To Envinyatar and others who asked: yes, I had given up on this story, first for exams, and second because I had second thoughts. Reviewer Thuriniel's comments troubled me. She said to stop pretending Mary Sue was a crime and just enjoy myself. But I can do that perfectly well in ME-based roleplaying games, where I'm not contributing to the morass of Mary Sue literature already out there. There is much else in this story besides that, yet the mortal/immortal theme I was aiming for collapses without it, and suddenly I'm left with a bizarre Jacksonesque rewrite of LOTR with no plot or point to it.
Thus discouraged, I left the story hanging. Friends have been pushing me to continue, and I may, if I find my Muse for it again. Meanwhile I will post a few other short stories and poems I've jotted out since. Most are spontaneous improvisations with no polish or revision, so they may not be quite as good (one, ironically, is a classic Sue) but at least they are short. :)