This was a pretty quick update. A kinda lengthy one too.


Chapter 9

Hebi could barely make out select words.

"Time gates... We disabled... Attack soon."

"Senshi... Risky... Timing.."

At the height of an adult being, tendrils of black energy spiraled spontaneously downwards. As it thickened and thinned in its movement towards the ground, a head, reptilian in nature was formed, then its leathery neck, shoulders, body and rest of the body was formed. The moment the energy dissipated and the soles of the feet were completely formed, Hebi collapsed immediately on the ground.

"Hm?" She heard clearly from her position on the ground. She struggled to get on her knees and bow, but found herself too exhausted to do so. "What's this?"

"M-my… lord." She croaked out, just barely. She continued to muster her will to push herself at least to her knees. She failed.

"Why are you here? How are you here?" Her lord asked inquisitively. To her relief, she could hear that he was more inquisitive than angry.

She stopped struggling to get up, preferring to use her resources to simply speak. "F-forgive me. Ther-"

"Hush." He said, to which Hebi followed immediately. She could hear him approaching her. She felt her chin tilted up and her eyes locked into the cold, unnerving eyes of her master. "So tell me. Where does a grunt like you get enough energy to teleport?"

"Huh." Sailor Mercury said aloud as she ran across roofs with her computer open.

"Is something the matter?" Sailor Pluto asked as she ran beside the genius senshi. She wasn't quite used to the Inner's business of running across the rooftops. She would much rather sneakily teleport to the battlefield when nobody was looking. However, considering how little they knew about Nerima, they decided not to risk teleporting in the district.

"The youma's energy signature disappeared."

Sailor Jupiter, to the right of Mercury spoke up. "That's good isn't it? Someone beat it then, right?"

Mercury typed furiously on the computer, impressively moving across the rooftops with ease as if she didn't have the computer in her face. "No, something's strange about the way the signal disappeared."

"Maybe the outers got it." Sailor Mars, a little further in the front said, turning her head.

"What are they doing in Nerima?" Pluto interjected sharply. "There's no reason for them to be there."

"Yeesh, Pluto." Mars scoffed. "Relax, would you?"

Pluto ignored the hotheaded senshi. "What's the issue, Sailor Mercury?"

"Normally, when a senshi defeats a youma, it's energy disperses in a wide effect. Usually the energy transfers back to anyone they stole from then any extra energy just dissipates into the surrounding area." Mercury started explaining, her eyes still tracking data on her computer, still skillfully navigating through the rooftop obstacles. "Or when Sailor Moon purifies a youma, there's an inversion of energy then subsequent negation of it as the youma's purified."

"So." Pluto said dreadfully, understanding the implied meaning. "What's different this time?"

"This time, it seems like there was a gigantic build up of energy and then it suddenly disappeared. Almost instantly. Not a single trace of the energy dissipated over any area."

"So maybe someone killed it when it was powering up to become stronger." Jupiter offered. She didn't completely understand what the bluette said, but still wanted to be an optimist.

"A civilian defeating the youma?" Mars doubted. "Unlikely. Not even that ridiculous boy we keep talking can do that. There's no way he could do anything those idiots mentioned."

"You're right." Mercury agreed. "None of this makes sense. The only thing I can think of is…"

"Teleportation." Pluto said resolutely, knowing the physics and mechanics of the process. She used it herself quite often. "But… that's impossible."

"What do you mean?" Jupiter asked. "We do that all the time don't we?"

"Yes." Pluto explained simply, taking a breath in exertion. "That's because our bodies are linked to celestial bodies of magic to provide us excess energy to do so."

"So…" Jupiter trailed, urging the oldest senshi to elaborate.

"So, it takes an immense amount of power to teleport. Power that a youma shouldn't have access to normally or even after absorbing multiple humans."

"Sounds like the youma ran away." Mars stated, obviously. "What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong, is that that means there are beings either granting it excessive amounts of energy, a youma lord perhaps, or she happened to absorb several beings with incredible amounts of energy, like us."

Sailor Moon finally joined the conversation. "Are you saying there's an even bigger threat out there?"

"That's what I've been saying this entire time…" Pluto said dryly to her queen. Honestly. These kids.

Jupiter ignored the byplay and turned to her friend. "How're you holding up Min- ah, Sailor Venus."

"How many times do I have to tell you guys? It's fine." Venus replied. "I just want to get this over with and forget him. Chances are we won't see him. We'll show up, beat this Mousse guy for some answers, and be on our way. Honestly, I think you guys are making this last longer than it should be. I'd be fine after just a day or two, other years."

The scenery around them gradually changed. Buildings degraded in terms of quality, wildlife became far and few in between. There were less people out in the streets. The only ones that were only seemed to be construction workers who were doing their jobs, albeit all too happily. There were many of them.

"We've arrived in Nerima." Ami said, her eyes still glued to her screen as she started to lead the team to their destination.

You're obviously not fine, snapping at me like that. Jupiter thought. "What are you going to do when you see him?"

"Why would we see him?" Venus replied. "Like I said. We're here to do some business. We do that and we're done. But it seems like it disappeared, so I don't know why we're still going."

Pluto spoke up, snappily. Taking a look around her, she knew she had never been around this area. However, something still tickled her memory. "Quit your drama. We're here to investigate how the youma may have gotten the energy to teleport."

"Don't take your loveless life out on me." Venus scoffed to herself. Frigid bitch.

She wasn't unheard. "I'll have you know that I have my eyes set on a particular young man." Pluto said haughtily. Normally unflappable, yet, with the latest misfortunes setting her on a thin rope, she rose to the gibe that she wasn't supposed to hear.

"You?" Venus snorted. She too, if it wasn't obvious, wasn't feeling the best and her typical respect towards the eldest Senshi wore thin. It especially didn't help that she was ordered to approach her most despised foe.

