The Goddess of Troublemakers
By Isis Malfoy
A/N: Okay, by special request, I got asked for the twins to find out about Minerva's school record, so this is a supplement to "The Legacy" that does just that. You won't understand if you don't read "The Legacy" through Chapter 13 Enjoy!
Fred and George Weasley were clearing out their store. Well, it wasn't really a store yet. It was an old warehouse that housed Hogwarts stuff. The Headmaster had given it to them for graduation, asking only that they sort through the boxes and send them back to the school. So they were doing just that. They were about halfway done when they found THE BOX.
It was Fred who had found it. The box was from 1945, and in it was the Hogwarts year book. Back then the yearbook had only been for the graduating class, so after eight pages of student pictures came the fun stuff. Fred was about to put it aside, when he came across Professor McGonagall's picture on the Gryffindor page. It said she was Head Girl. He wondered what she had been like as a student, so he flipped past the pictures to what the students had written. The first section had the students commenting on their best and worst memories. He scanned the page.
I'd have to say the best prank of the year was when Minerva recorded the sound of a muggle canon and played it during history of magic when old Binns was talking about the Goblin Rebellion. That had to be the most interesting class ever…of course, who would have thought the old coot would have died from the shock?
—Arabella Figg "Gryffindor"
And a little further down:
The very best Quidditch Match in all of my seven years was the first Gryffindor/Slytherin match this year. Nothing will ever top Minerva grabbing my bat from me and hitting a bludger straight at Tom Riddle which sent him crashing into Satius Snape and sent both of them to the ground. The match went on for three days since the Slytherin seeker was in the hospital wing and our seeker suspended for two games. In the end we lost, but it was so worth it!
--Donavan Potter "Gryffindor"
Fred called George over and they read together. The comments were hysterical. Even the Slytherins had something to say about Professor McGonagall. Although some of those comments weren't very nice.
What would I like the world to know? Minerva McGonagall is a weak, pathetic witch. Of course her mother is a muggle, so that's to be expected. I know people think she's impressive because she gave out more black eyes and broken bones than any other student, male or female, Hogwarts had ever seen, but that's only because she couldn't hope to cast a useful hex.
--Stefan Malfoy "Slytherin"
Much to the twins delight there was a big "x" through this paragraph and someone had written on the side.
I could too curse him into next week if I wanted to, but why waste the effort or the magic on a boy who can't even throw a decent right hook?
They flipped quickly through the rest of that section to the school records. That was a tradition at Hogwarts. Every year the year book included all the records ever made at the school. Ones that hadn't been broken had the phrase "still unbroken" next to them. The ones that had been broken had the name of the person that had broken them and the number by which they had been broken. In 1945 the record section looked like this.
Number of total detentions: Minerva McGonagall, 25
Number of detentions to a Head Boy/Girl: Minerva McGonagall, 70
Number of Injuries caused to other students: Minerva McGonagall, 15
Number of times magic was used for nefarious purposes: Tom Riddle and Minerva
McGonagall, 10 each
Number of times snuck off campus: Minerva McGonagall, 90 (Broken in 1978 by, Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew, 2)
Most Pranks Pulled: Minerva McGonagall, 45 (Broken in 1996 by Fred and George Weasley, 15)
Most illegal Quidditch moves: Minerva McGonagall, 10 (Tied in 1978 by Sirius Black)
Most detentions for back talking: Arabella Figg, 50
Most fights: Malcolm Weasley and Stefan Malfoy, 60
Most failed classes: still unbroken
Most creative uses for hexes: Donavan Potter, 14
Most new potions created: still unbroken, but tied by Satius Snape
Most points taken off in a single day: Sertaine Longbottom, 30
Most rumors spread about other students: Minerva McGonagall, 18 (Broken in 1978 by James Potter and Sirius Black, 8)
Most rules broken in a single day: Minerva McGonagall, 10 (Broken in 1978 by James Potter and Sirius Black, 4)
NEW! Number of teachers given Heart attacks: Minerva McGonagall, 1.5
When they got done reading the twins turned to each other in shock. "McGonagall?!" George managed to gulp out.
Fred shrugged in response. "Well, you know what they say, the best way to learn the rules is to break them. But who would have thought….old McGonagall was this cool."
"She was more than cool Fred. We barely broke her record for the number of pranks pulled, and we didn't break any of her other records."
"Yeah. How do you suppose the book knows that?"
George shrugged. "Same way the book knows how many times a rule was broken, without the student necessarily being caught. A spell."
"You know, we should really talk to Professor McGonagall about Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. I bet she could come up with a ton of stuff we'd never think of." George nodded. Fred looked down at the records page again. "George…she's like, the goddess of mischief."
