Sirius Black is certainly dead. He couldn't be alive in Amsterdam. He wrote the letter before his death as he was certainly in the Underworld and not Holland. The letter told Harry to do what he wanted, to get laid and have fun with his life and to stop listening to the silly old man. So Harry chooses to finally play the game, win, and cheat as the Marauders Ghost!

Crossover - DC Superheroes & Harry Potter- Rated: M - English - Humour/Fantasy - Chapters: 4- Words: 15,170- Reviews: 54- Updated: 6/29/2015- Published: 6/27/2015- [Harry P., Daphne G., Ginny W., N. Tonks]

0oo00oo0

Harry James Potter,

Hi Harry mate, it's me, your godfather, Sirius. Well you know me I'm not really Serious but I am Sirius, but that joke was probably getting old when I was at school. If you're reading this letter… oops, my bad I've kicked the bucket, or it landed on my head full of cement. I've died. I'm dead. No more handsome me, so please comfort the honey's in my stead and treat them to some loving, or something like that.

It was likely my fault! You know me…? I was probably killed doing something stupid and wasn't paying attention. It was probably that loon cousin of mine. (I wonder why she never used a more dangerous curse). Well never mind, as I was saying, she probably killed me while I was gloating and teasing the bitch. I was probably hit by a crappy spell a knocked through some sort arch of death where no one could possibly save me, and now I am no longer alive as you know.

I'm not hiding out in Amsterdam after faking my own death or anything. I assure you I am quite dead, and nowhere near Holland at all. If you were going to look for me there, you would never find me because dead people do not live on in Holland. This is not in any way some very un-subtle way of telling you I'm really alive living the good life in Amsterdam smoking weed, drinking beer, and getting laid by hot babes on holiday.

I will assure you buddy that no one should even attempt to double check whether I'm actually alive living it up anywhere, especially in Holland. And if they even think about it for a moment I would really appreciate it if you would do me a solid and interfere in their investigating by flashing around a ton of cash in their greedy faces.

Well that isn't what this letter is supposed to be about because I know for a fact that you know I'm dead. I'll tell you how I didn't fake my death when I see you. Christmas is a good time to visit the underworld if you so happened to die anytime soon.

Anyway, this letter is to give you some advice. First piece of advice. Dumbledore's a moron, and he's probably told you about that stupid prophesy by now? I told him to tell you about it ages ago, but he kept saying things like. "Harry's just a boy," and. "He's just a child that needs to be protected," or. "He needs a childhood." Well, as I said before Dumbledore's a moron because really-'really' … enough said.

What does he know; he's just a silly old man with a small knob. I should know I saw it once, biggest mistake of my life. Though I learnt a valuable lesson. Always knock before entering someone's bathroom. Harry-it is probably my worst memory-the horror-and then the dementors-I shiver just thinking about that. But I won't go into detail because I love you and don't want to scar you, plus your mother would kill me.

However, on a completely unrelated topic, included with this letter is a small vial holding a very lovely memory I would like you to give to Severus as a small token from me as an apology for being a complete dick over the years. And… umm… mate you SERIOUSLY DO NOT want to see what's in it!

Anyway, back to the prophecy. I say it is a load of crap. Who can take a prophecy seriously when it is made by that old fraud Trelawney? Anyway, who gives a crap about some stupid fortune telling? Prophesies only come true when you make them come true. You saw how many prophesies there are in the department of mysteries. How many of them do you think came true? I would say none, because they were never heard by the right people.

Don't let that stupid old man ruin your life. You don't have to make that stupid prophecy come true, build some trusted allies and friends, get stronger, and then kick the crap out of all the enemies you could make, and make some more just because.

But anyway, there are lots of cool stuff you should be doing. You're young so instead of following the old bastard around like all the other sheep in the Order. I say you go out, have fun, learn some new interesting things. Prank some Slytherins, and make Snape's life at Hogwarts hell. Go out and meet some girls, get laid, see how many Hogwarts girls you can get into bed. You're famous Harry. Use that to your advantage!

Use your fame to get in the sack with the good-looking girls at school. Only the good-looking ones though. I don't want to find out you've been with any minggers in the land of the dead that's not Amsterdam. It'll gross me out, and I still have the blasted memory of Dumbledore for that (I wonder whether the dead can have things like that wiped from their memory-look into it for me would you?) Do that and you will make me the proudest godfather in history? And you'll be the first student in history to sleep with most of the female population of Hogwarts?

Good thoughts-happy thoughts!

And maybe sometime soon you could grab a portkey to Amsterdam where I am not alive and I can prove to you that I really am dead, and you can tell my spirit of all the mayhem and mischief you've caused while at school. But then, why start at school, you can screw over the old man during the holidays too, maybe get some practice in on some muggle girls, believe it or not, according to my snooping you're apparently hot.

I'm sure you'll do me and your father proud.

Until we meet again, in the afterlife and not in Holland!

Yours truly,

-Sirius, (Padfoot) Black.

P.S almost forgot you'll also find enclosed with this letter your new passport (it's not a fake?) Your new name is Harry Black; no one will suspect a thing when you decide to take a vacation.

Oh, by the way, read the back of this letter, where there aren't any spells and wand movements to remove tracing spells and too allow you to perform magic outside of school illegally without getting expelled. That always made me wonder how they could pick up this trace thing…? Wouldn't leaving it on be ideal for capturing criminals, but then I suppose that would be too much to ask and somewhere along the way people would use that to set up their enemies.

Bye-bye pup, until the Spirit World (that isn't in Amsterdam, Holland),

-Sirius.

P.P.S - forgot to say, do whatever you want at school like becoming an illegal animagus. While Dumbles believes in the prophecy (Idiot), you have free reign at Hogwarts. When you get detention, don't show up unless it's to bug Snivilus. Dumbles won't ever expel you or even suspend you. So begin your reign of terror. Nearly all of the Marauders are dead now, so you have a legacy to live up to as the Marauders Ghost! Cool name huh? Thought of it myself, so give them hell from me and your dearly departed dad, and try to off the rat at some point to bring back the Marauders honour as pranksters' and not squishy turd sandwiches.

I just had another thought –'caution grinning with evil intent'-. 'Difficult' for me, I know, but maybe you should pop down to Diagon Alley and get a few advanced, powerful and interesting spell books. (I know books, you're wondering who really wrote this letter? Well I'm quite sure I'm me. Books can be useful and have great spells for pranking). Anyway see if you can find a book on Occlumency too. I'm sure you could learn it better from a book than you ever could from that greasy useless tosser, Snape, even sneak down Knockturn if you have too.

Remember Knockturn Alley is odd. They expect you to act creepy and buy creepy things while dressed like you're up to no good with huge hood, dark robes and be rude to every loser that stalks that creepy cesspool. It's like they try to advertise their evil ways. Wouldn't it be less suspect to have a place in Diagon that is legitimate with a secret creepy-shit back room full of black-market shit?

Also, try to get rid of Snape if you can as he ruins futures from what I heard McGonagall say. She said he's an incompetent pillock who can't even teach the smarter kids because he intimidates and threatens them, and Dumbledore doesn't give a shit; he has had his education. Well, when McGonagall cusses about someone's 'usefulness' the school should be worried.

Well player this is bye for real this time. Maybe I'll get lucky and the 'Underworld' hotel will have my dear friend Harry Black checking in around Christmas time. That by the way is not located in Holland and has nothing to do with being near some pretty neat nightclubs in Amsterdam.

Yours truly,

Your godfather,

-Sirius Black.

P.P.P.S- one last food for thought. Stop with the brooding and enjoy yourself. Fuck what Dumbledore wants and get out of the house for a while during this summer while messing with the old fart. You know a few hot girls already, go and see if they'll have some fun with you. Though I doubt Hermione would. Ginny most likely would since she is madly in love with you. But try not to break her heart or anything. She does have six older brother that would try to destroy you, though I suppose you wouldn't have to worry about Ron as he wouldn't have noticed.

'Emotional range of a teaspoon, that one'.

Love,

-Sirius.

0oo00oo0

Harry was sitting on his bed within number four Privet Drive in his room, for obvious reasons-where else could he read his letter from the not alive? It was the summer holidays so he had to put up with his jerk relatives as it was without spending more time with them in the family room as if they were family.