"Absolutely. He's quite the looker. Strong, muscular, but cute." Pluto listed, matter of factly. It occurred to her that she, a mature adult, was trying to brag to a hormone filled teenage girl. It still felt good. She quickly discarded those thoughts in favor of small satisfaction. "Protective… Hero type…"

"Really." Venus drawled. "What's his name, then?"

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out." Came the smug reply. Inwardly, Pluto honestly did not know. She had only observed the man through the time gates, before it had stopped working. Only occasionally of course. There were other important tasks at hand than that sweet sweet ass. It was just a little stalkerish, she knew. But it's only bad if she knew where he lived, or at least knew his name. It was a shame that the gates only showed what was happening without the intricate details.

"Sounds to me you just made him up." Venus said, smugly.

"Not at all." Pluto replied coolly. "I could describe him perfectly to you if you asked."

Venus snorted. "Do it then."

"Guys." Mars interrupted abruptly. Really, Setsuna? Minako, she expected, but the eldest senshi? "Is this really the time to be talking about this?"

"Yeah." Moon agreed. Disliking the uncharacteristic insults between the two senshi. "We really do have something important to focus on."

"We're approaching the youma's last seen energy signature." Ami announced.

The group fell silent and closed in as Ami directed them in with hand signals.

"Do you believe in coincidences?"

"Eh?" Daisuke blinked. His hands were in his pockets as he walked through the crater filled streets of Nerima. "What are you on about, Hiroshi?"

Hiroshi shrugged. "I mean what are the chances that things happen? Like, take Ranma. What are the chances that he got three fiances?"

"That's not a coincidence. They didn't just randomly fall into Ranma's hands. His father practically made all of that happen."

"Sure, I get that." Hiroshi agreed, dragging his feet through the road. "But what about other stuff, he's met Sailor V the same time she was in London. Then she saw Genma the one day he visited Juuban. And then successfully tracked and found him. Then ridiculously got some engagement broadcasted all across the nation."

"Still on that engagement thing, man?" Daisuke scoffed. "Your 1000 yen isn't leaving my hands."

"I don't care about that." Hiroshi denied. "I mean I kinda do… But I was just thinking."

"Dude, you're overthinking things." Daisuke brushed it off, with a little stretch above his head. "Things just happen."

"Nah, no way!" Hiroshi denied sharply. "There's got to be some being that orchestrates this all for their amusement."

"You mean, God?" Daisuke raised a brow.

Hiroshi frowned. "Not God… Or at least not God the way we think of it. Like it's some child playing with toys imagining some ridiculous scenarios to put them into just for shits and giggles. Ever feel like a completely absurd, out of the blue, situations just happen that are definitely too surreal to be real?"

Some silence passed between them as they walked.

"Ok look." Daisuke spoke quickly. "This bit is taking too long, and it's really not important. Don't worry about it. Just 'live' your life to the fullest. And look! There's the Senshi! Let's follow them."


"Right there!" He pointed.

"Oh shit! The Senshi!" Hiroshi ecstatically parroting his friend and looking up to where Daisuke's hand was pointed to. Sure enough, the senshi were making their trek across Neriman rooftops. "Now, that's a coinci- Hey wait. What're you talking about? Bit?"

"Don't worry about it!' Daisuke cut him off, breaking into a jog. "Dude! The Senshi! In Nerima! Short skirts. Above us! Tight! Bouncy! Camera!"

"Fuck. Right." Hiroshi joined him, clearing his head.

"Did… did he just turn into a duck?" Haruka said. Her eyes were trained on the duck in question currently being strangled by her pigtailed friend.

"Dear." Michiru started, dryly. She too was fixated at the strangling of the avian. "I do believe there's bigger issues at hand here. For example, perhaps, the fact a simple youma teleported out here with a promise to destroy this town?"

"Ranma!" Hotaru cried. "You're hurting him!"

"That's exactly why I'm doing it." Ranma answered ruthlessly, his grip tightening even harder.


"Stop it!" Hotaru begged, moving to the enraged man and pulling him off.

"Okay okay." Ranma submitted, letting the girl pull him off. He narrowed his eyes at Mousse.

The duck wheezed, taking in gigantic honking breaths. He turned to his aggressor and shot him a glare, as well as a duck can.


"Don't look at me like that." Ranma scoffed, running a hand through his thick hair. "Who's the one who brought a youma to Nerima after saving it from the Sailor Senshi."


"Fine." Ranma conceded, throwing his hands in the air. "I'll give ya that. I guess being in a backwards village in the middle of nowhere China keeps you outta the loop of things."


"That's right." He groused, crossing his arms and locking his gaze through the coke bottle glasses. "I ain't taking that back."

"Ranma." Haruka said slowly. "Are you speaking duck?"

Beside her, Michiru fumed lightly. "Can we please focus on the real issue here?"

"No." Ranma answered his old friend. His expression was a delicate mix between serious and annoyed. "I'm pretty fluent with idiots."

"Quack quack." Hotaru said conversationally to Mousse, bending down in a squat. "Quack."

"Quack?!" Mousse put a wing on his chest and backed off from the young girl. He looked at Hotaru suspiciously and looked incredibly, immensely offended. Hotaru tilted her head curiously as he waddled backwards from the girl, shaking his head slowly and sadly.

"Hellooo?" Michiru patronized. "Youma? Teleport? Destruction?"

"Right, right." Haruka pinched the bridge of her nose to push the absolute weirdness of the situation out of her mind. She turned to her lover. "What can we do about this? All I'm getting is that the youmas are going to attack this district because of the amount of 'energy' in this town." Haruka air quotted energy.

"Fortunately." Michiru perked up, she leaned towards Haruka to whisper, keeping a wary eye to Mousse. "She had no idea the Sailor Senshi were right behind her. So we can protect this town."

