This was your average Joe. He walked for a path with a stunky by his side, when suddenly the clouds went black and from the sky came down an arceus.
"Hi, Tommy. It's me, Arceus."
"Whoa! What the hell?!" he said.
"Yeah, Tommy. I'm Arceus, god of the gods."
"Arceus. I made the very fabric of space and time."
"Sorry, I have no idea."
"What?! I am the creator of this planet and everything! I am an ancient deity from a niche cult that existed once thousands of years ago in Sinnoh."
"Well, I am from Unova. And my grandpa told me that Thundurus, Landorus and Tornadus made the region. If somebody has the power to make the planet Earth, they are. So, I am not buying it. See ya!"
Arceus was very angry. "I am not one of those folkloric gods. I am the god!"
"Can you prove it? Can you make another planet right now?"
"Well, that's kind of difficult, but I can create a pokemon."
"Hm, that's interesting. So, can you create any pokemon?"
"Not exactly. I can make three pokemon. Very powerful ones, may I say."
"Only three kinds of pokemon? That doesn't seem like much for a god. Still, you can make pokemon from the ground up all by yourself. That's impressive."
"Well, not quite. I may need the aid of a couple hundred of unown."
"At least you can make them right here right now. Don't you?"
"A ritual place from ancient ruins will be preferable."
"Wait, Tommy. I have something to tell you. Darn, I can't believe you don't know about the alpha pokemon."
"Hold on, are you a pokemon? Can pokemon talk?!" he asked Arceus and then turned to look at the stunky.
"Of course. Pokemon are very intelligent sapient creatures."
"Garlic! Enough, stop it!" he yelled to the stunky that was licking its genitals. "It always does that. With that and humping my leg, it can get very annoying. Sorry, what were you saying?"
"That pokemon are people too."
"Oh, right." He got a pokeball in his hand, then opened a plastic bottle and was about to pour out some water over the ball.
"Hey, no!" Arceus yelled. "What are you doing?!"
"Well, I am going to destroy this pokeball. If pokemon are people, then I don't want to own them, that's like slavery or something. I thought they were sort of like pets that you can train, but it wasn't the case, so I'm freeing Garlic. Well, not Garlic, that's not its real name, it is a nickname I gave it. What's your name buddy?" He stared at the stunky in the road.
They looked themselves in the eye for a moment, then the stunky resumed its genital licking.
"Fair enough, you don't have to trust me right away," he said.
"No, you don't get it, Tommy. Garlic is necessary for this too. Your fate, both of your fates, is to save the world."
"It is your fate."
"Nope. I deny it. This fate that you said, nobody asked for my opinion. I say no."
"It's not up to you to decide it. Your fate is set into stone."
"No, it's not. I don't know you at all and you come here bossing me around out of nowhere."
"I am Arceus! The god of all pokemon!"
"Stop saying that. Damn. Enough with the god thing."
"However, it is true."
Tommy became clearly annoyed. "God of gods you say? Well, did you prevent Opelucid City from getting frozen by those lunatics in the flying pirate ship a year ago?"
"No. I was sleeping. I just awakened."
"What about three years ago? Did you stopped those terrorists that attacked the Pokemon League in an ambush with a freaking castle?"
"Or ages ago, when the two brothers, founders of Unova, fought? Their conflict was so bad that the most powerful dragon of the region split into two!"
"Isn't that convenient? You seem more like the god of sleeping."
"I am doing the right thing now, by telling you this message."
"Because you just so happen to awake in time to prevent a great catastrophe and you suddenly developed a caring sense of morality to save the planet instead of just keep snoring."
"I am not here to hear your complaints. The past doesn't matter anymore. You can save the world."
"Why? Why it has to be? I just began my pokemon journey a week ago. There are a lot of people with more experience. Go bother them."
"No, Tommy. I had a vision. A vision from the future. You are the one that will save this world."
"So, now it is about a vision. Well, supposing that you're are telling the truth. If you saw the future, then you can change it and prevent whatever will destroy the world from happening. So, you don't need me at all."
