Generic Anime: Chrono Trigger Style!

By: Rhianwen, a.k.a. Yezo the Yellow Priest


Category: Chrono Trigger

Genre: Humor/Parody

Rating: PG-13


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these people, or the concept of the generic anime. Believe me, I did not invent Good Red-Haired Girl vs. Evil Purple- Haired Girl. ^_^ For a terrific example, go watch Project: A-ko or Dragonhalf. This will probably draw heavily on the latter for influence. Just so you know, the creator of Dragonhalf was arrested after creating it, for drug possession. I suppose you can guess that it's my kind of anime. ^_^


Summary: I believe 'good red-haired girl vs. evil purple-haired girl, with a side-dish of silly romance' says it all. Pairings are Crono/Marle and either Lucca/Frog or Lucca/Magus. I need opinions on this! So far the vote is leaning toward Lucca/Magus, but I'm open to writing either. Should I be hopelessly predictable, or should I expand my horizons a little? ^_^


Notes: This is all just in good fun, after watching one too many animes that followed an identical formula. I don't really believe Lucca to be a super-villain, hell-bent on the destruction of everything and a devoted trainee of Magus, and I don't really believe Marle to be the planet's last hope to stop her. Ye gad, could you imagine? ^_^

Oh, and for my intents and purposes in this piece, Marle's red-blonde hair will be relentlessly referred to as red in order to maintain the solidarity of Good Red-Haired Girl vs. Evil Purple-Haired Girl.

Well, here we go. Deep down into the pit of dark insanity that is Rhianwen's mind. Yaay!


"La la la la la la la," Lucca was humming absently to herself one evening as she sat on the cliffs surrounding her home, watching the waves crash far below. For you see, five minutes before the story began, all characterization had flown neatly out the window and has last been spotted somewhere over Delaware.

At any rate, Lucca did not miss it, as she was perfectly content hugging her knees to her chest and humming away in a manner that totally violated the now-gone characterization.

All in all, a beautiful and peaceful night.

"Hold on," Lucca muttered to herself, suspicion setting in like a cold fog creeping over her, "aren't these the kinds of evenings that are always spoiled by some ghastly threat to the continuation of life on the planet?"

As if on cue, a voice rang out behind her.

"Good evening, Lucca."

Lucca whirled about, pausing briefly to first spring to her feet, and stared at the source of the voice in disbelief.


"The very same," the blue-haired man replied, smirking nastily at her in the pale moonlight.

She crossed her arms, shaking her head and snickering.

"YOU'RE the new ultimate threat to the planet?"

He scowled, also crossing his arms.

"And just why exactly is that so funny?"

She shook her head.

"Never mind. So, you're back in the Evil Villain business, are you? I can't say I'm surprised. You never were exactly Mr. Upstanding Citizen."

"If you're quite finished," he began stonily, "I'd like to continue."

"By all means," she urged him cheerfully.

"Thank-you. The new threat to the planet is not me-"

"So, there IS a new threat!"

"Do you mind?!"

"Sorry, sorry, go on."

"As I was saying, it is you, not I, who shall be the new enemy of the planet."

She stared at him incredulously, even going so far as to remove and polish her glasses to be sure that she was not hearing things...or something like that. Hey, what do you expect? I just read the narration that Rhianwen gives me, and we ALL know of the multitude of things wrong with Rhianwen.

"Hey!" Rhianwen shouted from the sky in fury.


"You suck, narration!"

No, YOU suck.

"No, YOU suck!"

No, you suck.

"I hate you! You smell funny!"

Oh. I smell funny. How tragic, Look, will you just shut up and keep writing the story?

"Fine," Rhianwen huffed, finally falling silent.

Magus and Lucca both stared up at the sky, blinking in confusion. Then Lucca turned her attention back to Magus.

"Hey, what were we talking about?"

Magus rolled his eyes.

"You have the attention span of a moth."

"No, I don't!" Lucca exclaimed, quite offended.

"I see," Magus said dryly. "Shall we try and experiment?"

Lucca shrugged.

"If it doesn't involve weasels wearing my pants, I'm fine with it."

Magus blinked.


"Never mind," she replied sheepishly. "Let's just say that Crono's gonna bring that one up at my wedding. Anyway, what's your experiment?"

Smirking, the warlock reached into his cape and withdrew his secret weapon.

"A BOOK!" Lucca exclaimed. "Gimme!"

"But we had something to discuss," he reminded her mildly, holding the book just out of her reach and inwardly cackling as she attempted to jump for it.

"But I want the book," she whimpered.

"You can have the book after I finish explaining the plot," Magus told her firmly.

She eyed him suspiciously.


"Yes, I promise."

"Fine, then. Now...what were we talking about?"

"The fact that you are the new threat to the planet," he reminded her, biting back a grumble.

"Right," she laughed. "Sure. Hey, are you drunk, Magus? Do you need a shove off these cliffs into the water to sober you up?"

"You think I'm in jest," he noted, amused. "No, Lucca, I am deadly serious. I have seen in you the potential since we first met."

"Oh, right! When Crono and Frog and I kicked your ass!"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," he said airily.

"You just did," she reminded him, grinning.

"Shut up and let me finish my dramatic speech, will you? I want to have this done by 10:30 so I can be home by 11:00."

"What happens at 11:00?"

" show is on TV," he replied carefully.

