SMLE Chapter 1: I Started A Joke

'Breath in and out, slowly.'

Edward did so. They were off. He'd forgotten they could come off. The monitor next to his bed was blank, its suckers dangled by its side in a neat coil.

'Please stay still,' Doctor Wilber Force knelt as he examined Edward. So far, while he did have yellow skin, he was healthy. Healthy and cold.

He took his mind off the cold by examining the lines across Wilber's face. They weren't always there. Edward could have sworn that the Doctor had none when they first met. Wilber's hair was full of life back then, rather than the duller blonde it had become.

Maybe he'll dye his hair when I'm gone. Maybe I will do mine. Will my team mind that? Who will I meet? I hope I get on with them. What if I'm put in a team by myself, Team E. Wait, that's not a colour or something positive. Mind you, I think it has a ring to it. I guess, I'd be Agent E, can't form a team with one guy.

Edward stopped rocking. He gripped his bed tight. As he held back a giggle, Wilber removed his stethoscope.

'Good to go.'

Edward hopped off the bed. His lanky frame was free of anything to anchor him down. He felt the absence of anything on his chest and took in a deep breath. What was ordinary for everyone else was amazing to Edward. Despite his sickly appearance, he felt more alive than he ever had.

'Are you sure about this?' asked Edward's mother, Heather. She stood in the doorway of his room, idly stroking the picture of their family on his door. His mother was build like how he wanted to be, a warrior.

'Yep, yep, yep.' Edward slipped his green shirt back on. 'I've learnt at home, now it's time to learn where all the greats have learnt...and uncle Jekyll.'

She rolled her eyes and smiled. 'You can't say perfecting liquid dust wasn't great.'

Wilber stood up. 'Didn't he break a wing of his lab to do so?'

'Terrible, but great.'

'I thought that was your cousin Tom?'

Edward quickly rummaged through his draw. He clawed his way to the bottom where a suitcase lay. His hand froze on the latch.

'Edward, what's wrong?' Wilber asked.

'Nothing, just taking in this momentous occasion.' Will they like me? Please like me. He pulled his suitcase out and headed to his bathroom. 'Let's see how it fits.'

Heather called out. 'Dr Force and I will be in the living room.'

Edward locked the door before placing the suitcase on the sink. He ran a hand through his hair. The corner of his eye spied the cabinet of pills by the door. Won't need those anymore.

Edward beamed at his reflection in the mirror. Streaks of green coated his fine black hair (less to do with his illness and more that he felt like it one day). Thin face, bright blue eyes, a nice smile, what was not to love about him?

Opening the suitcase, he gazed at the neatly folded jumpsuit. "Creeper" that's what Wilber called it. The lower have spiralled with a green and black pattern while a wide red line streaked from one arm, over its shoulder's, and down the over arm. Its torso shone gold. Weaponized clothes weren't common so it would be an advantage to him. Stored underneath it, three slots contained bottles full of pills.

I may need these though. Edward sighed. At least I'm not stuck at home.

Officer Gordon wiped the sweat from his brow. He half hoped that that would wipe the figure at the table from his sight. She was a paradox, younger than anyone who ever sat there, a permanent smile affixed to an angry stare, and a youthful round face under short black hair, ready for a business meeting.

Bound to her seat with more restraints than an asylum, Sophia Napier clicked her tongue.

'So, how are you, Sophia? I'm very good, thank you for asking. You are quite welcome and might I say you are looking lovely today.'

'Please be quiet,' groaned Gordon. Thanks to his time on the force and familiarity with Sophia, he had been the only one permitted to talk to her.

'You're not much for conversation,' Sophia explained.

'And you're not one for sitting still for doctors.'

'Never been too fond of doctors. They always want more than they let on.'

Gordon sat opposite Sophia. He scratched his rough beard. Miss Napier's antics had left him with seven hours of sleep in three days. Not that it changed his look much. Gordon had made peace with his shabby appearance. It became a sign of him doing his job. He tapped a file on the table.

'Another addition to my file?' She flipped her hair out of the face. 'It looks a bit thin today. Did you have to make a new one? "Sophia's file 2: Electric Grimm Tornado" or did you just lose the rest.'

Gordon glared at her smug face. Deep scars in her cheeks extended the corners of her mouth. The first time he had met Sophia, she didn't have those cuts, and she wasn't smiling.

'This isn't your criminal record,' Gordon stated. 'It's your papers for Beacon Academy.'

