By: Bubbajack, 'What Happens in Vegas, Stays In Vegas' Darwin.
Beta: Heliosion, 'The Hottest Man In the Sun' Rodriquez
We are Inkblot Bros, the Most Bros Bros in the Galaxy!
Disclaimer: We do not own anything to do with... well anything. We are fanfiction writers, sworn masters of mastering the art of 'Canon sucked… Let's make it better times 1000'. Anything we write is a matter of opinion, ideas and just how much crack we can shove in before you all call Heliosion out on it.
If anyone from these sources is hiring… let us know! And remember kids, eat your cereal and don't flambe your pets! They have laws for that now… apparently… spoilsports...
Chapter 32 : The Anarchy of Slice of Life Part 1: The Lolis are among us!
It had been two freaking days since Zelretch, the bastard troll vampire had run off with his precious imouto and Izuku was at the end of his tether. After returning the X-men students to their homeland, the sight of Logan in his boxer shorts eating pizza, drinking beer and watching a porn movie scarring Izuku forever though it paled to Laura's rampage in the cat cafe when she tore it pieces once she realized her little sister was AWOL, Izuku was ready to murder someone…
A certain vampire somebody…
Zelretch was going to die choking on his long and very sharp… That mental image was ruined by the thought of the man enjoying it. He seemed like a masochist.
Anyhow, murdering the bastard vampire aside… Sakura was gone… His precious imouto! Sakura-chan where are you? Chao was working triple shifts looking for the metaphorical magical needle in the haystack of the Multiverse… He should find her soon… right? Then murder, no flay first! Nah, Zelretch was getting holy water boarded so he could save the environment by hooking that water afterwards into a battery cable and then attaching some wires to his junk...
Ahem, little sister crisis, creative uses of holy water douches asides, Izuku was getting on with life after his little vacation through the Multiverse, saving cat girls and defeating DnD fuckboys along the way. He had settled Aqua down and given her a self written E-Book called 'How to Behave in Polite Society for Dummies', a five thousand word document, a copy of which had found the forehead of his beloved Iriseviel when it turned up in the bathtub… water still in it. Altria had another ultrasound scan, a boy Chao claimed was healthy and every other baby was okay too (that still sounded way too weird for him to accept at times… having babies before he had even learned to drive a car legally) so life had been mostly great…
If you ignored school which after a few weeks of missing every single class, a Sports Festival that millions of people watched on television and having literally no recommendations for intern work (auntie Tatsumaki was covering that to his eternal dread). Aizawa-sensei, his rather easily angered teacher looked at him every time their eyes met like someone who had murdered and ritually sacrificed his precious cat plus all the students…
The 'boating' accident excuse for why he had been so injured that even Recovery Girl couldn't have helped him had been believed by precisely nobody in existence, principal Nezu even thought it wouldn't hold water and All Might… The ceiling worshipping, Beth stalking super powered guy who had the social life of an armchair in a landfill?
Something had clearly knocked loose a bolt in his head, perhaps his new 'sensei' (one day it would be another word for con artist) was working him too hard in overtime to pay his training bills but something...
Izuku was shaken from his deep thoughts by Ochako, the adorable friend of his shaking his shoulder. She looking worried and pointed to what Izuku would find out soon was the man in question. He was causing quite a scene in the cafeteria, where the wannabe hero was partaking in lunch with his 'besties'.
Sitting directly ahead of him, staring at something behind him was Momo, the girl who knew way more than he was comfortable about. She had been put in charge of his tutoring for all the classes missed and she was milking that access to him harder than a dairy with the machines turned up to turbo. He was mooing nearly from all the personal questions she slipped in between quizzes on Japanese history to the economic studies they needed to run a hero office. Classics like, "What year did the shogun take over Japan" and algebra questions were mixed in with, "Do you enjoy building robots?" and when Izuku danced around her insinuations she had once actually blatantly demanded, "Do you go around stopping crime?" but that had been when she was so frustrated her costume had started to slip in the cleavage from the sweat from her exertions. It was such a delightful time in his life to be ambushed at every corner. In class, outside the bathroom etc… Nowhere was safe for his secrets, the most important when he was the short-lived vigilante called Thor and his Iron Legion (whom had been recycled for generation 4 of his armor suit program). He'd even had Chao build a camera detector into his tie using nanoweave fibres just to make sure she wasn't putting bugs, something her quirk was very capable of underneath his desk or something.
Another one of his current clique, (harem was whispered often in between classes, walking through the hallways, lunch etc and Connla was working double time to assassinate… sorry deal with the assholes for him) Ochako, garbed in the same uniform as Momo was staring open mouthed from right next to him. She was still adorable, slightly air headed and was content just being friends with him. The first day she had seen him the girl had glomped him like a trained attack dog and almost knocked him out of an open window.
The last was funnily enough from class 1-B, Pony, who was delightfully sitting back next to Momo and not giving one shit about the commotion. She was one cool customer, a truly loyal friend and beloved by many judging from Itsuka Kendo's promise to kung fu his balls off if he hurt her in any way possible from dirtying her hair to breathing wrong in her vicinity. The big sis of class 1-B was a scary girl. He could deal with it. Pony was the most normal friend he had.
Seeing as he couldn't see why everyone was acting like paparazzi finding a movie star naked outside a porno theatre, Izuku deemed the distraction was worthy of him delaying his conquest of Lunch Rush's superb risotto. Izuku turned his head and he found walking past him was the mid-life crisis suffering hero called All-Might.
Slightly slouched, when once he was as stiff as a mountain, All-Might was in Izuku's head 'All-Lame-Middle-Age-Wife-Stealer-Not-That-He-Cared-What-Happened-To-Jerry-' or All Lame for short. All Might had ditched his ceremonial ceiling worshipping suit for a black turtleneck sweater, that either he had bought seven exact copies of or this one was at least two days old. He had one hand in his jeans, sixty thousand yen pair at that with matching moccasin shoes that looked so out of place. A toothpick dangled from his mouth, his legendary hair was gelled into place so hard an RPG would probably bounce off it and the shades, black ones that secret agents wore in those American movies when he was indoors? The cell phone that never seemed to lose his interest?
Beth, the impending divorcee had him by the balls or the Symbol of Peace was taking dating advice from a man who probably spent more of his money than he could make. Jack was not a ladies man you wanted to emulate. Every girl loved him but every ex-girl before the current fling he would have hated him afterwards. There was a club to hate the guy and was his exes supposedly… It was a big club... Lucky for Jack, he was in another dimension as the way he went through women (All Might had been pictured seventy times since he'd returned in various hero magazines and Jack was there with a different girl in each photo) the guy with the universe backing him, would have enough paternity suits and numbers to start a holy crusade.
"Why does All-Might look like he's having a mid-life crisis?"
Momo was the one to say this and she was prim, proper and the daughter of a very influential pair of Japanese power couple with fingers in a lot of pies. Her calling out her seniors was more alarming than the fire alarm going off.
"I preferred the day he came in his silver age costume."
Ochako looked adorable when saying that. Mind you, she was always adorable. Also, was she referring to that death trap he had to rebrand because the cape was caught in a jet engine live on air? He had missed that old costume getting a dusting off? Izuku was genuinely sad for the first time about school since he'd returned. Maybe he could get a video from somewhere?
It would be amazing if it was the titanium weaved cape used to wreck the plane engine which had been sold at auction to pay for his legal bills. It would be like holding onto the evidence of his dastardly screw ups, a rarity in itself for the competent hero.
"Pa tells me ta' wait ta' see if he buys ah' Bentley before you stage an intervention."
As usual Pony, the country girl was the wisest one of everyone he knew. Her Japanese was coming on leaps and gains but English was like their privacy mode. She blushed and repeated herself in Japanese when Ochako tilted her head like an adorable confused puppy.
Izuku really needed to find a new adjective for her one day.
"I always was told it was the ferrari you looked out for," Izuku joked, eating his risotto with much glee. This was enough for him to attend class, doing subjects Aoko had already beaten into his skull and enduring practical lessons that felt like baby's first gymnastic lesson. Everything was like the entrance exam, a life on easy mode for a qualification he was questioning even needing if he was doing battle with the Multiverse and that was a lot of ground to cover.
Then he remembered those days, the helpless days when no quirk and an asshole Bakugo grinded his soul to dust but the swordsman had still wanted to be a hero. That was when his resolve to tell everything that said nay that he was going to be saying yay for the rest of his days. Fuck em'. If it didn't want to cooperate, like Bakugo's face, he could punch it until it learned its lesson.
"Deku! Bastard! What did you do to All Might?!"
'Think of an asshole and one doth appear,' Izuku thought dryly, ignoring the screaming, banshee howler monkey shouting at him for attention. He should be responsible with his asshole summoning powers, wait until he was in front of a train or some sort of monster... He continued the consumption of his food, wondering if the chef wanted a new career to teach him some of his trademark secrets to Belldandy too. She was divine but this guy's superpower was food… something? He scratched his chin, smirking at Ochako who was paying attention to the encyclopedia of profanity he was tuning out with some humming, in particular the words to that old movie 'Frozen' song which carried some ironic overtones for Bakugo's obsession with him. She was blushing so deeply, Bakugo must've been using his A material like a desperate comedian losing his audience.
"I am here!" All Might said, "In the cafeteria trying to enjoy my lunch so Bakugo my boy could you lower the volume of your voice so I can enjoy my lunch?!"
Izuku looked around, smirking as he locked eyes with the explosion wielding teenager with those strange alien gauntlets that were grafted to his forearms now. He locked eyes with the angry blonde, pointed to himself and tried to look innocent.
He really should do something about those things but Bakugo was so unimportant wearing part of a world destroying beast didn't help Izuku to care. It hadn't taken over his body or stuck out so why care until then?
Why was Izuku even wasting neurons right now? Body energy from the consumption of food making that innocent hand gesture?
"Are you talking to me?"
"Is your name Deku?" Ochako asked innocently.
"A middle name perhaps?" Momo wondered, baiting again for another friendly interrogation. She never gave up. Sherlock Holmes would hire her in an instant.
"I think its a case of mistaken identity," Pony piped in, Japanese this time. She was a bit more on the ball compared to the adorable airhead and Princess Torturer…
Princess Torturer? Izuku decided this was her new nickname in his own thoughts. He couldn't wait to tell Sakura…
"Imouto-chan," Izuku whined, staring at his suddenly boring meal. She would've loved to try this. She was not Illya, his precious daughter whom already had been to see the principal about sneaking into the boy's locker room to see what the fuss was all about. That meeting had been awkward. This was why he needed Sakura around amongst a million other reasons that made life a bit simpler by having his precious imouto around. Ophis tried her best but explaining to Illya what a Conceptual Entity was when it sat in class and adorably (Ochako had to share eventually) tried to write her name. She was pretty much the class pet already, literally speaking as classmates gave her treats and patted her on the head for luck.
"Are you missing your sister?" Princess Torturer asked, and this time not seemingly using this to start a full interrogation. He was amazed she could be compassionate. He had had a dream about her losing her patience and getting some thumb screws.
Oh, hell the fuck no was he letting this cliche occur! However, somebody beat this cliche by being an even bigger cliche.
All of a sudden the room went quiet again, (gloriously even Bakugo that he had been ignoring while missing his precious imouto) the enormous structure of the dining room with over a thousand students inside went silent as a rainbow appeared in the middle of the room. While not weird in a world where people could turn their eyes into laser beams or talking ermines ran public schools...
What stepped out was… not who he wanted to see!
"Sakura-chan!" Izuku stated, leaping up and approaching the swaggering vampire, Balmung appearing in one hand and a black key in the other. He reached the Master of the Second Magic and glared at him. "Sakura-chan, now?" He stepped around the imposing vampire, finding no little sister behind the man and using Structural Analysis, discovered no little sister underneath his cloak. He looked for Sapphire, loli bait magical girl raiment… Nothing, not even a ribbon! "Sakura-chan!"
Zelretch refused to look at him, beard quivering. This was not a good sign. The man rarely gulped either when Izuku pushed prana into Balmung, cracking it, making it Broken. The delicate nuclear bomb the teenager was holding was enough to get his point across.
"Midoriya, my boy?" All-Might said jovially from beside him, putting one hand on his shoulder, behaving like a concerned teacher, something quite weird in itself. Didn't he have ceiling gods to worship? Magnolia deities… wait the walls were more eggshell...
"Sakura-chan, Zelretch, where is my little sister you kidnapped two days ago?!"
There was a theatrical gasp from everyone watching this bizarre scene unfold. It was going to be the gossip to consume tomorrow for sure.
"Perhaps we should discuss our 'newest traveller' in the other room Midoriya?"
Was that tact as well? Beth was certainly doing a good job with him. All-Might might be able to enter a bathroom without announcing himself any day now.
"A most agreeable idea!" Zelretch stated with equal flair for drama, "But I would prefer doing this with witnesses around us."
Izuku saw red. Something was wrong with his little sister? Was she hurt? Kidnapped by demons? Was his sister being kept hostage by demons? In that loli-bait outfit? With demons who could be doing unsanitary things with pitchforks to his beloved little, wonderful imouto? Demons who had his sister in a loli bait outfit?
It was safe to say his imagination was breeding with his sense of panic while having a foursome with his anxiety and the sort of rage that only came out on the weekends. It was an ambivilent mess of murderous intent with a pinch of pitched panic that hadn't seen action since the days before his quirk showed up and dropkicked it into a hole marked 'fuck off now please'.