"So?" Haruka groused, whispering back. "Does that mean we're going to be babysitting this district now?"

"If we must." Michiru whispered regretfully. "Though, this may be a situation we can delegate to the Inners."

"That's not practical either." The blond said frustratedly. "They have school and their own lives. They can't just drop what they're doing to run all the way over to this outdated godforsaken town."

"What are you two talking about?" Ranma asked, seeing his close friend talk to her partner in whispers. Beside him, Hotaru was trying to approach the man turned duck who deliberately refused to make eye contact with the young girl. Beads of sweat gathering along his feathers, creating a glossy sheen.

Haruka turned away from her partner and addressed the pigtailed martial artist. "Don't worry about it. Do you know what the youma meant when she said when this place has 'such energy'?"

Ranma smirked widely and crossed his arms pridely. "Cuz I'm amazeballs." He seriously answered.

Haruka narrowed her violently twitching eyes. "Dude."

"Quack!" Mousse turned his attention to his rival, waddling to his side and ignoring the following blackhaired girl. "Quack quack."

"Ok fine." Ranma sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked at Haruka directly in her eyes. "We're amazeballs."

This time both Ranma and the duck crossed the arms and wings respectively and jutted out their chest, with Mousse leaning against Ranma's leg, like some terrible 80s duo rap album cover. Except, you know, with a duck.

A vein bulged on the side of Haruka's forehead. I swear to God. He hasn't changed. At all. "I think you're taking the protection of your district a little too lightly."


"Yeah." Ranma agreed. His earlier rage evaporated when he thought about it. Sure Mousse was a fucking idiot, but he can't change that. Sure, it added another level of complexity to his already complex web of a situation, but what's another layer to a thousand layer cake? Sure, the youma promised to bring some emo kingdom to Nerima, but from what he saw it wasn't too tough. The youma wasn't too damaged but it couldn't do anything against the assault. He'll just train. "What's wrong? That youma was nuthin' to us."

His friend shook her head. "You're severely overestimating your abilities, Ranma."

"Am not." Ranma denied. "We made it run didn't we? Even after being drained of our energy."

"Yeah." Haruka said slowly. "Explain that, would you. And I swear I'll beat your ass if you say something along the lines of earlier."

"Hmph." Ranma conceded. Not that he was scared of Haruka's threat. "As martial artists, as we train and especially meditate we can draw out our life force, or ki. This makes us naturally stronger and perform some crazy tricks."

"Woah." Hotaru gaped. "Is that why you can turn invisible and poke rocks to make them explode?"

"Yes, yes." Ranma nodded sagely. "Amazeballs." Before Haruka could say anything, he continued. "With intense training, you can expend the amount of ki a person has. Nerima's a kinda hodgepodge of powerful martial artists and hell, even most of the residents here know some basics of the arts. So I'd guess we got a higher 'energy' than normal people."

"So the youma." Michiru put the information together. "Did not completely drain you. Or Mousse. Because you had much more energy than it expected."

Ranma shrugged. "I guess. But, you'd know more about youmas than me."

Haruka stayed silent in thought. There was no way humans could stand a chance against some of the more powerful youmas. Ranma was a great martial artist but he wasn't that good right? They had to tell Setsuna. She'd know what to do. She always did.

Everything was still getting out of hand though. Crazy super powered martial artists, a whole district of them, giant flying bull monsters with tentacles. Christ. All they wanted to do was beat up some cocky martial artist that happened to be in Juuban. Well, Haruka did anyways. That cocky martial artist happened to be her closest friend from when she was younger. Now a friggin youma showed up. It somehow teleported. Some short old guy was groping her chest. Really excitedly. Creepily too. And sooner or later the youma was going to come back to attack Nerima. Which means, now the Senshi have… Wait a second.

Haruka looked down and blinked.

"Ahhh." She heard the diminutive man sigh happily, pressing his head tighter into her cleavage. He started motorboating. He stopped for a moment and through her suit, she heard the senior talk, sending chilling vibrations up her spines. "You know, I wish you didn't bound them so much. Let those babies free!"

Ranma, Michiru, Hotaru and Mousse all stared silently at the teeny balding old man snuggling happily into Haruka's chest. They saw Happosai pop up seemingly out of nowhere and latch on the contemplative blond who didn't react in the slightest. As the old man fell into bliss, Haruka still did nothing. They figured she knew something they didn't. Well, more like, Ranma and Mousse did not want to provoke the master's fury. Apparently Haruka simply hadn't noticed.

"WHAT THE FUCK? Get off of me you pervert!" Haruka bellowed in rage, gripping the old man from the nape of his neck and flinging him away. Happosai quite easily used the momentum to flip away safely.

"Aww." He said, his eyes watery and wobbly. He held his hands to his flappy mouth. "I'm just an innocent widdle old man."

"A widdle old man, sure. Innocent? As if. Sexually harassing me." Haruka growled furiously, quickly closing her suit tightly.

"Hey, Happosai, you old fart." Ranma said, eyeing the man suspiciously. "Whatcha doing here?"

"Ranma-chan!" Happosai cheered, diving towards Ranma with a glass of water. Ranma dodged the water and held the old man by the head, keeping him literally at arms length. "Hey!"

"Hey, yourself." Ranma let go of his grip and got into a loose stance. He was ready for any underhanded tactics the elder martial artist had.

"None of that now." Happosai waved his hand and took out his pipe. Ranma slowly relented, but still he had a wary eye open. He stroked his chin with his free hand while smoking the pipe. "I thought there was something big and scary here. But it's just a couple of lovely young girls."

Michiru and Haruka raised a brow. He could sense the youma? They couldn't even do that.

"Nevermind that now." Happosai quickly waved the concern now. "Ranma, my boy, I spoke with Taro earlier."