'Oh?' Sophia fidgeted in her seat. 'It's hard to really hear you when I'm a tad tired up.'

'They want me to burn them.'

'What!' Her struggles loosened the restraints enough to rock herself back and forth.

Gordon took out his knife. In silence, he cut the restraints, starting with her chest and ending by carefully cutting the ones on her wrists.

He sat back down with a thud. 'As I said, they want me to burn it. I, however, have had enough of you running about town during the summer.'

Sophia flexed her wrists. Both were bright red. 'So, I can go?'

'You have a chance. First, you have to do me a favour.'

'Shave that sandpaper beard of yours?'

'Do not go off on your own looking for the Hoods.'

No reply.

Gordon smiled weakly. 'Live, Sophia. Do that and you'll find the officers will leave you alone.'

Sophia started and stopped a dozen sentences before she answered. 'But then they'll have nothing to do. They'll miss me after a week.'

Gordon chuckled. 'I think they'll survive.'

There were several things that Professor Arc was looking for that morning. She stood on the office balcony, taking in the day's new arrival. A few times, she caught new students glancing up at her, moving faster towards the main hall. In the briefest mix of longing and memory, they were teams RWBY or JNPR. That was wrong. They viewed Ruby's friends as the stuff of legends, goals to work towards. She contained her glee. Ruby was "Headmistress Arc," a figure much like Ozpin had been for her. Less a person, more a force.

Ruby frowned. Was that what she had wanted? She charged for her personal elevator. As she caught sight of her wedding photo on her desk, her frown wavered.

You would have loved this job.

Aside from the objects on her desk (and a new, less suggestive chair), Ruby had left the office just as it had been in Ozpin's day.

Her own first day on the job floated around her mind. How cavernous the office had felt. What changes she would need to make to the school. How quiet it had been.

You never forget your first time at this school. Whether you're a student or a teacher.

Her scroll rang. Yang. She answered.

'You've reached Headmistress Arc,' her words bounced. 'How may I help you?'

Yang chuckled. 'Just checking in on my baby sister. Got your speech prepared?'

'Of course.' Nope. 'Have you met any of the new students yet?'

'Not yet, I've been prepping the workshops for classes. Why?'

Ruby pushed the ground floor button. 'I'm going down now to see them come in.'

Yang hummed. 'That might be a little intimidating to them.'

'What, me? Nah, it will be fine. I don't think watching from my balcony is much better.'

'Good point.' Silence. Ruby could hear the faint whir of Yang's workshop. 'Summer's been asking you about Beacon again, hasn't she?'

Ruby sighed. 'Sort of. She asked me how Jaune and I first met. I got to thinking how nervous we both were about coming here. I thought this year it would be a good idea to keep an eye on the students, make sure they're comfortable.'

'I wouldn't worry about it,' Yang replied. 'We all felt that way a little at the beginning. They'll make friends, maybe date some people, and the rest of Beacon will be smooth sailings.'

The elevator had arrived. Ruby stepped out onto the ground floor, holding back the urge to remind Yang how their days at Beacon had gone. Through the glass door, she could see the colourful ocean of students her by. A bear Faunus boy noticed Ruby, telling everyone her could.

'I'll catch you later, Yang.'

'Good luck, Ruby. Take care.'

'Will do.' Ruby hung up. For a moment, she was alone. The deserted reception grew bigger the longer she stood there. Ruby took a deep breath, plastered a smile onto her face (which she hoped would grow genuine), and opened the door.

Edward giggled to himself. Anything to fill his own silence. Every time a fellow student passed him, a thousand different greetings charged for his mouth only to all get stuck in the exit. His tongue still waited for guests. Edward stared at each student, looking away when they noticed him.

He walked at a slow pace, not used to going so long without coming across a door. The sounds of birds and so many conversations caused Edward to stop a number of times, taking in the truly alien world. He'd missed the larger swarm of people from earlier in the day due to his mother's sage advice, holding him back so he wouldn't be overwhelmed.

A nice thought but just it just delayed me a little.

Edward stood at the entrance of the Garden of Heroes, greeted silently by the welcoming stone hand of Jaune Arc looking down at him. Unlike the rest of the statues, which were in pairs, Arc stood alone. Its inscription read, "Lived a hero. Died a legend." The noon sun basked the statue in light. The image of a valiant knight.

I can be that! Edward circled it. That will be me, one day.

He took in each small detail. From the rose insignia etched into Jaune's back armour, to the shield at its feet; it would live in Edward's mind.

