A/N: LMAO, this is based off that one Kevin Hart bit. There's a LOT of language. So. Yeah. It's very much crackfic.


Tasha gave Leo permission to swear- once, just once.

It started when he came home from school one day with a note from Principal Perry.

Dear Tanya or whatever your name is,

Maybe if you gave your son more attention he wouldn't behave like a little criminal in school.

From the Desk of Terry Perry

Tasha was livid. "How dare she?" she said, ranting to Donald for a few minutes before turning back to Leo. "Leo, tomorrow when you go back to school, tell Principal Perry to mind her damn business, or I'll come down there and kick her ass."

Leo stared at his mom. "You… you want me to say that?"

"Yes!" Tasha said. "What did I just say? Tell her to mind her damn business or I'll come down there and kick her ass."

"No, like, I heard you," Leo clarified. "Just. Like. You want me to say it like that? With the swear words and everything?"

"Yes, Leo," Tasha said, waving the note in exasperation. "This is over the line. Just tell her what I told you, okay?"

"You don't want me to take anything out?"

"NO."

"Okay," Leo said, nervous.


That afternoon, instead of playing video games with Adam and Chase he went down to the lab to practice his lines.

"Okay," Leo mumbled, pacing in front of the cyber desk. "My mom told me to tell you to mind your DAMN… no, wait, that's too loud. It's not believable. Okay. She told me to tell you to mind your damn business or she's gonna come kick your ass. Okay."

Leo practiced until he was tired, and then he went to bed. Big day tomorrow, he needed his rest. In the morning he woke up and pulled on his clothes before meeting Bree, Adam and Chase for breakfast.

"Hey, Leo!"

"Good morning, Leo!"

"Leo, what's up?"

"Not today guys," Leo said, waving off their excited greetings. "I have a lot of stuff on my mind. I can't get thrown off."

Adam put down his bowl of cereal. "What do you mean?"

"I can't really say," Leo told them evasively. "All I can tell you is that it's about to go down."

"What?" Chase said.

"Look, just, it… it's about to go down," Leo said again. "Just be behind me when I walk into school."


So when they got to school, they walked in the front doors with all the other students. Principal Perry stood by the first row of lockers, saying hello to everyone when they came in.

"Nice shirt, did it come with the loser inside?" she said to a boy walking past. "Good morning, looks like someone didn't get enough beauty sleep. Hi, welcome back to school! I cut the air conditioning bill so I hope you all enjoy sweating as much as I do! Good morning!" When she saw Leo, her smile disappeared. "Dooley," she said.

"Principal Perry," he said.

"Did you give your mom that note?" Perry asked, leering down at him.

"Yes. I. Did."

"And what did she say?"

Leo took a deep breath and looked back at Adam, Bree and Chase. "It's about to go down," he said before turning back to Perry. "So, my mom told me to tell you to mind your damn MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS, BITCH." He went nuts. "Croatian hockey-playin' bitch! Hairpiece-wearin' chainsaw modeling bitch! Two-plus-two not knowing what the fuck it is bitch! Eastern European prison guard sweating like a rhinoceros bitch! Extra tailbone-having six-toed leprechaun bitch!"

What was crazy was that Adam, Bree and Chase were behind him losing it. "Ooooooooh," Adam whooped as he watched on. "He said she had an extra tailbone!"


Leo got suspended. And grounded.

"I told you to say two cuss words," Tasha said later, furious. "You said 76 of them."

So yeah, Leo got carried away. Later, when he was confined to his room, his siblings came in to congratulate him. He might have taken it too far, but that shouting match was still one of the coolest things they ever witnessed.