Ranma's eyes bulged and he started sweating, sneaking glances at the three curious ladies beside him. Mousse had left the area already. "Y-yeah? And what'd he say?"

The old master stalked up to the nervous boy, one of his hands behind his back sagely and the other still on his pipe. Just a foot away he looked up. "He gave me an offer I can't refuse. Heheh."

Ranma grimaced.

"So you got it yet?" Happosai asked excitedly, his eyes creepily twinkling in anticipation.

"Still working on it." Ranma mumbled, he quickly shook his head. "You ain't just going to take the trade and then keep his name Pantyhose, are ya?"

Happosai frowned and shook his head, looking down. He made little 'tsk tsk' sounds with his mouth. "Well. No. That is, until he offered some ridiculous name instead."

"What was it?"

"GreatestOtherworldlyDeity Taro..." The old man mumbled disgustingly in the most despondent expression possible. "...The second."

Ranma's eye twitched. "Really now."

"Indeed." Happosai said sadly taking a significantly longer puff from his pipe than normal, his own eye twitched the slightest. "G.O.D Taro for short."

"So… the deal's off?" Ranma asked hopefully.

"And pass off the opportunity of a lifetime?" Happosai scoffed, taking another puff. "Not in the slightest, Ranmachan. We came up with a compromise."

"Oh?" Ranma's interest was piqued. He sobered a little, remembering who he was dealing with. "So, what is it? Doily? Brassiere? Stockings?"

Happosai, closed his eyes and took a long deep breath as he proudly announced. "It'll be PhuckingAmazingNobleTitillatingYouthfulHonoredOverpoweringSelflessExcellent Taro."

Four bodies collapsed on the ground.

"What the fuck kinda name is that?!" Ranma yelled as he slowly pushed his body up.

"P.A.N.T.Y.H.O.S.E. for short." Happosai clapped happily. Tears of happiness bubbled up at the underfolds of his eyes. He sniffled dramatically at his most fruitful accomplishment.

"Fucking starts with a F." Haruka muttered as she dusted herself off.

"Yes, well on paper it shall be spelled with a 'ph.'" Happosai said with a puff. That one was Pantyhose's idea. The man had such a crass mouth.

"Titillating?" Michiru spat with a tic as she smoothed out her disheveled hair.

"I came up with that one myself." Happosai boasted gleefully, nodding his head. He was extremely pleased when he came up with that one. "Heh heh. 'Tit'."

"You're joking!" Hotaru exclaimed, straightening her skirt. That was an absurd name! It was far too long.

"Oh everyone's a critic." Happosai groused, shaking his head distastefully. This was his pride and joy. Hours of debating and brainstorming with the hotheaded man. These youngin couldn't recognize art even when it hit them in the face.

Michiru, accomplished violinist and painter, suddenly felt an inexplicable rage ignite within her. She blinked as a visceral desire to strangle the tiny old man passed through her body.

Haruka, once again, shoved the absolute ludicrosity out the forefront of her mind. "What's this deal anyways?"

"You don't need to know!" Ranma blurted quickly. Waving his hands frantically then making a cutting gesture under his neck with one of his hands. This only intrigued Haruka even more, what could make the all mighty Ranma quiver so terribly.

"I suppose this matter wouldn't mean much to you." Happosai looked towards the young women in front of him. To him, they were definitely too high caliber to be staying around Nerima. So they're likely outsiders. The information wouldn't mean much to them. And even if it would mean something. Eh. He was Happosai, he didn't give a damn. So he indulged. "In exchange of changing my ingrate protege Pantyhose Taro to PhuckingAmazingNobleTitillatingYouthfulHonoredOverpoweringSelflessExcellent Taro, my boy, Ranma here's going to snag a panty from one of the lovely and young, but oh so scantily clad, sailor senshi."

The three young women turned to the boy in question who hung his flushed face in shame, both his hands attempted to hide his face from the prying women.

"Do… do the sailor senshi accessories come off?" Michiru slowly asked. Her face flushed in a mix of major embarrassment and minor feminine rage.

"Yep." Ranma said quickly and automatically. Regretfully too as the aqua tressed woman and her ward shot him accusatory, suspicious looks.

"Ranma." Haruka asked calmly and seriously, approaching the nervous boy. It was the same nervousness she curiously saw earlier. She put two and two together.

"Hm?" Ranma dared not look her in the eye. This was it. He was going to lose his last friend. After everything.

She put a hand on Ranma's shoulder and the other tilted his chin up so his eyes would meet hers. She could feel the immense nervousness emanating from him. "Is this what you were going to ask me for? Right before we saw Mousse and that youma?"

Ranma nodded in one slow deliberate motion. His eyes still avoided Haruka's blue ones. Where's the feminine fury? Where's the smack? Where was it going to hit? Oh jeez.

"I see." Haruka said. She pulled Ranma closer and she felt him shiver as she got closer, making her frown. Now this was something that was completely new from the headstrong unwavering boy she remembered. What happened to him? She whispered, wary of the other people in the vicinity. "Don't worry Ranma."

"Huh?" His eyes finally met.

Haruka winked. Enjoying the positively confused face Ranma made. "I gotchu. Let's get out of here, so I can transform and give it to you."

Ranma blinked. Then blinked again. "Really?"

She grinned, drinking in Ranma's reaction. "We're going to have each other's back aren't we?"

Ranma eyes widened and his mouth dropped agape. This was the one scenario he hadn't expected in the slightest bit. Something going his way? "Ka-chan! You're the best."

"I know." Haruka puffed proudly. Her grin warped into a slightly malicious smirk. She was very much enjoying the leverage she had on the cocky boy now. "And don't you dare forget that."

His eyes shined in admiration. Waves of relief washed over him which quickly changed into a rather foreign feeling, appreciation. He put two hands on his dear friend and brought her close to a strong hug. "Thanks."

