore, we believe that if these people exist. Primordials, some have suggested they be called, have been seeding magic. Could it be that the stories of Hecate giving magic to people are misunderstood family stories? Could it be that the Primordials are testing muggles and when they find a worthy family, they are gifted with magic?

We at the Prophet do not know. We want to find the answers. The Department of Mysteries has begun researching the skills and abilities shown by Samantha Stevens and her family. We hope that their efforts will bear quick fruit.

Why would Samantha and her family engage in what we call Muggle-baiting? What else can you call marrying a muggle, promising not to use magic, and use it anyway? They can stop time, Obliviate, and restart mid-conversations!

Our theory is that they truly are seeking others to be raised.

On a second note, the Prophet believes that these witches and warlocks exist. We are very proud that Samantha and her family have roots in the British Isles. The evidence suggests that they migrated to Americas sometime between 1700 and 1900.

We want everyone to know that we offer the hand of friendship to them and ask them to come forward so that we can celebrate them and their accomplishments. To hasten this great day, the Prophet, along with the Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Nott families, are funding a 10,000 galleon reward to anyone who finds and convinces them to come forward. We will not pay if they were coerced or harmed in any way.

Lastly, this writer, has been given the assignment to find them. I will be working from MACUSA with my photographer for the foreseeable future. I will miss my home, but I will be writing of my investigation and journey as it progresses.