AUTHOR'S NOTE: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE YET TO WATCH THE SEASON FINALE. THAT'S ALL. THIS IS GOING TO BE AN AU VERISION OF THE SEASON FINALE. NOW THAT'S ALL.
Iris was dead and Caitlin was to blame. Or, more appropriately put, Killer Frost. Yes, while she hadn't actually been the one to push the blade through Iris's heart, she had known of Savitar's plan and done nothing to derail him. She was just as guilty of plunging the blade through her heart, if not more so. Saving Cisco's life did nothing to ease her guilt over the situation but she couldn't very well go and apologize to Barry, not when he had just lost the woman he was supposed to marry.
She watched on as the others bid farewell to the journalist one last time, knowing that her presence would be unwanted. Now with Savitar gone, she had no one. She didn't take the serum Cisco offered her, too disgusted with herself to return back to her previous life. How could she knowing what type of monster she had become? Sighing, she waited until she watched the last of the funeral procession walk away before taking a chance and walking up to the tombstone.
She stared down at the name 'Iris West' and death never seemed more final to her than it did in that moment. Willing herself to keep her composure, she took a steadying breath before speaking.
"I just wanted to say, he loved you. You meant everything to him, even I saw that. I know that you never got your happy ending with him and he'll never move on and for that I'm truly sorry. I know that I left the team when you guys needed me most. I also know that I'll never be going back. Too much anger there; too much hurt," she breathed out as she closed her eyes. She knew Barry could never forgive her for her helping hand in her death, how could he? She couldn't forgive herself.
She looked down at the tombstone for a moment before kissing her fingers and laying them gently upon it.
"Rest well, Iris," she whispered before turning around and walking off.
She didn't know what was supposed to come next, didn't know who she was supposed to become without Savitar but she thought it might be better this way. A clean slate. A chance to become someone new. Never quite forgetting who she was before all of this, before all the pain and trauma she and the team had endured, but she'd get a chance to rebuild her life. At her own pace.
Three months later found Caitlin staring out of her apartment window. She hadn't heard from anyone from Team Flash though it wasn't for a lack of trying on Cisco's part. First it was the endless phone calls, then he eventually came round to her place and hammered on her door every day. She still refused to see him. The pain she felt inside was too real, too fresh and she felt like she didn't deserve his forgiveness.
The same went for Julian. He tried to call her multiple times throughout the days but his calls went unanswered, too. She just couldn't give them what they wanted; what they needed.
She wasn't sleeping, went days without it as she became consumed by her guilt. She got a prescription for pills to help her sleep but she didn't take them, thinking she didn't deserve the relief that came from sweet slumber.
She also wasn't using her powers, having finally learned how to control them. She never wanted to play in another person's death again, no matter how small the role. She was just existing at this point.
And it was better that way, for everyone. No one needed to get hurt because of her again. She had done enough.
Author's note again: So just a little prologue to what I have in mind for this story. Check back if you feel so inclined. Thanks!