"You're right." George agreed, as much awed as his brother. "Let's go talk to her now." He grabbed the book and apparated to Hogsmeade, trusting his brother to be right behind him, and he was.
They ran up to the castle together burst in the doors and headed straight for the transfiguration classroom. The third years were struggling with their notes when the door banged open and McGonagall crossed quickly towards the door as Fred and George entered. Grinning twin impish grins they fell to their knees and began bowing at her feet. "Oh, great, wise, and powerful goddess of troublemakers…." They intoned together.
She had never quite figured out how those two could say the exact same thing at the exact same time, or finish each others sentences; although she supposed being twins, and prolonged exposure to each other, had something to do with it. And Minerva was certainly in no mood for their games. "Get up." She snapped sternly. They didn't listen. But then, they never had as students either. So, she tried ignoring them, but they would have none of it. Finally in a moment of desperation, Professor McGonagall released her class. "What do you two want?" She asked irritably.
The two boys looked up. "Only to learn…"
"…At the feet of a master. You are a Goddess…."
"….most wise. We want you to teach us…"
"…instruct us in your ways…."
"...help us make our store…."
"….the most creative shop ever…"
"Enough!" Minerva held up a hand to forestall any more worship. "I get the point. Now get up, and tell me how you found out about this."
Fred and George scrambled quickly to their feet. They could move awfully fast, she marveled, when they wanted to. George placed the book on her lap. "We found this in one of the boxes…"
"You really should have told us sooner." Fred scolded her good-naturedly.
Minerva smiled as she opened the yearbook. "My goodness. I thought I'd confiscated all the copies of this when I came back to teach." She laughed as she read the anecdotes of her fellow students, most of which had to do with her in one capacity or another. "There will never be another seeker like Minerva Anne," she read softly to herself. "Now if only I could get her to come play for the Cannons with me….Oh Hooch, the Eagles kicked the Cannons arse every year I played."
"You played professional quidditch?!"
McGonagall looked up, remembering them for the first time. "Yes I did. I played ten seasons straight with the Edinburgh Eagles before I came back to teach."
"You really are…"
"…the coolest person…"
She smiled warmly. "Thank you boys." She looked back down and the book and giggled outright at the slash across Stefan Malfoy's note, and her subsequent note. "I cast a charm so ever book given out that year said that, and it's permanent."
"Oh, look there's another one of my notes." Fred and George both looked over her shoulder.
There was a heart drawn over a picture of a young Arabella Figg and a slightly older gentleman who was talking to her in the quad. An arrow pointed to the picture and the note underneath read:
Ari-Bella and Alastor Moody sitting in the tree, Naughty Bella invited him for tea. But tea he didn't find, just Ari's nude behind, and they fell to snogging…shit, I can't think of a rhyme for 'snogging' but well you get the idea.
Love Ya Ari!
Directly under that picture was Arabella's retaliation.
There was a picture of Minerva and Arabella, posing for the camera in Halloween costumes, Minerva in a dark blue chiffon belly dancing costume and Arabella dressed as a fairy. There was an arrow drawn to Minerva and a note underneath.
Princess Minerva, aka Kitty the SLUT!
--A. P. F.
PS. Love ya too Min and hey are you EVER going to tell me how A.D. is in bed? I'm dying to know…And since you've asked so many times about A.M…I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.
Fred and George glanced up from the pictures and shared a wide eyed look. "Professor…that's an…interesting costume."
"That would be the reason why costumes are no longer permitted on Halloween." Minerva told them as she turned the page. She looked at the record section and grinned. "Well, congratulations you two, on beating out my record."
"Thank you Professor."
"Actually, aside from the great honor of worshipping at your feet, we were also hoping that you could give us a hand with our joke shop. Maybe come up with some ideas?"
McGonagall smiled. "A bit of laughter will go a long way in these times, won't it?" She rummaged through her desk and pulled out a leather bound book. "Since it's for a good cause. In this book is every prank I ever thought off. Most of them I've pulled at one point or another, and there are notes underneath about the effectiveness and ways to improve them. Many of the more recent ones haven't been tested, but I'd be delighted to know how they turn out."
Fred took the book from her as if it were the bible, or the Holy Grail. "Thank you Oh wisest and most fair…"
He and George backed out of the room with their treasured books, bowing the whole time. They went back to the warehouse and set to work immediately. In the next year, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes was known to put out some of the most brilliant tricks and jokes the wizarding world had ever seen, and every month a parcel of treats, from their shop and genuine trinkets, were sent to Minerva McGonagall as offerings to the holiest of deities.