Title: Chapel of Love
Disclaimer: I don't own anything That 70's related. Hell I was only born in 79.
Credits: NONE! It is my first non-song fic. Tell me if you like it or I will revert to
my old lazy ways. Ha
Scene 1: Forman basement. Eric flips thru channels as Jackie and Fez flip through JC Penney Catalog. Kelso is at the freezer. Hyde in his chair. Donna comes in with big smile on her face.
Donna: Okay Eric it's done. I'm officially a future student of the University of
Eric: Oh my god! This is so awesome. I can't wait for us to get married and go to
college. We can walk to class together – 2 happy married people. All the other students will be so jealous.
Hyde: Oh yeah man. All those horny guys and new age hippy chicks enjoying perfect
freedom for the first times in their lives- they are so gonna wish they were clipping coupons with you and the little woman.
Kelso: Yeah man. Burn. You are gonna be so unpopular.
Fez: Don't listen Eric. I think your love is beautiful. Like me and my Nina's
Eric: Thank you Fez. You know what – you are welcome in our house anytime.
Tuesday is Casserole night.
Fez: No thank you Eric. I would like to be invited to keggers. Although I think your
love is wondrous I think it is better if we aren't seen together.
Donna: Shut up guys. College is not like high school. It's not all about popularity and
parties. Eric and I are going to get good educations so we can get good jobs and go places.
Kelso: Whatever man – you are (is interrupted by Jackie who shouts out of nowhere)
Jackie: (gets up and slams down catalog) Shut up! Okay. Just shut up. Leave Eric and
Donna alone. There love is beautiful and no one should interfere with that.
Kelso: (looking insulted) Damn Jackie fine. What is your ladies problem?
Hyde: Yeah (looking perplexed) babe – what's wrong? (Goes to reach for her –but she
pulls back and grabs her purse)
Jackie: (backing towards door) Nothing okay um I just need to go (leaves- leaving Hyde
staring at door)
Eric: What the hell? Am I having a stroke or did Darth Vader just defend the light side
of the force?
Donna: No you are right. Hyde what is wrong with Jackie?
Hyde: (still staring) I don't know. She's been acting like that for the last couple of days.
She won't talk to me about it.
Fez: (jumps up shocked) Jackie won't talk! Maybe she's been replaced by a robot.
Kelso: (getting up in Hyde's face) You know Jackie always talked to me. Sometimes I
couldn't get her to shut up. So maybe I should go find her and offer her my services (gets up, walks by Hyde – Hyde pushes him down hard)
Hyde: Sit down Michelle (Leaves)
Scene 2: DMV –walks up behind Nina who is taking things out of locker
Fez (snuggling her) Hello my love muffin
Nina: Hey Fez (backs away uncomfortable)
Fez: What are you doing?
Nina: Cleaning out my locker. Fez (takes his hands) I've quit the DMV. I realized last
night after watching this special on TV that it is wrong to work in a place that delights in the pain of others. So I'm joining the Peace Corps.
Fez: (again looking shocked) You my beautiful princess no longer wish to work for this
glorious establishment? You are leaving me? I will not accept this. You love torturing people. Who are you and where have you taken my Nina you robot?
Nina: I'm sorry Fez. But this is what I must do. I've been moved by poorly produced
programming. Did you know that there are millions of underprivileged foreign people out there who need me? (Walks away)
Fez: But there is one who needs you here
Scene 3: Foreman living room. Eric enters very happy. Sees Red reading paper. Starts to leave but changes his mind and goes to share the "good news".
Eric: Hey dad
Red: (doesn't look up) Dumbass
Eric: Ha Ha laugh it up bitter man. You can not ruin my mood. (waits for it)
Red: (ignores him for a minute –then snaps paper shut) Fine Eric –why pray tell are you
in such high spirits. Did Donna let you drink from a big boy cup on your lunch date?
Eric: No dad. Donna mailed off her UW acceptance today.
Red: Oh and I guess you think that means something don't you? Like you two are just
Snow White and Prince Dumbass going to ride off into the sunset.
Eric: Yeah dad I do.