He was reading and re-reading the weirdest letter he had ever received, and that included the letter telling him he had magical powers. He remembered back them being so happy, but that turned out to be a flop in too many murderous regards.

However, this letter had the same effect of making him feel happy. It made him smile from ear to ear, as he made a silent promise to himself to do all that the not alive and certainly not living in Holland Sirius had suggested. Yes, Sirius was certainly not alive in Amsterdam, and if he was, it looked like Harry was off to gets some books on occlumency so nobody would ever think for a moment that he knew anything of any sneaky little bastard Gryffindor if they discounted the Weasley twins and himself.

He smiled a little more. Trust that turd sandwich eater to choose a place like that of everywhere he could not be dead! He chuckled at his own insane thoughts wondering whether madness could rub off from the dead to the living. But then he remembered it might be able to rub off from the other living people and he was around Dumbledore and Mad Eye Moody much too much for his likings.

It only makes sense to make Snape's life hell at school. And while I am at it. I think I will make life as difficult as I can for Dumbles too. Then his stupid Order of the Puddin' Cups has to go down with some sprinkles. He laughed aloud at the thought of making them all suffer at the hands of his pranks. The Marauders Ghost, I like it, he smirked smugly as he had always secretly thought the Marauders names were stupid.

He was not so sure about the whole sleeping around thing though. I'm not so sure about the whole sleeping around thing though. Well I am the boy-who-lived. Maybe I can use that to become the guy-who-screwed-most-of-the-hot-witches-on-Earth. Well the name needs work, maybe I can abbreviate it? T-G-W-S-M-O-T-W-O-E, TGWSMOTWOE. Yeah, still needs some fine-tuning though as a fringe benefit to all the shit I have to put up with, getting my dick in cute girl pussy sounds fair enough to me.

"Hmmmmm" he hmmmmm'd to himself "ah" he ah'd before continuing to talk to himself. "I should catch the Knight Bus to Diagon Ally?" he sighed. Boy am I lonely. I have only been back two days and I am already talking to myself? Damn that's pitiful. If my fans could see me now. Maybe I would get a hug, or a blowjob?He smiled a little at that thought.

He turned his letter from his dead godfather (who is not alive in Amsterdam) around and read the instructions, and then he did not pull out his wand-wand not-not his 'magical-wand. He then didn't mutter the spell to remove the tracking charms from his person, or wand, or area, he was just as confused about that as his dead godfather was while not making the wand movements. Then he did not check himself for tracking charms to find three, and did not remove them with the simple spells Sirius had also jotted down.

Wow, they must really hate not knowing where I am. He smirked slightly to himself. I hope they do not find me for a while. It will teach them a lesson. Gits.

He got up from his bed with a big grin on his face and placed his letter from the not alive and not hiding out in Amsterdam Sirius Black into his school trunk, and hid it under all of his junk. I think I'll get some muggle money from my Gringotts account first, and buy some nice new muggle clothes. If I'm going to be a player then I need to look the part, and maybe get something done to my hair.

Harry shrunk his trunk after removing his invisibility cloak, while whistling the - I can use magic while at home tune and the ministry are too dumb to find out melody. He put his trunk in his pocket and threw on his cloaking cloak (he smiled as he called it that in his mind, it was more amusing that way), and disappearing (no he did not disparate, he just became invisible-hence it was his cloaking cloak,) and then opened the bedroom door, stepping through and closing it behind him.

"Mum… Mum!" the fat blonde prick Dudley Dursley was yelling from the top of the stairs a little way in front of his cool, smart and brilliant, perfect, handsome can't do anything wrong cousin, Harry Potter. Said awesome cousin who just so happens to be cloaked like an enemy spaceship from TV, and smirking evilly. And an evilly smirking invisible relative who hates you and imagined himself as an enemy spaceship was something you should fear when you were standing at the top of a flight of stairs. Heck, you should just fear them plan and simple. Yes, fear me plebbo! Whaahahahahaha! Hmm, is plebbo even a word? If not then it is now.

Hmm… thinking about invisibility, why haven't I used this bloody cloak to spy on girls in the bathrooms at school? I am a teenage boy after all. And I figure that's the sort of awesome thing a teenage boy with Cloak of Invisibility should do, right? Yep, most certainly. I'll just have to remember that for the new term. But there are muggle bathrooms too; maybe I'll try it out sometime. Whaahahahahaha! And maybe stop the evil laughing inside my head; I'm not the insane bad guy here, am I?

"What is it Duddiekins?" Aunt Petunia called from the kitchen. How I hate that screechy voiced wench. I wish she were up here too. I wonder whether my mum would have approved of this. Probably not. But hey, she's not here so who cares. I'll never know for sure. And what a stupid and babyish nickname, if only his friends could see him now.

"When's dinn... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Dudley screamed as he 'tripped' down the stairs, bouncing off every step as he went, with the happily smiling Harry walking down after him, unseen within his cloaking cloak. I wonder how that happened. Because I certainly had nothing to do with it.

It appeared Dudley was out cold. Harry got a good look and smiled a little. Dudley's face was bloodied and one of his legs is bent in a weird, not normal way. Harry not wanting to stick around shrugged and hopped over him and headed to the front door. Ah well, accidents happen.

Harry looked around to see his Aunt in a frantic state of panic hovering over Dudley's unconscious form. He should be more careful while on the stairs. He opened the front door unnoticed by his crying Aunt who was fumbling with the phone. Guess she is calling the paramedics. I would not have wanted to bother them. They have more important things to deal with rather than wasters of carbon and resources like him. But I guess they'll discover that for themselves when Dudley wakes up.

He silently snickered as he slipped through the door, and walked quietly away from Privet Drive, and entered Magnolia Crescent, silently humming the. Dumbledore's a moron tune that for some reason was now stuck in his head. It went something like this. Dumbledore's a moron tralalalala… he plays with his bogies tralalalala… he fiddles with Snape's wily tralalalala. Harry shuddered here as that was the worst verse, but continued his tune anyway. His sheep follow him blindly without a clue tralalalala… and he'll get them all killed tralalalala… but I'm passed caring tralalalala… Dumbledore's a moron tralalalala.

Harry quickly removed his invisibility cloak, and stuffed it in the pocket of his baggy trousers after a quick look around to see if the cost was clear. He pulled out his wand and gave it a flick up.

'BANG!'

The Knight Bus came screeching to a halt in front of him. Why they couldn't hire a qualified driver escaped his mind, not that he cared, as it shall serve his purpose just fine and didn't get him and all of the innocent passengers killed. He smiled at the sight of the big purple triple Decker bus. The door 'phsssed' open and there stood the happy form of Stan Shunpike the stupid bus conductor. Why they needed a conductor, no one knew.

Muggles didn't need them any more But he wondered more about why Stan in a world of magic couldn't afford two sickles for a bottle of achene remover, which actually worked.

Why can't they just get a more advanced bus? Can't they afford one? Or maybe they're too tight? Or it could be the ministry not wanting anything modern and with the times? In fact, wouldn't it be cool to buy a new train to go to Hogwarts? Wizards. They think they're so awesome but they're just backwards. It would be so cool to get to Hogwarts in just a few hours by magnarail or bullet train.

"'Ello there. Why if it ain't 'Arry Potter" Stan greeted him eagerly, Harry resisted correcting him sarcastically by saying 'it was Harry Potter', accentuating the H. People like him should be locked away, the pimple faced idiot. There are probably a thousand potions to clear that pizza face of his up, what a pleb "Look Earn," Stan turned to the driver. "It's 'Arry Potter." The bus driver just grunted in response and said nothing. At least he is not stupid. But really should take his bus drivers test someday, but then with glasses that thick, I doubt he would pass the eye test. "Where are you off to then 'Arry?" Stan asked excitedly.

"Diagon Alley," he replied amusedly stepping onto the bus.

"Well it will be quite a long trip; bus is nearly full, you see?" Stan said happily with a big stupid grin on his face, gesturing for Harry to look around, which he did to find only one seat available for him. Next to some hot blonde girl, he remembered seeing at Hogwarts a few times. I think she is in my year, in my classes, strange how I overlooked that beauty. Maybe she can be my first conquest. He chuckled evilly to himself, and receiving some odd looks from fellow passengers.