It had risen from the hole better armed and ready to lay siege to what was once its domain!
"Midoriya! Please put the knife down!"
Izuku blinked and indeed the Black Key in his hand was inches from Zelretch's beard and it was not to give the man a Turkish shave. Balmung had vanished for some reason, internal safety sense perhaps? He had an instinct that being distracted with a bomb that could take out a city block, wiping out a generation of heroes nearby at the same time was a bad idea for everybody's health? Izuku's anger, more fierce than Lion-O on steroids, Traced a new copy, but left it intact.
"Harem slayer?!" one voice echoed as if repeating what someone else was saying, "Do you want to die?"
Izuku debated the merits of stabbing out Zelretch's eyes with his nice Black Key then simply swiped it so fast across the vampire's throat nobody could see the movement. When reality caught up, gaping at Izuku's brazen confrontation with somebody who could kill his ass faster than a bum when seeing a twenty dollar bill, the white beard of Zelretch The Wizard Marshall was turned into a Dick Van Dyke then it vanished when the air from a nearby window blew on his face.
Everyone in the Multiverse would've paid to see what was underneath that beard. It was a mole of all things!
Izuku's politeness was sharper than the sword in his hand. Everyone in the cafeteria flinched as if they had been cut. "My sister, now please?!"
"Hmm, ever considered a career as a barber?" the vampire asked curiously, regaining some of his vigour. "You do better work than a Turkish barber." There was still a cold sweat on his face. All Might was blinking blatantly at the impossibly fast knife work and Izuku made his appreciation of the joke clear by flinging the knife into the ceiling, breaking it from the sheer force that brought down a ton of plaster and some important looking cabling. Unlike the time he destroyed the ceiling when Connla showed up, it was easily a seven on the destruction scale and he didn't need a spear bigger than him to do it. That was how pissed he was at the moment. Normal men would've quailed and remembered they had an important engagement in Siberia behind a nuclear bomb shelter but all you saw of Zelretch's slight wariness was that same bead of sweat running down his forehead. There was eldritch abominations that wished they could make the troll do that. "Geez, your worse than Rick when the liquor store is late with its deliveries."
Another Black Key rendered the vampire to the most simple defence one could use in such a situation. He stepped back, arms waving frantically to ward off the weapon that would hurt him... a bit.
It might itch at most to be honest. The fucking troll was annoying like that.
"You're like a damn broken record, stupid Deku!"
That Black Key was flung hard enough to crack cement, pinning Bakugo's shadow. The bluster he was building up tasted dirt as a nearby plate filled with half eaten dinner was slammed over his face with a throw Olympic discus throwers would've lamented at never being able to pull properly.
Thus, another school legend of the Harem Spartan was born… Izuku would not be amused upon learning that particular rumor existed for all his years at school without him noticing until the school reunion. Kaminari would tell him about it after drinking the spiked punch bowl.
"Stuff your face with something other than curses," Izuku stated. "Now my sister, Zelretch or Balmung and I are going to try our hand at castration." The strained smile was more frightening than the sword. "I want to see if you can grow them back or not."
"Midoriya," All-Might stated, grabbing his shoulder holding Balmung, "You don't want to hurt this man."
Half the Multiverse wanted to hurt this guy. All-might was blissfully ignorant to how anyone who met this guy perceived him, the troll of time and space they called him even in worlds where trolls or stories about them never existed. They invented the word (one world invented swear words for the guy at the same time) just to keep in line with the rest of the universe.
Izuku froze when that voice broke him from his desire to maim and brutalise with a side of mincing appendages. She hadn't spoken to him since he returned from his whirlwind trip and she alone could push the switch off button.
"Tsuyu?" Izuku blinked. It was his dear childhood friend/maybe girlfriend and she was talking to him.
The world became just the two of them...
"Whipped," Zelretch japed, making the whooshing sound of a whip. He wasn't very smart when he behaved like a wounded seal that had been surrounded by sharks, those sharks distracted and then the seal decided to draw their attention back to him instead of escaping. "Now I can tell you what happened…" Izuku's mind went in all sorts of directions. Kidnapped by rapists? Kidnappers? Cultists? Had she been murdered? All sorts permeated his big brother mindset but the reality was typical Zelretch... "I kind of lost her in a world of lolicons where lolis are treated like busty women would here and…"
That ridiculous and just ridiculous excuse was enough for Tsuyu to grab his hand tighter while his intelligence nosedived as his worst fears were realised. His Sakura was surrounded by perverts and she was wearing the perfect loli bait to attract? It was so bizarre this had to be true. Had he been provoking the jinx far too much about it? Why did the troll vampire take his sister there of all places?
It was like throwing a wounded gazelle into a pit of hungry lions, or setting yourself on fire and expecting not to be burned! Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck fuck!
"It was just as well we took this into another room," Tsuyu muttered and again Izuku blinked, noticing his surroundings where a classroom near the cafeteria had its sliding door opened. When had he walked somewhere? This blind rage was messing with his sense of time. There was thirty or so chairs, a blackboard and enough windows for Izuku to throw the bastard outside to murder him and avoid any collateral damage to the school.
Izuku Midoriya was a conscientious student. Destroying school property was a bad thing to do. Murdering vampires should be done away from his high school so as not to bother his fellow students… Murdering Zelretch… Kill… The… Fucking...
"You… You… You…" His intelligence, sentience as a Homo Sapien Vampire thingie returned enough to tell rage there was better ways to getting Sakura back instead of blasting the cause to atoms. He could resurrect him and do it… Bad violent impulses! Bad! "Bring my sister back right now! I don't care how the fuck you do it. I don't care if you need to use your damn testicles to home in on her or sing 'She'll be coming around the Mountain' until your mouth bleeds more than Niagara Falls! You will return my sister now!"
"That might be a little…"
Izuku was beyond rationality anymore. He just wanted to have Sakura back and protect her just like he had promised in Fuyuki… The pounding headache trying to remember that conversation or the circumstances of their first meeting was not helping his lack of calm.
"Do what I fucking say or so help me god I will find everything you love and destroy it just like you have done to me!"
Tsuyu tensed her hand harder, rubbing his arm. She looked like she wanted to say something but the blunt girl wasn't as self assured as she had been a few years ago.
Whimsy, followed by drama as Zelretch snapped his fingers and held his hand out with a dramatic flair, fangs gleaming in mad joy. With a rainbow, a Holy Fucking Grail manifested in his hand. It was covered in bows and frilly lace, but it was a damn Grail for sure, no matter how freaking much it made him think a four year old had it commissioned. He could feel the bottomless power it possessed, the hax like wish magic that dwelled within it, the will to make anything appear in this world be it literal, metaphorical or catastrophic depending on the sanity, insanity or whims and desires of its victor.
Staring into the abyss, remembering the Fourth War, Izuku didn't hesitate. He whipped out his phone and speed dialed Chao. "Chao I've got something at my location that needs to be contained now!"
"On it Chǒng'ér. I'm also sending the Super Sentai Squad to your location."
"No wait don't!" Izuku tried to call her off but it was too late for that. 'I thought it was the Super Sentai Rangers?'
There were several flashes of light and when they cleared, Aoko, looking ready for action and Connla, wearing his school uniform with mustard on the collar. Joining them was Arcueid, very peppy as usual and Shiki, wearing his new special goggles. The last one brought some dread to him. Illya, who'd hopefully used some common sense to hide somewhere before answering the call. They were all ready for battle in the classroom with him, Connla summoning Gae Bolg. Illya stared at the room with undisguised curiosity. Seeing her papa, she raced up to him and hugged his waist.
"Papa, what's going on? The crazy scientist girl told me to get ready for combat." She slapped her hands together, her uniform looking out of place. "Ruby! Magical Girl Time"
"Yes Illya-chan!" The rod slinked out of her backpack like a horrendous omen of something horrible to come.
Then it came, the horror, the loli-bait of horrible stuff to happen to his little daughter. She made a freaking transformation sequence, watching as lolicon aneurysm inducing antics happened as it slowly took away her clothes and replaced them with her magical girl raiment.
No father should see his daughter do an involuntary strip tease!
"Magical Girl Illya-chan!" was Illya's painful finale.
Izuku counted to sixteen. He could murder the stick later.
Looking down into his little girl's crimson eyes, he chuckled awkwardly and replied to her earlier question, before the brain bleach became something he wanted for one of his christmas presents this year. That or alcoholism so he could drink the memory dead. "Well, this is the first official mission of the Super Sentai Squad... I guess..."
Connla added to the confusion, not having convenient clothes powers so he was going to be fighting in his uniform, one of Scathach's ten rules of what not to do in school. You could tell he was conflicted about it. "I thought we were called…"
"That's right!" Chao who seemed to pop out of nowhere answered, interrupting the mystery of the day. Arcueid seemed to find the confusion amusing but Shiki was genuinely contemplating it like a badass by rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He was a really cool dude. She walked over and gave Izuku a peck on the cheek before she hit a button causing a holographic projector to pop out on her wrist watch which showed an emergency news broadcast.
A middle-aged woman came on the screen behind the camera. "This is Trisha Takanawa, channel 42 news, reporting breaking news that has just come in. A group of super powered pre-pubescent girls led by several degenerate villains are leading a multi-pronged assault on Mustafu City. Right behind me, you can see the Number Two Hero Endeavor engaging one of the young ladies who seems to be wielding a sword of some kind."
The camera zoomed in behind the woman to show the flame cloaked hero fighting what looked to be a younger Altria in a white dress and high heels in a street. She looked like she was doing some shopping, from how little a fuck she seemed to give to her foe. It was seeing Caliburn that answered some questions about her identity. He had to be there for confirmation but he was pretty sure somehow, this was his Altria, only more petite and feisty.
"Surrender and you'll only get mildly scorched villain," Endeavor promised coldly, his voice in stark contrast to his quirk. He was burning like a volcano on its period and told it was looking fat.
In response, 'lil Altria, as Izuku had dubbed her in his mind due to her petite stature, delicate outfit that belonged in a Miss Texas contest than the battlefield held her blade back point facing forward as if she were about to thrust. Then, her blade began to glow a brilliant ominous yellow.
Izuku wondered who would actually miss the guy who was about to be turned into blood spatter and a burn mark on the concrete. Did anyone actually like the guy? He was number two for his work ethic.
It sure as hell wasn't for his approval ratings.
"Cali…" She took two dainty steps forward as if she were a ballerina or a prancing deer. The wondrous weapon, the King Maker gathered a glorious golden light, motes of prana never touched by anyone else up to now except for Izuku, and a few other alien presences to this world lit it up in a promise of glorious victory to its owner. Then she thrust her weapon forward. "…Burn!"
A beam of golden light shot forth… the camera's lens flare equipment struggled to cope and it struck the Number Two hero… He would wish he would die but instead to Izuku's incredulous stare, the beam of army destroying power hit Endeavour right in the dick on live television, passing underneath his undercarriage where it demolished a fashion label's boutique.
Silence reigned for a moment… Trisha stuttered like a cheerleader in the back of the quarterback's car on makeout hill as Endeavor collapsed in a heap, his crotch a smoking ruin, the awesome power of cauterising golden light preventing him from dying from severe blood loss as there was no way the major artery running through one's crotch hadn't been hit. It would be of small comfort though.
His eyes rolled back in his head, fire went poof and he was frothing at the mouth. He, with absolute no fanfare then fell over unconscious and the poor sucker landed on his face so his dick suffered more indignity on impact. Ding! Ding! Knockout in twenty seconds, fifteen of which meant for powering Caliburn. Endeavour like any other hero in this world would suffer a similar fate. Well, not all servants took away your manhood… Izuku hoped anyway, staring in silence with anyone who owned a television.
The silence continued for a long time, only broken at the scene by the crashing down of the building the rest of the beam had hit with a thunderous crash.
"YES!" The silence on this side was broken by, of all things, Todoroki's cry of utter jubilation. Everyone took a step back away from the voice of the son of the hero in question moonwalking on his cafeteria table, only stopping to grab his crotch with one hand and pose in joy. How they knew this? Tsuyu watched on in deadeye as they had a perfect view of the icy hot kid doing this plus a victory lap from their position across the hall where they could see the dining room.
Some horrors could not be unseen it seemed.
"That is something I can not unsee." Tsuyu appeared traumatized as Todoroki's entire persona collapsed dead on the spot. Everyone would years later on remember this and be grateful that he didn't try to copy the Saber's choice of attack with his powers.
After a moment of abject shock, Trisha Takanawa spoke again. This time, the cogs in her brain were working better. Maybe she smelt an award for newscasting? Funnily enough, she would get one in the next few months and a new gig in L.A for the story of the year, 'Hotdog Burning'.
"You… you saw it here first folks. The number two hero…" It was funny as you could see her shrugging her shoulders at trying to be an adult about this in any way. How did one report someone getting castrated by small girl with energy sword? "... Is now half the man he used to be… which isn't saying much in this reporter's opinion. This has been channel forty two news, Trisha Takanawa reporting."
The news went off just as the lil Saber was attacked by someone and the cameraman fell over.
Welp, this had gone from bad to worse. Izuku stared at Zelretch, Zelretch the troll just shrugged his shoulders. A moment passed, Izuku thrust the sword in his hand without looking and pinned Zelretch to the ceiling by his abdomen, bringing down the plaster, just remembering some mercy as cutting the man's dick off was just a bit cruel even for him. He then glanced up with fury in his eyes.
"Stick around, I'm far from finished with you."
