Wondering why there hasn't been an update on The Thing in ages? Well, this is (at least partially) to blame. A non-magical AU where everyone's famous movie stars instead of famous witches/wizards. I decided to start writing, thinking I'd only be writing a series of one-shots. It would maybe be 10,000 words in total.

40,000 words later….

You should know from the get-go that this is basically just a set of one-shots with a recurring theme. I've tried to split them into sections, but mainly they are just a bunch of scenes I had in my head that I wanted to share with you all. And they were all kind of related, so I bundled them together and called it a story. So here it is. Enjoy. Or don't. It's up to you.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters you recognise, which I thought would have been pretty darn obvious given it's posted on a site called .

Second Disclaimer: I have no idea how Hollywood works. Big surprise. Who would have guessed that a girl who writes fanfiction in her pjs doesn't now about Hollywood? I haven't even watched Entourage. So if you're an aficionado on how celebrities operate, or are looking at an accurate representation of what it's like to be a celebrity, stop reading now. You won't like this. It's rubbish. But hopefully it's enjoyable rubbish for the rest of you.

Prologue: How Things Began

"I lie awake and watch it all, it feels like a thousand eyes."

A Thousand Eyes – Of Monsters and Men

It will go down in history as one of the most memorable Oscars moments ever, this car crash that's occurring on stage.

Harry Potter is attempting to receive his well-deserved Academy Award for best lead actor in the critically acclaimed Order of the Phoenix, but there's someone standing in his way.

Draco Malfoy.

Swinging his arms wildly as he ascends the stairs and gestures at the statue, the blonde man is swearing profusely. Security edges their way on stage only to be stopped by Draco when he scowls at them and yells, "Don't you fucking touch me! I'll sue you fuckers if you come anywhere near me!"

It's a scandal if ever there was.

Draco and Harry's animosity is well documented; two budding child stars that grew up and took very different paths, they've never seen eye-to-eye. Malfoy called Potter a spoiled brat, Potter said Malfoy was a self-entitled prick. They weren't exactly friendly. Harry stayed the good path, avoided partying, dodged scandals, stayed grounded. Draco was addicted to cocaine by age 13, had burnt most bridges by the age of 16, and had entrusted his wellbeing to people who didn't care for him, as long as he made them money. Harry was vocal of his disapproval of Malfoy's antics; Malfoy was vocal about basically everything Harry Potter (and gang) did.

So when Harry Potter wins the award Draco Malfoy had wholly believed was owed to him, things didn't go well.

Ron Weasley feels the need to intervene, being Harry's best friend and all. He walks up to Malfoy and tells him, in no uncertain terms, to pull his bloody head in and get off the stage.

And that's when the punches start being thrown.

Malfoy's the first to land a punch, but Weasley recovers quickly and throws one back, connecting with the blonde man's jaw. Draco stumbles – the hit plus the alcohol and other drugs in his system throwing him off balance – but recovers and lunges after Ron again. Hermione Granger marches up to where her husband is brawling with the man she's only met a handful of times and demands he stop this at once! Harry runs in as well, and security eventually gets their shit together and moves towards the group as well.

Malfoy dives towards Weasley, but he manages to step out of the way.

Both men were completely unaware Hermione Granger was standing behind them.

Draco Malfoy tries to pull back too late and tackles Hermione Granger down a set of stairs in front of a room full of the most influential and famous people in the acting world. Gasps and shouts echo throughout the room; Ron Weasley screams hysterically, and Harry Potter dives towards his fallen friend.

Draco Malfoy is dragged from the room by security and leaves the room a disgrace to the entire industry.

In the days following the incident, Hermione Granger files an intervention order, and Ron Weasley is more vocal than ever of his disapproval of drug use. Harry Potter quietly accepts his Oscar but never makes a speech.

The moment is remembered as one of the best/worst moments in Oscars history.

Rose Weasley is nothing but a thought at this stage in time, and Scorpius Malfoy isn't even that, but they will both inherit this moment as the beginning of their relationship.