"Okay, I'll pay you triple to make Diagon Alley your next stop?" Harry asked hopefully.

"You got ya self a deal," Stan said happily. What a moron I would have gone higher, not much though, I haven't got much cash on me. He paid the stupid bus conductor his money then retreated into the bus and casually sat next to the hot blonde piece of eye candy while she eyed him with her beautiful blue eyes suspiciously and annoyed.

"Hello," he greeted her cheerfully as the bus exploded forwards with a huge bang almost knocking everybody out of their seats. Why can't they put in seatbelts? Don't they believe in passenger safety? Or maybe they're too cheap? In fact, they should fasten the benches to the floor too. Who wants to slide around all over the place? "I'm Harry."

"I know," she replied. "I'm Daphne. I am in your year!" she replied coldly, likely because he didn't remember her name, and he was sure girls wanted to be remembered. However, they still shook hands and he gently caressed (or stroked) the back of her smooth dainty hand with his thumb before releasing her; noting her smooth skin, and smiling brightly at her.

"So where are you off to?" he asked her with the most affectionate grin he could muster while point blank trying to make sure she didn't mention his slip of forgetting her. Greengrass I think. Flirting is hard work; he internally sighed but kept his grin in place.

"If you must know Potter, I'm going to Diagon Alley," she said with a blush to her pale cheeks as she almost got lost in his emerald eyes and he had that ruffled black hair that looked so-so. Wow, this is easier than I thought; maybe it is because of Voldies return or something. Maybe she wants herself a brave Gryffindor Knight. So now she is trying to make friends. I would have thought it would be harder, like I thought on the paragraph above this one.

"Really? Me too. That's the next stop," he smiled cheekily while she frowned.

"What? That moron conductor said we won't be there for at least an hour, and I got on just before you," she said crossly reminding Harry briefly of that stupid Horntail Dragon; at that crappy tournament, he could not remember the name. The Deadly Magician Tournament? No, that's not right. The Dark Lord Resurrection Tournament? Hmm, close but that still isn't right. Ah well, whatever.

"Well, I kind of paid him extra so I could get there faster." It isn't like I want to ride this hunk of junk all day.

"Oh. I didn't think of that. I just thought they did it because of who you are," she said coolly but she blushed in embarrassment anyway. This girl might be fun. He snickered to himself. Fun in the sack. He snickered some more.

"What was that?" she asked him through narrowed eyes. Hope she cannot read minds; that would suck. I hope she sucks. He giggled nervously at his suggestive thoughts.

"Err… Nothing," he put on his best innocent expression, which probably wasn't very good as the bus exploded to a stop outside the Leaky Cauldron, and on reflexes he put his arms out to stop the girl from shooting out of her seat to the floor. He grabbed her 'Accidentally' (and not on purpose) by the chest and got a good feel through her thin summer robes of her nicely sized bust as she was nicely endowed by the goddess of titties.

Nice; I'll have to try that again sometime. He thought too soon as Daphne's hand smacked him across the face. Ouch, that hurt; maybe I won't try that again?

"Ouch," Harry Ouch'd aloud rubbing his cheek where she hit him with his free hand. "What you do that for?" Then he realised his hand was still on her and quickly removed it. "Err… sorry, Quidditch reflexes?" he gave her a feeble smile while praying. Please be stupid, please believe; believe. He was willing her too believe his lame excuse; he did not want another slap. I really, really do not want another slap; it hurt. He crossed his fingers in hope that it would help.

"Okay. I'll let you off this once Potter, but try that again and I'll give you another slap, got it?" she asked him with her eyebrows raised but she didn't look mad any more Cool I'll have to remember that. If I don't want a slap, cross my fingers and pray. I should write a book.

"Okay, next time the hottest and most beautiful girl on the bus is about to fall I'll let her," he agreed cheekily as he stood up and offered his hand, which she reluctantly took, blushing brightly at his admiration of her looks. He helped her up from her seat and the two still holding hands and ignoring the staring morons that were the other passengers left the bus; the door 'phsssed' open to let them out.

Harry and Daphne entered the Leaky Cauldron pub, which was crowded with weirdos as usual. They were wearing outdated robes and whatnot… whatnot to wear in the real world. He silently snickered. So not wanting to be near those weirdo's for too long they quickly left through the back door into Diagon Alley. They found that some fool had left the archway into the Alley open so they just walked through, also not closing it. Plus who really cared?

"So where do you need to go?" Daphne asked as they made their way down the outdated street towards Gringotts, still holding hands. It seemed she intended to accompany him without really needing to be asked which boded well for him at the moment. He would have to wonder about that for now and find out what she was plotting later, or never, he didn't much care as he liked holding her hand with their fingers interlinked like lovers.

Someone really needs to upgrade this place; it looks like something from the sixteen hundreds. Hmm, it seems like Miss. Hot Thing has decided to tag along. Cool, this way I won't have to use much persuasion to get her to come into the Mug… umm… Scientific-World and help me pick out some new clothes, girls are good at that sort of thing I hear. Hmm, Scientific-World. It has a better ring to it than Muggle World. Muggles aren't the 'MUGS' on this planet.

"Just got to draw out some cash," Harry finally answered. How much are you? He looked at her with perverted eyes that she did not seem to mind any more, or didn't realise what they meant, or he could have been doing it all wrong, likely the latter.

Not caring about that stupid prophecy or Mouldy-butt is easier than I thought. Maybe thinking about girls is what I should be doing anyway. Normal boys my age do, right? I think it's all they do. Oh damn, I best stop thinking dirty thoughts. I'm going to get a boner if I continue. Hopefully the ugly things at the bank will keep that at bay. Just having to look at them is enough to put anyone except the dirtiest of perverts off. Hmm, I wonder whether there are people with a goblin human fetish. I'm sure there is with vampires. I've heard girls like vampire-human romance novels like that weird sparkly butted one some muggle woman who wanted to put women's rights back a decade wrote about falling in love with a Victorian stalking virgin vampire ten times the human girls age or something; they even made it into a movie; weird.

"So what do you plan on doing today?" she asked while holding his hand tighter as her lips twitched into a cutely-evil smirk and her eyes looked him up and down as if to suggest clothe shopping.

You for a start."I'm going into the muggle world to buy some new clothes," he told her with what he hoped was a flirty smile and not a dirty one again? "Would you like to come along? I'm sure I could use a smart girl's opinion," he asked her hopefully.

"O-okay I guess I can, Potter, but you are buying lunch!" she agreed after a moment's thought and hesitation. Great, maybe I should get one of those little black books that I've heard about and put her name at the top of what will hopefully be a very long list. He left her by the banks entrance as she didn't need anything where she let go of his hand and waited.

He walked into the bank fully and up to the nearest goblin teller. Why do they call them tellers anyway? They don't tell me much. He wondered. Well I'll try to remember to ask someone someday.

"Can I help you?" the ugly, freaky looking goblin asked in a bored voice. It's lucky not all goblins are this freaky looking. People would be too scared to come here. He gave a small chuckle. It's no wonder there ain't any small kids in here; with all of these freaky little midgets running amok I'm surprised I have the guts to come in. But I am the hero so I can't let them scare me away from my loot. 'Argh, no wrinkly midget land lovers gonna keep me bootie'.He chuckled and ignored the goblins crept out look as it never crossed his mind that to goblins a crazy wizard giggling to his own inner thoughts was creepy.

"Yeah mate?" Harry said ignoring the goblins rude attitude by adding his own. "I would like five grand in Muggle currency and a bag full of Galleons."

"Yes Mr. Potter," the goblin replied as Harry handed him his key, smarmy git. I wonder how he knows my name by just looking at my key. Ah, who cares? But he did note the weird writing, so maybe that was how goblins spelt his name.

"Also I want it made perfectly clear that I don't want anyone other than myself to know I drew money out ever unless I say otherwise, got that?"

The goblin drew himself up straight in what he probably thought was a dignified manner, that wasn't. "I assure you Mr. Potter we have the strictest confidentiality…"

"Good," Harry interrupted the freaky little monster. "Because if I find out otherwise I will be taking my fortunes to a muggle bank."