"I like hanging around," Zelretch said with glee, blood pouring out his mouth. Izuku stabbed him again with another sword. "Oh, could you put another one just up from the first one? My back is itching like crazy."
Izuku threw a third sword so it cut his cheek, just missing his head. The vampire got the message.
"Stupid grandpa," Arcueid mocked with a snicker.
Izuku turned to his Martian lover. "Chao secure the Grail," He then turned to the others. "You just saw what the idiot brought with him. He lost Sakura somewhere…"
"He did what?" Aoko said angrily. Illya pouted magnificently and bashed the old man's head with her stick by flying up to swat him in the face.
"You lost oba-san? I was hoping she was getting home soon so Ophis-chan stops asking me at two in the morning where she is!"
"Everyone!" Izuku said, glaring at the asshole in the sky. All Might's gods would be offended by the offering he had given them for sure. "Everyone! split off into pairs. We need to contain this as soon as possible. Illya you're with me."
The albino smiled. "Yes papa." She frowned sadly. "Papa, will Sakura-obasan be alright?"
Ruffling her hair comfortingly, he reassured his princess. "She will. Sakura is tougher than she looks. She puts up with your teasing, doesn't she?"
Illya gave a ghost of a smile. "That's true. Mama says I'm good at teasing people."
Izuku frowned. Another conversation with the book being applied as a blunt force instrument was incoming.
"Hey kid," the muscle-bound battle freak known as Jack Rakan called from the doorway of the classroom. Where the fuck had he come from? And why was he wearing a gym uniform and the biggest whistle in existence around his neck… He remembered his aunt's absence… She didn't? No, one world ending situation at a time! Focus! "Mind if I get in on this? It looks like fun."
Izuku was half inclined to say no simply based on the fact it was Jack 'Fucking' Rakan and holding back was not his style. From what little he had seen, the man could do very strange things, fight like defeat was not something he studied as a child and he could do more damage than the Servants. Also overkill was like his family motto, something he didn't need as the Masters could hold the answer to where his sister was and flexing his pecs in front of them was more costly than a nuclear bomb.
It only just occurred to him that this was the first time his world had been invaded by an enemy force, even accidental like this. Zelretch, the Impaled had talked about this with him during his revelation years ago as a kid. Wow, when did he become so numb to crisis situations? The kid him would have already been on the scene. My, how had he grown, he guessed?
Then, Izuku heard a building collapse in the distance and that made up his mind for him. "Fine, but try not to destroy the whole damn city Jack. People kind of hate it when they have to live in rubble."
The King of Mercenaries grinned. If that was his reassuring face, then it sucked.
"I'll do my best."
Chao's futuristic communication equipment suddenly rang and she promptly answered it. "Yo. Oh hey. Yeah, uh huh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Ok hold on." She hit a few buttons on her tablet and a few seconds later Maiya and Beowulf were teleported into the classroom.
Izuku raised an eyebrow and sent the two an awkward wave. "Maiya-san, Beowulf, not that it isn't nice to see you both but we kinda have a situation here."
"We're well aware and here to help." Maiya spoke crisply. "Izuku have you forgotten what I used to do?"
Izuku resisted the urge to smack his head. "Right, protégé of the Magus Killer… You up for this?"
Maiya nodded. "If it means keeping the children safe, yes."
"And they are?"
"In the more secure second bunker you built in the basement with Rose. She's keeping them busy with a quiz."
He looked at Chao. Chao looked away whistling. That bunker had not been in the specs. He was too used to her to care for long though.
"You haven't gotten rusty, have you?" Izuku joked.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Maiya replied curtly.
Izuku gulped, but then smiled when he saw the ghost of a smile on her face. He was happy to see the woman had mellowed out some… her humor could use some more work though. Izuku turned to the first Servant he'd ever summoned.
"You ready for this big guy?"
Beowulf grinned like a madman. There was a beer can in his hand Izuku had missed that he smashed off his cranium like a football hooligan. He completed the look by tearing his shirt off and roaring manly. Maiya rolled her eyes in that way women did when they were used to their partner being a fucking overly dramatic dumb ass.
"Are you kidding? I've been itching for a fight. Watching the troops is fun and all but I live for war and battle!"
Maiya slapped him in the shoulder. "Calm yourself fool."
Beowulf couldn't stop grinning, "Can't! I'm too excited! Fighting is almost as good as you in bed."
Maiya's cry of anger was drowned out by klaxons starting to blare in the school, signaling a lockdown which hadn't been used in recent memory. It was the villain alert system, similar shelters would be getting activated all over town, several built by a charity Izuku had control over. To Izuku that meant it was time to get to work. So, he ignored the byplay and suited up.
Izuku's form was briefly obscured by magical lightning. The culmination of that flashy prana light show was Izuku wearing his Ragnarök series Model 28 armor. The first true original piece of armor, designed for his attitude as team leader, free from that hack Tony Stark's influence. It was composed of an alloy composed of Adamantium and Uru metal with the outer shell and it was coated in a metallic sheen with spikes on the shoulders and knuckles. With software updates developed by Chao, giving it space age capabilities and his own skill with reinforcement he could now use the 'accelware' renamed the 'Nike Interface' with little to no issue but the biggest improvement was to his magecraft. Using runes embedded on the armor itself, it sped up the production time of swords by absorbing and shaping ambient mana in the air. With his inner world not deployed, he could fire his blades by the hundreds now reducing the reliance on grade nine prana repulsors and removing the need for bulky artillery weapons entirely. Along with the Ragnarök series, he was also wearing Megingjörð, and Járngreipr, the belt and iron gloves of his blood brother Thor. These attachments were held into place by a crystal like lattice that replaced eighty percent of the silicon computer chips the suit used to rely upon where they were effortlessly 'wired' in so they couldn't be tampered with without the complete removal of his equipment. All this was powered by the latest tri-layered arc reactor technology that utilised three individual layers mere millimeters on top of one another for a power output that could probably power half of New York for three years.
He wasn't taking any chances with these Servants and a sandwich bag wasn't going to cut it today.
"Howdy lil man. I've missed you!"
"It's nice to see you too Helen," Izuku said, amazed that she could retain her memory everytime, a factor he still did not understand fully. He swore to one day devote time to letting Chao poke him until he… Bad analogy! Bad analogy!
"Oh right!" Illya stated proudly, "Ruby sneak sneak mode!"
This grand command made Ruby place a light pink veil over his daughter's face like an Arabian harem girl.
He was going to kill that stick with fire and blood.
Connla stared at Illya, had an 'eureka' moment and grabbed something out of his school bag, his gym shorts. He cut a couple of holes and put them over his head. It was fortunate that gym class was going to be cancelled. He stared at Jack… For more than one reason.
"What about us?" Arcueid asked, pouting. Shiki sheepishly smiled and turned on a filter that hid his eyes and ran downwards, displaying a rebreather mask to hide the rest of his face. Now Izuku knew that Zel had gotten these from Rick. There was a trademark symbol on the side with Rick's usual humor present. 'This was made by Rick Industries biatches!'. Arcueid looked ready to cry though at missing out. "Izu-kun!"
Izuku shook his head in his awesome armor and stared at Chao. Chao grinned at being able to play and produced a Tricorn hat and a mask like some kind of highwayman. Her white blouse was presented with a long black trench coat which she took as part of the costume, the final result making her look more villainous than anything heroic.
Of course she seemed to love it.
"Happy now?" Izuku asked, then with her own volition the woman produced a pair of cat ears from somewhere and stuck them under her hat. She was a highwayman cat girl…
Weirdly, it fit her to perfection so Izuku could roll with it.
"Fetishes are getting weirder by the year," Helen commented.
"Why didn't you offer me anything?" Connla asked, looking rather dumb in his shorts on his head mask. He looked like a DIY gimp.
"Well," Izuku replied after a moment holding up a finger, "Arcueid is prettier than you first off."
Connla nodded. He couldn't argue with that.
Izuku held up another finger. "She can cause a natural disaster by sneezing if she's not careful."
Connla glanced at the bubbly blonde. He'd never actually seen her fight, but if aniki said she could do that… then she probably could.
Izuku held up a final finger. "Lastly, seeing you wear a pair of pants on your head is funny."
Izuku ignored his protest as he continued. "Plus, its punishment for not thinking about just obscuring your identity using Runes. Scathach taught you how to use more than just a spear Connla, try and remember that."
The Irishman facepalmed himself. "Damn it!"
The echoing boom of another building toppling over reminded everyone now was not the time for jokes.
"Rakan-sensei, have you seen Izuku or Tsuyu? Aizawa-sensei wants us all to report back to… class?" Momo peeked behind the massive man to see the ironclad Izuku along with the Super Sentai Squad, Tsuyu, and Zelretch hanging from the ceiling like some guy who had been made the entertainment at the Spanish Inquisition christmas party. The vampire grinned at her and gave her a jaunty wave.
Looking to the armor encased warrior Momo inquired, "Izuku?"
"Momo," Izuku said with a nod. "I don't have time to explain though I'm sure you're full of questions. I need you and Tsuyu to stay here while my friends and I go take care of the mess this asshole created." Izuku glared up at the Dead Apostle.
"You said by any means kid," Zelretch retorted with an uncaring shrug. Technicalities aside, one did not justify themselves by being an asshole. Mama vampire didn't clearly spank him enough as a kid.
Izuku flipped him the bird in response. "Fuck you," Izuku twisted the sword in the vampire's guts, relishing his grunts of pain. "This is not what I meant, and you damn well know it."
"Izuku," Tsuyu chastised, "Stop torturing the vampire, you're supposed to be a hero, and it's not very paragon of you."
Izuku's helmet folded down just so he could spit to the side, "Renegade for life." The suit's belt area retracted like the eye of some angry beast to create a portal gun that shot several portals out of his belt and Izuku's helmet snapped back into place. "Ok everyone, pair up and get out there, and good hunting!"
Before anyone could walk through their respective portals, Chao made it clear she was not finished, her suit opening a small portal that created a projector. Up above them, the entire world was displayed in perfect detail and a near limitless amount of information streaming either around it, beneath it or displaying trails from nearby it like from the projected path of nearby stellar objects to what appeared to be every single satellite that had ever been, was active or indeed what would soon be put in orbit. It was enough information that any country in the world would've sent their entire intelligence agencies out to acquire it. What was highlighted in an angry red however were what seemed to be infinite numbers of bright dots. When she clicked on one such dot, attached to a Russian communication satellite (that had in inverted commas laser cannon) a single word 'Beezlebub' was listed.
"Izu-kun, I hope you don't mind, but I should let you know I repurposed that Beelzebub Mystic Code of yours." She blushed when Izuku raised an eyebrow. It was quite pretty and she was being quite complimentative when she borrowed someone else's work instead of creating her own. To a super genius, it was her version of surprising you in bed with lingerie. "While the initial concept was great, I had to redesign some of the overall product however, a bit of tweaking such as operating in zero gravity, dipping them in that light refracting liquid I've been working on but its really doing well in how I reworked it." She enhanced the image of the red dot to show off the dot that now resembled a small sea mine. "It attaches to anything in space and subverts it like helping to alter the path of an asteroid to monitoring in real time the live feed of NASA's deep space telescope, Copernicus 3. With it, I'll be able to keep you all updated on things as they happen from here."
After that, the pretty Chinese girl squirmed like a kid that had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
Izuku just shook his head at his Martian's ingenuity. Behaving like a proper lover he smiled at her fondly. She looked ready to melt into the ground.
"I can't believe you made that experiment into something actually useful," Izuku complimented, remembering other failures. Maybe he would hand her those files too? She had really done wonders with this. It would speed up his plan to have a worldwide network in case the worst came like interdimensional invaders. He hoped that never happened too soon. He looked around at the SSS then to live footage playing of the disaster occuring.
There was no time to waste.
"Let's rock and roll!" Everyone was startled by the abrupt solo guitar solo that came from nowhere yet everywhere. "Stupid Nagi can't get in the way of this."
Of course, Jack had to ruin the dramatic tension.
"You… heard the man. Illya, stick close to me. If you see any… lolicons around blast them... "
Illya's eyes lit up for some eerie reason, Ruby thrumming with prana. He hoped she understood that was not a free pass to cause mayhem.
"Yes Izu-papa! You hear that Ruby! We can use your pervert beam!"
"Of course Illya-chan!" Ruby said excitedly, wiggling like an overexcited child, "Just remember to aim at the crotch like that Saber did before and…"
Killing intent shut the stick up. It shook as Izuku promised to murder it molecule by molecule. If such a Noble Phantasm didn't exist, he had the power to make one.
"We want to come too."
"You can't," Izuku stated, instantly shutting off Tsuyu. She had no right to ask that of him. She was woefully ignorant of the threat this presented to the entire planet. She had been given an overview but that was nothing to the reality of things. Servants were legends, beings from the throne that seemed to have roots literally everywhere like the stories said. Izuku had written it off as hyperbole but the Grail wouldn't be working as well as it was without something in this world to latch it onto. The Holy Grail needed prana yes, Zelretch was probably bending the rules with the Second Magic but the fact prana exists in this plane meant the throne had to as well… at least in some form… but that laid the problem for Tsuyu.
He had never heard of a hero from any place outside of places like the Fourth War, places where prana had been utilised, worlds where it was so prevalent that concepts like Alaya existed, the will of man and not even Gaia stirred here. His swords were not foreign bodies to this land and without prana to make people god like or gods themselves, heroes, villains… No hero here could ascend to the throne.