Red: Well you know what? I'm tired of humoring you. You want a fairytale – then I
guess that would make me the villain. Well the Evil Wizard is gonna take away
the crown. Let's see how you manage college without me paying the bill. (Starts walking away)
Eric: What?! (Freaking) You have got to be kidding me?
Red: If you want to be an adult –then be one. Get married – go to college. But do it on
your own dime. (Leaves Eric standing dumbfounded)
Scene 4: School. Kelso sits at desk waiting. In walks Mrs. McGhee, the math teacher Kelso use to "date".
Ms. M: Hello Michael
Kelso: Ms. McGhee
Ms.M: You are probably wondering why I asked you here
Kelso: Well no I think that is obvious -Carol (gets up struts over to her "sexily")
Ms.M: (looking less than turned on) Is it now?
Kelso: Yeah you want the Kelso loving back. But I'm sorry. We can't do that anymore.
I realize now the importance of love and compatibility in a relationship (still in
Ms.M: That is wonderful Michael. (Pushes him off) But that is not why you are here.
Kelso: (dejected) oh. Then why?
Ms.M: Well Michael you see you never turned in any work this semester. And I'm
afraid I'm going to have to fail you.
Kelso: (freaking) What? But we had a deal.
Ms.M: No Michael. I never said I would give you grades.
Kelso: (shouting) Then what the hell was the point of sleeping with my teacher?
Ms.M: I think it was the sleeping with your teacher part.
Kelso: Damn it. That's right.
Scene 5: Jackie's house. Jackie's room is full of boxes. She lets Hyde in looking sad. Sits down on bed and starts pulling loose string from the mane of a stuffed unicorn.
Hyde: (Sits down on bed beside her and takes her hand away from the string) Jacks
what's going on? Why is all the furniture gone downstairs? What's with all the
Jackie: (tearfully blurts) Steven my mom sold the house.
Hyde: (Jumps up –starts pacing) So cool. What so you guys are gonna rent an apartment
or something? That's good - um -you know -economical.
Jackie: (head down –crying) No Steven (looks up) She says I have to move. To
FLORIDA. Where there's hard water and skin ruining sun. (Crying harder –
sobbing) And I'll never see you again.
Hyde: (looking scared –goes up and embraces her –pulling her close)
Scene 6: Foreman basement. Later that night. CIRCLE. All of the guys look like someone just ran over there favorite pet.
Eric: So my dad cut me off (pan)
Fez: Nina is a robot. She has quit the DMV for the Peace Corps. I hate peace! (pan)
Kelso: I'm not going to graduate. No college. No college girls. I guess I just have to
get back with Jackie. (pan)
Hyde: (smacks Kelso) Jackie is moving to Florida. (full circle pan of everyone's shocked
Eric: Oh my god. Hyde. Man what are you gonna do? (pan)
Fez: My Jackie is leaving me. No, now both my loves are leaving. Damn Peace and
Kelso: No Jackie. That was the last thing I had. (pan)
Hyde: (points –mad) Don't start Kelso. You don't have Jackie and you never will again.
Kelso: Damn Hyde. I'm a failure, cut me some slack. (pan)
Eric: Man why do parents try to kill our love. First Red now Mrs. Burkhart. (pan)
Hyde: I don't know what I'm gonna do man. This sucks. (pan)
Fez: Growing up does suck. I want my candy. (hands bag to Hyde) Here Hyde –Candy
will never leave us.
Hyde: (looks at bag and leaves circle)
Scene 7: Donna's Kitchen. Eric storms in
Eric: Get up. Get your things. We're going to the courthouse.
Eric: You heard me. We are getting married. My dad thinks he can squash our love well
he has got another think coming.
Donna: But Eric we were gonna wait until after we graduated.
Eric: We can't Donna. They'll figure out a way to stop us. We've got to do it now.
(Gathers her in hug – starts with the puppy dog face) I love you. Please
Donna: (slowly becoming convinced) I'll go get ready
Scene 8: Back at Jackie's house. Hyde is helping her pack. Placing clothes in an overnight bag.
Jackie: (still crying finishes zipping up bag) Well I guess that is it.
Hyde: Baby please quit crying. I can't stand it.