'It's a nice likeness, wouldn't you say?'

Edward skidded to a halt. In between the next two statues, a woman garbed in a formal black shirt and a flowing crimson skirt stood. Her round face framed by locks of short dark hair, she smiled as she approached.

Edward stopped thinking. 'I wouldn't know. Mom never did get around to actually showing me a picture of Jaune Arc. In her defence, I did spend a good portion of my time asleep as a kid. Nevertheless, I presume it to be a perfect picture of that particular popular people's hero.'

Popsicles

The woman began leaning on Jaune. 'What have you heard about him?'

'Only what everyone else has.' Edward readied himself with a deep breath. 'He, like a lot of heroes of the Dark Age, was one of the last students of Beacon before it shut down briefly until it reopened five years ago. He was an excellent fighter, earning him command over various troops alongside Ruby Rose, who he later married. Who said there was no romance in war? Some guy called Paul, I think.'

'Sounds like you know your-'

'Bloody termite. Anyway, there are scattered details here and there, like his involvement in the battle against the Jǫrmungandr, and the Witch Trials. There's also a story about him in a dress fighting Grimm but that may or may not have been made up...by me.'

'You can stop now.'

'I know he's dead, I just don't know how. Different reports mean a lot of lying or Jaune Arc was secretly able to be in a lot of places at once.' Edward bowed.

The woman raised an eyebrow. 'You mentioned Ruby Rose?'

'There's a lot about her as well. Most of that talks about her being the current Headmistress of Beacon.'

'You haven't seen a picture of her either.' More a statement than a question.

'Nope. I was looking forward to meeting her as well. Not many students get into Beacon two years early.' Edward widened his eyes. 'Or see you through silver lenses.' He shook his eyes back to normal. 'Not to mention the fact that she single handedly brought the war to a close and started Beacon up again.'

The woman became less vibrant. 'Is that what they say?'

Edward rolled his shoulders. The weight of his backpack began to get to him. 'Well, sort of. She has two hands and had help but she did lead the charge.'

The woman nodded. 'What about you? What do you think, Mr...'

'Ryder. Edward Ryder. I haven't a clue.'

As the woman began to speak, a gong scattered the birds in the garden.

'Oh good, that's working,' she muttered.

The Hall gong. In one hour, we should all be inside for...

'Must dash,' explained Edward. 'First days are always important. Need to scope out the student situation. See who I could end up on a team with.'

The woman giggled. 'I know the feeling. I'll see you there.'

Edward bolted for the main hall, zigzagging through the garden. 'Later, Professor Arc.'

Sophia's gaze darted from person to person. Everyone gathered around her was her age. They were all nattering on, waiting for the Headmistress to come up. More importantly, they were all potential team members. They littered about the massive amber hall like ants in a mound. Whether alone, in pairs, or groups, students watched the stage at the back of the room, waiting for Ruby Rose to ascend the steps and address the all.

In the meantime, a painted mask scowled as it overlooked the students. The surrounding gossip gave him the name "Quinton Shaw." Two worn blade handles sat on his back. Light armour covered almost every inch of him. He scanned the crowd, his body still but his head turning with unnatural focus like a security camera.

A glint caught Sophia's eye. To the left of the hall's stage Miss Xiao Long stood, pointing at Shaw while chatting to a man in a long white coat. Her metals arms caught most people's attention. Xiao Long flexed her arm, encouraging the man to touch it. The longer Sophia stared, the more she noticed. As Yang tapped her foot, annoyed that the man's attention had turned to a clipboard he held tightly, Sophia spotted another glint. Both legs were fully metallic. Thick blonde hair flowed down to her hourglass hips. It stood out amongst her bronze limbs.

I wonder if she has a metal brain as well. Then I could have all sorts of fun with a magnet

Sophia scanned the crowds for uniforms. The students were dressed for parties while the teachers were dressed for a business meeting (Aside from Miss Metal and Mr Scowly).

There was no Officer Gordon. Whenever Sophia thought she spotted him, he always turned out to be a shadow or member of staff. She flinched as a hand touched her shoulder before gripping it tightly.

'I didn't mean to frighten you,' said the hand's owner. Sophia turned to see a mousy girl with shirt brown hair. 'You look upset.'

Sophia let go, straightened herself up, and took a better look at the girl.

Her earlier thought about the students being dressed for parties was wrong. The girl looked like she had wandered in from a quiet day at home. Her trousers had seen better days, with the knee shaving stitches from multiple holes in the same area. The girl's blue sweater looked equally as friendly with dust, its pink strips duller than they should have been.