The heroes were only thus in name where Izuku Midoriya came from. The first and last 'hero', where a Grail would achknowledge was just him… He stared at Connla, Aoko, Arc, Shiki and Illya. They could become heroes… His Sakura could become one of those 'Heroic Spirits' too. Their worlds were maybe properly connected to the throne because their worlds were simply magical…
"You can't walk away again."
"Hey," Connla stated, trying to intercede, "No offence here missy but the boss is right. What's in the city right now is like seven natural disasters and their bosses are like the asylum shut down and their biggest sociopaths were let out. You won't last five seconds against one…"
Jack snapped his fingers. It was so loud that everyone stopped, blinked and looked at him. But somehow, those fingers knocked everyone into the portals and everyone minus him plus Illya, the little sprite miraculously being bearhugged by a sweaty Jack, his armpit bigger than the rainforest during raining season remained.
Izuku was left with Tsuyu and Momo, the sound of Illya's screams muffled by Jack's flesh and Ruby screaming for an adult.
"I'll bring her back when you need to go kid," Jack stated, winking outrageously like he had a facial tick. "Babysitting charge is 500 yen every half hour. You get the 'guy finds me a fight' discount."
"I'll have All Might-sensei give you my details!"
Jack nodded, whistled and like a good little dog All Might went off with his boss somewhere, leaving them to talk. Once the noise of struggling step-daughter was gone, Chao waved brightly as she took the chance to run too.
As well as being smarter than your average Martian, Chao had picked the best time to make her retreat. Tsuyu glared at him with her big round eyes and with her fists shaking at her sides. Momo, the quiet one for once… Reality set in as to why seconds later... Izuku looked at her for the first time and saw her wide eyed, mouth open. It occurred to him that he was wearing armor, armor she had been chasing after for a while.
The cat was out of the bag now. Momo's crack investigation into discovering his links between the Iron Legion and him hardly required her doing any real sleuth work now. He may as well have handed her the fork. He was done.
Izuku broke the mounting tension in the room before Momo started calling the media. There was an obvious problem to fix right now.
"You can't come with me Tsu."
Tsuyu's glare turned into a laser that James Bond couldn't escape from. He simply froze in place, paralysed and reminded of just how much the swordsman actually missed her being around. She had been his friend, girlfriend and partner before the Fourth War had christened him in the shit that the Multiverse often liked to dump on those who went for a surf in it.
Irisviel… Hikari… Altria… Scathach… Wow, had he already kind of forgot about Arika? Being frozen seemed to give him the time to reflect behind his armor that so much had happened. His fucking arm had been taken in the time they had been apart.
Where had all the time gone?
Why did that same powerful urge to protect everything in his sight suddenly well up inside him for the first time in a very long time? Sakura was kin, expected protection was part of the pact they had made to walk the path of life together. The rest of his compatriots, small and big at least understood the murky, filthy depths of the life Izuku Midoriya lived in. He was cursed to follow this path, save everyone and that had almost ruined everything until someone special had reminded him he had people to hold the gate with… It couldn't happen right now but he was soon going to repair that bridge with Tsuyu.
Shame, she was Tsuyu, hero in training and that came with a modicum of Spiderman's underlying philosophy, 'With Great Power Comes Ever Greater Responsibility'.
Izuku's was probably more like 'Save what you can' at this time but both Peter Parker and Tsuyu Asui didn't think further than the streets nearby.
"You're not leaving me behind again!" The frog girl snapped at her boyfriend… person of special interest. "You've done it enough and last time; I wasn't sure if you were coming back! I've had it with wondering if you're going to come back to me alive or not!"
"I'm sorry but…"
"Jesus kid, for so many girls you suck at flirting," Helen interrupted, shouting from a loudspeaker mounted on the face plate. She ejected the face plate so Izuku could actually be seen, further damning him to Momo, who made to say something until the AI bullied her way in again. "Look harem boss lady…"
"It's not a harem," Izuku complained.
"From where I'm looking…"
"Okay, enough both of you. Tsuyu… can I call you Tsuyu? I'm the AI that runs this suit named Helen. He's useless at talking to you for some reason so for once I'm going to help the kid with his love life… Never thought I would have to say that. Makes me almost miss Tony."
The suit was equipped with another example of the holographic technology used by Chao earlier. It was more of a projector but the image seen was showing live news footage of a tiny Japanese armored little girl mooching around a swimming pool. When a hero, some sand guy leaped up behind her? The response was a punch, the force of which alone sent the hero into the pool where he had to turn back into full form to avoid dying. It shifted to another channel where a busty weather girl, the poor lady probably just doing a location shoot was turned into a loli with her clothes pooled around her ankles leaving her practically nude by a jewel and a cackling fat bastard in red was chuckling maniacally as he threw gemstones around, turning all he saw into lolitas.
"Is that the Tohsaka Jewelcraft?" Izuku muttered, finding that he was yet to meet a single one of that clan that he didn't want to punish in some way.
"Ignoring my stupid master and his inability to tell you that you are so out of your league you needed this montage to understand it, Izuku Midoriya has fought these sorts of people before. Heroes that are so powerful a dimension exists to keep them in mint condition until somebody decides they want to fight a battle royale, only they're playing with tactical nukes. These people Tsuyu wield weapons that can lay waste to armies, fuck one golden colored prick could destroy the planet if he so wished."
Tsuyu was ashen. The footage had changed so a purple haired girl wearing a rabbit eared hood and a golden scythe "They're just children…"
"Children you say?" His AI was on a roll here. "One of them is clearly using Caliburn, another hit the air so hard she made All Might look like he needed some time in the gym girl!"
The live television feed was returned to the purple haired girl with a golden scythe and wearing a rabbit eared hood levelling a skyscraper, a famous shopping complex in this city by cutting it cleanly in half. While Mt Lady grabbed on for dear life but failing badly as the damage leaned towards her, forcing her to one knee, Kamui Wood was out like a light, deep gouges in his wooden body. Updraft was putting out fires but a swift kick to the ass from a tiny shota that looked very much like Shinji Matou, only cuter than a piece of shit had been the perpetrator. Updraft professionally ignored the upstart, putting flames aside to let people escape until he was brought to his knees by the little shit booting him in the balls.
It changed as Deatharms, trying out a new career as a ballistic missile was sent careering into the back of Mt Lady's thigh, buckling her only supporting foot where it so obviously twisted and the cameraman had to escape because the poor fucker had to flee for his life from the falling building.
"I should be out there," Izuku said matter-of-factly, like it was an underlying rule of existence like black holes or the sun burned in nuclear fire.
"He should be," Helen stated flatly, "Do you understand now Tsuyu Asui? The world, this world isn't ready to take to the stage that is the Multiverse. You guys can barely keep your own affairs in order and you don't even have Types or vampires to deal with."
Tsuyu took her time to be still, seeing her demands for what they were. Childish, inadequate childish feelings. How had Izuku survived with just an arm taken? What monster had already taken its first piece of flesh where she would have been devoured whole? Vampires? She had no idea what Types were meant to be (she could hear the capital letter) but to be compared to vampires? Blood sucking monsters that ruled the night? Those were real? Izuku had to deal with that in his life? Reality slapped her in the face like a fish on market day.
"I never understood anything…" The frog themed girl fell down to her knees, all her anger bleeding from her to be replaced with shame. It throbbed like an open wound, a cancer that started to worm deep within her soul as naive righteousness was replaced by outright terror for the boy she… She loved him… All that anger? The wasted time? She lived in a world that let him be there…
She glazed over as it all smacked her all at once like water rushing into an enclosed space. She hit the solid wall of guilt and hung there like a drowned rat. That guilt would take a long time for her to escape from...
"Tsuyu…" He reached out but the armor locked his arm in place. He rebelled but understood in the end that Helen was doing the same thing as grabbing his shoulder.
"Master," Sarras squeaked suddenly, emerging from his back and hugging him, secrecy be damned. He took her hand with his metal one as it touched his cheek tenderly.
Momo fainted at the sight. Izuku winced. He had forgotten she was there.
"Thank you guys, both of you," Izuku said solemnly, stepping back.
"Your welcome kid," Helen said.
"Learn your place," Sarras muttered, shaking her fist. "I got here first!"
"Actually you'll find…"
"Illya!" Izuku had escaped one problematic situation. A cat fight between these two was not happening today. "We need to go now!"
The smell of cigarettes lingered in the air as soft jazz played in the background of Smokey's Bar, a local hook up place for singles to meet and mingle over barbeque and drinks. Dim lighting and neon surrounded booths and small tables setting the tone, while stressed Japanese businessmen loosened the ties on their three piece suits and tried their luck tonight with all the single ladies in the bar. All thoughts of flirting ceased when a man with messy black hair walked into the bar, cigarette dangling from his lower lip, and three days' worth of facial hair on his face that was only partially covering his severe case of acne. His three-piece black and grey suit wasn't quite enough to cover his overhanging beer belly.
What caused people to stop and stare though, was the gun he was holding in his left hand. Blowing out a puff of smoke, he smirked, and intoned. "Time Alter: Strip Accel!"
The gunman disappeared in a flash of speed moments before the sound of gunfire rang out as the clothing of every woman in the bar was sent flying into the air at the exact same time. Dresses, panties, and bras of various sizes and colors were flung all over the place. All the women including the barista released a collective "KYYA!" before ducking down to cover their privates.
The lecherous man appeared again then, posing and flexing his nonexistent muscles. "Ladies," He said trying to sound suave. "Lose the zeros and get with a hero, especially now that they've all been rendered impotent thanks to my Contender here." He patted his gun lovingly.
"PERVERT!" the women collectively screeched, before running towards the emergency exit as the men paled at being told their soldiers could no longer 'stand at attention'.
Kiritsugu Emiya scowled. 'Has the curse of the Grail reached here as well? None of those women looked like lolis… I must achieve the grail… I must attain the perfect loli and through her, gain world peace.'
Kiritsugu made his way outside and his eyes lit up. It seemed this world wasn't bereft of Loli's after all. For there, just a few blocks away, approaching a museum was a large group of them being herded by a hideous large breasted female with white and red streaked hair. His blood boiled. He knew what he had to do… "The loli's must be rescued at all costs!"
"Alright class," Fuyumi Todoroki clapped her hands getting her elementary school students' attention. "Stick together now. This trip was funded by Vajra Industries so let's not waste it!"
"Yes Todoroki-sensei!" the children collectively chorused. Suddenly, a strange overweight man appeared in front of them and started flexing and he wasn't All-Might so that meant it was weird. "STRANGER DANGER!" The kids cried out before going to hide behind their teacher.
Fuyumi stood defensively in front of her class. It was obvious this guy was a creep. Maybe even one of those weirdos they were talking about over the radio. Her quirk was useless for combat. She could just innately tell the temperature of things by touch. Useful for cooking and knowing when one of her charges was trying to fake sick but not much else. Certainly not a situation like this. Still, she had to do her best. She put on a brave face. She was the eldest child of the Number Two Hero after all. She glared at the man; a hard scowl etched onto her usually soft face. "What do you want?"
The man opened his mouth, but he jerked, and blood dribbled out of his mouth moments before he fell over dead, the back of his skull caved in from a bullet wound.
'Shio,' Was the last thought in his mind before he expired.
He died like a certain lame lancer… but unlike this guy the lancer could at least try again...
Maiya laid on her stomach on a roof seven hundred and fifty meters from the target. She had lined up her shot on this… perversion… of her mentor and former lover, when she heard a noise behind her. She rolled onto her back, drawing her sidearm and rolled onto her back in one smooth motion. The only thing that stopped her from pulling the trigger was the identity of the person standing behind her staring back at her calmly.
"Sigma," she said, correcting herself as they still hadn't settled on a proper name just yet, "Son, what are you doing here? Mommy is trying to work."
Sigma smiled at his mother like nothing was wrong, high caliber big game rifle on his shoulder. She was going to strangle her boyfriend for leaving the armory unlocked again when he was too wasted to shut it as it doubled as his brewery. More than likely he was so used to having a gun pointed in his direction, it didn't even phase him at this point. Her little gun toting angel gave her a little wave.
"Don't 'hi mom' me young man," Maiya said going 'full on mom'. She hadn't taken long to master the art with the entire platoon getting her up to speed. She had barely stopped Beowulf before he gave them the medieval version of the Talk. "You're supposed to be in class with Rose-sensei right now, what are you doing here?" She got up and had her hands on her hips by the time she'd finished speaking.
Her target had been forgotten by the perils of parenthood.
Sigma suddenly found his boots very interesting. The sight made her want to 'aw', hug tightly and buy him an ice cream. "I wanted to help the Chief. This is the first time something serious like this has happened and he would never let us help… we owe him a lot."
Maiya found her scowl softening. It was true she and her son owed Izuku quite a bit. She'd never admit it, but she'd be at his side at the drop of a hat if he ever asked. Not that he would, he was far too stubborn for that. In some ways, he was just like Kiritsugu though she knew better than to ever tell the boy that. Thinking of her former mentor reminded the mercenary she had a job to do.
She came to a decision. Her mind was able to twist this as family bonding.
"Alright, get that rifle off your shoulder and lay on your stomach. You'll shoot and I'll be your spotter." Sigma quickly complied, looking through the scope he'd mounted on his rifle. "Don't lean so close or you'll give yourself a black eye when you pull the trigger. Squint through the scope."
Sigma leaned back a bit, peaking through the lens.