Jackie: (throws down bag) Well I'm sorry Steven but I'm scared. I know you guys were
leaving anyway. And that this had to happen sooner or later. But I don't know – I just didn't think about it. I thought that their would be weekends and holiday breaks and summer vacation. But now I won't be here. And you won't… (Hyde grabs her –kisses her hard to silence what he doesn't want to hear)
Hyde: (shushes her as she looks down and begins to cry again) Stop it. Stop okay.
Jacks listen to me. Don't give up on us yet. Have some faith in me. I don't know how to fix this but I'm not letting you leave me. Enough people have –I'm certainly not going to let someone who doesn't want to go.
Jackie: (hugs him – looking into his eyes) I love you Steven.
(Phone rings – Jackie breaks away to answer it)
Jackie: Hello? (Pause) What?! Oh my god-we'll be there. Bye
Hyde: (looks questioningly) What's going on?
Jackie: (hands him bag) Donna and Eric are eloping. They want us to be their witnesses.
Hyde: (shakes head) Those crazy kids. Let's go (puts arm around her and they leave)
Scene 9: Courthouse. Donna and very nervous Eric wait.
Eric: Where are they?
Donna: Calm down Eric I just called them like 5 seconds ago.
Eric: What? It was so 8.
Donna: Eric are you sure you want to do this?
Eric: What? (Scoffs) Of course. Why wouldn't I? (Donna starts to answer and is
interrupted) I mean yes – we are still in high school. And yes- we have no where to live. No jobs. No money. No way to pay for college –so no future. I mean yes my dad hates me and this (points around courthouse) will break my mother's heart –but of course. I am so FOR getting married.
Donna: Eric we are not getting married.
Donna: (laughing) I love you Eric Foreman. And we are going to be together forever.
So we have to wait a while to get married – so what? We will prove we are adults the hard way –by actually being them.
Eric: (making a-ha discovery gesture) What a brilliant plan? Why didn't I ever entertain
that notion? (Laughs –hugging her) I love you –now lets get the hell out of here before somebody tries to marry us. (They run happily out)
Courthouse. Jackie and Hyde walk in hand in hand having just missed Eric and Donna.
Jackie: Where are they?
Hyde: I don't know. Foreman's kinda skinny maybe he's behind a pillar or something.
(Justice of Peace walks by –Jackie stops him)
Jackie: Sir excuse me but have you seen a big red headed lumberjack girl and a spindly
looking guy. They were supposed to be getting married.
JOP: Yes Charming children –they flaked. Now I have an hour to kill before my next
couple at 5. (Walking away displeased)
Jackie: (turning back to Hyde) Well so much for true love. (Starts to leave but turns
around when she notices that Hyde isn't following) What?
Hyde: (quickly) Let's get married.
Jackie: (dumbfounded –shakes head) Steven what are you doing? You can't mean…
Hyde: (drops to one knee) Jackie Burkhart will you marry me?
Jackie: (tearing up) Steven I…you...I…you can't
Hyde: I can. I am. I will. (Pause as he prepares for next statement.) I love you.
(Another pause – Jackie is crying now –in total shock) I won't lose you. So – answer the damn question.
Jackie: (finally believing he means it – throws herself into his arms) Yes Steven! I love
you. I'll marry you. (Applause and scene)
Tag: Foreman basement. Gang minus newlyweds are sitting around doing nothing.
Eric: Has anyone seen Hyde?
Donna: Yeah or Jackie?
Eric: Oh crap we never called them to tell them… (Interrupted by commotion from
Hyde's room –Happy and loud laughter. Door opens to reveal Jackie in Led Zeppelin t-shirt and nothing else. Starts when she sees everybody but quickly recovers. She goes to fridge for ice pops.)
Jackie: (calling to Hyde) Blue hubby?
Hyde: (from other room) Please honey.
(Jackie grabs one blue-one red and heads into other room closing door. Everyone looks shocked)
Eric: Did she just say hubby?
Donna: Did he just say please?
(Hyde sticks his head out of door. Looks around incredulous)
Hyde: What haven't you ever seen 2 happy married people before?