"Of course Mr. Potter. No human shall know of your transactions." The goblin handed Harry a wallet full of muggle money and a moneybag full of Galleons. Harry put his money away in his pocket and found Daphne waiting for him by the entrance and she took his right hand in her left and twined their fingers smirking as if she knew he purposely pissed off a goblin for fun and liked that about a potential love interest.

Shesh, pissing off that goblin was fun though! I should have done that years ago. I bet that arse Dumbles has been eyeing my account. Probably hoping to get my loot if I died. I'll have to do something about that soon. I'll leave it all to muggle charities… scientific charities (medical research and the likes), and make sure the wizarding world knows just to rub it in their faces. That will sure rub them the wrong way. Serves them right. Well that makes sense, sounds like a Super-Awesome-Mega-Cool-Sexy plan if I ever did hear one.

Whaahahahahaha!

Damn, gotta stop doing that.

0oo00oo0

Harry and Daphne headed out of the bank and back down the outdated street of Diagon Alley towards the entrance, back to the Leaky Cauldron. Harry saw the pompous git traitor Percy Weasley twiddling his wand like a pillock as they went but ignored him, as Harry and Daphne were walking together hand in hand. They walked through the still open arch into the pub, still a load of weirdos here. I wonder if there is some kind of weirdos' convention, which occurs every day? I bet Percy's a member. Maybe I should tell Dobby about it, he'd want to join up.

"So where too first?" Daphne asked curiously as she moved closer, holding his arm as she looked all over at all of the muggles packing the street. "I've never really been to the muggle world before, except the occasional bits with the bus, and I've never seen this many people in one place before except the Quidditch World Cup."

"Oh? And why not?" Harry asked. I bet she's been living in the Stone Age like the other wizarding families, most likely pure-blooded. I wonder what house she's in. They're so naive. He chuckled to himself;I've really got to stop doing that or I'll end up in the nut house.

"It's, well," she stuttered nervously as they walked down the crowded muggle street, fidgeting with his fingers between hers. "My parents… they kind of don't like muggles-well, mainly my dad, mum doesn't seem to care one way or the other!" she finished quickly. Definitely an adorably simple pureblood then.

"Why don't they like muggles?" he asked. I think she's in Slytherin. That would explain a lot. I'll just ask her. It will make the authors life simpler if I do, and we all know the truth anyway."Are you in Slytherin or something?" he asked, making her go bright red in the cheeks. She nodded while glaring as he should have known that, and he just smirked at her. This should be fun. She's probably one of the hottest Slytherin in school.

"The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin," he informed her absent-mindedly with a cheeky grin. She looked at him startled as she had never spoken with him before she always assumed he was the pinnacle of Gryffindor, but it seemed she was wrong. "Being a Slytherin doesn't make you a bad person or anything, just like being a Gryffindor doesn't make anyone good. Take Malfoy for example. He would be a spaz-head know matter what house he was in."

She snorted and giggled for a second as he just smiled at her before she gained a hold of her 'coldness' but kept a small smirk on her lips as she was enjoying his company and completely forgot what she had gone to Diagon Alley for. It was something about the flu and medicine or something, well she figured it would come to her eventually and she would get it later before she went home.

"So, you don't, not like me, because I'm in Slytherin?" she asked with a cool look in her deep blue eyes.

"Of course I like you," he informed her with a kind smile. I would like you a lot better if we were in a hotel room naked together. "Especially now I've properly met you. I feel stupid never having talked with you before."

She smiled a little more. "Yeah, well that would have been a problem with titchy, Parkinson in the way being all evil in kind of amusingly non-evil ways. Anyway, I bet your friend Weasley wouldn't like to hear that either?" she said as they stopped at the traffic lights on a busy junction road. Yeah he would probably flip out, stupid pillock he is, but I'll have to store that about Parkinson away for later investigation. I wonder what Ron's doing right now? Probably wanking with his thoughts on Hermione?He quivered at the mere thought. Poor Hermione should run-run-run far-far-away.

"Probably not," Harry finally agreed while pressing the button to the lights repeatedly in the hope that they would change quicker for them to cross. Though knowing they most likely wouldn't. "I doubt that your house mates or your parents would be too pleased with you hanging out with me either?" he added with a quirky smile.

"Most of the other Slytherins wouldn't!" she agreed. "But I don't think my parents would mind that much as you're an old powerful bloodline and they're-well they don't care about whether we like each other, if that makes sense. It's all about traditions in magical lore and quite honestly I don't care about it any more, it's so tedious, but don't say anything!" she ordered the last while giving him a frosty look that he honestly found endearing in that kind of bad-girl but not quite way.

He smiled at her and paused as he was going to reply when they heard the unmistakeable sound of apparation.

POP

POP

POP

POP

POP

Pop – because he was too weak to make a proper POP.

CRACK – because someone just had to be different and received six glares.

Harry and Daphne looked out into the busy road to see seven Death Eaters standing on the centre divider of the road, all with their wands out and skeletal masks hiding their faces, and black cloaks with hoods up, blowing in the wind. Harry mildly wondered whether they used a spell to make their robes do that to look cool or something; he wouldn't be surprised. Maybe he should beat one up someday and ask because he would love to wear a long Matrix style coat and have it blowing back behind him all heroically.

"We all agreed on a pop! Not a stupid crack!" the lead Death Eater could be heard complaining to the crack-Eater (yes I see it).

"Never mind that dude!" another Death Eater squeaked out giggling and waving at the hero of the fic. "There's Potter!" he cried out in glee frantically waving at Harry and Daphne in exhilaration, pointing at Harry with his wand. "He's with that blonde girl over there, look see, its Harry Potter!" he squeaked out like he had swallowed the squeak from a dogs chew toy.

"We can see that!" the leader cried out triumphantly. "You won't escape us this time Potter!" he roared out in glee. "The Dark Lord will praise us with his favour after we capture you! And maybe we'll bring your whore along to make sure you suffer!" he laughed as he made a gesture for his men to follow.

They never even waited for the lights as they all charged out into the road. Idiots, they're going to get … Then they heard a loud horn 'BEEEEEEEEEEBBEEEEEEEEB' the horn yelled with the screeching of breaks as a big red double Decker bus ploughed into all seven Death Eaters, splattering blood, guts, and flesh all over the bus, road and path, before it managed to stop. Never mind, I wonder who will front the therapy bills for this?

Harry grimaced a little looking around at the horror on children's and adults faces as all of the traffic came to a standstill because Death Eaters were inconsiderate enough to commit suicide on a main road, the poor bus driver may never want to drive again. But that wasn't Harry's problem, and that was seven Death Eaters less for anyone to worry about.

However, Harry and Daphne just stared in shock at the scene of mayhem in front of them. Harry couldn't believe his good fortune. I can't believe my good fortune. Where does Tom find these morons? Well if he keeps using incompetent, suicidal fools, the war will be over in a week, they would have all killed themselves. He giggled silently.

"Well," Harry said slowly looking away from the puddle of Dead Munchers and back to Daphne. "That's not something you see every day." I wish it was though. It would make my life easier. Maybe they should start a road safety course at Hogwarts?He snickered silently to himself. Morons didn't have a chance... they just ignored the road like it wasn't blazing with speeding motorists! Maybe that's the power the Dark Lord knows not? A big red bus!

Harry gave Daphne a smirk while she squeezed his hand in hers, holding his arm to her chest as he quickly lead her away from the scene of the accident as she likely hadn't seen anything so mind boggling before. But then, neither had Harry and he had seen a lot of weird crap with most of his forced heroics, or like he called it, fighting to survive douche-bags being turd sandwiches.

They walked silently down the street and Harry had a huge smirk firmly plastered on his lips, and his eyes were sparkling with merriment. Daphne kept taking startled, shy glances at him, her eyes full of fear and confusion. He was quite surprised that he wasn't that bothered by the attempt on his life. I should be more bothered by this? Shouldn't I?

"Why aren't you more concerned by them? I am?" Daphne finally spoke her mind as they approached a fine clothes retail store for men and women. I'm not really bothered what the shops called. It will have everything I need anyway. "You look as though you don't care that those Death Eaters tried to get you!" she added as they stopped outside the store. He looked her in the eyes and saw that she really was concerned about him.