It was Haruka's turn to be surprised. Ranma wasn't known for any displays of affection or appreciation. Though from the stories from his life and recent events, it wasn't too hard to piece together the small change in character. It wasn't a forced hug or a lustful one. Just a comfortable, supportive hug. Slowly, Haruka wrapped her arms around him supportingly, giving him a few pats on his back.

Off to the side, Happosai appraised the scene carefully, absentmindedly nibbling on the tip of his pipe. Ranma willingly hugging a girl? And initiating it himself? Very interesting.

Michiru was quite astonished. Man-hating Haruka? Taking a hug from a man? How deep was this friendship of theirs? Did Ranma really help Haruka that much?

Hotaru was astonished too. But it was quite clouded with speckles of jealousy. She should have offered her own panties first. Hmph.

"You're joking…" A new voice announced themselves from above them. The group turned to look up to the voice mainly in shock. Ranma and Haruka removed themselves from their chaste embrace. Happosai was personally fairly ecstatic."You have got to be friggin joking. Everytime… Every single damned time!"

"Sailor Venus!" Sailor Jupiter called, attempting to calm the suddenly enraged senshi. She was childishly stomping on the tiled rooftop of the building she was on, throwing her fists down in anger.

"What are the Outers doing here?" Sailor Mars asked, scanning the area. This was where Sailor Mercury had led them to, the last appearance of the youma. Did the outers encounter them before they did?

"Maybe they were fighting the youma!" Sailor Moon concluded.

"That doesn't explain a lot of things." Sailor Mercury noted. "For certain, it doesn't explain how the youma teleported. Or why they're still out in public in their civilian forms."

"Or what they're doing with him." Venus growled. Why in the world was Haruka hugging him?

"HOT MAMA!" Happosai cheered, dropping his pipe out of pure excitement. So young! So much skin! So perky! Bouncing towards the largest pairs he could see. "My boy, you're truly a blessing."

Sailor Pluto twitched. "Is this the Ranma person you all keep talking about?" She slowly peeled Happosai from his position in between her breasts. Disgusting.

"Hey!" The old man whined, pathetically grabbing at the air in the direction of the green haired beauty. It was so plump. "I wasn't done!"

She narrowed her eyes dangerously at the lecherous man held in front of her. He wasn't a youma, she knew that, but he might as well be classified as one. To her delight, Happosai stopped squirming as dread loomed over him.

"Uh no." Jupiter informed the eldest senshi. She pointed at Ranma who was standing next to Haruka. His eyes were trained on Sailor Venus in deep apprehension.

Pluto's gaped in shock, feeling her face uncharacteristically flush. She gasped in surprise, dropping the old man who dashed away from the scary lady. "He's Ranma?"

Mercury and Jupiter tilted their heads towards the senshi, curious at the exclamation and her expression.

"I need to go check something." Pluto mumbled, turning around and leaving quickly. "Mercury, you're in charge. Find out what's going on here and report back to me as soon as you can."

"Uh. Sure." Mercury nodded as the Senshi soon disappeared.

"Hey…" Moon mumbled, mostly to herself. "I'm the leader here…"

"Yatta!" Happosai cheered, seemingly teleporting from one girl to another, flipping their skirts, groping breasts, and feeling up butts, each time eliciting an indignant cry of fury from them. "So Ranma, who's the lucky gal?"

Ranma growled. "Stay away from them you old fart! I toldja I'll uphold my part of the deal!"

"No!" The old man cried, enjoying himself far too much, moving from one to another. "Make me!"

"That's it then!" Ranma dashed to the rooftop where the senshi stood, holding their skirts down and bending forwards to protect themselves. He jumped up and kicked the lech square in the center on his forehead, intercepting before he could reach his next target, Sailor Venus.

"You ungrateful brat!" Happosai yelped, rubbing his forehead. "You brought them here, and you're not going to let me enjoy it?"

"I didn't do nothing! They came here on their own." Ranma stood defensively between the senshi and the perverted master. He assumed they came for the youma that had disappeared but that wasn't important for the gnome to know.

"Ranma! How dare you deprive your master of such beauties?!" Happosai yelled, a lustful aura bursting from his tiny body.

"Oh? Is that how it's going to be?" Ranma challenged, taking a stance. He turned his head to the side. "You girls get away. I can take him on."

"W-what?!" Mars sputtered, the earlier red of embarrassment and shame was quickly replaced by anger. She shot a fiery glare at the pigtailed man. "Who do you think we are?!"

"Aw, hell no!" Venus stalked angrily up to Ranma, pulling him back by surprise. "You are not going to pretend to be some innocent hero defending the honor of innocent women."

"Venus!" Jupiter called out. She recovered from the earlier harassment and intended to stop her friend before she made anything worse.

"We can fight our own fights." Venus addressed Ranma, with her back to the man. "You can run along now."

"Hey now..." Ranma felt a tic develop.

"I don't know what you were doing with those civilians there." Venus tilted her head towards Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru standing around, seemingly frozen in stupor. "But if you could kindly stop inserting yourself in every aspect of my life now, that'd be great. Now shoo shoo." She made a dismissal motion with her gloved hands.

"You're the one coming to me!" Ranma shot back, pulling her behind this time. Sailor Venus found him the first time. Sailor V found him the second time. Their group approached him the third time. She followed him the fourth time. "Didn'tcha say you wanted to forget me? Well! Go away then!"

Happosai blinked and aura flickered out as he watched the bickering. "Hey now…"

"You dumb bastard!" Venus shouted back, moving closer to the pigtailed man. "You think I'm going to let you have the pleasure of pretending to be some martyr?"

"I ain't pretending!" Ranma growled through gnashed teeth, shoving his face in front of the furious senshi. "And I don't even know what that means!"

