Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½, or BSSM. In point of fact I'd like to point out that I own no anime series whatsoever. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure all the ideas I'm using have been used by other people before too and to much better effect. Why are you reading this anyway?

Nermia Prefecture, Dr.Opus's Wellness Center
Miko Mido's Office 3rd Floor

Ranma whistled through her teeth happily, as she strolled off the elevator and down the hall.

'Wonder what a 'sex therapist' does. Doc said something about filling in some blanks for me and the Kami knows I could use it. Pops never gave me The Talk… exactly, not unless animal husbandry means something more then Akari mentioned when she was talking about her farm. Then again she does like Ryoga's curse…'

Shaking her head, in a futile attempt to remove that particular image from her mind, Ranma started checking door numbers for her appointment with Dr.Mido.

5 minutes later…

Smiling to herself (Images of a small black pig and a naked farm girl had faded) Ranma sighed as she finally found the door she was looking for. 'Why'd they have to go and stick it this far from all the other offices?'

Reaching for the doorknob, Ranma felt a sense of foreboding she hadn't felt since Akane had tried to cook lasagna (3 dead, 12 injured, Lasagna still at large). Shrugging it off, as she had all common sense upon entering Nerima, Ranma opened the door. After all, how bad could it be?

Ranma watched blankly as a very naked woman fought with several of the smallest ninjas she had ever seen, right in front of her.

A cry of "Projectile Pubis!" from the woman sent several of her… hairs flying through the air like throwing spikes, only to miss their target and slam into the door frame right next to Ranma's head.

Nodding absently to herself, she calmly stepped back and closed the door. Reading the name plate on the door, and checking it against the paper she had in her hand.

'Let's see… I can go in and break up the fight, get mauled and have everything blamed on me, or I can wait until they solve it on their own, which ain't likely, but at least she'll have less energy to beat on me with.'

Smiling to herself, Ranma sat down, leaning against the wall and waited for the fight to end, or at least tire everyone involved enough that she wouldn't have a problem with handling them. After all, Ranma was on vacation.

Ranma had heard about Vacations before. She had even gone on a few with the Tendos, but since she always ended up doing the same things she did on a daily basis (just in a new place) she decided they were more along the lines of a working holiday then an actual vacation, but here she was, in a place where she was promised food and sleep with no one attacking her, and she'd be damned if she didn't get a Vacation out of it!

Leaning against the wall and waiting for the small surges of chi she sensed, as special techniques were used, to die down she whistled cheerfully. Completely at ease Ranma barely noticed another ninja's approach, as it silently glided from shadow to shadow.

"Can't go in Konatsu. You're just too tall."

Blinking at this non-sequitur Konatsu paused for a moment before stepping out of the shadows and replying.

"Pardon me Ranma-domo, I am searching for Mistress Ukyou. Do you know where she might be?"

Glancing up and taking in the cutely dressed male kunoichi (A pink suit of Ninja-wear?) as if for the first time, Ranma nodded and stretched out her senses.

Konatsu suppressed a shiver as he watched Ranma's eyes take on a faint blue glow for a moment.

It seemed like every day Ranma-dono's power grew. Not that anyone really seemed to notice, but as a kunoichi, Konatsu had been trained to take note of the smallest ripple that would denote a change in the water and expose a shark. Ranma had shown ripples in abundance.

He learned techniques and styles at an insane speed, yet never seemed to use them in his daily battles, despite the many times he had shown himself to be a genius at adapting and expanding techniques.

He had turned a simple speed exercise from the amazons into a technique that allowed him to strike an opponent hundreds of times in the space of a blink.

Konatsu wondered briefly if he insisted on wearing silk because it was the only material that could stand the strain of moving ones entire body at that speed.

And yet somehow no one seemed to notice…

"18 feet up and 32 feet north."

Startled out of his thoughts by Ranma's laconic answer, Konatsu just bowed and scurried off into the shadows.

A softly spoken "Projectile Pubis" drew his attention to Ranma's relaxed form, as he watched a 'needle?' shoot out of Ranma's crotch and nail a fly to the wall.

Shivering slightly, Konatsu drew the shadows around him like a cloak and sped off.

Ranma watched Konatsu slip away into the shadows. 'I've never seen him do that before.'


A.N.: Yes I am using the godlike version of Ranma. He's only going to be the main character for a dozen or so chapters before I pick on a couple of others. I've never felt that any of the canon pairings worked, so I'm trying for something different.

Ryoga and Ukyou: Have little in common and Ryoga would continually get lost, making it hard for him to help run a restaurant and I doubt Ukyou really wants a husband who can double for an entrée.

Mousse and Shampoo: Work in the same way that Kuno and Akane work. In other words, they don't. I don't think obsessive stalker types who like to grope and fondle their 'Object Of Obsession™' against their will, while attempting to murder anyone their O³ loves, is romantic. I think it's sick.

Kuno and Nabiki: LOL! Do I really need to go into that one?

Tofu and Kasumi: She wants someone older and exciting. One out of two just doesn't cut it. Unless he can be cured of his tendency to go nuts around Kasumi it's a moot point anyway. They moved him off the series when it became apparent that he looked to be in his early 20's and always had since the day he had arrived in Nerima nearly a decade ago, yet had nearly as much knowledge and skill as Happosai and Cologne. Truthfully I think he's wandering the world trying to find a way to put an end to the Arch-Lich Betty-Chan who has sworn he will never know love as long as she exists!!! Umm… ignore that.

Ranma and Akane: Oil and water mix better then these two. I don't care how much you love someone, I can see these two ending up on the Nerima's version of C.O.P.S. nightly. Nevertheless I plan R/A in this fic. Nobody said I couldn't toss in a couple of others tho'!