Sophia huffed. 'Now, why do you think I look upset? I'm sure the grin would tell you otherwise.'

The girl stroked her own hand. 'You weren't smiling.'

'Nonsense, I'm always smiling, see.' Sophia tapped the scars on her face.

'You were looking around. Are you trying to find a friend of yours?'

'Well I wouldn't be looking for a friend of yours. For starters, I have no idea who you are.'

'Oh, sorry about that.' She outstretched a hand. 'My name's Lily Gaster.'

Sophia took the hand, trying to tell herself that she didn't see her's shaking a little 'Sophia Napier.'

'It's nice to meet you. I'm new in Vale so I don't know anyone here. I'd be happy to help you find yours though.'

'New in Vale huh. That explain why you don't know who I am. I really must try harder to get my name out there. Maybe a publicist...or a big gun.'

Lily raised an eyebrow. 'I'm sorry?'

'Nothing to worry about. I don't know anyone here either,' Sophia commented.

'Then who were you looking for?'

'God, well one of them, the Duke of Grimm, the spirit of Blake Belladonna, take your pick, they are each far better answers than the truth.'

Lily smiled, gently putting a hand on Sophia's shoulder again. 'I understand, you don't have to tell me.' She gazed at the lone mic on the stage. 'Do you think Headmistress Arc had any friends at first?'

Sophia shrugged, easing the hand off her. 'Apart from her sister, you mean?'

'That was lucky. I can't imagine what it would be like to come here with my brother though.' Lily turned back to Sophia. A necklace jangled around her neck, a silver grinning skull in the centre. 'I'm kind of glad he didn't.'

'Not much of a fighter, aye?'

'He's quite strong but I'd be so worried about him doing such a dangerous job.'

'It's only fighting Grimm. There are far worse things out there.' Sophia began listing things on her fingers. 'Tornados, earthquakes, people with no sense of humour, killer robots, bats, I could keep going.'

'I guess perspective helps.' Lily paused. 'What did your family say when you wanted to be a Huntress?'

The students hushed. A woman approached the mic. Her crimson skirt caught Sophia's attention. For a moment, she forgot the Headmistress attached to it. Arc's formal attire ill suited her youthful face.

She tapped the mic, the boom echoing from around the room. 'First off, welcome to Beacon Academy.' Ruby Arc straightened her collar. 'Through one way or another, you have all earned your way here. Beacon will be more than your school; it will be your home for the next three years.'

Hopefully, with fewer empty bottles and more conversations.

'I once stood where you all stand now. I'd never have imagined being the one on this stage, having done everything I have. That goes for all of you as well. Never sell yourself short. Be the best you can be.'

Sophia looked to Lily. Before Miss Napier could speak, her words disappeared. Lily's eyes were wide, sparkling as she listened to Ruby. The young Gaster mouthed the words "best you can be."

Sophia turned back to Professor Arc. The woman's words flowed with the elegance of a hidden forest spring. Her eyes bounced across the room meeting students' stares.

Sophia looked away. She touched one of her scars. The best you can be.

A sea of applause sent her hand shooting back down to her side. Around Sophia, students whistled their praise for their new Headmistress.

Ruby held up two hands, an uneasy grin on her face. Once people had calmed down, she began again. 'Tomorrow, we will begin initiation. I'd like students to meet me at the cliffs at 10am. After that, you will form teams. Until then, relax. Deputy Shaw will later show you to your lockers. When you all come back, the Grand Hall will be modified into your temporary sleeping quarters. Don't be afraid to mingle before then, you never know who might be a friend. Unfortunately, I won't be around for questions until tomorrow. I look forward to seeing you all then.'

Once again, the hall burst into cheering. Sophia begrudgingly clapped as well, eying an open door to one of the side halls. She charged for it, its vibrant decorations becoming clearer the closer she got. Above the door, in bronze letters, it read "Beacon Hall Beta." Around the sign were rows of multicoloured ribbon. Notes adorned the frame, messages from older students and members of staff wishing newcomers luck.

The hall itself mimicked the Grand Hall in all but size. Its stage was barely a step above the rest of the room. It shared the Grand Hall's light brown colour scheme, the exception once again being the black stage. Through the middle, a row of pillars was already becoming leaning posts for gossiping students. Under the footsteps and chattering of students, passing her by, Lily called out for Sophia.

