DISCLAIMER:- I do not, and will never, own the mediator. Jesse (unfortunately) belongs to Jenny Carroll/Meg Cabot *sobs* and so does susannah, Paul, Father Dom. oh, u get the jist of it?

Chapter 4 is here! Hopefully it`s a little better than the last one/ones. u know wot I mean! Anyway, please please please Read and review!

Sorry for the mix-up b4, this is the REAL chapter 4! Thx for informing me of the mistake!

Enjoy =)
Oh my God! I can`t believe I just said that! I thought to myself, I bowed my head, looking at the tiles on the bathroom floor. I really didn`t want to look at Jesse right now, I mean, I had practically just told him I loved him! God, how damned stupid can you get? I was just sat there, wallowing happily in my own stupidity when I felt a hand graze my tear- stained cheek. It was smooth but strong, with well-defined muscles, it trailed down my face and rested under my chin, cupping it and gently pulling my head upwards. Jesse. I saw those big brown puppy-dog eyes moving closer to me, that perfectly sculptured face, the small white scar that I`d grown to love. And that`s when I felt Jesse`s lips brush ever so gently against mine, not once, not twice but three times! His mouth was closed though, Dammit! Maybe it was just as well though, I mean, if he decided to stick his tongue down my throat I think I`d probably pass out! When Jesse finally pulled back he said, in that rich, deep voice of his, "You don`t get rid of me that easily querida" and that is all he said. Of all the things he could have said, like `I love u querida, no-one will take me away from you` or `I will always be here by your side querida, not even Paul can change that` or even just a plain, simple `I love you` would be fine, but nooo, he just has to say the most unreadable thing in the english - spanish and possibly french - language. God damn you Jesse De Silva! Oohh. I love him so much!

When my eyes finally flickered open - Yes, I closed my eyes when he kissed me, I'm a sixteen year old girl, It's not like I can control the hormones - I noticed that Jesse was no longer perched on the bathtub beside me, cradling me in his arms, kissing away my tears - unfortunately. He was gone. Simple as that. Never mind hit-and-run, this was kiss-and-run and Jesse was a serial offender. As a frown spread across my face I found that my skin was as hard as a rock. Unmoveable, on my account. Tears, that's what it was, dry tears gripping my flesh as if it was their only life force. Each patch of shrivelled up emotion felt like desiccated putty against my tender flesh, rough yet with an unreadable essence. I slowly touched my quivering hands to my cheeks, feeling the old-putty aridity of my skin. I don`t know why but I just had to touch it, know that it was really there and I wasn`t just imagining it. A lot had been happening lately, some real, some not as much as a hopeful dream, it was becoming more and more difficult to establish that normally well-defined line between the two realms. And this coming from a Mediator?

As I brought my hands away from my face, assured that the tears had in fact been real. Once. I steadily sauntered over to the bathroom sink, the pink edged mirror over hanging it. I couldn't face seeing my reflection right now, I was sure I looked terrible, so I just vaguely stared into the emptiness of the shell-shaped sink. Contemplating my tears as I watched the water freely trickle down the brass-shaded plughole. Lucky water, I thought to myself through meaningless staring, every particle has another to join onto, no worrying about unrequited love or crazy-psycho-bastards looking for revenge. I sighed deeply as I placed my trembling hands under the stream of ice cool water oozing from the tap, the sharp icicles of liquid frost stabbing viscously at my skin like a thousand little knives out to penetrate my flesh. At this point I became very aware of the throbbing of my blistered feet, the stinging sensation of my prickling hands only worsening the pounding feeling inside of my head. Everything was coming at once, all the pain I had ever felt, all the tears I had ever cried, all the heartache I had ever felt. Ouch. That last thought was a little too close to home, remembering the unrequited love I held for the ghost of an incredibly hot cowboy who just happened to have shared my room at one point. Look at me, pathetic, can`t even bring myself to say his name. Girl`s got it bad! If only he did too..

But he did kiss me, I thought, that must have meant something, mustn't it? It had to! And so, that's the single thread of shimmering hope I held onto, never letting it leave my grasp. After pondering over my newfound optimism for a short while, I gathered some cool water in my tingling hands, throwing it onto my face to rid me of those tears that had once marked me. The iciness of the frosted daggers digging deep into the flesh of my face, scratching off all the surface layers of my desperation and despair. I turned off the tap, grabbed a ragged cream-coloured towel and gently dabbed my face dry. That soft touch of the cotton against my skin brought back many memories of Jesse's hands stroking my cheek gently, his hands brushing against my skin intimately, his fingers caressing my flesh. Then the tears started again, just like that, as if the thread of hope had been ripped right from me in a flash, within moments uncontrollable tears were once again flooding my already flustered face. I ran into my bedroom - well, not exactly ran, the blisters preventing me from actually running anywhere but you know what I mean - feeling the need to wallow in peace. Somewhere comfortable, warm. my bed. That was the best bet.

**Will Jesse make another appearance? Will there be any other ghostly visitors? What will become of our favourite mediator? Paul? Will he remain a fucked up bastard forever? I wonder... You`ll just have to review and find out! =)*/*