Chapter 1 – I AM AWESOME!
If you didn't want to be disappointed, the best way was to expect the worst, so it was a really good thing that nobody (except their bossess, but even they were giving up, and Germany) actually expected the nation's meetings to make any progress at all, even not somewhere productive because the end result was always downright destructive, at best a waste of time if nobody (usually Prussia) decided to burst out the alcohol.
Today was one of the aforementioned pointless meetings, it hadn't even been ten minutes and the mood of the room was already hovering around "alcohol time since we're all bored out of our minds anyway" and about to take a deep plunge all the way to "hell" - which was what happened when the nations got drunk and decided to start going back to pirate, vikings days, try to make other "one with them", molesting anything that breathed and sometimes anything that existed and other various mentally traumatic for life, mind-scarring events - was Germany's prediction. And it was, of course, because of-
"Bow down to my awesomeness! Because I AM THE AWESOMEST! ~kesesesese"
-a certain overzealous, probably drunk nation whom he had the misfortune of being related to,
"Dude, what do you mean you are the awesomest? I, the hamburger-loving hero am the awesomest, because heroes (and hamburgers) are awes-"
a superpower who certainly didn't act like one and usually tilted towards being more than humanly possible dense on his best days
"How many times have you said that, you self-proclaimed fat hero idiot? You should not argue and immediately kneel and hail me! ALL HAIL THE AWESOME DENMARK!"
and a former viking with a giant battle axe and a voice to match. And they just happened to be all stuck in a meeting with nothing to do, bored out of their minds and seconds away from turning this meeting into a playground brawl.
Just. Fucking. Wonderful.
"How dare you insult my awesomeness? I am the awesomest, even Gilbird agrees. Right, Gilbird?(tweet tweet) So does West! Right?" Prussia turned expectantly to his younger brother who looked like he was trying, in vain, to break the table with his head.
At his words, Germany raised his head to try and dissuade his brother (although when had it ever worked?). "Bruder, I don't think-"
"West agrees!" Prussia crowed, hanging upside down from the chandelier (Germany had no idea of how he got up there, although he didn't know how he was even at the meeting in the first place since he wasn't a nation anymore, but it was Prussia, and one learned to mostly not question his actions in an attempt to keep their sanity intact) "I am the awesomest! I am the awesomest! I am the awesomest!"
"HELL NO!" countered America who was staring the upside-down Prussia straight in the face, their faces so close they may as well be trying to stab each other with their noses. "I am the awesomest! Both France and Iggy agrees, right? And that's three against two coz your tweety thing doesn't count!"
France, who was massaging his cheek which had just been slapped by an irritated British when his hand, ahem, accidentally slipped, perked up at the mention of his name. "~Ahon hon hon, Amérique is seeking my advice? Of course you are awesome! Don't let Eyebrows discourage you!"
"…don't…call…me…iggy…or…eyebrows…" was the reply they heard from the British who was hiding in the corner with some weird dark aura around him and staring intently in some thick book that America had dubbed the book of "Iggy's Eyebrow Growing Formula".
"Yay! They both agree! So once again the hero, against the odds, triumphs and becomes the awesomes-"
"Not so fast Amerika. I am the awesomest because I am a former Viking and I have more brain cells than the both of you together! All my fellow Nordics agree, right?"
All the other Nordic nation's faces meet the table, except Sweden who gives Denmark his world famous death glare and Norway who also settled for glaring as he was too far away to attempt to squeeze the life out of Denmark.
And Germany had had enough.
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!", he yelled, banging his fist on the table, causing a tremor to run through the wood. He glared at the three arguing nations.
"But bruder," complained Prussia, "those two dummkopfs won't admit that they are not as awesome as me…"
"What about a contest?" suggests Finland who was somehow halfway out of his chair and half-sitting on Sweden "The three of you can compete to see who is the awesomest!"
"Great idea dude! Let's do it!" America yells as if it was the best idea in the world, despite the fact that every nation with at least an ounce of common sense are edging towards the door in order to avoid Germany's inevitable explosion.
"NO" thundered Germany, in a foul mood (because, no shit, who wouldn't be).
All their bosses had decided that there would be a week long meeting in a final desperate attempt to get things done (not that it was working). The nations were currently in a meeting room in Moscow, which America claimed stank of "commie evilness".
"Bruder! Please?" pleaded Prussia. Seeing as his brother wasn't budging, he turned for the final weapon which was bound to work ."It'll be fun! Right, Italy?"
"Sì! Please Doitsu? Pretty please with pasta and tomatoes?" asked Italy, immediately activating his adorable-puppy-eyes-that-Doitsu-could-never-resist, "Please?"
"Fine," muttered Germany, unable to resist Italy's puppy eyes, and it wasn't like they were going to make any progress anyway. "But who will hold them?"
"We're in Moscow, right? Then the commie bastard can hold them, problem solved! ALL PRAISE THE HERO!" Shouted America.
"Da." Agreed Russia "The contests shall begin tomorrow! My dear Baltics will help me, right?"
The three poor Baltics could only nod, shaking more than a deer in Antartica during winter.
"The meeting is finished! See you all tomorrow, da?" And with that, Russia, with the three Baltics (albeit unwillingly) following, left the room.
"TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!"
Finished! Awesome! What contests do you think they should hold? Please review, ya all awesome readers!