"Well," he thought for a moment. "I guess it's just that they've tried so many times. I just don't care any more," he told her honesty, shrugging. "Plus, you saw those idiots. Who could be scared of twats that don't even know how to look both ways while crossing a busy road?" he shrugged. They're almost as stupid as Dudley, who 'accidentally' fell down the stairs. Wow, why do I accentuate in my thoughts?"Don't worry about them now. I'll buy some new clothes then I'll buy us some lunch? Okay?"

"O… okay," she said uncertainly. Wow, she's really cute when she's confused. Harry guided her into the shop where they completely forgot about the Death Eaters as Daphne was in her element. 'A clothes shop', so she forgot all about the silly Death Eaters and helped Harry pick out some new clothes because he knew if left to do it himself he would go wrong somehow.

Meanwhile, Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and leader of the Order of the Lollipops… umm… The Order of the Phoenix arrived at Privet Drive to be greeted by Nymphadora Tonks and Alistor Mad-Eye Moody: two faithful members to the Order of the Kebabs… err… Phoenix.

"What's wrong Alistor?" Dumbledore asked when he approached the two Order members. "Is Harry alright?" he begged in concern with big watery worried blue eyes sparkling away in worried-uncle-grandpa mode.

"We… don't know, Albus!" Moody growled in a threatening way for no reason other than he thought it was cool and he needed to insert some manliness because of Dumbledore's presence. "I turned up for my shift to watch the boy, and I saw he wasn't in his room so I searched the house and there's no one there." His electric blue magical eye was zooming about in its socket comically. Does he not know how stupid that eye looks while doing that, it's making me dizzy?

"What about his Aunt or Uncle?" Dumbledore asked, though I'm now going to start referring to him by first name. It's shorter to spell. "Or even his Cousin. Is there no one in?"

"I'm afraid not Albus!" Moody growled again. If I didn't know better I would say he was the werewolf not Remus. "Nymphado… Ouch!" he Ouch'd. "What was that for?" he growled again turning to Nymp… No I won't make that mistake… turning to look at Tonks.

"You call me that again and I'll do more than slap you upside the head," she replied fiercely, making Moody wince back in fear. Everyone knew that you didn't mess with Tonks. See even Albus was smart enough that he even thought, Tonks rather than Ni… the forbidden first name of Tonks. He had suffered too many head related injuries from her and some kind of female only ability which seemed unstoppable called girl-rage.

He had studied girl-rage for many years but still he was nowhere near understanding how it happened, but he did know that asking a girl to demonstrate girl-rage got the crap beaten out of him by a fourteen year old girl when he had just became deputy headmaster fifty odd years back when he was in his sixties, and that was too humiliating to risk repeating. The only thing he really knew about girl-rage was that it seemed unstoppable. It never would occur to him that girl-rage was all in his head and he was obsessed just because he was too afraid that he got beaten up by so many girls in his long lifetime.

"Well as I was saying," Moody continued carefully in a rather strangely normal voice. 'Ha' I knew he practised that growl."Tonks here saw one of those Hamburger buses come and take Harry's Cousin away."

Albus frowned. "Why?" he asked. "What happened to the poor boy?" he added worriedly.

"From what I heard before they dove off with him and his mum," Tonks said looking disgusted with the old man's concern. "He tripped down the stairs." Poor-boy. I hope he's alright. Harry will be sad when we find him and tell him of such bad, tragic, and dreadful news.

"He will be alright though won't he?" Albus asked fearfully. Moody and Tonks just shared a confused glance with each other before shrugging. Maybe I should send him a get well soon card? Yes I think he will like that.

"Anyway! What we gonna do about Potter?" Moody asked his growl returning tenfold.

"Hmmm!" Albus 'hmmm'd' pulling a small metal thingy out of his pocket then tapping it with his wand. "Impossible!" Albus declared looking at the little metal thingy or it could have been plastic only Albus knew. "He no longer has the tracing charms on." Albus looked horrified. "Death Eaters must have taken him!" he declared like a game show host asking a question that came out as stating a fact.

"Err… He could have taken them off himself," Tonks piped in looking very doubtful that Death Eaters took him as there was no sign of a struggle and knowing Harry half the street would have known about it as he tended to not use subtle spells and put way too much power into those that should be subtle, but whatever knocked his enemies down.

"I doubt that very much," Albus disagreed in indignation and as dignified as he could manage. "Harry would not know how." Plus I made sure he kept well away from books on tracing spells."He is just a boy," Albus stated as though that settled the matter.

"Then why are all his things gone?" Moody stated in his most prominent growl to date. "I doubt the Death Eaters would have packed all his things and taken them," he said smugly. "Plus no sign of a struggle. Potter would have no doubt caused them a lot of damage first." And this argument was going to continue for a while so let's jump back to Harry and see how he's doing with his shopping trip with Daphne.

Harry and Daphne had been shopping for two hours now, and Harry had tried on everything that he had now bought including the underwear. He got Daphne's opinion and from what he could tell she like the tight boxer shorts. Well she looked as though she liked them after she stopped starring at his bare chest that had been conditioned by his years of Quidditch even though he knew he could do with some beefing up, but he had enough time for that, maybe even get a gym membership. She couldn't keep her eyes off his package after that.

That was when he decided that he would buy her something, just because he wanted her to try some stuff on for him. She was blushing more than ever when she stepped out of the dressing room, which was private just the two of them in some sexy black panties and matching bra. He knew the goddess of titties blessed her but seeing that close and walking around her she had a great arse too.

She was startled as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He was surprised by his own bravery, but bravery was overcoming fear, which made him wonder whether Gryffindor House really took scared kids, it would explain a lot. He was already dressed in beige cargo shorts, white socks and running trainers with a loose white tee shirt pulled to his strong body.

Daphne gulped as she was near naked, hands rested on his chest and he stroked his fingers through her long blonde hair and they kept string into each other's eyes. She was at least two inches shorter than him with a slender body, smooth and flawless. She licked her lips, moistening them as she let her blue eyes flicker to his lips when she gasped as his hands wandered down to her butt only covered by the thin material and knew she had no choice but to buy these panties now as they were wet at the front as he squeezed her butt pulling her tighter into his body.

Harry pulled her up slightly pulling her into his arms she slid her arms up around his neck and her smooth long legs around his waist as their lips finally touched and they kissed. His tongue slid between her lips while her fingers found their way through his hair as she kissed back, licking his tongue with hers. Her body was now flush with his as they tasted each other and didn't want to pull back but they both needed to breathe as they forgot they could breathe through their noses in their moment.

They both gasped out, panting for breathe while their lips were still touching ever so slightly, gazing into each other's darkening eyes. They kissed again for only a moment before they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sir, Madam! Are you okay in their?" asked a suspicious sounding sales girl from the other side.

Harry and Daphne smirked slightly. Daphne could even feel his prick rucked up huge in his shorts against her panty-only covered butt.

"Yeah, we-we'll be done in a bit!" Daphne said while moving her butt against his crotch while biting her lower lip and making him groan as she slid down from his arms pushing down on it while they heard the assistant leaving while muttering about horny teenagers, and never getting lucky herself, which was a surprise as she was cute.

Daphne smirked as she was pulling back from him she turned and walked back to the changing room before stopping and looking over her shoulder while he had been watching her tight arse.

"I'll just put on that dress and be right out!" she said smirking while her chest was rising and falling rapidly and she needed to calm down.

It had taken them a few hours and a few thousand pounds from Harry's wallet to pay for their shopping. Though, Daphne coming from a wealthy family did pay her way even though Harry didn't mind, but she was a proud girl and quickly paid him back in galleons because she didn't think to get muggle money from Gringotts Wizarding Bank, but next time she would.

She looked wonderful in her new black summer dress. She blushed in it as the material was thin but strong. It had spaghetti straps over her slender shoulders and hung halfway down her thighs showing off her delicious legs. She had open black shoes and bare feet that made him want to nibble them.

"The light and dark make twilight and dusk!" Harry commented as she held onto his right arm while they carried their stuff and snuck into a side alley away from cameras and shrunk down their bags.

Harry placed his stuff in his pocket and Daphne in her newly bought little white leather backpack/purse thing she bought on her back with her long blonde hair tied to the right and hanging over her shoulder and over her large breasts to her waist, pulled tight from her neck showing him all the kissable spots while still keeping her hair loose on top and round behind her cute little ears.

