A/N: Written from a prompt by curiouselfqueen on Tumblr. This was too much fun and I'd been wanting to write another Dramionarry for a while.
PROMPT: Draco/Hermione/Harry - "What day is it?".
"Urgh," Harry Potter groaned, clutching his head and sitting up in bed slowly. "What day is it?"
"It's Sunday morning," answered a cool voice in a soft drawl - one Harry was certain he hadn't heard in many years. His blood ran cold at the familiar tone and Harry scrambled for his spectacles, squinting to spot a shirtless Draco Malfoy sprawled across Harry's bed.
"Malfoy?" Harry asked, gulping audibly when his eyes trailed over the naked blond's bare torso.
"Mmhmmm," Malfoy hummed affirmatively in reply and Harry frowned in confusion.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.
A groan from the far side of the bed, beyond Malfoy, drew Harry's attention before Malfoy could answer and he was certain his head was spinning when Hermione Granger suddenly sat bolt upright in bed with a sharp hiss of indrawn breath.
"Malfoy?" she asked in a strangled voice, her eyes falling on the blond where he remained sprawled between Harry and herself, looking the picture of aristocratic ease.
"Why does everyone gasp my name in such shock when they wake up naked in bed with me?" Draco wanted to know, lifting to pillow off his face to glare at the two of them in a manner that Harry passingly thought was rather adorable.
"I'm in bed with... Malfoy?" Hermione said, obviously not yet firing on all cylinders.
"And me, love," Harry mumbled, waving sleepily at his best friend while his eyes darted down to her bare breasts.
"Harry?" Hermione frowned. "Oh, Merlin's little green apples! I'm in bed with Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. How did this even happen? Gods, there is no way I'm going to live this down."
"Who said anything about living it down?" Malfoy wanted to know, still sounding mostly asleep. "I wasn't aware we'd finished just yet, actually. I was promised another round before you two zonked out. Amateurs."
"Excuse me?" Hermione asked.
"Neither of you were actually that drunk last night that you shouldn't remember shagging me silly into the early hours of the morning," Malfoy said, frowning now. "If you're playing dumb for the sake of dignity, don't. You just sound stupid and a bit like a lush."
Harry blushed crimson at the very idea. He'd assumed, based on the nakedness of the three of them and the fact that it was bloody Malfoy in his bed - despite not having seen him in years - that something untoward had taken place, but he hadn't been banking on a threesome with his best friend and his school rival.
"We... oh, no!" Hermione cried out, covering her face in her hands. Harry wondered if she was suddenly being assaulted with memories that involved a lot of awkward giggling and attempts to figure out how sex worked when there was more than one dick in the equation.
"Yeah," Malfoy's laugh was low and husky, giving Harry goosebumps. "Really let that sink in, Granger. You know, if I'd known you were such a little minx when we were still at school, I'd probably have joined the Order instead of the Death Eaters."
"You did not just say that," Hermione groaned, obviously mortified. "How did this happen, Harry?"
"You think I know?" Harry asked blandly. "Woman, I didn't even know what day it was when I woke up with you two! How did I end up in bed with my best friend?"
"Wait... you two hadn't fucked before last night?" Malfoy asked, seeming intrigued. "Bloody hell, Granger. You're even more of a minx than I thought."
"Why are you here?" Granger demanded. "Where even is here?"
"You know, I think I'm going to pride myself on my sexual prowess to have both of you forgetting basic facts after a couple of - admittedly, mind-blowing - rounds," Malfoy drawled in that condescending way of his that kind of made Harry want to hex him. Of course, based on what he was remembering from last night, another option for shutting the blond git up was on the table, too.
"Harry!" Hermione whined as though he might be able to do something about what a snarky sod Malfoy happened to be.
"Is she always this whiny, Potter?" Draco wanted to know and Harry jumped when Malfoy shuffled across the bed far enough to lay his cheek on Harry's thigh - which was bare beneath the sheet that barely covered his dignity.
"From what I recall of last night, you were the one who made that breathy little whining sound, Draco," Harry replied without thinking. He clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes going wide in shock over what he'd said, expecting Malfoy to cuss him.
He wasn't expecting the slow, sinister smirk that spread across Draco's face.
"Ah," Draco smirked. "There's the snarky, sassy sod who seduced me into bed in the first place."
"I did not," Harry protested.
Draco sighed. "Okay, no, you didn't. She did. Little minx." He nudged Hermione with his knee before reaching for her and tugging on her elbow hard enough to topple her down on top of him. Hermione squeaked in surprise, her eyes going wide to find herself sprawled across Malfoy's chest.
"If she was seducing you into bed, how did I get involved?" Harry wanted to know.
"You've secretly been mad for me for years, Potter," Draco accused.
"Ah... no, I haven't," Harry frowned. "Pretty sure until last night I'd never looked sideways at another bloke, let alone shagged one."
"Always so bloody technical," Draco clucked his tongue. "Alright, fine. I've been mad for both of you for years and Granger was tipsy enough to flirt back and then to suggest we go somewhere more private. You got involved when you tried to interfere to defend her honour and I may have been forced to snog you into submission."
Harry was certain his cheeks were crimson and his eyes darted from Draco's deadly serious expression to Hermione's mortified and perplexed one that suggested she vaguely recalled the events Draco mentioned.
"So... you decided you wanted the pair of us and just... what? Seduced us into bed with you?" Hermione asked.
"Honestly, Granger, it's like you don't know me at all. Of course I seduced you both into bed with me. I'm a Malfoy. I always get what I want."
Harry suspected that must be true when Malfoy curled his free arm up and back to loop around the back of Harry's neck before he found himself being jerked down and thoroughly snogged until he forgot what day it was all over again.