Maiya did the same and spotted the abomination in front of the museum accosting a group of elementary school students. "Tango sighted. Twelve 'o' clock in front of museum entrance near school bus."
"Target sighted," Sigma confirmed.
Maiya relayed further instructions. "Calm your breathing. Get your sights lined on the target… then when your ready, hold your breath to stop the scope sway, line up your shot at the head… and squeeze the trigger with the pad of your finger. Don't pull it or you'll pinch yourself."
Sigma lined up his sights with the pervy man's body, the scope swaying in time with his breathing. When it rose with his inhalation, he held his breath, lined the dot up with the back of the man's head… and squeezed the trigger.
The shot rang out, neither he nor Maiya said anything for a moment. The older and the more experienced of the two was looking keenly through her scope. After a moment, she smirked. "Tango down." She looked to her progeny and smiled faintly at him. "That's my boy."
Sigma all but grinned at the praise but noticed something going on at the kill site and peered through his scope. "Mom, something's happening."
Maiya looked through her own scope and bit back a curse. In a swirl of rainbow light, a beautiful girl emerged. She had messy auburn hair with golden-brown eyes and wearing a simple blue kimono that did little to conceal her curvaceous figure. The young woman looked around in confusion for a moment before she noticed Kiritsugu dead on the ground in front of her. She looked down in what Maiya mistook at first for sadness… Yet that thought was quickly dashed when she jumped for joy and stripped off her kimono, revealing boys' shorts and a tee-shirt underneath.
She then danced the can-can on top of Kirtisugu's corpse.
The very flexible feminine girl was a total tomboy.
One, who continued dancing on the dead man's corpse and unless her ability to lip read had gotten rusty, she was swearing up a storm too. Glancing at her son, Maiya noted his cheeks were currently as red as Aoko Aozaki's hair. His eyes fixed on the girl. 'Well, I do believe I've found my future daughter-in-law.' Standing up and brushing herself off Maiya joked, "C'mon son let's go properly greet your future wife."
"Mom!" Sigma turned to glare at her so fast she thought his neck would snap, his face surpassing the hue of the Fifth Magician's hair color.
Oh, the joys of motherhood were many and various, as Maiya was coming to learn.
Jack, All-Might with his new turtleneck sweater and Beowulf who somehow had a keg of homemade beer/rat poison over one shoulder during transit arrived in the heart of the city's business district. It was in chaos to say the least, people screaming in fear and running away as artillery not heard since WW2 blew up everything that could be under attack.
Every shot fired was like one step closer to the collapse of the Japanese stock market.
"Never fear for I am here!" All-Might bellowed, the citizenry around him stopping to cheer like it was rehearsed and returned to running for their lives into the nearby shelters. Police SWAT team members marked each concealed entrance as they carefully filtered the panicking populace to safety but not quite getting the credit they deserve. One old lady made Beowulf wince as she kicked the officer trying to help her down the stairs in the shin for getting 'grabby'.
"I hope you haven't been using that catchphrase for a long time apprentice," Jack japed, looking around where smoke and destruction wasn't bountiful to find where the attacker was, "I give it three out of five jacks because I didn't come up with it and I am a benevolent master."
The universe made its opinion clear when a wet piece of paper with a big 2 out of five slapped All-might on the face.
"It's sort of my thing… shishou," All Might said, scratching the back of his head. He had one earbud in and was messing around with his phone.
"It's okay apprentice, we'll spend time after this working on it. Now finish your homework while shishou beats up a near god like being without that stupid Nagi showing up to kill steal!"
"What about me?!" Beowulf grumbled, having magically made a beer hat appear on his noggin and wired the keg to one straw. "A man can only drink for so long you know. Save some for…"
"Dibs times infinity!" Jack bellowed in cheer, running off as the target had been found by the muzzle flash on top of the biggest and (if you had any brains) the only skyscraper left untouched in the carnage.
"You can't call dibs on Servants!" Beowulf moaned, turning to All-Might who was sitting down, sipping from his mug warmer, latte with a sprinkle of cream on top. He was watching his phone intently, watching an old American show called 'Johnny Bravo' for the homework was learning to pose for dummies before Jack charged him his monthly paycheck for the advanced classes.
"Master told me to do my homework," All-Might said, showing surprisingly little desire to go out there and help. However, he was not Tsuyu and had been lectured by Jack about threats outside his sphere of infulence that could wreck his shit faster than a formula one car fucking a ferrari on a treadmill.
Beowulf cried out in outrage, not angry just pissed that he wasn't getting to drink and punch someone at the same time charged after Jack who was doing back flips vertically up the skyscraper. It was like the laws of physics were the kid the guy bullied at school and this was its version of having its lunch money taken and shoving its head in the toilet.
Jack was more than halfway up, taking his time, mind warped as property damage never really occurred to him from a world where magic could fix shit in minutes as he got in his cardio before battle. Beowulf thought about doing some climbing too but decided it was too risky for the beer and took the stairs.
What waited for them on the rooftop was quite an interesting phenomenon indeed. A hundred floating arquebus muskets were pointed everywhere there was a high rise and every minute or so they would fire volleys of apocalyptic fire. The owner of said guns… Jack, upon finishing his morning cardio flipped up and dramatically posed for his new enemy, tearing off his shirt and flexing his pecs in semaphore to spell his name. Behind him, an explosion of all the colors of the rainbow finished the dramatic sense that explained for those who didn't know what his pecs were saying that his name was Jack Rakan.
It was a rather long explanation for smoke… but the universe rolled its eyes and Jack gave it a high five. The resulting sonic boom left it with a broken hand until it remembered it couldn't break anything and fixed it… Jack was just that awesome.
Staring unblinkingly was a tiny loli girl, the smallest and most cosplay looking of them all. Draped over her was a magnificent scarlet cloak that bellowed at her feet dramatically but it came off as more cute than frightening like she had stolen a bed sheet or something. Underneath was a cutesy military uniform that matched the scarlet cap with a golden crown like insignia in the middle and what clearly was a clan symbol of some sort as the crown jewel. Old style Japanese boots that went up to her knees completed the black uniform that perfectly matched her ass length raven locks and steely crimson eyes. They contrasted with her pearly white skin that made her look like a porcelain doll and she was idly watching her work in action, leaning on a katana that was nearly as big as her. Everything looked too large for her, from her belt to the green cord holding her cloak in place with her golden circular clasp.
Of course, Jack was here now so all that coolness was going to hell.
"Oi, shortie, can you tell me where your mommy is?"
The dynamic short girl was broken from her contemplation with an ugly grimace. She turned her head ever so slightly so one crimson orb could see what was in her general vicinity through her vicious raven hair and then dismissed him with a snort. Jack, surrounded by security fencing and a deck chair somebody clearly used to skive work with grinned at her attitude until a single weapon changed direction to aim at him and fired a lightning fast bullet.
Jack Rakan, ever the greatest at being obnoxiously powerful turned round and twerked the bullet off his ass. It ricocheted off his granite bum cheek, bounced off the perimeter fence and struck the gun that had shot him. The shot had damaged the belt of his pants though as they fell off to reveal a pair of white boxer shorts with 'Universe's Greatest Lover' in bright red and underneath in inverted commas, 'More Awesome Than Nagi'. He twerked some more, somehow making a third line appear, through the miracle of bullshit that he was single and his current phone number.
"Ho hoo ha, man I'm pretty," Jack deadpanned, shaking his head. "Yeah, leaving that to my pupil that one he he."
The loli blinked at her target not being dead. That confusion turned to a bloodthirsty smile, indulgent and yet anticipation was the order of the day. She pulled her full attention to Jack, turning every single gun onto their small rooftop as Beowulf finally made it up the stairs, trying to fix his drinking straw.
"Damn it, why I bought this cheap fucking piece of shit I will never fucking know!" Beowulf complained, fiddling with the very delicate plastic straw with all the delicacy of napalm in a grass field. "Ah! You found the loli! Gimmie a turn already!"
Beowulf summoned his swords, chained together so their gnarly twisted design looked dangerous as hell. The Japanese girl answered the challenge by diverting half the guns to him and half to Jack.
"Hey, no hogging my fight!" Jack complained, stamping his feet like a child. The universe threw his bro a favor by allowing the immense strength of his feet to destroy the already compromised floor Beowulf was standing on and splitting the first six floors beneath them in half.
"This is not… fa….ir…..!" was all Beowulf could say as he plummeted six floors, where upon hitting the sixth split floor had built enough momentum to crash his way through twelve more before he came to a stop and as the universe didn't like seeing its bro upset made the entire building in question suffer a random catastrophic floor collapse, opening up every floor to the ground level. When Beowulf reached the lobby, the impact of his velocity cracked him nearly all the way through to the basement. He tried to move but found if he did too much he was going to take another trip and his luck being so shitty he was positive the entire skyscraper would come next just so Jack could get his way. "You are so fucking lame Jack. At least I have my…"
Beowulf screamed in despair at discovering that his keg was crushed under his bulk, leaking its contents on his pants and the only beer left was on his hat which dangled just out of reach.
It was safe to say Beowulf was not coming back soon. He had beer to mourn… um he was stuck… Maiya wasn't going to find out he was crying about spilt beer again.
"Thanks dude," Jack said to the universe where the guitar solo returned, startling the loli by the way she triangulated every single gun of her Noble Phantasm at his face and firing. Once again, the impossible arsenal was denied by him posing like a Mr Universe contestant, his tense muscles, impeccable pecs and even one repelled off his teeth. He spat that bullet out to cause an explosion that dropped more of the floors beneath them on top of Beowulf who sarcastically thanked him for the honor of being covered in debris.
"This is impossible! My guns cannot be stopped by buffoons. I am the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, Nobunaga Oda!"
The funny thing was Jack Rakan had not quite caught on that this woman was not a troublesome child. He understood that these heroic spirits were powerful but details had never been his thing, leaving that to Al and Eishun to tell him not to blow up that building because it had religious importance and no Jack that fruit will fucking give you diarrhoea then horrible flatulance and death…
It did not kill him…
Anyway, all he saw was a little kid with big guns at her beck and call. In his world, kids who were powerful did have big magical spells to call their own. His lack of social awareness of this realm didn't matter when all the grown up women wanted into his pants.
"Wow, that's really cute, Nobu-chan!"
Another barrage levelled the entire top six floors of the skyscraper in one glorious golden blast. When it cleared, Nobunaga was standing on the floor below and Jack was doing a pirouette on the only bit of roof remaining.
"Buffoon! Die now!" She turned her guns again and fired another volley, drawing her katana from its sheath. This time Jack posed, then did something utterly ridiculous. His ki spiked to insane levels, impossible life force spread around him and repelled every bullet… They also somehow managed to hit another bullet that was incoming except at the end where there were three in which for a conclusion they all hit each other at the same time.
"Next pose I do, I have to charge you honey. Do you know your parent's credit card…"
"Silence buffoon! I am not a child! I am Nobunaga Oda, ruler of the Oda clan and Servant, summoned as an Archer for this… war…"
"Cosplay and keeping in character?" Jack said, not knowing a thing about Japanese history. That was for nerds. Jack wiggled in place like a happy father watching his kid's first nativity play. "You Servants bring entertainment and theatre!"
That was the wrong thing to say as Nobunaga lunged with her katana, guns blazing. She was almost upon him when Jack's cell phone began to ring. He grabbed Nobunaga's sword and swung her around like a baseball bat to stop her guns from hitting his new phone as he answered the phone.
"Shishou," All-Might greeted, "I have finished the season of Johnny Bravo you asked me to watch for my advanced posing classes."
"Ah good kid, brilliant." That had been faster than Jack had predicated. He was hoping his pupil might take a day longer. He wanted to go shopping for curtains tomorrow for his bathroom. That neighbour of his was getting upset with a different naked woman every morning being seen through her window and she was ninety eight. He couldn't use the usual method to shutting her up in fear of causing her a heart attack… that and she was old…
"How dare you ignore me? The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!" Nobunaga was being swung so fast the words were taking a while to reach his ears, handy as he was busy on the phone. Her guns had gone silent for obvious fear of hitting her. "Let go of me!"
"Ah sure," Jack said, shrugging. He threw her clean over the side of the roof from the other side, letting go of her sword that had given him a paper cut and listened to her swearing as she plummeted to the ground. "Oops, little me, I might have broken my opponent too early. That was careless." He added to try and be 'responsible', a word Arika forced him to learn by blows to the head, "And don't swear young lady!"
He felt proud of that line. Somehow, princess back home would approve, he just knew it or want to bash his head in for something else like leaving up the toilet seat up when it was obvious it had been Nagi!
"Yes master," All-Might was heard saying, sounding resigned, "Try to remember about property damage but after what that girl has done already I don't think it's going to matter. I will start my posing warm up for later."
"Work on your catchphrase too kid, see you!" Jack hung up the phone, put it in his pocket and walked over to the side of the building Nobu-chan had fallen from. He looked over the abyss and bellowed, "Are you alright little girl? Do you want me to find your mommy for you? I don't have any band aids to cover up your boo-boos!"
Jack was clueless to the bitter end. He would need a written affidavit before he believed anything at times.
Her answer? Nobunaga, lying in a pile of burning garbage, her dignity gone pointed every gun she had at the foundation of the building and destroyed it in one hit. Jack, however rode it like a rocky wave on Daytona beach, balancing on one rock perfectly, the crashing of steel support structures and everything that was inside an office rumbling like 'ride of the valkyries' by Richard Wagner to announce his descending arrival with zen like focus. He smirked at Beowulf scrambling to get out of the way, shaking his fist angrily at the Mundus Magicus native as the debris separated them, the rumble drowning out heavily accented swear words. Upon reaching the ground, all the dust blowing away from him by the power of ki or bullshit (it was hard to tell even Jack himself was a little confused) Nobunaga was waiting for him, guns now gone and faintly smelling of burning rubbish.