It became a slight surprise that Daphne was using magic just like Harry, but then she was from a pureblood family that would want their heirs/daughters to have every advantage, and since Sirius knew the spells to get around the ministry, it was obvious that other dark families would too.

"You're naughty-Harry!" she said as he led her out of the side road and didn't hesitate to give him a quick kiss on the lips. He kissed back before she pulled away unconcerned whether anyone saw her as she doubted anyone she knew would see them in the muggle world.

"But don't forget, you owe me lunch!" she chimed while he grinned and led her along through the crowds, throwing away the clothes he had from the Dursley's which he would never have to see again as he passed a bin.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked her while snaking his arm around her waist and she let go of his arm to walk in his arms.

"Umm… I don't know… oh, how about some burgers?" she suggested as she pointed to a burger restaurant across the road.

It didn't take them long to cross, but they did use the crossing and it took Daphne only a moment to figure out how it worked because she didn't want to be squished like certain idiots.

They were soon entering the muggle fast food restaurant. Let's call it McDougall's for not wanting to been seen advertising McDonald's. They joined the not too large queue to get some food. Listening to some song about something that was catchy playing over the restaurants speakers. Harry was bobbing his head to the awesome tune, wondering why the author removed the name of the song and singer when he realised that this way the reader can choose to insert their own favourite song.

"This place is packed with muggles," Daphne said absent-mindedly to our young protagonist while also bobbing her head to the music, which was very un-Daphne like but she was getting comfortable with her new companion internally smirking because her year younger sister would be so jealous if she ever believed she was practically on a date with Harry Potter, and made out with him in her new sexy muggle underwear.

"Well what did you expect?" Harry asked. "Vampires?" he added cheekily getting a few strange looks from the mindless morons around him. She smiled slightly, amused as they moved further forward in the queue.

"Well I guess muggles are better than Vampires," she replied as they reached the front of the queue to be greeted by some Indian or maybe Pakistani woman, though she could have been Polish, or any cute bird with a really bad accent they would struggle with just to add some humour. Well this one was wearing one of those scarf thingies over her head and Harry was just one of the ignorant masses.

"What can I get you?" she asked in a barely understandable accent, but writing a barely understandable accent was too much trouble.

"Err… Sorry? What did you say?" Harry asked obviously he couldn't understand her. I wish they wouldn't let foreigners with a ridiculously strong accent work behind the till, and especially not at call centres. I can never understand them. Don't you just hate it when that happens; everyone thinks it even the foreigners, and PC or not, not taking this out!

"W-h-a-t c-a-n I g-e-t y-o-u?" the McDougall's woman asked again slower this time like he was a moron. He just wanted to hex her into oblivion. It was understandable that people should be lucky not everyone has super powers or condescending people like this would be headline news as murder victims every news bulletin.

"Oh. Okay we'll have two of those," Harry replied pointing up to the display board with a huge burger, fries, and a drink. "And make them large," he added with a nod of satisfaction.

"What drink?"

"What drink do you want?" Harry asked turning to Daphne as he suddenly understood the woman perfectly because he couldn't be bothered to ask what any more

"What drinks do they do?" Daphne asked curiously.

"Well, they have coke, lemonade, orangeade or milkshakes," he informed her with a smile as he read the menu sign that was written in much to tiny text but luckily they managed to get the queue next to it.

"Okay do they have banana milkshake?" she asked hopefully as it was one of her favourites and the menu did show they did it.

"Okay then we'll both have banana milkshake," he said turning back to the McDougall's staff member. She then slowly made her way to get their meals and fifteen minutes later they were both pissed at waiting so long for 'fast' food, but they had their food and were sitting at a table eating their lunch and soon forgetting the bad service and chatting about nothing of importance while flirting and touching as they sat side by side.

0oo00oo0

At Privet Drive Minerva McGonagall had come to find Albus Dumbledore because he had been gone for a few hours now and she was getting worried. There he is! Bloody poof. He was wearing purple robes with pink stars and in a muggle neighbourhood too. Though, no sane straight man would wear that in the magical world either.

"Maybe the Death Eaters are getting smarter?" Albus added smugly, their argument still going on strong after several hours.

"What are you three doing here?" McGonagall asked sternly approaching the three bickering idiots. "It's getting late. Where's Mr. Potter?" Bloody idiots probably forgot all about him.

"Well, we don't know," Tonks admitted going bright red in the cheeks having forgotten all about him and she normally prided herself on remembering cute boys.

"It is my belief Minerva," Albus began smugly and knowingly as he puffed out his chest like a prideful peacock. "That he was stolen away by nefarious Death Eat-!" He tried to say before Moody moved in his way.

"No he wasn't," the old ex-auror growl as he interrupted him. "He certainly left by his own accord!"

"No. Death Eaters obviously took him," Albus disagreed heatedly.

"Death Eaters wouldn't have taken his stuff," Tonks piped in scowling.

Well you can all see where this was going so let's jump forward in time a few hours? Let's say that was now ten in the evening and darkness has fallen over Privet Drive. Minerva McGonagall couldn't believe it. She had watched all three of them Albus, Tonks and Moody arguing for hours over whether Harry Potter had left the house himself or was taken by Dearth Eaters instead of actually looking for him.

Even more shocking was that she had been dragged into the argument by Albus. He probably hoped that she would agree with him. But unfortunately for Albus she had to agree with the other two. Under all the evidence it was more likely Mr. Potter left the house under his own influence.

She had to sigh and wonder whether Albus remembered that at fifteen he wasn't a silly invalid that couldn't think for himself, and neither was Harry Potter. If anything that boy was too independent, which she hated to admit it to herself was a slight sign of a bad home life.

But alas, Albus was an arse and wouldn't listen to reason. Given all of the signs she was surprised Harry wasn't a muggle hating jerk by now. But then, given half of his mother's smarts Harry would see that Dumbledore was ultimately responsible considering the Dursley's never wanted a wizard in the house and Dumbledore forced him on them.

Minerva really wanted to hate this old man, but unfortunately too many people liked him too much to sack him (as believe it or not if she had majority of house heads she could fling his arse to the wolves) and put him in a home where the only people having to listen to him were poor staff that worked there.

It had gotten late while Harry and Daphne were out together and they thought about calling the Knight Bus to take them home when Harry had a better idea, marvellous even, his inner giggle would coax. They had been passing a fancy looking hotel together, and against her inner Slytherin, Daphne agreed to spend the night. She had never stayed anywhere muggle before and she was curious as she had apparently been in many wizarding hotels on holiday with her parents and sister.

That was why she gaped as she looked around the foyer of the muggle hotel. She couldn't remember what the place was called but it over looked the Themes. She had never seen such a spotlessly clean and neat, beautiful place before. It was grand with bars, restaurant and even from what little she could see, a swimming pool and gym.

She could smell the slight waft of food as there were people still out of their rooms enjoying a late dinner. She held Harry's arm and hand while he walked them up to the desk and looked in his wallet. He was going to check that he had enough cash when he noticed a card and pulled it out. It had the Gringotts logo on it and a chip with his name printed on it.

Mr Harry James Potter

Convenient

However, it was lacking instructions but he went with it and smiled at the reception lady as they stopped at the desk.

"Good evening, Sir, Ma'am," the woman said looking them over sceptically. "How may I be of assistance?"

"Umm… how many stars does this place have?" he asked, looking around in awe. "It's pretty cool so I would expect a lot!" he said with a small grin while Daphne looked baffled and uncomfortable, she somehow felt underdressed and like she and Harry weren't really welcome.

"We pride ourselves on our seven star rating, Sir!" she replied as if humouring him.

Harry smirked and handed her his card. "I would like your best available penthouse suite for the night and most of tomorrow!" he said smarmily but she didn't reach for his card so he pulled back, slightly unsure.

"Oh, I see," she said while holding in her humour, "well, we have the royal suite available Sir, at a cost of fourteen thousand five hundred and fifty five pounds a night, and of course that includes all of the services you need within the hotel, Sir within a reasonable limit otherwise we charge for extras, 'Sir'!"

"Wow! That's steep!" Harry couldn't help but say.