"Anachronism," she reminded him lightly.

He scoffed.

"Lucca, you have a gun that you purchased in 65 000 000 B.C. I would say that anachronism no longer applies in this game."

"Game?" she echoed, scratching her head.

"Er, I mean, in our journeys. Now, as I was saying...dammit! What WAS I saying?"

"NOW who has a short attention span?" she gloated. "Can I have my book now?"

"No! I was saying something!"

She sighed, eyes wide and melancholy.

"You were saying that you've seen my potential to be an evil villain since we first met."

"Oh, right, right. As is evidenced by a certain outward symbol. Can you guess what that symbol is, Lucca?"


"Your hair."

"My hair."

"Yes. There are other signs, of course, but it was your purple hair that first made me look further into the matter, particularly after noting that you were part of every three-man magical technique that I and my shadow- magic were."

"Further into what matter?" she demanded uncomfortably.

"The matter of your heritage. Your destiny."

"Which be an evil villain."


Lucca was silent for several moments, turning the matter over in her mind.

"Well?" Magus finally prompted impatiently.

The young woman looked up at him, her mind made up.

"Can I have my book now?"


"Isn't it a beautiful night, Crono?" Marle sighed happily, leaning slightly forward over the balcony of their room in Guardia Palace.

Crono nodded enthusiastically, his eye drawn downward to her cleavage, nicely enhanced by the act of leaning forward.

"I could just stay out here forever, couldn't you?"

He nodded again, snaking one arm around her waist and smiling fondly as she snuggled into the embrace. Then, just as he opened his mouth to suggest that they go in and get something to drink, a flash of light made both of them recoil, raising their arms to shield their eyes.

From the centre of the burst of light emerged two small creatures, walking on all fours and covered with fur, one grey and one white.

"Oh! Kitties!" Marle chirped, starting forward.

Crono restrained her with an arm, shaking his head warningly.

"Greetings, Marle, Princess of Guardia," the white cat greeted in a sweet, rather shy voice as she wrapped her leg around her neck.

"Uh, hi," she returned brightly.

Crono crossed his arms and looked away, slightly miffed at being ignored.

"And hello, Crono, Prince Consort of Guardia," the grey cat hurried to add in a grand and dramatic voice.

The redhead smiled, satisfied, and stepped forward, preparing to speak.

Before he could, however, the grey cat hurried on, interrupting him.

"We are here to discuss with you a matter of the utmost seriousness."

"And who is 'we', exactly?" Marle asked suspiciously.

"I am Munkustrap," the grey cat informed her.

"And I am Victoria," the white cat, much smaller than the grey, added, standing up on two legs, and then lifting one leg until it pressed tightly against her ear.

"Uh...right," Marle said, shooting Crono a questioning look.

He shrugged, as though to say that he had no idea who they were or what they were doing here...or what the gymnastics were all about.

"I suppose you must be wondering who we are and what we're doing here," Munkustrap laughed sheepishly.

"Now that you mention it..." Marle began.

"We are of a very special tribe of cats known as the Jellicles, and we are here to deliver you a message. The world is in grave danger, Marle, and you are the only one who can save the planet."

"Wh-what?!" Marle exclaimed, her ponytail standing up on end at the shock of this revelation.

"Just as I say," Munkustrap replied grimly. "This world is in serious danger, and it will be up to you to save it."

Once again, Crono looked hurt, and turned away, crossing his arms.

"With the help of Crono here," Munkustrap hurried to add, rolling his eyes and wondering what on earth had turned this boy into such a Prima Donna.

Crono nodded in satisfaction as Marle began to speak in a worried rush.

"What do we do, Crono? Do you think it has anything to do with Lavos again? Do you think we should try to find everyone?"

Crono opened his mouth as if to speak, but was interrupted as Marle hurried on.

"No, you're probably right. Frog probably won't come, and Magus definitely won't. And Ayla's tribe probably needs her. But we might be able to get Robo. And we've definitely gotta talk to Lucca first thing tomorrow morning!"

At the mention of the young inventor's name, Munkustrap winced. He leaned over.

"Do you think we should tell them?" he murmured to Victoria.

"Oh, dear," Victoria sighed, assuming another ridiculously body-twisting pose just for good measure. "I don't know."

"Hey, Victoria, Munkustrap," Marle began, frowning, "what exactly are the Jellicles?"

"Well, it's really quite simple," Munkustrap replied. "But perhaps it is best explained this way."

And with that, both Munkustrap and Victoria launched into a four-minute chant involving the naming of a cat.

Crono shook his head, frowning in bewildered confusion.

Marle, however, brightened.

"Oh! Okay, I get it now. Hey, who wants a snack?"

"Do you have salmon pate?" Munkustrap asked suspiciously.


"Hot diggity!"

"Munkustrap," Victoria murmured to him. "Characterization."

Munkustrap blushed sheepishly as Marle led both cats inside.

Crono lingered on the balcony a moment, crossing his arms and pouting.

"I never get to talk..."



End Notes: Hee! Ooh, this is going to be FUN! Well, for me, at any rate. Anyway, do you think I should continue? I mean, I probably will whether you tell me to or not, but I'd still like some feedback. And speaking of feedback, please give me your opinion on the pairing! Lucca/Frog or Lucca/Magus? I've got a couple of opinions, and I'm going to go with a majority vote...or whatever I feel like at the time. ^_^