Post-4x22. In which Amy learns she is pregnant while Jake is still in jail.
I've recently binge-watched and got obsessed with Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Peraltiago, so of course some fanfics ideas came into my mind after that.
This is my first attempt at writing something for this show, and this couple, I'm still "taming" the characters and I'm not used to write for comic shows, I'm more about drama/angst so… maybe these versions of the characters, and the tone of the whole thing, is "darker" than what we know.
Hope it won't be too OOC though, and that you'll like it anyway :)
Also, English isn't my mother tongue so I apologise for the possible mistakes I made!
Of course she had already thought of it.
More than ever during the few weeks before the tragic events, even. Because of Charles, because of undercover work as a pregnant woman, because of Terry's adorable twin daughters and how Jake had been even more adorable than those girls when interacting with and talking about them.
Because she loved him that much, she could actually picture a whole future with him – marriage, children, growing old together.
Never had she thought of it happening like that, though. Obviously.
Because who would ever imagine discovering their pregnancy alone in their bathroom, with their boyfriend stuck in jail for the past weeks, and risking to stay in there a good amount of time still – up to fifteen years, to be completely precise? No one would ever think of that.
That's why she chose not to tell anyone, at first.
She chose not to tell him.
She just didn't want him to worry more than he already was because of the pressure of this whole terrible situation. She just didn't want him to worry that he wouldn't be there for her during the time she was carrying their baby.
More importantly, that he might not be there for him. For his birth. His first steps. First words.
Everything, from his childhood to his teenage years.
He knew what it was, having to grow up without a parent – how hard, and depressing, it can be. So of course she didn't have to try and see that he would be utterly devastated to learn that his own flesh and blood would have to go through the same trauma he went when he was young.
But he wouldn't be the only one Jake would worry about.
Indeed, he also knew how difficult it had been for his mother to raise him all by herself. And even if Amy wouldn't exactly be alone – the Nine-Nine would have her back, as it always had – he just wouldn't want her to have to face it all without him by her side.
So, from the moment she got the confirmation she was pregnant, she decided to keep it a secret.
She almost told Gina once, though, because it appeared harder than she thought not to be able to talk about it with anyone. To hide it from everyone. And since she was with child too, she naturally thought they could understand each other on the matter, but she knew the woman too well to know it was a risk she wasn't willing to take.
She would repeat the words to everyone in a second.
And of course she would tell Jake first.
The man from which it was the hardest to keep it from herself every time she had the chance to meet him in the visiting room of the prison. But she kept telling herself it was for the better.
She could easily tell her detective wasn't alright, that his time there was consuming him way more than what he would ever admit it each new day he would spend in his cell.
Each new day that the squad had spent trying to find a way to prove their colleagues' innocence, without much of a success for now, unfortunately. But they weren't going to stop.
They would never stop, until they got them back at the Nine-Nine.
So during those rare and too-short moments she had the right to share with him, she just tried to make him smile, make him forget where he actually was, try to make him keep the hope that this nightmare would end very soon, and not forget that she loved him so much.
(Try to make her keep her hopes up, as well.)
Until the day she couldn't lie anymore.
She had already broke the secret twice, to be honest, before breaking it up to him.
With Captain Holt, first, when he had confronted her about her weird behaviour and she just couldn't not tell him the truth, and with Rosa, then, when they talked about Jake. It reassured her a little, to know that someone who was by his side knew he was going to be a father when he didn't.
It was the third time she felt like throwing up in front of him – her physical state becoming harder and harder to hide with every new visit and month passing – that he finally made a comment about it.
"Am I that sickening to see, now? I thought you'd like the beard, given how often you asked me to grow one and I couldn't. And I promise, we actually have showers here, I don't think I smell too bad either," he tried to make it sound like a joke, but Amy knew better than that; he truly found himself disgusting, right now.
And he was worried about her.
Her heart crushed a little at the sound of his broken voice. He really looked even worse than all the times she had met with him before. So she had no other choice than spilling the truth, now.
He deserved it. And she knew she couldn't feign anything anymore anyway.
She knew that day would have had to come.
Because there would have been a moment she wouldn't have been able to hide her growing belly anymore. She just wished they could have found a way to free their colleagues before then.
She just wished all of it didn't happen with such a bad timing in their lives… She just wished everything had gone according to her plans.
So she took a deep breath, gathering all the strengh she had, and said, "I'm sorry, it's just… Jake, I have something I need to tell you. Something important. And I… don't know how you gonna react."
"You're pregnant?!" he asked in return, and this sounded so much more like a statement than a question that it took her a few seconds before acquiescing his guessing.
"How do you know?" was all she managed to ask.
"I'm not as dumb as I can appear sometimes," he answered simply, failing at the amused card again. "I could recognise the symptoms. Plus Rosa told me everything."
At that point, Amy was going to protest, but he cut her before she even got the chance to say a word – he already knew what she would complain about.