"Yes, but if you and your little girlfriend travel, just a blocks you'll come to the first of many holiday inns and places like it people like you could afford!"

"So Daph, you wanna stay here or some cheap hotel?" he asked and she gave him a look that promised death if he ever thought to ask her something so silly ever again. "Right, what was I thinking," he agreed as he again offered his card to the lady. "The names, Potter, so don't you have a chip-pin machine thing so I can pay?" he asked and the woman just stared at him while a couple of her colleagues had started watching closely which seemed to make her nervous as she wasn't sure what was going on.

"O-of course Sir," she agreed as she pulled one up from behind the counter as she used the computer to book the room and the machine had the price on screen a second later.

"Umm… just insert your card and type in your pin, Sir!" she said and Harry did, only problem he had no pin and waited a moment before typing in a random four numbers and pressing enter. After all Gringotts was a magical world bank so why would he need a set pin, and as expected it said pin accepted and a moment latter the reception lady wasn't the only one blown over as everything went through perfectly.

"Umm… well, err, Mr. Potter!" she said nervously. "Welcome and please don't hesitate to call on staff for anything you might need! I'll have someone lead you to your room," she said now much warmer and no longer just humouring a couple of kids but pandering to two spoilt rich kids who could potentially get her fired for judging them based on their more standard rather than the usual rich clothing choices.

The tour around the penthouse suite was something as the nice woman showed them around. They had a view of the river on a huge balcony and two floors to explore with the top floor being devoted to just being a bedroom with huge bed with soft cream and beige satin sheets and massive en-suite bathroom with wet room and hot tub, and wardrobes you could fit wardrobes in.

There was even a huge cinema sized screen TV on the wall downstairs with couches so comfortable you sunk into them. The lady who led them around was only too happy to bring them some food since they hadn't eaten since lunch. She didn't even bat an eye at the order of alcoholic beverages and said she would bring them some fine champagne but showed them to a huge fridge full of snacks and beers from all over the world.

Harry and Daphne had barely settled on the couch together while Harry demonstrated the TV which seemed to have every channel from around the world on it, including subscription only streaming channels such as Amaflix and Netzon, (free advertising is BAD). That was when there was a knock on the door and two maids entered pushing in two trolleys full of foods they had never seen before along with several bottle of champagne and two glasses.

The maids lay everything out on the table in front of the couch before pouring Harry and Daphne a glass of champagne each and bidding them a happy evening and night as they took their trolleys

"I think we're going to enjoy it here!" Harry said while she smiled a little and they tapped glasses before taking sips.

"Y-you really know how to woo a lady!" she said as she took some finger foods and looked like every mouthful was heaven. "Wow, the magical world doesn't have anything like this, far from it! There fancy hotels aren't clean like this either, just think the next level up from the Leaky Cauldron!"

Harry grimaced just thinking about that. "I suppose they got lazy!" he said thoughtfully. "When you have the cures for things that messy places can be a cause of they don't need to worry as much, or I suppose if they don't have competition, they don't have to make customer relations or anything more appealing! It's like 'where else are you going to go-the muggle world?'"

"From now on yes!" she readily agreed. "But how much is this place in galleons per night?"

"Oh, just over nine hundred galleons!" he said to her surprise. "Just think," he laughed. "We could spend a month at the Leaky Cauldron for about twenty five galleons."

"But then we wouldn't get all of this!" she said. "The food their sucks!"

"Point taken!" he said as they rested back with their drinks and food and she curled up to his side to watch a movie and it wasn't before long that that Daphne was straddling Harry's lap while he groped her butt through her dress and they were making out with tongues in mouths.

She had pulled his tee shirt off him and flung it to the floor while he started pulling up her dress. She pulled back from his lips only to lift her arms and let him pull it over her head where it would land with his tee. Their lips crashed back together when Harry moved to lay her down they fell off the couch in a tangled crash on the floor.

"Ow!" Daphne complained while trying not to laugh as she looked up at Harry on top of her before she reached down for his belt and pulling it open his shorts came down and they continued kissing while he struggled to kick his shorts free and kicked the table which just so happened to have a huge chocolate pudding by the edge and a second after Harry yelled out in pain they gasped as the bowl smacked Harry in the head and the pudding splattered over them.

Harry rubbed his head while hovering over the pudding covered girl while she looked up as pudding dripped from his face.

"Well, I call that destiny!" Harry said smirking while licking some chocolate from her chest while she whimpered.

"With a tad bit of equivalent exchange throw in!" she agreed while smirking as she stroked where the bowl hit him on the head before licking from his neck to his mouth while quivering. "That is some good pudding. Its lucky it's not going to waste!" she said with a smirking grin.

"Certainly not!" he agreed as his mouth moved to her right ear and dug out some more pudding and she quivered while he pulled her up into his arms and pulled the latch open on her bra before letting her back down while she could feel his prime-wand pushed large and hard into her crutch.

She smiled and blushed as he finally got to see her pale boobs unwrapped with pointed pink nipples while chocolate pudding trailed over them and her breathing was laboured and heavy when he leaned down and sucked desert from her right nipple and then left. She couldn't control the groan or whimper that escaped her pretty pink lips. His hands squeezed her large firm breasts as he went back for more she was shuddering and pushing her crutch tighter into him to feel his erection and to make her sopping gash between the material of his boxers and her panties feel those electric currents through her needy body.

Harry took her left arm and trailed his tongue along the chocolate before suckling her fingers while she took his digits and sucked them clean before their lips were pressed together again and he trailed his tongue down her chin to her neck and then breast cleaning her soft supple skin with his tongue following down to her tummy and her bellybutton.

She was like putty, quivering, unformed as his fingertips slid into the waistband of her panties, and in one motion, sat up while sliding them off her and getting a kick in the face.

"S-sorry!" she said in a breathless whisper, but he didn't care as he had her smooth legs over his shoulders and perfect view of the blonde girls glistening chocolaty snatch. It was smooth and creamy with light blonde hairs on her mound and slightly around but he wanted it so bad. He sucked up her toes and round down her legs to her supple thighs before she cried out as he dug in to the truest desert he had ever tasted, the sweetest treat.

Daphne had gasped out as he held her legs up by her neck by her ankles even though he was holding her awkwardly she felt like her insides were on fire as his tongue opened her up, licking the pudding from her dripping gash. He buried his tongue as deep as he could, sucking the hard dripping little bud, she screamed out with her hands buried in his hair, holding him firmly in place, trying to pull his further she couldn't keep quiet and she didn't want to as the more noise she made the more he moved his tongue.

She burst her damn after only a few moments filling Harry's mouth with the nectar of a goddess, and he didn't care what Sirius told him any more He wanted to sample this ambrosia from many different sources of cute fresh kitties. He licked it clean before pulling back and letting her relax while she was bright red in the face and panting for breath he knew she needed a moment to catch herself.

He gently lowered her legs into place either side of him while she let her deep blue eyes stare at him, she smiled. It was the first time he had ever seen her smile before, and though he didn't know her from school, he was sure she didn't smile like this there.

Harry carefully pulled her up into his arms and she was quick to kiss Harry deeply while reaching down for his rod. She squeezed it within his boxers and felt him quiver at the touch. She slid from his arms and pulled his boxers down in one move letting his penis bounce out to stand out fully erect and bigger than she would have thought, but then she had no comparison with some black pubic hairs around his balls.

It was coated in chocolate just like her fanny had been, and butt still was. She didn't hesitate in kissing his chest, licking off chocolate. She had some light hairs on his chest but she liked that, it wasn't fake, and she let her fingers trail down below his bellybutton where some hairs trailed down to his pubes, stroking around his throbbing, burning cock, rubbing in the chocolate.

She made her way down his body, trailing her little tongue while leaned back against the sofa her tongue finally reached its destination, licking straight across the lip taking with it the chocolate. He almost couldn't breath as he gasped and almost came straight away and had to really put mind of matter into practice to make it last longer. He knew where he wanted to shoot his first load of seed.

Daphne looked up at him with these lustful eyes while stroking the fingers of her left hand up his abs to his chest while her right hand squeezed his desperately throbbing dick. She licked her lips before pulling back his foreskin as she pumped it a few times before it was in her mouth.

