Disclaimer: I do not own anything Peaky Blinder related, that belongs to the series creator Steven Knight.
Chapter Twenty-Eight: You Are Not Alone.
Slamming the front door behind him, Thomas shrugged off his coat and hung it up before heading into the living room trying to wrap his head around the mistake that had been made and knowing that this might not end well for him. He hadn't expected the crates to be filled with guns especially when he had sent his men to pick up an entirely different consignment but there was nothing that he could do about it now.
"Tommy? It's the middle of the night," a voice whispered making Thomas turn around only to be faced with his wife, he hadn't meant to wake her; he hadn't even realised that he'd shut the door that loud. His mind too busy racing to work out the next step in what he was going to do, he had been the one to mess up and he'd be the one to sort it out before anyone else knew what was happening.
"What's wrong?" Rosemary asked stepping towards Thomas, she reached out a hand to comfort him seeing the distress across his face; she feared for a moment that John had done something stupid especially while he was grieving for his wife.
Rosemary would not deny that she was rather upset with John's actions, him bringing whores back to the home that he had shared with Martha now that his wife was gone just didn't sit right with her. Especially not having watched Martha call that place her home and make sure that it stayed that way during the four years that John had been off fighting in the war; she had never dared thought to bring another man home while he was gone.
"I've gone and fucked it all up," Thomas admitted putting his head in his hands, he dropped back to sit on the couch while he wondered just what he was going to do. People would most certainly come looking for the guns and he couldn't just take them back, it would raise too many questions; he was stuck with them and he couldn't have them being traced back to his home.
Rosemary stared at him for a moment before taking a seat next to him, she brushed her fingers through his hair and watched him not sure what he had made a mess of. If he was here then Rosemary was most certain that Arthur wouldn't know what had happened, she very much doubted that the older Shelby brother would have let Thomas come home like this before sorting out the issue.
"Then we'll make it right," Rosemary told him, two heads were better than one and she was certain that they would be able to work this out between them; she could keep a secret and she wasn't going to turn on him. Thomas raised his head and looked to Rosemary, she had no idea what she was getting involved in and he wasn't going to put her in jeopardy because of his mistake; he wasn't entirely sure what he would do just yet.
"I am your wife, Tommy. We're in this together no matter what," Rosemary informed him, her fingers tangling in his dark hair and she searched his blue eyes for the answers that she sort. The last thing that Rosemary wanted was for a bigger wedge to be driven between them, she knew he was occupying himself with work and had pushed her away but she was sticking by him. It didn't matter to her what he had done, he was here with her and Rosemary would take that any day than being ignored; a reassuring smile formed on her face as he stared at her.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Thomas asked cupping her face, she was far too good for him and he wondered why she had married him at all sometimes especially given how distant he had been since returning from war. There were nights that he didn't come home and yet she was always there to greet him when she did; a smile on her face and dinner on the table.
"Prayed to the right God maybe," Rosemary teased leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek, it was late and she had a feeling that this situation was only the beginning especially if he had screwed up like he said he had. Thomas nodded his head at this, his thumb starting to brush against her cheek and he couldn't imagine anyone better at his side; he doubted anyone else would put up with him for this long.
Leaning forward he kissed Rosemary, unable to recall the last time that he had felt so at ease in his own home; there was no lingering reminders of the war, no work calling for him. It was just them and Thomas couldn't help but wish that they had more time like this to themselves.
"Tommy?" Rosemary whispered shaking her husband awake, his face scrunched up in agony as he tossed and turned in his sleep; nothing she seemed to do would shake him from the nightmare that had claimed him. They had turned in for the night and Rosemary was almost in awe how attentive Thomas had been when they had come to bed; his lips burning trails into her skin for the first time in what felt like forever. It had been his tossing and turning that had woken her up along with the whispers that fell from his lips pleading for something that she could not give him no matter how much she wished to grant him peace.
"It's alright, I'm right here," Rosemary cooed, her fingers gently moving to his face as she attempted to wake him from his terrible dreams; she could only imagine what was going on inside of his mind. Giving him a bit of a harder shake, Rosemary didn't want to scare him even more than necessary; she just wanted to wake him up.
Jolting awake, Thomas sat up and stared across the room his eyes darting around trying to find the unseen enemy that had been attacking him in his dreams; his breathing heavy and he sat ridged for a moment. He flung back the covers and turned away from Rosemary, his hands shaking while he tried to calm himself down and forget about the war. His breathing was ragged and his shoulders shook with each breath that he took, his head down as Rosemary sat behind him; her eyes watching him concerned not knowing what to do.
"Tommy?" Rosemary whispered slowly reaching out to touch his shoulder, she paused when he shrugged her off before sighing and moving closer to him. She waited for a moment before gently wrapping her arms around his back, she pressed herself against his bare back and sat quietly; she closed her eyes wishing that she could take away his pain.
Thomas hadn't been the same since he had returned from war and Rosemary could not imagine what he had been through; she doubted that he was the only one that had come back changed from the war. There had never been a war like that one before and Rosemary prayed that they would not see the like again; she feared for her husband and she just wished that she could ease his mind from the pain that he was in.
"Please don't shut me out," Rosemary whispered closing her eyes, she just held Thomas not letting him go wanting him to know that he wasn't alone in this; she was here for him and he didn't have to do this alone. The room was silent and Thomas squeezed his eyes shut trying to drowned out the visions in his mind that threatened to consume him; his hand shakily reached up to rub his neck trying to relieve the pain that he felt there.
It was another couple of minutes before Thomas reached for Rosemary's hand and lifted it to his lips; he pressed a kiss to it and wished that he wasn't so broken. He wished that things could have been different and that he hadn't come back from a war that had ruined him; he felt like he was living off a life while he bore the scars that war had left on his body and mind.
"It feels like I can't breathe… like the world is collapsing around me and I'm stuck back in those fucking tunnels again," Thomas mumbled shaking his head unable to look at her while he spoke. His head bowed low and he closed his eyes, squeezing them trying to block out the ghosts that threatened to swallow him; the only thing that kept him grounded was the feel of Rosemary pressed against his back.
It was hard to believe that he was truly home. Rosemary didn't know what to say, she had no words that it would take away his pain nor did she know how she could help him; she just hugged him from behind and held him close. Her eyes closed while she listened to his breathing, she was always going to be here for him and she hoped that he would always remember that; they had come so far and she was sure they would be okay.
Things might never be like they had been before the war but Rosemary knew that they would make it, she had waited for him to come home for four years and she wasn't going to ruin things now that he was home. Turning around and looking at his wife, Thomas paused for a moment trying to find the words to explain just how he felt but couldn't find the words to describe it.
Leaning forward Thomas kissed her, his hands moving to cup her face wanting nothing more than to get the ghosts of the past out of his mind.
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