"Ranma-chan…? Pretty girls?" Happosai asked, looking up sadly and feeling neglected. He looked over to the other senshi who just gave him a mix of confused shrugs and fearful shakes of their heads, none of them even daring to intervene.

"Like I said… dumb bastard." Venus said snidely. "I'm not just going to forgive you just because you protect us from some old man! You're not going to be any less of a shit stain!"

"You don't know who that old man is." Ranma responded back. "And you don't know me! This isn't some game to me!"

"Sureee." Venus spat sarcastically. "Come back and say that four years ago."

"I said I was sorry! Okay?" He spat back. "But I ain't going to leave. He's my enemy. This is my fight."

Happosai popped up in between the two of them, his eyes sparkling with legitimate concern. His bald head widened the small gap between the shouting pair. "Hey, you two… Relax would you? You can both fight me."

"You stay out of this!" The two shouted simultaneously while also punting the diminutive man, also simultaneously.

"Venus Love Me Chain!"

"Moko Takabisha!"

"Urk!" Red ball chains enwrapped Happosai restricting him from any movement as a large and powerful ki blast struck him, sending him into the atmosphere.

"Venus Love Me Chain?" Ranma said, distaste clear in his tone. "What are you? Some kinda dominatrix?"

"Oh so you know what dominatrix means but not martyr?" Venus shot back with the same distaste in her tone. "Pride of the Fierce Tiger? Are you some kind of 80s character?"

"It's cool okay?" He huffed, crossing his arms. "It shows off who I am."

"Yeah." She suspiciously agreed, her eyes cold. "All that predator pride from picking on a thirteen year old girl. SoOOOO fierce."

"Christ! I said I was sorry! I thought you were my friend! How long are you going to hold this grudge?"

"You gave me recurring nightmares! For years!"

"Then I'm sorry you're such a pansy!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" A demanding voice piercingly yelled. The two angry teens turned to their offender, rage etched on their face. Sailor Moon, who had enough of the constant bickering and finally decided to intervene staggered at the pure hate the two emanated. She quickly resolved herself, the extreme tiredness of the situation overcoming the slight fear. "The two of you are going to shut up, this instant!"

Venus, who was unused to Moon being in such a manner, quickly did so. Ranma followed quickly too, as he didn't want two angry blond females directed at him. The two turned away from each other, crossing their arms.

"Thank the Gods." Mar's voice could be heard from behind them. The rest of the senshi, including the untransformed ones, nodded in agreement, sharing the sentiment.

Moon stalked up to them. "What are you? Children?"

"Maybe she is." Ranma muttered quietly.

"What was that?" Moon snapped, turning her attention to him.

"Nuthin'" He quickly shut up.

Venus let out a snicker. She was also quickly shut up as Moon directed her glare to her.

"Mina." Moon addressed the girl, not caring about revealing their identities at the moment. Venus looked up to her queen. "This has gone on long enough. He apologized. Multiple times from what I heard. It's in the past now. It's done. He was young and stupid. He didn't mean it maliciously."

Venus opened her mouth to protest but was quickly cut off.

"No, Mina. If we don't forgive our enemies, we'll never rise above them. We're better than this. You're better than this. You don't have to forget it. It happened and that'll never go away. Don't let some old baggage just hold you down. Love and Justice. That's who you are."

The senshi of love tore her gaze from her leader silently.

"And you." Moon turned to Ranma. "What is wrong with you? Don't you have a conscious? Can't you think about anything other than yourself? I heard about your life, I guarantee you, you could have avoided the majority of it if you just thought about others. Stop being so selfish."

Before Ranma could even think of replying, she continued.

"Your parents suck. Okay. Fine. So it's not entirely your fault. But you cannot blame everything on others. Take some responsibility for your actions. What made who you are doesn't have to be who you will be. I know you're a good person."

Now Ranma turned his head away.

The collective group of senshi stared in silence at the lashing their normally ditzy airhead gave the two. They were glad they never got on Usagi's bad side.

That... was kind of hot. Haruka thought, offhandedly.

Michiru, beside her, subconsciously licked her lips.

"Now the two of you are going to set aside your differences..." Moon commanded, crossing her own arms, looking much like a mother reprimanding naughty children. "...And you'll be working together against a common threat."

Venus and Ranma blinked. "Threat?" They both said.

Moon reached out, putting an arm on each of the two shoulders and whipped them around, and pointed her finger off to the distance. "That."

Both their eyes widened as they took in what they were supposed to fight.

Happosai had come back from Earth's lower atmosphere but this time he appeared as an enormous being. His violent, hateful aura manifested itself to a semi-tangible being towering far above the small buildings of Nerima. He was easily taller than 150 meters.

"Rawr rawr!" The seemingly gigantic old man said, holding out his hands limply and teetering between each foot. He hissed, his tongue snake-like. "Ranma~~ You'll pay for that~~"

The watching senshi sweatdropped. What is he? Godzilla?

"Okay…" Ranma said slowly, his eyes trained on the giant. "I guess… you can help me. Just this once."

"Hmph." Venus snorted, getting in a stance. "Don't fall behind now."

He snorted and shifted into a stance himself. "Have I lost before?"

"We'll be fixing that later."

"You wish."

The two of them charged at the old lech.

"Holy shit!" Hiroshi said with a camcorder pressed against his right eye. He reflexively closed his eyes as blinding light flared in front of them. He flinched as HapZilla roared in defiance. "This is amazing!"

"Yeah man." Daisuke agreed, his right hand laid perpendicular to his forehead, protecting his eyes from the light. The two of them were standing a block away from the battle, having tracked the senshi there. Unfortunately the Senshi were a little too fast for them and they were only able to get the scene as HapZilla appeared. "Nabiki's going to be pissed knowing she missed this."

The ground shook as a couple explosions boomed ahead of them. The scent of carbon sifted through the air and the two wrinkled their noses.