He prayed she didn't hear him squeak while shuddering as she moved her head up and down, sucking him while licking his helmet inside her hot mouth. To say after that he came quickly would have been an understatement. He should have gotten praise for lasting that long as it was his first time, and he emptied every last drop of cum into her mouth while she sucked and he called out, she drank it all down, sucking him to a nice mellow as it started losing its stiffness before sucking up and away from his penis.

Daphne licked her lips again and gave Harry that same smile before he pulled her up where she curled in his arms, kissing his lips he kissed her in return.

"H-how a-about we-we take this to the hot tub?" she suggested breathlessly.

He smiled and kissed her more. "Took the words straight from my lips!"

It was around eleven the next morning that Harry and Daphne finally woke after a long night under their soft satin sheets. They kissed quite content to be cuddling and naked after some of the things they had done that night.

"I-I think it's time to leave!" Harry said while yawning.

She smirked while thinking about it. "Well, since I won't get to see you for a while-there is something I want to do-one last time!" she said before slithering under the covers and turning around until her delightful vagina was hovering over his face, already dripping while he felt his hardening penis being sucked up into her mouth.

Harry grinned as he pulled her down and buried his tongue while they got comfortable and enjoyed a welcome morning cum.

It was around two in the afternoon after a quick shower and change of clothes that they booked out of the hotel and Harry took Daphne back to Diagon Alley where she finally bought some floo-powder, which was why she had to take the bus. But that was just their good-very good fortune. He saw her through the fire at the Leaky Cauldron, and she floo-called to say she arrived home safe though her mum and sister did lecture her for staying out without even a floo-call or letter.

Harry smiled about that as he went about shopping in Diagon Alley, buying this that and whatever, from multi-storage reality bending trunk (that he put all his stuff in because of built in shrink function), backpack, and case to many books he had not read, including all the advanced books of spells and his occlumency book which looked promising for all sorts of things.

However, just too simply save time Harry also went into Knockturn Alley to buy all sorts of stuff that Dumbledore wouldn't like, (he just needed a creepy dark cloak with a hood up and nobody gave him a second glance). But they would assuredly come in useful later during the year, especially at school, and with possible supervillains after his head for being a do-gooder, or something like that.

He had to wonder about that. Sure he knew of plenty of hero do-gooders, but heroes didn't have to be pansies, but kickarse cool too.

Harry sighed as he just stepped off the Knight Bus back on the boring street of Privet Drive when he noticed a commotion coming from outside number four. It was about eight thirty, yep, according to his watch (which oddly he had to get the time telling function as an add-on).

There were at least thirty wizards and witches having a heated argument about something, interesting, maybe? So curiosity getting the better of him he strolled up to them while frowning and thinking of reasons they were there.

"I still agree with Albus!" Kinsley Shacklebolt was saying heatedly. "He's just a young boy, and he's been taken by Death Eaters."

That got Harry's curiosity piqued, and he wondered who had been kidnapped by Death Eaters. Don't these Death Munchers have any morals kidnapping young boys? Well, then again, they try to kidnap or murder me a lot and I am only fifteen-well nearly sixteen, but still you don't steal little kids-that was just not right.

"Hey who's the young boy that's been kidnapped?" Harry asked the crowed while he was concerned it wasn't one of his innocent neighbour kids who had never been jerks to him.

"Harry Potter has," Albus Dumbledore called out from the centre, or as Harry liked to call him in his mind Dumbles. Chuckling Harry let the little kid bullshit slide while he got a twinkle of mischief in his eyes as the arguing continued and a sneaky plan formed in his mind to gain back the money he had to pay for the hotel and to have the pudding cleaned from the carpet and furniture after the cleaning lady almost had a fit.

"I bet you one thousand Galleons he hasn't," Harry called back to Dumbles, cackling madly inside his head as he had had a great night and day yesterday and today was looking up even more than the few extra hours he spent with Daphne.

"Okay," Dumbles replied smugly. "You got yourself a deal. Easiest grand I'll ever make."

"Albus!" McGonagall scolded from next to him.

However, her eyes widened like every one else's as Harry walked through the crowd as they slowly stopped talking and moved so he could get through to Dumbles. He was staring at him in more shock than any while Harry was smirking smugly. He thought it was opportunity to steal Daphne's smirk for this occasion.

"Well you were right," Harry said laughing at Dumbles as he passed. "Easiest grand I'll ever make!" he added as an afterthought. "Thanks, I'll expect the money by the end of the week," he finished as he entered the house leaving the stunned and embarrassed crowed of idiots behind.

Harry mildly wondered how long they had been arguing outside as he was almost certain that Moody would have noticed him missing as he hadn't used spells to stop that spy yet, so could they have been there since yesterday; he wouldn't put it passed them as Dumbles and his Order the Pizza never seem to do much, but Order the Pizza, most times from Molly Weasley as she only had one real use and that was slaving in the kitchen. That actually gave him a good idea, but another time perhaps and then her cookery skills would make him some money.

Shrugging he went upstairs to begin his animagus potion if he could figure it out, but then without the greasy prat of a potion master hovering over him insulting him when he didn't even know him it would almost be easier than taking a piss while taking a shit.

And with his new patroni thoughts on his mind (Daphne Greengrass spread wide covered in pudding) he un-shrunk his new trunks (as he gave his old crappy one to a children's charity shop in muggle London-knowing it could bring a few hundred if they knew their stuff, as there were no magical equivalent).

He then pulled out what he needed … potion book, cauldron, ingredients, and whatever else the books said. He then got to work after a quick flick of his wand after a quick read from Sirius's convenient letter (well the back) so that perverted old men with magical eyes couldn't see through his walls or clothes. The best part was the spell was contagious and rubbed off on people, spreading like wild-blind-creepy-old-perverts-fire.

Back outside Tonks and Moody were laughing at Dumbles who was bright red with embarrassment. He hadn't listened but it was a good thing Harry had gone off by himself or else he would have never gotten rescued. He might have been murdered before they thought about a rescue-or even finding out where he was being held captive, or even realised there was a ransom note.

"I'll go ask him where he went," Tonks said still giggling as she withheld a yawn as they had been arguing all night long as she walked into the house after unlocking the door with her wand before relocking it after her. She climbed up the stairs to Harry's room to find him reading a large potions book after she 'sneakily' pulled the door open and tripped over her own feet and stacked it to the floor highly embarrassed.

"Wotcher 'Arry," she greeted sheepishly in her cute and endearing Northern accent as he watched her climb to her feet and close the door behind her from where he sat on his bed cross legged.

He looked up and smiled at her with eyes full of mischief. "Hi Tonks, next time you take a trip I'm tagging along. I'll even pay for the hotel, seven stars all the way for us!" he said smilingly while she blushed deeply.

He closed his book with an odd look in his eyes that made the twenty two year old girl gulp as her heart started beating wildly as he stood up while removed his tee shirt to show his nice body as he moved straight to her. It happened before she knew it, his arms slid around her waist and pulled her tightly into his body with his lips touching hers.

She melted into his touch, into his arms, into his kiss; he was the hero, and she was the damsel, it only fit in her fairy tale mind. He pulled her down on to the bed with him as her hair colour kept shifting through several different colours and many different shades.

It was fifty minutes later-after Tonks entered Harry's house, and she still had not left yet so other Order the Pizza members worried that the pizza wasn't going to arrive. However, the strangest thing was the doors wouldn't unlock for them to see what was taking her so long.

The Order of the Chicken Potato Pie was locked out. Mad-Eye Moody could only stare in frustration as his eye could no longer see through the walls of Harry's room before they narrowed as some bastard had given him the anti-charm to his eye.

"SIRIUS!" he roared to the heavens as only one group of infantile bastards knew that charm; they invented it.

The Marauders!

Hundreds of miles away Sirius Black was in the Underworld, not Amsterdam in a smoking bar giggling with a couple of babes in each arms when the spirit frowned.

"Did someone call my name?" he asked suddenly.

The two women shook their heads while he shrugged and carried on with his shots off another woman's bellybutton (lying on the table as another girl poured) while he 'duelled' the super-smoking-hot lesbian opposite with her own set of girls in her arms, identical twins, (lucky bitch), and her own shot girl who's bellybutton she drunk from with plenty of tongue in this challenge neither of them could remember a reason for as smashed was a few drinks ago.