"Don't be mad at her. She only told me so that I wouldn't make a mistake and break-up with you."
"You… WHAT?!" it took a bit for her to fully understand the meaning of what he was confessing.
This conversation was taking a very different turn than what she'd imagined – and she had imagined a whole bunch of different scenarii, from the day she learnt about her pregnancy to this one. A lot were quite depressing, but not as depressing as this one.
Why would he break-up with her, what did she do wrong?! She felt the tears coming to her eyes, but didn't allow them to fall down. He saw them though, and a sad expression suddenly appeared on his tired face. It was his turn to take a deep breath before starting to speak.
"Because… because I love you so much too, I thought I had to let you go," he let out first, then went on with further explanation. "It's already been four months, Ames, and you guys have found NOTHING to help us! I believe in you all, I truly do, and I know you're doing everything that's in your power to save us but what if… what if you never succeed, and we do have to stay here for fifteen years? I just couldn't let you wait for me, and give up on your life plans for me. Fifteen years is a long, long time. And I know from the calendar above our bed that by this time you would have wanted to be married and have three children, two girls and a boy. I may won't be able to give that to you. Well, at least I thought I wouldn't be able to give any of that to you."
"Screw my calendar," she only answered after awhile spent in complete silence, salty pearls finally going down her cheeks now. "And screw those stupid plans. Because they're just that: plans. And if there's one thing I learned by being with you, is that sometimes the best things that can happen to you are the unpredictible ones. You're one of the best things that have happened to me, Jake. And I would have never guessed I would love you the way I do before I took the chance. So I don't care how long it will take us to take you out of here. I will wait for you, and nothing you can do – even trying to break my heart and make me hate you, or I don't know what was the idea behind wanting to break-up with me – will change my mind about it."
"It's not just that," he added, though. "I'm also scared. Scared of what can happen to you, if they find you're trying to take them down. We saw what those people are capable of. I don't want to put you in danger. I'd hate that something would happen to you because of me. Even more now that…"
He couldn't finish his sentence, but by the way his eyes wandered over her stomach, she didn't need him to to understand what he meant.
Now that there's two of you.
Amy softened a little then, and took Jake's hand in hers, making him look at her again.
"We WILL be fine," she assured him, trying to make it sound as convincing as possible. "The whole Nine-Nine is one the case, I'm not alone. And we're really careful, don't worry. Plus, you're not the only one I'm – we're – fighting for – we're here for Rosa too."
He managed a smile at that, because this woman was so incredibly strong, and he loved her so much. Sometimes he wondered what he'd done to deserve her. But he'd never complain about the fact that for some reason, she seemed to love him as much as he did, her.
And now she was carrying their child… and he couldn't even be happy about it.
Well, of course he was, deep inside. He had dreamed of it as well. He just wished the whole thing would have happened differently.
"Do they know?" he changed subjects, refocusing it on the big news of the day.
"Only Holt knows. But I will tell the others as soon as I get out of here, now that you know too."
She paused, then added, leaving his gaze, unable to bear keeping eye-contact with him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, by the way, and that you weren't the first one to know about it. But you know I can't lie to Holt, and I needed Rosa to be aware of it as well. And, well… I didn't want you to feel bad about having to live it from here and not together, and it appears I was right given what you've just told me. I also truly thought you would be out by the time it would have became obvious and I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. I'm sorry," she said again. "I really didn't want to keep you out of this."
"I am sorry," he told her in return, startling her. "For thinking about breaking up with you, even if it was for a good reason. And most of all… for not being there for you, right now. Both of you. But even if I can't really show it right now, I'm really happy about it. About us becoming parents. Never ever doubt of that."
"You'll be soon enough," she tried to reassure him. Then she added, feeling the sudden urge to tell him how she felt about him, for him to know nothing had changed on her side and would probably never change at all, "I love you… more than anything."
That made him smile. A true, geniune smile – the first real one in awhile.
"I love you more than anything too. You…" he hesitated, before saying, knowing that she'd have to go and leave him alone again soon, "you'll be alright, huh?"
"We all will be," she answered, smiling too.
She quickly kissed him before reluctantly getting out of the room to reach the outside world, and he was taken back in his cell, her words never leaving his mind.
It turned out she was right, after all, and that they were all fine in the end.
They indeed found evidence of Jake and Rosa's innocence after weeks of sleepless nights and restless days. But it was way more than worth it, especially for Amy, when a few months after their release, she saw the complete bliss in her partner's blurry from his happy tears eyes when she gave birth to a beautiful little girl, and he was actually able to hold her in his arms, never letting her (letting them) go again, promising to always be there for her, until the end of times.
(He actually let her go for some well-deserved vacations in Paris with his girlfriend after some time, who soon became his fiancée after he proposed to her at the top of the Eiffel Tower and she said "yes".)