Author's Note: This is just humorous crack-ish fluff. We could all use more fluff in our lives. Anyway, this was inspired by Jenna Marbles' acrylic nail videos, particularity the one where she gives Julien acrylic nails ( watch?v=p42rWr6D4Xc). This was also inspired by Becoming a Lesbian: Megan Bloomfield's Guide for Cheerleaders by Deifire on Archive of Our Own ( /works/11646). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this garbage! WARNING: This fic contains kissing, reclaimed homophobic slurs, and references to/implied sexual content.


'Confession One: Apparently most Sapphic women have short nails. That's because some women have certain parts. Parts that would probably experience a lot of pain, if they were accidentally scratched, during say, sex. And for most lesbians, sex includes hands. That's not to say that there aren't Sapphic trans women who don't have bottom surgery, and that there aren't Sapphic women with long nails. But most Sapphic women keep their fingernails short. However, having had no prior experience with queer culture, and being a virgin before meeting my girlfriend, I had no idea.'

"Whatcha writing?"

Megan nearly jumped out of her skin, at her girlfriend's voice. "Nothing! A shopping list! Do you need anything?"

"We're out of shampoo, but I find this shopping list excuse a little hard to believe," Graham replies with a smirk.

The blonde hangs her head, in lieu of a response. Her girlfriend chuckles, and reaches out to take the book that Megan had been writing in, from the desk. Upon opening it, she lets out a laugh. Written in pink, at the top of the first page is 'Confessions of a New Lesbian'.

"What are you confessing?" Graham cackles.

Megan snatches the book back, with a pout. "It's a combination of a diary, and a handbook. I'm still new to being a homosexual, and I also want other new homosexuals to have some help available, if they need it. I thought maybe I'd put it online or something, at some point."

"That's…Actually a really great idea. I'm sure there are lots of other baby-dykes who would love to look at your experiences as a guide of what to do and not to do. But can I please read what else you have so far?"


Upon reading Megan's first confession, an idea popped into Graham's head. An idea that wouldn't leave her alone. After all, her girlfriend has lovely fingers, and it would be a shame if the two of them never got to experience them, especially because of something like a French manicure. That's how the idea had first began. She decided to bring it up while they cuddled in bed that night.

"So, are you really attached to those nails of yours?"

"If this is a pun, I'm sleeping on the couch."

Graham smiles. "No. It's a question. Would you be against having short nails?"

Megan's face contorts into a thoughtful expression. "Is this about sex, and what I wrote in the journal?"

Graham's smile turns sheepish. "Maybe a little."

The blonde smiled back. "I'll get them short…"

"Yes!" Graham cheers, pecking Megan on the cheek.

"If! I will get them off if you come with me, and get your nails done. No acrylics, just a cleaning, the usual treatment, and a clear coat. Do you agree?"

"I agree," Graham sighs in defeat.


Later that week, the young couple strides into a little nail salon. After checking in for their appointment, Megan and Graham are lead to the back of the salon, in which there are several people, mostly women, in chairs having manicures or pedicures. They sit in a pair of chairs, and Megan squeezes her girlfriend's hand.

"Thanks for coming with me. It won't be so bad, trust me."

"Believe me, I trust you."

Soon enough, the pair of them are getting their feet and hands washed, in bowls of hot water, and various sweet-smelling products. by two women in salon uniforms. Megan's having the time of her life, and Graham has to admit that she's feeling very relaxed.


"Babe, what the fuck?"

"I've gotta get some acetone on my nails, to get this acrylic off!"

"Wait, you can't just cut them?"

"No! That's not how it works!"

"Is that why you always freak out about your nails?"

"Yes."


Eventually, they both get to the point where all that's left is to dry their nails. Graham is hesitant to put her hands in the hot, glowing, purple machine. But Megan does it without a problem, so the brunette follows suit.

"Oh, what the hell?"

"It's drying them."

"No, I hate this."

"You think I don't? Beauty is pain."


After a small eternity, both of their nails are dry enough so that they can leave. Needless to say, as soon as they get into the car, Megan quirks a little smile. "Wanna christen our new nails when we get home?"

"That was the least sexy sentence I've heard all day, but yes."


Later that day, Megan makes sure to add on to her first confession.

'I know getting rid of an acrylic French manicure can be difficult, but trust me when I say that your girlfriend will make it well worth it.'