Disclaimer: I own nothing, at all, anywhere.

A/N: So I wrote this because I got really depressed and had to write something.


She watched them grow through the years. She stood by and watched them break hearts and conquer women. She was with them when he-who-must-not-be-named was killed. And she had helped.

She had helped them with everything.





That's what friends did. That's what she was expected to do. Now that it was over, it wasn't for them. They'd move into a flat together. The Dream Team would always be together.

She had dreams, dreams which they weren't included in. Those dreams were bleak memories that sometimes replayed in her mind. Things that might have been. Things that would never be.

One dream had lasted through it all. One dream had survived despite what they thought. Not that she ever told them this dream, they crushed the others. Most of the time unwittingly, some of the time in spite of the fact that they knew what they what they were doing.

She feared they knew this one. The one.

It seemed like they knew. The way they pulled her with them, into a life of false freedom. To be with them always, to be loved by them always.

They were a family. She their sister, them her brothers. Or so it seemed. She did love them, seven years of tragedy and loss pushed them together. One dream would tear them apart.

But she couldn't give up this dream, not for them. Not for anyone.

The term ended today. She knew leaving with them would lead her off to unknown territory, never to come back this way again. You see, she would get caught up in her ruse and live out the life they thought she should.

God, she didn't want to leave with them. She didn't want to leave him, her dream, behind.

A small voice told her, "Be strong, stay. Do something for yourself for a change."

She wanted to listen to this voice.

And maybe that was the problem. Maybe the fact was that she didn't love them enough to give up the thing she desired. Maybe it was all just a ruse made up to seem exceptable. And maybe it hurt, it hurt to know this much. It hurt to know her dreams were being crushed by her friends.

But she'd leave with them, and always wonder what could have been. Yes, she'd leave behind everything she wanted. For them. You see, she had to, she had to keep up this ruse, it was all she had. It was certain and real.

What she could have had was not. It was unsure, it was too much to ask for. It was everything she wanted. It was her dream and the reason she lived. But it was not what she had, it was what she would never have. And it still hurt.

It still hurt.

She couldn't just stay, because if it all failed she would have nothing. No friends, no reason to live.

He was her reason, he was her everything. But if he found that out, he wouldn't feel the same and her dream would be gone.


She would be humililated.

She wouldn't be humiliated.

She wouldn't cry, that would mean they won. The Gods who put her up to this, the Gods who tore her down. They wouldn't win!

She took at deep breath, she would do this. She would show them all, show them she didn't need to freely love anyone. She would show them.

It was over.

The graduation.

The ceremony.

The party.

The lunch.

It was all over, this was the last chance to say goodbye.

He was there, of course he was there, not for her though. Never for her. She watched him. She always watched him.

He must have noticed someone's eyes on him. He scanned the room, eyes locking on her's.

I want you.

I need you.

I love you.

She wanted to scream this at the top of her lungs, caution be damned. Instead she looked away, at her friends who laughed at something someone else said. They always laughed. She briefly wondered if they cared about her. If they did, they would accept what she had to tell them.

A little voice screamed, "If you cared about them, you would tell them."

An arm slowly wrapped it's self around her waist, pulling her close.

If she cared she would tell him she didn't love him. That he had mistaken pity for like, and self-loathing for love.

A silky voice invaded her thoughts, "Congratulations Miss Granger."

She turned to acknowledge him. Him. She ignored the looks of hatred her friends were sending his way, she also ignored the protective tightening of her lover's arm. She gave him a brief nod, not trusting herself to speak. It was her last chance. Her last chance at freedom, at love.

He must of noticed something was wrong, for he raised a single brow. She looked away, she had to look away.

It was all suddenly too real. It was too clear just what they were asking her to give up by stepping on the train and leaving. Some might argue she could come back, but the truth was she wouldn't. Once she left, she left. Life would take her on a roller coaster ride to who knows where.

She knew this.

She hated this.

Her mind was screaming at her to make a confession, to someone, to anyone.

Her body guards left her alone to go talk to Albus, she silently thanked God. Running a hand over her face she sighed. It hurt to breath.

She swallowed and tried to blink away the tears she knew were going to fall. Her heart was pounding out a desperate message of hope. She couldn't think. Good, she didn't want to think.

A hand touched her shoulder, resisting the urge to snap at who ever it was she turned toward the owner of the body.


Surprise must have been clearly written across her face. "Is everything allright Miss Granger?"

She blinked, he sounded concerned, he looked concerned. She was losing her mind. That was the only explanation. She had wished for this for so long she was finally hallucinating.

"Miss Granger?" His head was tilted to the right with slightly a confused expression painted on his face.

She blinked once again. "I..." she tried to clear her head by shaking it. It didn't work.

That annoying little voice was back, "Tell him! For the love of God tell the man!"

"You what Miss Granger?" Confusion was quickly turned to annoyance it seemed.

"I..." nothing more would come out.

He shook his head, "Goodbye Miss Granger."

A tear slowly made it's way down her cheek, so this was letting go? This was having your dream crushed into a thousand pieces, each able to cut your very soul. She wondered if people ever died of the loss of one's soul.

Her friends were back, the fimiliar feeling of an arm securely holding her next to him was also there. "'Mione it's time to go."

She gave a them a quick nod, "I'll be there in a few minutes." They smiled and nodded, leaving her and him alone once again.

Next she did something that surprised them both. She reached forward and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. As she hugged him she kept her eyes squeezed shut with her head buried in his robes. She was surprised even more when she felt his arms move to encircle her waist, pulling her closer to his body.

She knew people were watching them, gaping at them most likely. But for a moment it didn't matter. It didn't matter that he was more then twice her age. It didn't matter that she had a lover. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. All that mattered was them.

But as moments tend to do this one ended.

She lowered her arms and he released her from his grasped. She suddenly felt cold. Chilled to the very bone. She couldn't bring her gaze to meet his, so instead she focused on the ground, "Goodbye Professor Snape."

She bit her lower lip so hard it began to bleed as she walked away. To her real life, the one that she had to go back to because it was all she knew. She couldn't accuse anyone of destroying this dream, no, she had done that all by herself.


A/N: Does she really leave? Is it really over? Does Snape feel the same way? What the hell was I talking about? Who knows? I do! And if you want to know review and tell me. Flames are acceptable, although happy messages are better. Oh yeah, thanks are in order to my beta 'cause... yeah... just thanks.