He tilted his head in confusion. Was she giving up? Boo! The one time Nagi isn't here to kill steal the fight it was over in seconds? Did he bully her too much? Boo! Even if it was a super powered little girl, she had been putting up a tenacious effort. Wow, that was the big word of the week for him!
Jack grinned at his accomplishment. Who said he was dumb?
The reality was however extremely different. All around them, the broken city's business district vanished as a burning inferno replaced it. Behind them, a burning temple filled the landscape with foreboding stories of a betrayal most hurtful to the young woman. Jack actually felt the flames for once and again for the first time in a long while, the universe wasn't there to add a handicap.
"Welcome to my Reality Marble buffoon!" Nobunaga said, somehow over the roaring flames of a burning temple on a hill, "You must be some sort of divine beast and I will obliterate you with the power that rejects all gods!"
Jack smirked, feeling the heat and enjoying the sun tan he was going to get from this freaky place that made no fucking sense and that was coming from him of all people! Still, this entire situation was exciting. The roaring flames blinded him for a moment, so hot that even his eyes felt like they were drying up from exposure. He rubbed them with glee, feeling actual discomfort for the first time in a very long time. Once they cleared, he found his opponent sans any clothing at all.
"You should really put some clothes on kid, fire is bad for your complexion!"
Nobunaga snarled, bare as the day as she was born. She commanded an even greater presence than before somehow, like being raw and primal amongst the fires from hell that slew gods added majesty like a lioness that despite being shaved was still dangerous enough to devour you whole.
"Monster, foul beast I might have lost my clothes because of these immense flames but it is a small price to pay to slay you. Behold my Noble Phantasm, my Reality Marble that is a monument to the lengths people will do to secure power! My greatest betrayal come to life!"
Despite this grandiose speech, the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven who so very like an orator from old Rome, the grand savagery of her naked body as she sacrificed humility for victory, Jack, battle hungry, ignored the absurd nudity by mimicking it, tearing off his pants to leave him as naked as he was born. His mind only accepted her nudity as a handicap to him so that was sorted… No, one thing drove this entire fight to the death, in the oven graveyard to all gods foolish enough to be snared by it...
"I bet Nagi never found himself in a Reality whatsit!"
The fight was on.
Izuku stepped through the portal into a veritable warzone. With Illya gasping in shock behind him, the small suburb they had materialized into, a land of families and young couples either lay in utter ruin around him or burning with most either on the verge of collapse or already defeated by the roaring flames that went on uncontrolled. In the far distance, fire engines wailed their sirens to signify they were trying to reach the scene but with his enhanced vision from Reinforcing his eyes, he could tell whatever had transpired here had destroyed the only bridge across the river and leaping up onto a lamppost he discovered every road had been blocked off by the fleeing citizenry whose cries mingled with the incessant crackle of flames and the occasional collapse of a building were either blocking the roads from vehicles or in one very frightening case a battalion of sidekicks from Ingenium's agency were lying in the path of the heavy loaded emergency vehicles. Ambulances had taken priority there, blocking the streets as they loaded fallen warriors onto gurneys, wailing different sirens but the untapped mayhem of a melody that competed between fire and ambulance caused Illya to fly up and hold her hands between her eyes.
"Illya-chan," Izuku said softly, his words were drowned out by the crackling flames. He sighed, drawing a wind elemental Muramasa blade, transforming it into a vaguely fan like design and swung it, embodying the concept of 'suffocation', swallowing the oxygen into a bubble that when it caught the flames exploded enough to put the fire out, the energy lost. The enormous bang was enough to pull Illya's eyes from the little world she had buried herself into, the Arabian harem girl mask damp with wetness. She stared at her armored step-father and his repulsor powered feet sent him into the air where she was and his mask opened up.
"Izu-papa, why is this so horrible?"
"Chao do you have any info for us?" Izuku spoke into his mic.
"The sound of typing could be heard moments before the woman replied. "There are two very dense magical energy signatures five klicks north-northwest of your current position Izuku."
"Roger that. Can you get us visual?" The boy asked.
"Working on it." Moments later, a video feed appeared in front of Izuku's eyes from the interior of his helmet, seemingly from a street camera. It showed a petite ethereal girl swathed in sheer layers of lavender cloth, her skin pale as moonlight, her purple hair pulled back into a ponytail leaving her elfin ears on full display. The pointed ears fit her for she was lithe so much so Izuku thought she might be an elf. In her hand was a long staff, topped with a bronze cutout of a sickle moon. From the look he saw on her face she looked to be confused sad, angry. Her amethyst colored eyes said all that and more.
'She doesn't want to fight,' Izuku realized. 'She's scared.'
Heroes tried to close in on her only to be blasted away by beams of pure magic. Those who didn't get hit were carved into like meat at a butcher's shop by an even more petite girl with shaggy white hair, her silver eyes with a scar going down one eye gave her a danger appearance. He couldn't tell much about her though, as her whole body was shrouded in a tattered black cloak. What was clear is that the younger girl was fiercely protective of the older.
Seeing they were preoccupied, Izuku took a moment to assuage the fears of his daughter.
Izuku exited the armor, leaving Helen on high alert and then embraced his distraught daughter.
They hadn't really had any emotional events up to this point. Illya was the bi-polar offspring of his most eccentric partner in life. She was full of life, curiosity and pure, untainted by her time among the Einzbern family that was a gigantic crater in the ground. He had scolded her, played with her, spoiled her rotten, corrected her manners and unprogrammed her mother's more 'eccentric' leanings. She was not the fragile glass doll that was Sakura. She was a bratty sister, ignorant niece and self-proclaimed rival when Sakura needed it. His daughter's relative placid inclusion in his life had blinded him to the simple fact…
Illya Einzbern-Emiya was a little girl, homunculus or not. She hadn't really seen the horrors of the world, been burdened by secret knowledge only adults equipped to understand why humanity was rotten to one another for the reason they could be this way to their fellow man, woman and child. The Fourth War hadn't even touched her in anything but a positive manner. In fact, Izuku had no idea if she even mourned her father… That disturbed him more than he cared to admit…
Sakura would've looked at this carnage and shrugged. Something… a headache prevented him knowing more than a feeling… molded her into a girl that could stare at this with barely a second thought and simply get on with it. Illya…
Man, he had been a really, really shit father up to this time. To bring her into a warzone where she might have seen dead bodies…
Izuku hugged her tightly, hiding her from this cruel, savage world while that little inconsistency played out in his head. Where were the bodies again? This was a Grail War, not a daycare center. Servants and especially Masters gave few fucks about massacring a city if they got the Holy Grail and a wish. Why were the bodies not here? Soul eating left corpses, lots and lots of corpses if the Master had the magical power of a damp piece of toilet paper and the Servant was powerful enough. Had he encountered a Servant that ate bodies whole for shits and giggles? He couldn't imagine one of the little girls he'd seen with a bloody smile and a piece of finger between their lips, sucking it up like spaghetti.
He did some actual father work, patting Illya on the head, running his fingers through her white locks soothingly. His frightened little princess was shivering from fear or shock. Both of them was not acceptable to him. "Do you want to go back to your mother?"
"No," she sniffed, muffled by her face being in his school uniform, tears having soaked the collar of his shirt. His little princess had been so shocked she was flying without realising it, his hands having no weight to lift. "I'm a Magical Girl, here to save everyone."
"Of course you are," Izuku cooed.
"I'm okay daddy," Illya said, pulling her face up, the mask having left to embrace Izuku now forming again so her expression was hidden. Izuku patted her on the head, hiding his complicated feelings by following the one bit of advice All-Might had given that was actually useful, smile until everyone felt safe.
"Your so very brave, my wonderful daughter," Izuku praised, kissing her on the forehead. "I'll be sure to praise you to Sakura-imouto when she returns."
"You," she stopped to wipe her eyes again, sniffling a little, "Better."
"I'll tell you what," Izuku said jovially, stepping back and embracing the comfort of his armor once again, "When this is all done and we get Sakura back let's badger Rick until he finally tells us where unicorn world is, okay?"
"Yay!" Illya said happily, flying up and taking point in the air again.
Stepping back into his armor Izuku called out. "Now Illya, I want you to stick close to me and arm yourself with a weapon from my Blade Works alright? Remember to pick wisely and nothing you can't understand the inner workings of like Gae Bolg or Harpe. Remember some weapons have natures that even I struggle to understand entirely."
Hearing his tone Illya looked up into his face, her usually playful red eyes hardened, and her lips formed into a thin line as she nodded. Even she knew now was not a time to fool around. Her father was worried enough to allow her to wield something that came from within himself, his very soul. This was serious.
"Right!" She held out her left arm, scrunching her eyes shut and took a moment to think of the best one to take. Izuku was proud that was subduing her impulsive personality enough to take this choice seriously and a few moments later a black and gold embossed bow manifested.
Izuku recognized it on sight, and an interesting choice to say the least. It wasn't one he had used before in fact. It was Tauropolos: Bow of Heaven, the bow of Atalante, the Huntress of Artemis. He was surprised Illya would choose that of all weapons.
"Are you sure you know how to use that Illya?" Izuku asked dubiously.
The girl puffed out her cheeks before she huffed. "You're not the only one who knows how to use Reinforcement papa. Besides, I've been practicing with it while you were away. Sca-chan showed me how to use it."
This was news to Izuku. A stone of guilt settled into his stomach. Just how much else had he missed in his endless adventuring? Sure, most had been out of his control but missing out on her growth left his stomach feeling cold.
"I'm sorry for not being around to show you the ropes Illya."
The snow fairy just smiled at him. "Don't be silly Papa-Izuku, you were out being a super cool hero and keeping people safe."
Illya understood. Of course she did. Izuku shouldn't have expected anything less. Speaking of keeping people safe. "Right, and I'm not protecting random people now we need to keep our people safe. Our friends and family. This is my most important mission yet, and I can't do it without your help. You ready?"
His little Illya actually snapped to attention the bow that was larger than she was held at her side in one hand, her feet pressed together, while her other hand gave a sharp salute. "Right General-Papa sir! Super Sentai Squad assemble!"
"At ease," Izuku said chuckling at her enthusaism, amazed that fucking stick had learned some survival instincts, "Now I need you to watch my six…" Seeing her clueless look, he amended. "Watch my back."
"Got it." She then innocently inquired, "Where should we start looking?"
"This way, follow me." Izuku took off North-northeast, a resolute magical girl at his heels.
Snipe was in the fight of his life. It had started out a good day too. He had done some work with kids in elementary school about the evils of drugs as a favor to Aizawa who hated being around children younger than junior high as a favor and the guy was doing his classes for him in return. Snipe had a burrito for once that didn't give him heartburn for a midday snack and no villains out of his pay grade had come out of the woodwork, the worst of the three he dealt with having the ability to make ice cream with his hands trying to rob a mom and pop store for chump change… It had confused him seeing as the villain 'Snow Cone', probably had a lifetime career as an ice cream man for life… Anyway, it had been a rather simple day, heroics aside and he had been thinking of going home, defrosting a ready meal and catching up with his box sets which had started to pile up as being a hero meant you literally had no free time at all.
But that came to a swift, almost hilarious end when he passed a massive television billboard broadcasting live Endeavour getting his just desserts for being pardon the pun a dick. Soon after and this was his current dilemma he ended up hiding behind a burnt out car, the cowboy themed hero prided himself on always being able to hit a target, yet for the first time ever, he was having doubts. His current 'target' (he wasn't sure that she was even aware of him) was a lavender haired little slip of a girl who had this very dangerous quirk that allowed her to throw freaking laser beams everywhere like she was made to mock Snipe's peashooter fire. She was erratic, obviously scared, to the point she wasn't willing to listen to anyone or the explosions prevented his earlier attempts at diplomacy to even begin.
Snipe's plan B was equally sucking, so much so the full time teacher wished he wasn't so nice to his co-workers. He was doing his best to incapacitate her but with the amount of firepower she was pouring out... so far, he wasn't having any luck. It didn't help matters that while he and other heroes were pinned down under laser fire, another, even younger child that everyone was reluctant to take a shot at due to her age would sneak up on them from behind, her quirk unfathomable to him and deftly disable them with a plethora of lethal knives she kept on her person. The little maniac seemed to be able to pop out of nowhere, demonstrated strength and agility that no normal child should have, compounding any plan they could make because her quirk was taking pointers from the enigma code and had the anatomical knowledge of a butcher or a doctor. Her strikes were surgical, aimed to maim, cripple, and cause the maximum amount of pain possible with minimal effort on her part.
If he needed to describe her, the girl was like the deadly cross of a serial killer for her proficiency and her consistent methods with the cold, uncaring malice of a sociopath. The entire line of thought had made him want to run away for the first time in his life.
It was the fact that he'd be lucky to get one hundred metres away before the laser girl or the child would make him into a very unappealing corpse that stopped that fear. Even his fear wasn't so stupid as to make a run for it.
