Music: «Hello Dolly» by Ella Fitzgerald.

"Garak, stop it immediately!"

"Stop what, my dear Julian?"

"Stepping on my feet all the time!"

"Oh. I must admit, doctor, I thought you were more tactful."


"When it comes to pointing out mistakes. Given that we just started."

"So is it a mistake then?"

"Of course, are you supposing indeed that I'm stepping on your feet on purpose? It was your idea — to teach me this strange earth dance that requires partners to stay so improperly close to each other."

"Come on, Garak, there's nothing improper in it, and, moreover, you are an excellent tailor, so you shouldn't have problems with coordination."

"My dear Julian, are you really convinced that I'm sewing with my feet? That would be nonsense. Well, of course, there are species that—"

"Oh, come on!"

"It is the second time this evening that you ask me to come on, but your instructions still lack accuracy."

"Garak, you know exactly what I am talking about."

"I haven't the slightest idea, doctor. A turn or a bend now?"

"A bend. Garak!"

"What is it this time, doctor?"

"It was meant that I'm the leading partner — given that it is me who is teaching you after all! And what did you do?"

"What did I do?"

"You've almost dropped me to the floor!"

"It isn't true, my dear Julian, I had everything under control, though I still find some figures of this dance very provocative."

"If it is the goal, then positively any pair dance could be found provocative."

"Really, doctor?"

"At least Earth history is dappled with such prejudices. Ouch! Feet!"

"I apologize."

"You do no such thing, you're absolutely not sorry, and any remorse is definitely foreign to you!"

"You are too cruel."

"So turning my new shoes in their feeble semblance isn't cruel?"


"Dancing shoes. You're wearing the same, by the way."

"Oh. What now?"

"Honestly, Garak, I thought cardassians have eidetic memory."

"So we do, but, I'm afraid, it is of no help here."

"Let me bring on a holographic pair again for you to have an example before your eyes."

"Bad idea. I'll get constantly distracted by a dress."

"Can't you really switch off even though for a while and cease being a tailor?"

"The point is, good doctor, that dress appears to me a part of a dance, that's why, while looking at the hologram, I just get more perplexed."

"You can change into a dress if it would be easier for you to memorize."

"My dear Julian, I hope, you won't argue the statement that a dress would look much better on your figure?"

"You are too hard on yourself. Ouch!"

"I apologize."

"I can't believe it!"

"Honestly, doctor, it wasn't on purpose."

"I would never have thought that you make such a horrible apprentice."

"I'm doing my very best."

"To be as bad as possible? Confess, is it a vengeance on me for The Never Ending Sacrifice?"

"By no means, doctor. Although you really declared yourself a bearer of atrociously mediocre taste and superficial attitude to reading that time."


"But since it's past, let's concentrate on dancing. Ouch! What was that right now?"

"It was by accident."

"Oh really?"

"A Starfleet officer's honor. Will you doubt it?"

"Am I imagining things or you crossed your fingers behind my back?"

"I didn't know you have eyes on the back of your head, Garak."

"They are hidden under my hair."

"Was it sarcasm or am I not aware of something else about the cardassian physiology?"

"Of too much, I'm afraid, to demonstrate it right in the ballroom, doctor."

"There you can when you want to. A turn now."

"I just finally memorized the sequence of steps and moves."

"Garak, what are you doing?"

"And what am I doing?"

"You're trying to lead the dance again."

"But I did finally memorized it."

"And what does that change?"

"What is it that you don't like, doctor?"

"Ouch! Maybe that I'm not used to be a following partner."

"In this case, you got an opportunity to gain an exciting new experience, didn't you?"

"You almost dropped me again."

"It isn't true, Julian."

"Ah so, it's not true, is it? Damn, I already start to get dizzy. Garak, you are dancing too fast."

"Do I? And you were telling that I make a horrible apprentice."

"I take my words back, you're quite a quick learner. That, however, doesn't change the fact that you still squashed my feet."

"But you already decided that it is my vengeance for The Never Ending Sacrifice."

"But you're denying everything."

"Without any doubt."

"Then it is a vengeance after all, is it? Garak, you do that again and I'm going to lose consciousness straightforwardly mid-flight."

"But a bend."

"It doesn't mean you should keel me over so that everything swims before my eyes!"

"I thought you are tougher, Julian."

"Oh, yet you dare to laugh!"

"Tell me, doctor, what for then are you taking vengeance on me with this dance?"

"Taking vengeance? I was under the impression that we are engaged in a cultural exchange here."

"By dancing a dance in which partners are staying improperly close to each other?"

"There you go again. Should I remind you that it is you who usually constantly violate my personal space? And still I say nothing to you!"

"No, you are just provoking me."

"Into what?"

"Into this."


"Yes? A turn too sharp again? Well, forgive me, Julian."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"About what clearly wasn't a dance figure!"

"About this?"





"Are you deriding me?"

"Do I? To my thinking, it is you deriding me, Julian."

"Oh really?"

"You can't imagine quite how indecent a dance invitation is on Cardassia."

"But I haven't invited you to dance! I merely suggested to teach you... damn! Why didn't you just tell me right away?"

"You get embarrased so nicely that it was definitely worth it."



"You are unbearable!"

"I like you very much too, Julian."

"Is there anything capable to throw you off balance?"

"Like this?"

"Ouch! I told you not to do that again!"

"But we are still dancing."

"In this case, maybe we should declare a lesson learned and a cultural exchange accomplished, shouldn't we?"

"I have a counter offer."

"I'm already terrified."

"You are a Starfleet officer, aren't you used to meet danger with your head held high?"

"What an offer, Garak?"

"I, in my turn, could teach you a dance as well."

"But you said yourself that a dance invitation on Cardassia appears to be something exceptionally indecent."

"I did."

"Oh. Oh!"

"Do you have any objections?"

"In this case, we should reconfigure the program. What ballroom is needed for cardassian dances?"

"Any horizontal surface will be sufficient."

"Yours or mine?"

"Mine. It is me who will act as a teacher this time."

"I'm not sure there will be found much that you could teach me."

"We'll see it, Julian. I dare say, I'm not only a quick learner, but a no less talented teacher."

"Are you implying that it is me a difficult apprentice?"

"Prove me the contrary."

"And I will!"

"Then do."



"Why to keel me over now?"

"I couldn't resist the temptation. So what then, doctor?"

"I suppose it is time to proceed to the next lesson."

"I was beginning to think you'll never say that."

"Computer, end program."