"Godzilla doesn't use bombs."

"Godzilla also isn't a three hundred year old man."

"Okay fair."

"I think it just makes it even more epic."

Now the two turned their heads to the side as gusts of winds blew through the streets and a massive tornado ascended into the sky. Through pinched eyes they could make out HapZilla standing in the center barely keeping balance against the roaring winds. They completely closed their eyes as light erupted into the center of the tornado at blinding levels.

"Nabs' going to be beyond pissed."

"I know. It's going to be so great."

"We're going to be famous!"

"Or we'll be blackmailed to hell."

Two more bursts of light erupted in front of them. One familiar blue one then a solid yellow one. HapZilla faltered and shrunk a tad. There was a long tremble in the ground and the two tried their best to remain balanced. Once the trembling finally stopped, there was a flash of light. This time it was off to the side of them, rather than in front.

"Could you not be so pessimistic?"

"It's not pessimism. It's realism."

"Yeah. Well. Stop doing that too."

"Huh? Why?"

"It's weird for you. We're not known for that."

"Nah. People don't really know us. So we can do whatever."

"Ah, good point. I forget that sometimes."

They stayed silent as gale winds rushed through the streets even stronger than before. They could barely make out chains constricting the shrinking HapZilla which consequently caused him to lose balance and actually take off into the sky. Dual shouts of cheering could barely be heard through the dying winds.

"That was utterly ridiculous." A disbelieving voice said from their side.

"It was so COOL! He wasn't lying at all!" An excited voice cheered.

"It's hard to believe he's just a human…" A skeptical voice popped in.

"So skilled. I wonder what else he could do." A lustful voice muttered.

Daisuke and Hiroshi turned to the voice with Hiroshi pocketing the camcorder. "Oh hey, it's you guys again." They waved.

Ami waved back. "Hello Daisuke. Hello Hiroshi."

"Why'd she say your name first?" Hiroshi groused in a whisper.

"How's it going Ami?" Daisuke greeted her back. "You here for one of our famous tours?"

The bluette stammered. "O-oh I."

"Of course she does." Makoto stepped in, pushing her forwards. "You go have fun. We'll go check on Mina. And the others."

"Uh. Okay."

"Believe us now?" Hiroshi shouted across the street.

Rei was taken back, her eyes widening indignantly. She scoffed and turned away. She, Makoto, and Usagi walked back towards the fight area.

"Hmph." Hiroshi muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Rude."


The group returned to the scene, doing their best to ignore the absolute destruction of the 'street'. The 'street' literally being a foot lower than it originally was with smoldering, deeper craters and smoke wafting into the air. Homes were completely destroyed and leveled, shops obliterated, and cars upturned and warped horribly. They had gone around in their senshi forms for damage control but to their surprise, and slight chagrin, people had already evacuated, even taking their valuables with them. They were far too used to this sort of business.

"Yeah. Anything. Look, I really do feel bad for doing all of that to you. I want to make it up to you."

The three inners found the three outers who had taken refuge in a nearby building. They too were flabbergasted beyond words to what they witnessed.

"Uh huh... If you really mean it. Then follow me."

In their peripheral they could see Minako take Ranma's arm and drag the confused boy into some, miraculously undamaged, alleyway. They chose to ignore the two as they seemed too occupied.

"Where's Setsuna?" Haruka asked the inners. "I thought I saw Pluto come in with you all."

"She left." Makoto shrugged. "She found out who Ranma was then immediately went away."

Haruka frowned at the news. Unsure what to make of it.

"What were you guys doing here?" Rei asked, crossing her arms and giving Haruka a harsh look. She knew Haruka was likely responsible for this. "Setsuna had no idea where you were."

"I wanted to see Ranma in action." Hotaru answered.

"What do you mean?" Usagi asked.

Michiru answered. "We met Ranma yesterday in Juuban. It was unknown to what he was doing there, but he spoke about his martial arts, after performing some dangerous flips and invited Hotaru to meet him at his dojo."

"Oh." Makoto said in realization. That was the day they met female Ranma in the ice cream shop.

Haruka nodded in confirmation. "The moment we came in here we were dragged into chaos…"

"What exactly do you mean?" Rei asked impatiently.

Haruka rubbed her forehead soothingly. "We met two of Ranma's fiances. A fucking flying bull monster with tentacles appeared. We left. Female Ranma fell from the sky. I assume you guys probably know about that. We talked an-"

"Flying bull monster?" Rei interrupted, much to the annoyance of Haruka. "The youma?"

"Actually that was Taro." Makoto informed, having seen the picture Daisuke provided to Ami and read about him. "He's cursed. Like Ranma."

"What about the youma?" Rei demanded.

"I was getting to that Rei." Haruka sighed. "I spoke to Ranma then his friend, some hair product-"

"Mousse." Hotaru supplied, happily. "He turns into a duck!"

"Yes. Mousse." Haruka rubbed her head again. So much shit happened in the past few hours. It was hard to keep up. "Mousse came, interrupting our talk. He was carrying a youma that I guess he thought he saved from you guys. He's blind as a bat."

"Heheh." Usagi chuckled at remembering that scene. It was a huge relief, to know he wasn't some youma lord. "What happened next? Ami said something about teleporting?"

Michiru continued the story, letting Haruka take a break. She was going to tear through skin at the rate she was rubbing her temples. "When we revealed that she was a youma, she tried to drain all of us of our energy. However, it failed."

"No. It worked." Haruka mumbled through her hands. "She just didn't drain them completely.

"Because Ranma's amazeballs!" Hotaru chirped up. "Mousse too!"

"Right." Michiru agreed and continued. "Mousse and Ranma both fought the youma. Almost defeating it until it disappeared. We have reason to believe it teleported back to the dark kingdom and is planning to send forces here in Nerima."