'They've got us pinned, there's nothing we can do.' Snipe thought as he fired off some rounds from his gun keeping that white haired demon away from one of the few remaining interns of the hero Ingenium which were still conscious or maybe it was safer to say that the girl didn't care enough to expend the effort doing two things at once. They couldn't attack, they couldn't flee, fuck they could barely defend themselves. It was like they were in a trench with a potato gun and the enemy was bombing them with nukes from the air. Outmatched, outgunned, all the morale gone faster than a drop of water in a desert... All they could do was endure the assault by these two unknown children and wait for their lives to be snuffed out like candle flames before a hurricane.
He heard the telltale chiming sound of the lavender haired elf girl preparing to fire another salvo of lasers. Snipe braced himself to whether another assault only for the thrum of power the girl emitted to abruptly cease. Hesitantly, Snipe peeked out from his makeshift cover. What he saw shocked him.
A few months ago, a vigilante in wondrous metal armor had been spotted numerous times around the city dealing with criminals with a gang they dubbed 'The Iron Legion' supporting them. They had stopped bank heists, an airplane crashing to the earth and put out a fire that was burning down a sixty storey building. Then without any warning they vanished as soon as they had appeared… Well until now. The Iron Legion had returned… One of them at least. He was accompanied, floating next to the hulking metal titan was a petite girl who could be no older than ten or maybe twelve, wearing a pink magical girl costume, a sheet of pure white hair trailing down her own back, wand in hand, and what looked to be a veil covering her face.
The elven girl paused in her assault to stare at the two in shock. Somehow the one encased in metal had managed to destroy her magic circles before she could fire her beams of light. It had been a reality shift from a war run by perverts to being summoned here, in a world just as alien as the one she had arrived from the throne in only with fewer perverts. Unlike the rest of the beings in the world she now found herself in, prana rich but oddly still or stale perhaps like nobody practised magecraft here, Princess Medea of Colchis for the first time found herself face to face with a viable threat. She was immediately wary. She had been betrayed in life once already. She would not be fooled again… yet a part of her… the youthful hopeful part, was intrigued. What was this glorious flying titan? A golem? Her youthful intrigue took hold before she could remember to be wary of this danger.
After a moment of tense silence she addressed the man. She assumed… Yes, her heart thundered in her chest at questioning her assumptions, reminding her of the days before Jason... She assumed it was a man before her. Curiosity consumed her to talk when everybody else had been fighting it out, in a game where she was a toy for her lustful master to slobber over. She still felt dirty thinking about it.
"Prithee kind sir, might you know where I am and how I camest to be here? This world was not where I was summoned before sir. I am currently lost and any aid you could provide would be most welcome."
The man in the suit raised a finger asking for a moment to reply. He turned his head to her would-be captors, blaring his words over a megaphone powerful enough to drown out the sounds of war. "You need to run now. I'll handle this."
Medea was on the defensive. Was he going to capture her? Force her to do lewd things like the Master who summoned her? The crawling of bugs as they devoured her clothing… Being made to do it over and over again… those crawling foul familiars that anchored his perversity to this world. She felt violated, her eyes closing in disgust as she pushed the world away to hide away only for her actions to make her visualise that chamber… Seeing the lifeless corpse of a naked purple haired young girl that had been rotting for weeks and never being allowed to ask about it. She would not have it! She'd had quite enough of being used. It happened to her in life and to have to repeat that performance in death was beyond degrading! If he sought her capture, she would not go quietly. Next to her, Assassin appeared out of Presence Concealment, a wickedly curved knife in each hand prepared to defend her if need be.
It terrified her that the man of metal had nodded his head to the little Assassin as if knowing she had been there the entire time.
Assassin looked up at her, curiosity shining in her silver eyes. She was a pure soul that was simply on the exterior caked with filth. With the sort of care the girl desired, the young girl seeking her mommy was quite the beautiful child with an innocence that contrasted violently with her bloody ways.
"Please be careful little sister," Caster spoke soothingly. "This world hath provided us with a suitable threat at last."
Assassin smiled, tilting her head cutely. It was clear that Jack had no idea really about anything if her big sister didn't say anything about it. A white, clean sheet was dirty compared to her naivety.
"Yes Sis," Assassin looked to the metal man and the homunculi floating next to him. "If they're mean like all the rest, can I cut them up?"
"Yes Assassin, but only if they are bad. Remember what I told you about using your weapons on other people?"
When she turned back to the metal man and the pixie that floated by his side, she noted those who had been attempting to capture her had fled the battlefield, leaving the four of them alone in the burnt and decimated street. The metallic titan approached her at a sedate pace, the girl following in 'his', yes she would consider this being a 'him' for now shadow. Once he was within five meters of her, and right when Medea was beginning to get nervous, he stopped. His head peeled back revealing that it was in fact a 'man', a young man to be precise in armor and not a golem. Seeing his green eyes contrasting sharply with his white hair, Medea's heart beat all the faster. She felt her face being to flush and she used all her courtly decorum to force it down. 'Blast this lingering curse of Aphrodite. Even if it comes with some benefits few in number though they be!'
The man in the armor bowed at the waist respectfully. "Princess Medea, Izuku Midoriya and my stepdaughter Illyasviel at your service. You and your companion were asking for assistance yes?"
Medea was surprised he knew of her in this strange land but she supposed her legend could've reached even these far shores… she didn't quite know how to feel about that, so she pressed on. "Indeed kind sir. My companion and I are quite vexed at our current situation and we're hoping you could elucidate us as to our current surroundings?"
If there was ever a time for Izuku to take what he'd learned from sleeping with several royal women which included a dragon queen, an eldritch abomination, and a queen of magi, now… now was the time! 'Powers of bullshittery, don't fail me now.' he prayed. "Certainly your majesty. You and your companion are in Mustafu City in the country of Japan. As to how you came to be here…" Izuku paused and rubbed the back of his head, "It is a long convoluted and ever so sightly stupid story."
Quirking a pencil think lavender eyebrow the Princess of Colchis replied primly, "Inane or not I would like to know the circumstances of coming to be here sir. So if you would."
It was phrased like a request but it wasn't one and they all knew it.
Turning to his daughter, Izuku told her, "Illya, why don't you and…" Izuku paused to think of a proper term for the Assassin, one glance at her knives gave him all the inspiration he needed, "Why don't you and Jackie go play?"
Illya looked at him questioningly, "But Papa!"
Izuku fixed his eyes on his daughter in all but blood. "Grown-ups are talking now Illya, now go play." He was hoping she'd get the message.
She seemed to, because she nodded, quick when she needed to be to get with the program and zipped right over to Jackie. She flipped herself upside down, closing in, her nose coming almost to Jackie's own enough that the little girl was fascinated with the color of Illya's eyes. Then without warning, Illya's teasing nature, mastered by her loveable torture of her younger bro-con auntie, tapped Jackie on the nose with a single finger.
Jackie pouted, rubbing her abused nose with a frown with more moe than the entire industry could muster. Maids and cat girls would be out of work if she took it seriously.
Izuku decided that she was being adopted, Sakura would understand later… He hoped...
"Tag you're it! Catch me if ya can Jackie-chan!" Illya chanted in a singsong tone before she zoomed off.
"Yay more magical girls for me!" Ruby screamed out in joy, her voice carrying into the winds and away from Izuku's range of easy fire. Damn, fucking stick was going to be grinded into dust as all minions of that troll should be.
The adorable little murder machine was hopping from foot to foot excitedly like a labrador puppy with a ball to be thrown (the image it provoked made Ochako temporarily lose her exclusive 'adorable' status unique to her) and was looking back and forth from the rapidly disappearing Illya and her big 'sis'.
Medea was stuck in big sister mode, looking regal while inwardly she wanted to strangle Jackie to death in a bear hug. That kind of eagerness would have made her ditch Jason and stay in Colchis.
"Can I, can I Sis? Please, pretty please with a strawberry on top?!"
Izuku felt the cute arrow punch him in the heart. Medea was the same only she was better prepared to receive it.
It wasn't even a challenge for Jackie to win her big sister over. For the sake of this war she was going to love and love Jackie until they vanished into the ether and sent back to the throne.
Wait… Jackie? Was she actually going along with the nickname? She rubbed her chin and inwardly squealed at how cute it was.
"Go have fun Jackie," Medea said, watching Jack light up at the nickname and waved her away, "Play nice now and remember..."
"I won't use my mist on her because she's a girl and my new friend?" Medea nodded indulgently. "I won't sis!" Jackie promised as she leapt from rooftop to rooftop chasing after the pink magical girl. Somehow, the damned stick, (damn it to the butthole of hell) had a megaphone spewing magical girl phrases and Jack was nodding to them, actually whispering loud enough for Izuku's Reinforced hearing to hear the dreaded term, "I wanna be a magical girl too!"
The stick was going to die… Die a painful, painful, fuck it agonising death for spreading its plague to others.
Medea turned back to Izuku, "Now that we are alone Sir Midoriya, shall we commence with the story?"
"As you wish princess, it is… quite fantastical in nature even with the nature of your arrival to participate in the Grail War on a world filled with…" Izuku shuddered, his sis-con protective instincts rebelling to even the word being created as an electrical impulse in his brain, "Lolicons…" Medea nodded furiously at the indignity of being subjected to those base depraved monsters that had somehow taken over a world... "But in the most simple way I can muster for your comprehension my lady, it goes like this…" Izuku then entered a long winded explanation of the circumstances that had led to this rather insane situation, his part to play before he proceeded to explain about Zelretch and his utter stupidity of leaving his sister in the world from which Medea was originally summoned into. He hid no blame for his part though, how Izuku himself was at fault for all of them being summoned into his dimension… at any cost indeed…
By the time he finished, Medea had her eyes closed, arms crossed, with her elven ears twitching every now and again. Agitation was clear in her stance. "So the fault lies at the feet of some fool vampire sorcerer does it?"
Izuku blinked in surprise. How she didn't add his contribution to the mix was rather surprising. The woman was known for holding grudges in later life… an understatement... "Well technically… yes. But I…"
Medea cut him off imperiously, with a slash of her staff though the air, silencing him. "You Sir Midoriya, were worried about thine sister… and rightfully so, I assure thee." Medea did her best to repress a shudder but did not fully succeed. "Rightfully so."
Izuku gave a hesitant nod. Yup, he would take this implied truce and say nothing else in case he inflamed the situation somehow. Again, her legend was one of the better known ones. A woman scorned was like her motto on her coat of arms. "So… what now?"
"I believe it would behoove us to form an alliance of convenience for the time being Sir Midoriya."
"I can agree to that, fighting is counter productive when you aren't even sure that relocating the war to this world even counts as an actual legitimate grail war anymore."
"Ah, I had not considered that but you may be correct," Medea muttered, rubbing her chin. Izuku smiled at her rather cute gesture, making her curse flare up like the sun in a bad mood. "Anyway, we should collect our prospective charges and head to where this UA is?" Medea sounded it out as best she could but failed terribly.
"Yuuei, a school for training up and coming heroes, your majesty."
Medea nodded eyes narrowing when the word 'heroes' was mentioned and Izuku flinched at his small faux pas in regards to Jason and the Argonauts, considered heroes in the greek Ancient world, "Yes, and the vampire he is there yes?"
Izuku nodded. He had enjoyed stabbing the troll… but he really shouldn't have caused a scene in front of everyone, stabbed the troll into the ceiling and made out like some kind of Berserker woman on her time of the month.
Still, Izuku could add stabbing Zelretch off his bucket list.
"He should be yes… dare I ask why?"
She gave him a sweet tender smile. Every woman he was involved with mastered that smile… It was the 'smile', the one of destiny, that promised pain. Medea had it down pegged. "You needn't worry Sir Midoriya. I merely wish to… voice my displeasure to him personally is all."
The way she said that sent shivers down Izuku's spine, well more than before. Now he was a baby seal being stared down by a harpoon level of terrified. "Of course Princess. Follow me if you would." 'For the love of the Multiverse, please just follow me.'
Naturally, his thought was not vocalised.
Medea smiled demurely. "Delightful," She then called out to her fellow Servant. "Jackie, c'mon we're leaving now! You can play more with Illya-san later!"
Jackie appeared in a blur of speed, Illya propped up on her back. Dear God, even the stick was drooping.
Izuku looked at his daughter in concern, eyeing her for her breathing. "She's alive right? You didn't..."
Asking a small child if she had murdered his step-daughter had never been a conversation he had to think about before. It was difficult to say the least.
Jack the Ripper smiled happily. "Yep, she's just tired Mister."
"But Papa, I want cookies in my pancakes." Illya muttered in her sleep. "Then a new computer, a television as Nato-san from the next class over has one two inches bigger than mine…"
Yep, his daughter was okay. His wallet though?
Izuku reached out and gently stroked his little girl's cascade of snowy locks, "Sure thing sweetheart once we get this mess sorted out, you'll get all the pancakes you want."
It was deliberate that the television was not mentioned. Maybe she would forget this in her fatigue?
Illya must've heard him, because she smiled and cheered, "Yay! Cookie pancakes!" Izuku sighed with relief. "And the new television yay!" Izuku's shoulders fell. "And that new game I want…"
Izuku, if he had glasses would've made them sparkle in the sun as he perched them against his nose. "We shall see young lady."
"Okay…" Illya's soft snores ended the debate for now.
The two Servants and one superhuman shared a chuckle before Izuku turned to the Assassin asking, "Are you alright with carrying her Jackie?"
The Servant of Murder replied innocently. "No problem Mister," she said eagerly, turning and asking her fellow Servant, "What now Sis?"