"I cannot. The vision involved you. That means you are the chosen…"
He sighed heavily. "Look. If you are really the god of gods I'm sure you will figure something out. The great god pokemon should be the strongest between the strongest. There is nothing I can do that you don't. Period."
"I had this vision about a powerful threat from the underground. The details are very blurry, but you were there, so you must be there to fight."
"Okay, fine. If I agree to all this stuff, what's the plan? You will become part of my team and then both of us train together until the threat appears?"
"What? No, I don't. I got things to do, being a god."
"More important things than saving Earth?"
"It is very godly busy stuff."
"Right. Well then, I think I can accept one of those pokemon that you can create, if they are as powerful as you say they are."
"No, not at all. You need to build your own team by yourself with none of my intervention."
"That's bollony! How I am supposed to defeat a big evil if I don't get the strongest pokemon?"
"With hard work and dedication, Tommy."
"What are you talking about?! This is the world's fate, this is not some kind of fable or fairy tale to learn good lessons at the end."
"Who knows, Tommy. You may find special pokemon in your path. Maybe even shiny."
"Why would I want shiny pokemon? They are the same as the regular ones, but can't hide because of all those bright colors. In a sense they are worse. I suppose I could sell it. People seem to like those very much and will pay a lot of cash for them. However, pokemon are people," he said, then paused. "Wait a minute. People like those pokemon only for their appearance. What if I was a pokemon from breeders and they only loved the shiny ones? Or even worse, what if I was a shiny pokemon and the other people just loved me because I'm pretty and will never be interested in me as a person. No, the whole breeding thing! We are mating people to just born prettier and stronger people for our amusement! I'm feeling sick."
"Tommy, calm down. Don't change the subject, we are talking about something more important right now. The whole world's fate."
"So, to summarize: In this fated journey I will defeat a dark threat that will end the world with my team formed by random pokemon I found along the way. All of it without you needing to move one single finger. Am I wrong?"
"That is correct."
"Can you at least give me some training? I'm pretty sure if I am able to defeat the Mr. God of Gods, then I can beat anyone."
"No, you need to keep going into your adventure. Beat the gym leaders, collect the badges, challenge trainers all over the region."
"No, no, no, I'm stopping you there. Why in the world will I go into some kind of adventure instead of training my ass off in order to save the planet?!"
"It is important. In your journey you will meet you allies."
"Allies? Well, at the very least I will not be on this alone. Who will they be? Possibly the strongest trainers that there are. I could go for the former champion Alder, or the current one, Iris, she is kind of cute. Or even that guy that attacked the League, rumors say that he still has one of the brother's dragons. I think it is a white one."
"None of them. In fact, all of your allies are novices. They began almost at the same time that you did. It is fate."
"Noobs, like me."
"Yeah, you all will grow together as trainers and form strong bonds of friendship that will bring you enough support so you can save the world."
"That doesn't sound better than having strong fellas."
"You will see Tommy. It will be a group of four. An unfunny boy that will make bad jokes and will end up as your best friend, a designated girl that will be your romantic interest, and a prideful prick that will be your rival."
"Is that girl cute?"
"Yes, but she will be hard on you, constantly insulting and belittling you to hide her true feelings."
"This is not going to work. Sorry, I can't do this."
"The world needs you."
"If the world needs me, so it will need everyone else to help too, I'm not accepting all this responsibility just because you say so."
"It is your fate."
"If it was my fate. Fate should have sent a messenger that wasn't such a pain in the ass." He squatted to talk to the stunky in the road. "Buddy, it was a pleasure. Here, have my number, call me if you want to go for the whole pokemon battle thing. You are strong, but lack some technique, I'm sure if I become your manager I can make you a champion. Tell you what, I'll see you next Wednesday here to talk about it."
He extended his hand to the pokemon, who just responded by sniffing it.
"It's a date," he said to the stunky.
He resumed his walk down the road in front of the surprised Arceus.
Near that road, a little kid and his mom were just passing by.
"Look, mommy! A giant shiny stantler!" the kid said pointing towards Arceus.
"No, sweetie," his mom replied. "It looks more like some kind of giant winter sawsbuck and I think it is about to have babies because it has that big belly."
The kid and his mom laughed.