Rei, Makoto, and Usagi, blinked. "Wait. Why?" Makoto asked.

"Amazeballs!" Hotaru parroted.

"They have a lot of energy or something." Haruka answered, she finally stopped rubbing her temples and was now leaning tiredly against the crumbled wall. "It also explains how Ranma could do all of that."

"Then Happosai showed up." Michiru said.

"Happosai?" Rei frowned, processing everything.

"The old dude who groped you all." Haruka muttered.

"Ugh." Usagi shivered.

"Then you all showed up." Michiru finished.

"Wait a moment." Makoto paused the conversation, eyeing Haruka suspiciously. "None of that explains why we found you and Ranma hugging each other."

"Oh right." Haruka said, wincing a bit. She needed some Tylenol. "We're old friends. Way before our senshi days."

Makoto kept staring at Haruka, raising a brow.

"I'm lesbian." Haruka growled. "Always have. Always will be. I think of him as a best friend. Or even a brother."

"So he is a good guy!" Usagi clapped.

"Perhaps not good." Michiru added. "But better than however Minako envisioned him."

"Hey guys!" The aforementioned girl popped out of the alley, walking towards them with a cheery smile. She brushed off her hands as she approached. "What are you guys talking about? Oh! Were you waiting for me?"

"Mina!" Makoto said, smiling, happy to see her friend. Sweat gathered at the back of head, a feature that all the other girls shared. "How're you doing?"

"Never better!" Minako turned back to them and smiled beatifically. She turned to Usagi. "You know, I think I can finally do this forgiving thing. Thanks Usa!"

"Great!" Usagi said, with a hand scratching under her odangos. "I'm really sorry that I yelled at you. I just hate seeing you like that. Or any of that. And you really were being childish with him. And you guys kept bickering and calling eachothernamesandthen-"

"Yeah, I know." Minako interrupted quickly before her fearless leader could burst into tears. She thought back to the sharp lecture she had been given. She smiled at her leader. "You're right. I won't forget that it happened. I appreciate it, dumpling brain."


"What were you doing in there?" Haruka eyed the long haired blond suspiciously. One thing she had noticed was that Ranma had not come out.

"Yeah." Makoto quickly agreed, though she had her own suspicions. "You two were there pretty long."

"We were talking more. And nothing that hasn't been done before." Minako said cryptically. She looked at Makoto and gave her a wink. "Wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. He agreed to it."

Haruka raised a brow at that. And Makoto scowled trying to determined if that meant what she thought it meant

"I'm glad that's done and over with." Rei said with usual edge in her voice. This whole situation had been going on for far too long.

"Me too, honestly." Minako agreed wholeheartedly, nodding her head sagely. "I think I'm at peace."

"You were so cool!" Hotaru innocently went up to Minako. "Your fighting with Ranma! You two really worked well together."

"You think so?" Minako looked up. Remembering the fight. The two worked in tandem, bouncing off each other's attacks, communicating, and with little difficulty. It was... therapeutic to say the least Her delicate stroke her chin. "Huh. Yeah, I guess we did, didn't we?"

"Yes." Michiru, agreed. Absentmindedly smoothing out her quite smooth dress. The fight was beyond what she had expected normal youma battles to be. Contained a higher layer of skill and art than she thought was possible on a battlefield. "It was very impressive."

"Thanks Michiru!" Minako smiled again, causing a few people to flinch. "That means a lot coming from you."

"Right. Well." Haruka spoke deliberately. She had concerns for her pigtailed friend. He still hadn't left the alleyway. "We should go find Setsuna and talk about what to do next."

"Good idea!" The pretty guardian of love and beauty agreed, taking the first steps to lead out the district. "Let's go!"

The group silently followed the bubbly blond, a stalk difference to how she was before. As they passed the alleyway they could hear a voice.


The group paused at the alleyway, with Minako continuing to walk forward, humming obliviously.

"...this is significantly harder than I thought it'd be..."

Simultaneously, the group, sans Minako, took a single step in and slowly processed the scene in front of them. Ranma was found hogtied, but suspended over a pretty pungent garbage can. He kept teetering to and fro as his hands and feet were bound together but he could still swing. A long orange ribbon was tied over his body and attached a fixture above his head, taut as his weight kept it down.

Silence reigned throughout the group as they wondered what, was keeping it all together. It was expertly done and rose suspicions to why their bubbly senshi of love knew how to do it so well.

Ranma wiggled around, futilely trying to get out again. Oh man. Did he feel bad for doing this to her. This was tight!


Hope you enjoyed that chapter!

Edit: Changed a significant portion of the end. Wasn't funny. Was just plain mean. Significantly darker than intended. I appreciate people pointing that out. Has been adjusted.

Don't expect quick updates. Things come and go. I do know I definitely don't want to abandon my fic so there will be updates. Just... who knows when they'll come.

Originally, I intended this chapter to be pretty serious. Then I thought. Fuck it. This is totally better.

I was also thinking. I could end it here with Minako's business being resolved. But I guarantee y'all want more.

What's the point of the Daisuke and Hiroshi scenes? Not much. I just remember some review saying they shouldn't have the ability to break the fourth wall (chapter 6). So I thought. "But… Why not?" Though I can say, they serve as comedic undertones that continue a gag that I started earlier. Meta-commentary is also one of my favorite things in humor. Bob Lobster also included them in his story, so I figured I'd keep that too. I also like the scenes. So sue me.

I'm going to some shameless plugging real quick. Please check my other story: Contractors of Chaos. It's action packed comedy with, in my opinion, a higher level of writing than the majority of Like a Senshi Scorned (the first few chapters anyways) considering I've had 3 years since then to develop my writing skills, humor, plot development, and world building. You may not be familiar with the series but that's okay. It's funny, I swear.

Reviews are appreciated. Criticisms or compliments, it matters not.