Title: Not Enough

Chapter: 15

A/N: Hey everyone out there! I've finally returned again, and my sincerest apologies for letting anyone out their reading down with my lack of updating. The disease that is known as writer's block has struck me bad for the past few months, and I was a little intimidate to get back into the saddle, but here I am, with new inspiration and new drive!

Loads of thanks for everyone and anyone that is reading for putting up with my slightly aggravating patterns of updating. Much thanks to my newest reviewers Jess, extremeness, and Phoenix-Satori10 for your kind words, it is always great to see new people reviewing, and I am sorry in the past for being so pushy with reviews. A warm, huge thank you to Heart's Desire: She has been writing and writing until her pen has no ink, and she has kept me so entertained and enthralled. For ANYONE out there that hasn't checked out one of her stories yet, I strongly suggest if you are a Jeff, Matt, Shannon, Shane, or Lita fan, that you read her fics because they are purely art!

That said, the next two chapters are dedicated to Heart's Desire: As a tough a fighter as any wrestler I have ever seen.

Key: ********* either means changing to a new set of events, or back to the present time of Jeff's thoughts.

And without further ado, I present to you the next chapter of Not Enough!

~*~

Jeff Hardy stood motionless, emerald eyes empty of emotion.

He instantly shut his eyes to block the tears that he felt would soon follow, choking down the hot anger to the pit of his stomach, listening to the footsteps march purposely down the hallway, each step taken exaggerated with the help of his older brother's anger, not flinching when the door slammed with finality, the glass panes rattling and the door groaning on its hinges.

If felt like an eternity that he stood there, still and silent, and when he finally moved, his body hardly seemed to be controlled by his brain anymore, his limbs becoming shaky and unstable.

Jeff wanted to scream, to run after Matt and fight with him more, but he had made up his mind the second he had let Matt storm out of the door. The unusual harshness of his words, the purpose of his footsteps, and the icy finality of the door slamming sent a wave of sickness over Jeff's body. He was already numb by the moment his knees hit the wooden floor, mind buzzing with questions that made his head throb like a pulse when his mind tried to process a thousand answers at once. Only one thought remained clear in his mind, shining white in a jumbled sea of black letters and words that made no sense.

Jeff knew that with this situation that there would be no compromising, no shutting himself up in his room and refusing loudly and childishly to come out as he would have done as a teenager. He knew there wouldn't be a round two; Matt's finality in all his actions was like a door slamming in Jeff's face. And no matter how much Jeff wanted to continue fighting, no matter how much he wanted to grad the handle and open it, he knew the door would stay closed, that he wouldn't be graced with the bell's ring.

The painful realization burned into Jeff's head, the realization, for once of many times in Jeff's life that he had stubbornly ignored, that his older brother had been right.

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Reflecting later, as he walked through the familiar trail to serenity through the pinelands on The Hardy's property that had been bought by his grandfather decades ago, Jeff didn't know what had triggered the sudden change in his brother's mood.

He didn't know if it was the countless trips to the hospital at 3am, when Jeff had awoken screaming in pain, and then stubbornly refusing the evidence that his brother held against him, or whether it was his moody attitude towards facing every trip, his unacceptable behavior and antics, hiding around the house and forcing Matt to come looking for him, and then refusing adamantly to apologize when they showed up to the session an hour late, leaving Matt to burble out rushed pardons to his normally patient doctor, who was now nothing short of pissed off with Jeff's negative attitude. Or maybe he could even go so far as to say that it could have been when Matt walked into Jeff's room to find one of his chest of drawers open, and filled to bursting point with the medication the good hearted doctor had prescribed him.

For the last three months.

It seemed that the deeper he walked into the woods, grunting and moaning from resurrected pains, the deeper that Jeff was pulled in by his thoughts, consuming his mind completely as he side-stepped logs and cursed as he stubbed his bare feet on pointed rocks. It was an almost poetic experience that, if he had been in any other state of mind, he would have converted to word and rhyme and lyric. If his thoughts had been more clear, he would have waved a silent greeting to every tree he passed, each uniquely named by himself and Matt, but this time, they only looked like trees, every single one the same, no different from one another in a sea of green and brown.

"A lot like my life now" He realized.

His life once had a purpose, a mysterious force behind it that propelled him over the dark waters, always a thought of something bigger, and each moment adding to the story of his life. But now, it was just there like all these trees, blurry and faded without a reason of being.

And without meaning, he wasn't Jeff Hardy. That was what Matt had said.

~*~

Matt and Jeff had just returned from one of their many trips to visit Doctor Donson, who was practically pulling out her short glossy brown hair in large clumps at Jeff's frustrating attitude to his rehab after the car accident that he had been in only months earlier. The final straw might have been when Jessica had order him, more than asked him (as he would have done normally in a sweet, polite manner) to sit outside while she had "a quick word with Matt"

Quick had turned out to be just over twenty minuets, and from what Jeff could hear from his position squashing himself bodily against the door, more than "a word" was exchanged between the doctor and his older brother.