The grinning girl hopped up onto the stage, planting herself in the centre. Students wandered past her. Sophia always noticed their glances.

You've seen nothing yet.

Lily sat by her. 'Waiting for the path to clear? Good idea, then we can take the tour together.'

'Perhaps we can make that a trio,' a new voice joked.

A boy stood in the middle of the river of new students, undeterred by repeated insults. A red mask covered his face, smaller, white fabrics hiding his eyes. He sauntered up to the two girls. 'Ladies, how are you doing?'

'Just fine, thank you. Bye,' replied Lily, swift and sweetly.

Sophia watched the mask. Each tiny feature moved like skin.

'Goodbye? I just got here.' He jumped up onto the stage. 'I've hardly introduced myself. The name's Wayne Reynolds.'

An impossible face ran through Sophia's mind. Behind that red, she could picture him mocking her with his cold eyes. Unfeeling, dark eyes.

'My name's Lily. It was nice meeting you but my friend and I are talking.'

'I'm sure she doesn't mind. Look at her. She can't keep her eyes off of me.'

Lily nudged Sophia. Her gaze didn't move. Sophia slowly rose to her feet. She felt her chest pocket, checking for the touch of "Big Laugh." It waited there for Wayne to say one more thing.

'Speechless?' I have that effect on people. I like your smile though, says a whole lot about you.'

Sophia lunged at the red, pushing Wayne off the stage, through the rushing people, and up against the wall. Pinning him with her left arm, her right hand took out Big Laugh. Her purple pistol titled his head. The handle glowed dimly; just a little dust was all it needed.

'I can see you aren't much of a people person. I'll come back never.'

Sophia smiled. 'Not a people person? I adore people. They are perfect for jokes. Whether it's stuff I tell them or their lives becoming the funniest thing of all.'

Students stopped. Lily bolted to Sophia's side, a hand resting on the arm holding the gun.

'I have half a mind to wipe that red mask off your face. Coincidently, half a mind is just what you'll have when I'm done.'

'Not likely,' the boy muttered.

'Let's just leave him be,' said Lily, her voice shaking. 'He probably wasn't thinking.'

'Save it for the Grimm,' a rough, low tone command. 'Students scattered, rushing through the corridor to give Professor Shaw his space. 'Miss Napier, by any chance.'

'She didn't mean it,' Lily rushed to defend.

'Young lady, Beacon Academy doesn't allow...'

Professor Shaw's words faded away, replaced by muffled noise and a sharp ring. Sophia slipped Big Laugh away. In that moment, she was drowning and dying of thirst. Sophia couldn't look at Lily or Shaw. She caught herself on the wall. The red mask was...Wayne was gone.

2 days. I lasted 2 days.

Lily said something and pulled Sophia towards her and Shaw. Sophia clenched a fist, looking up at the Professor. She breathed deeply before grinning.

'Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Say that completely again.'

Shaw grumbled. 'Miss Gaster has told me what happened. We don't tolerate threats at Beacon but given you're new and your situation, I will overlook it this once.'

Sophia's face dropped. 'Situation?'

Shaw fished in his pocket for a small, white card. 'Firstly, I'm going to show you where to store your weapon. Secondly, after tomorrow's initiation, you are to report to Doctor Quinn.'

'And I thought old Gordon wasn't thinking about me. I should write him a letter.' Sophia plucked the card from Shaw's hand. It read "Dr Hayden Quinn. Times 9:00-18:00. Monday Friday.'

Officer Gordon merely suggested it. I, after seeing your profile, am telling you. You will see Dr Quinn or you'll be seeing me wave you goodbye on the first shuttle home.'

Sophia saluted, mockingly. 'Yavole.'

Shaw turned his steel gaze towards Lily. 'Perhaps the two of you should stay together, teach each other some harsh lessons.'

Lily nodded.

'For now, I expect to see you at the locker assignments in half an hour.' Shaw marched away. Whispers flowed through the corridors.

Sophia gave an overdramatic sigh. 'That's enough excitement for one day. You can run along if you want. No sense in actually doing what he says.'

Miss Gaster dusted off her clothes. 'I'll stick with you.'

'Oh really?' Why?

'Yeah.' Determination laced her words. 'Not just because he told me to. I like talking to you.'

Sophia met her wide eyes head on. 'I nearly shot a guy. You'd think that would top any conversation.'

'You weren't going to shoot him.'

Sophia scoffed. 'The gun would say otherwise.'

Lily began her walk with a skip and a giggle. 'Your finger wasn't on the trigger.'