It hardly mattered to him Jessica began to express her concerns on Jeff's lack of punctuality, with Matt mumbling something on Jeff's behalf about his views of "time being a constraint". And it didn't phase him when the doctor carefully explained to the clueless Hardy about Jeff's abruptness with his answers when it came to physical examination, when he cared to answer at all, and finally his inability to even care about the tiny fact that the doctor was using a large percentage of her over time, and an even larger sum of her pay-check (which for Jeff's human benefit, he did wince piteously for the poor woman), to actually HELP the young Hardy become physically fit and well, and that it was not the opposite, and by the way Jeff had been responding to her treatment the past few months, she wondered if he fully understood that fact. It went on like that for a while, Matt trying desperately to apologize honestly to the exasperated young woman, but barely coming up with the correct words to defend his younger brother's unfair actions.

All morning, the young Hardy had been in a fouler and testier mood than usual, and hearing all these comments, most of which he regarded as insults, did nothing to improve his stormy mood. When Matt had cheerily asked his talented brother about his current work in his art, poetry, music, and many of his other various projects, Jeff snapped irritated at him and then ranted at him for being nosy, and Matt left him, slightly stung, to look coldly out of the window for the remainder of the trip.

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And in reality, a thought of consciousness hit Jeff hard. Up until that point, Jeff had never taken a moment to consider anyone's feeling.but his own, let alone his brother's, and he physically froze and could do nothing to stop continuing to replay the memory in his head like a movie.

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Jeff had been in his bedroom, rocking his restless Katy in his arms. His last nerves, that didn't seem to be able to hold up for more than ten minuets a day, rubbing together making him quickly aggravated when she began to squirm with unsettled vigor and refused, with a stubbornness strangely akin to that of someone else in her more immediate family, refused her bottle. Jeff, fueled by the morning's events and his short- fused temper, suddenly lost momentary control, and began to shake Katy angrily in an intense threat to keep her quiet, causing her to only whimper more loudly.

It was then that Matt chose the opportune moment to bring Jeff a snack.

Jeff almost dropped his shaking daughter in rage when he saw the head of ebony locks pop into the doorway. The uninvited sibling walked in absentmindedly, too caught up in his good hearted, kind brotherly virtues to notice the deathly stare he was receiving from his brother. The moment he looked up, he quickly began to calculate the situation, plucking the distressed looking infant from her father's clawing hands.

Breathing a soft sigh of relief and wondering what would have happened if he had arrived any later, with Jeff in the frame of mind of what Matt liked to jokingly refer to as his "fragile condition" (not that Jeff found it all too amusing at all), he nursed Katy with a sense of nurture that many a long term father failed to possess, looking with his soft brown eyes into her green ones, alive with fright, and making a silent promise to her that everything was alright.

Jeff watched silently, eyes dark and filled with jealousy, as a now more contented looking Katy giggled happily in her uncle's strong arms, completely confident in his strength when he spun her around in the air, a lot like Jeff had been when he was a baby, always comfortable and confident in his big brother's abilities. Matt pulled a funny face at the child, listening to her gurgling laugh and seeing her gummy smile, beaming from ear to ear at his handy work.

"Put her down"

Matt slowly obeyed the command from the cold voice that pierced him from behind, almost wondering whom the person would be that he turned to face. Katy became suddenly quiet, and Matt could tell from the look in his niece's gentle green eyes that she too knew there was something wrong with Jeff. He tried to give her a winning smile, and only prayed that it would keep her silent, for her own good, as he laid her to rest in her crib, fighting to tear his eyes away from hers as he stood again, like her eyes held a silent warning.something he didn't know.

"Take it easy, bro' Matt chose his words carefully as he turned to face the budding father, ashamed of the strong urge not turn his back on Jeff while he was in the same room as him, I was just."

"Don't" Matt found himself cut off abruptly by a voice that didn't even come close to matching the warmth in his own.

"What?" Matt's confusion was openly broadcasted, and he hoped Jeff would pick up the signals.

"Don't touch her' Jeff's voice was an icy growl, pushing protectively infront of Matt to stand between him and the crib, in the manner of which a lioness would protect her cub, leave her alone. You think you're the model father, you don't need to set the standard for me this time, so fuck off"

Matt physically recoiled at the harsh words of his brother, looking at him with mixed emotions, confusion and hurt. He looked at his younger brother like he did not even know him, the depth to Jeff's face, the darkness that shadowed over him made Matt almost afraid to speak to him, because the words that where leaving his brother's mouth, the movements and gestures where not his brother, but a stranger, a person Matt didn't know and didn't want to know. ever.

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"And that' Jeff thought presently, having his eyes opened up to him causing him pain, and wondering what he had done, must have been the final fuse that set of the bomb" And it hurt Jeff more than anything to know that he had caused what would happened next, that he had been the source, and he almost broke down inside.

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* *

All the frustration, anger, hurt and worry that his brother had bottled up for the past months of Jeff's treatment was about to be unleashed.

And it wasn't going to be pretty.

~*~

A/N2: There will be a second part to this chapter, because it was so long, and it is currently in the works, and hopefully will be up soon. I have no intention of disappearing again any time soon!

Reviews are always welcomed in the Imagi-Nation of Jeff's Favourite Skittle. Constructive criticism, sensible and pointers on improvement are always welcomed, with constructive and sensible being the key words. Thank you to every one that is still reading, most of you guys have been with me since day one, and I appreciate every single one of you! Merry Christmas!

~Live 4 The Moment~

~It Just Feels eXtreme~

~The New Kid On The Block~

~Jeff's Favourite Skittle~