Medea answered promptly, regal, and yet sisterly all at once. "Now, Jackie, we are to follow sir Midoriya to the person who summoned us to his plane of residence. But before that, we have some business that needs to be taken care of."
This was news to the young hero. He knew he had to tread carefully here. "What business would that be your highness?"
"Our Masters," Medea motioned towards Jackie with a nod. "Those wretches must be dealt with before our alliance can be finalized."
"You would vanish before that happens though," Izuku pointed out gently. In her exuberance, Medea blushed at forgetting that little detail. Being corrected for some strange, unfathomable reason made the curse flare up, like she liked being submissive, just a woman, a wife to see off her husband when he went to work, kept home and received her beloved… She shook her head violently, wondering where the hell that came from.
"I must apologise for allowing my desires to take hold of me and refrain I must from outright murder of my Masters… That promises a challenge considering my Master's abilities to escape from trouble."
"Who is your Master?"
"A man named Zouken Matou…"
An enormous spike of pain shot through his brain, a warning he concluded as even trying to recall that meeting beyond anything...
"Mister?" Jackie asked through the chaos of his brain that was resembling a German WW2 tank after a Russian had lobbed a molotov into the cockpit. Izuku focused on that voice, running from the memory that would never arrive and smiled at how with one hand she was petting Izuku on the head.
"That prana surge in your memory centre was alarming Sir Midoriya," Medea remarked. "Your reaction to the man Zouken? I trust you have come across him before."
"Yes… I think so… Maybe?" None of that made sense to him. Somehow, he was aware that Izuku had to not know about it. He trusted that feeling, going with the flow as an empty blood lust made him eager to destroy him. "Is he difficult to contain?"
"His familiars are largely cut off from him because of the dimensional distance but it's not inconceivable that he has found a host to hide in."
With no explanation at all, he understood that this was the truth, the worms that comprised his form had external applications… Knowing why he knew this was not the time for it. There were precious few people who could do this without him destroying them first.
The more problematic problem was easily resolved. The question was, would they go for it?
"I could cut you off from his source of prana and allow you both to operate indefinitely without a Master."
"That is impossible! Even with souls to devour, something I have not done or hearts to devour we could not live forever here without an anchor from this world."
"Chao," Izuku said, "I know you are monitoring me somehow. Please send me two humanoid suits." A green portal opened up and two suits were belched out, different. Chao had been busy it seemed. "Thanks Chao, love you."
"I love you tooooooooooo!" Chao said finally, breaking her silence, "I played with your dolls, sorry!"
"I forgive you," Izuku drawled. "Now Medea, these suits can anchor a Servant to this world without any support from a Magus or Master."
"Sorcery? The Third Magic in physical form?" Medea was awestruck by the simple looking suits, glowing from their Arc Reactors. He could Trace the modifications, the joints were modified, the overall energy distribution system had seen some changes… Had she actually bound them to this world more efficiently? Drastic, seeing as Gaia and Alaya had either never existed or really sleeping on the job.
"Technology, not magic princess," Izuku said, amazed that he had almost missed the system that actually used, ironically enough a sort of material derived from Rule Breaker to sever the ties with anything external. "Magic is in the design but the power source was created by another world in another world filled with… heroes…"
"Truly astounding and you have tested this on someone?"
"His name is Beowulf and the body allowed him to battle Servants equally in another Grail War."
"What is thy price for this boon?"
"Nothing, I'm a hero and you need saving." Izuku's tone was flat and to the point, no grandstanding included.
For the first time ever, the word hero made her believe that term utterly. Jason had been no hero, a scoundrel yes but no hero. Greek heroes were self serving scum… This modern hero in front of her was what everyone with ideals in the ancient world believed what a hero was.
"Jackie," she said, coming to a decision. Her wish was fulfilled, one, she and her older self hadn't even realized was one and the same. "We're going to be in the care of Sir Midoriya from now on. Remember your manners!"
"Oh, I remember sis!" Jackie said happily, "I'm Jack the Ripper, Assassin, please take care of me forever and ever mister! I like you!"
"A new playmate…" Illya said in her sleep, "Tease oba-san together we will."
"Okay then," Izuku said, flicking his daughter in the ear. Jackie thought it was a game and copied him. "Just walk into the suits, the ritual mounted on the cores will do the rest."
"Where is my precious Shio!"
The empty luxury swimming pool was a graveyard of abandoned towels, sunscreen and swim suits. It was scattered with the corpses of discarded bags, lilos and blow up animals. A single hero, a man made half out of sand lay unconscious over a poolside bar, a glass of beer smashed off his head from the impact of being punched by the strongest being frolicking at the beach, pouting at her master's idiocy when more important things were happening.
… Like who had managed to annoy Nobu-chan enough to use her Reality Marble on them?
"She couldn't have been beaten," Chacha muttered, sans armor and wearing a criminal bathing suit that barely hid a thing. It was loli-bait of such magnitude that Izuku Midoriya would have destroyed the company who made it if he could see it. It was just a bit of white cloth that hid her lack of assets and a fudanshi to conceal her bottom parts. She had found modern swimsuits to be so perverse, refusing her annoying master's desire for the string bikini he had chosen…
Mind you… it was better than the translucent suit he had planned for this poor 'Shio' girl and a matching wedding veil.
"Damn it, Steven, Larry why is it taking so long for me to find my beloved Shio! Stupid father hiding my bride from me! Give me my bride now!"
"We are trying our best Master Landon but something is destroying our familiars before they can leave the swimming pool my lord!"
"Tsk," Landon said, that sound like nails on a chopping board to Chacha who despised her master, the only one not thrilled to have her as a Servant, being a loli. He had had some absurd plan of using this 'Shio's' hair as a catalyst and she was positive the Grail had gotten so pissed off that she had been summoned to punish him somehow. Unlike the poor girl's vivid red locks hers were (she didn't think so) plain brown. She lacked any physical assets where a photo of the poor girl showering revealed a budding femininity and the white stain on the corners had unnerved her greatly. Her tiny, blonde master who was androgynus as hell, more pretty than Nobu-chan's courtesans in his little white suit, snowy ponytail and had less than muscles than a starving orphan. She was summoned to be the pimple on his ass, the itchy spot he couldn't reach. The Grail's infinite patience (if an object had such a thing) had been shot to hell by his stupidity.
She continued to lick her ice cream, reaching the pool to sit down beside it, watching the soap opera unfold and wondering how Nobu-chan was doing.
"Chacha-sama," Larry said, speaking to the Berserker with caution. He was version two seeing as in a fit of rage she had levelled the third floor of the Einzbern castle, taking Larry version one to the grave before they had arrived in Fuyuki. "Landon-dono is becoming impatient. Could you perhaps go and look for Shio-sama."
She thought about that for a moment. With no Nobu-chan to find and actually pitying Shio, she shook her head and licked her ice cream. "No. Sounds boring."
"Chacha…" Larry version two was swatted by the air from her fist and straight into the pool head first. He went down like the Titanic on a busy schedule and sunk. Blood, crimson blood floated up from where his body was.
"Oopsies," Chacha deadpanned, taking her feet out of the pool water. She had been enjoying dipping her toes inside. "Master, I broke your sex toy!"
"He is not a sexy toy!" Landon screeched.
That never got boring to her even after fifty times.
"I can assure you," Steven started, blinking at the death of his partner who was rising to the surface, his body rolling over to reveal that he looked like a blind butcher had been carving meat with a blunt chainsaw. Chacha was surprised at how messy her fist had been. She looked at her fist, the knuckles then got bored of what she had been thinking about and checked to see if any of her nails had chipped. "That the Master has never sought me out for sexual relief…"
"Shut up Steven!" Landon moaned, getting up from his deckchair, fruity drink in hand with a straw, a kumquat and a pear hanging from the glass. "We must find Shio-chan before that madman marries her off to himself!"
"Your father sir?"
"Of course! Who else do you think should die for even desiring my precious Shio-chan! How dare he raise the perfect loli and not hand him over to his son to make up for all the busty women I had to endure at the Einzbern Castle!"
"It was a bad batch sir…"
"I don't care!" Landon moaned, "Father ruined it just to spite me and my poor mother! She actually was made to walk outside with breasts that big! So horribly bouncy and…" Landon heaved and threw up in a bin at the thought of his busty mother's poor situation. "I'm so glad she turned into a Grail so she didn't have to endure that horrible… I can't even talk about it."
"You just did for like ten minutes," Chacha moaned audibly. "Mou, poor pool. I hate it when blood gets on my stuff." She punched the side of the pool, smashing it in half so the water would drain out. "There all clean again!" The body went to the bottom of the pool as it drained. It was an eyesore with all those guts hanging out. "Master, can I throw the garbage out please?"
"And there was the one who poured the milk on my cereal… She had boobs so big I had to get her to master magecraft to float it to…"
Landon was broken from his rant, Steven rubbing his bleeding ear. "What do you want, you insufferable halfwit?!"
She counted to ten slowly to remove the desire to murder him for that. He still had two command seals left, the one used to stop her rampage in the castle.
"Can I get rid of that," she started, pointing to the body of Larry version two, "Garbage ruining the pool?"
"Oh, I have ten more of him back home. Do what you want."
"Yay!" She jumped onto the slimy swimming pool, blue ocean tiles that beguiled her interest enough for her to playfully slide on the slippery tiles until she came across the body. She tapped it with her foot frowning on the blood on her new sandals and pulled her foot back. She kicked it hard enough for it to fly off into the sky, out of sight forever. "Bye bye…" She had forgotten his name. "Dead guy! You made amazing pizza!"
When she turned her back on the flight path of Dead Guy, she had forgotten he had even existed, such was Chacha. Her attention returned on the ice cream machine in the nearby kiosk that she had punched open. There was good ice cream going to waste.
Of course, this was when Connla turned up. As usual, picking the worst possible time to piss off a female. In the pursuit of ice cream.
He had also forgotten Izuku's scolding for not using Runes to hide his identity as he was still wearing his swim shorts mask.
"Wow, a fellow pervert," Landon said excitedly, "I might not enjoy smelling gym shorts that don't belong to my beloved Shio-chan but I admire your dedication to your chosen path. Steven, bring out the photo album!"
"As you wish master," Steven said, reaching in his jacket for a massive photo album with the name Shio is golden letters. "What page my master?"
"The panties fold out I think," Landon said, like a man picking out a good wine for a dinner party, "I'm sure my new friend will appreciate them the most."
The lolicon's slave opened to a page where pressed like a flower was a pair of simple white panties, slightly used. Landon's breathing turned into a guy who had smoke fifty a day for six hundred years. He reached them with reverence and then breathed them in like it was the guy's last remaining dreg of air from his oxygen tank.
Connla naturally was stunned to silence at all this. He could see the poor girl who wore them had a photo of them that had been taken from a telephoto lens. He dreaded to know what was hiding further in, a certain pink fluffy thing poking out disturbed him greatly.
This was not how it was supposed to go!
The son of the Child Of Light was meant to have an epic showdown with a servant, his debut as a member of the Super Sentai Ran… Squ…? The Super Sentai Something and all he could find was a tiny, pouting brat who was dressed in the most dangerous in a certain way outfit ever, another brat who was the source of all perversion in the galaxy and the butler who really creeped him out.
Why couldn't he have any fun? Everyone else was probably having a whale of a time fighting tiny Divine Spirits or super tiny people Servants and having a wonderful time. He could bet his blood brother was fighting four of them at once… It was not fair!
The worst part was in his frozen state he had not instantly retorted at the insinuation that he was a paedophile!
"I am not a lolicon!"
Landon frowned. "But you are wearing gym shorts on your head. In my world, you would be the most popular person in school!"
Connla snapped. He actually just broke like a man coming back from 'Nam. His hands were balled at his sides, his spear scraping the dusty red tiles of the poolside cafe he was standing in.
Fuck this shit! Burn it in fire! He was not a lolicon and that freaking loli in the most baiting outfit ever that Izuku, his blood brother would have burned the very field the cotton it had been made on would have stopped fighting just to get her a pair of pants or at the very least a towel.
"Gae Bolg!" Connla lifted up his spear and leapt into the air, throwing it with the power of all his broken dreams and desires. He felt good when the spear flew like the thunderclap of an angry god and destroyed all his disappointment in one shot. With the smoke clouding all visibility, Connla opened his hand out and recalled his spear into his hand.
He reacted at the battle cry of the Berserker who adorned her ornate Japanese armor and slashing away with her katana blade. He parried the weapon expertly, the shaft of his spear deflecting it with loud sparks. He couldn't win in a contest of strength as he was not a Servant but technique won the day, finding an opening to slap the girl in the face, and knocked her aside, striking her in the back of the head with the shaft of Gae Bolg to trip her footing and right into a plastic table that her immense bulk crushed.
She turned on a dime and shoulder charged him, using the blade as a lever. He was forced to leap into the air and right over her where upon landing made a rune for fire and distracted her with a blaze while he retreated by charging in after the Master.
Landon was untouched but Larry had met a grizzly end, the explosion of Gae Bolg having reduced the front half of his body to mulch. Being Landon's servant really didn't leave you with much chance to have a good corpse.
"Damn it! Who's going to make dinner tonight! I was promised my favorite meal!"
"I don't even want to know!" Connla's battlecry was unorthodox but his rage was obvious. He leapt into the air and was prepared to turn the Master into a kebab stickler when a sword out of nowhere blindsided him from his three o'clock and smashed him into a potted plant with significant force.
"You destroyed all the ice cream!" Chacha screamed. In her majestic black skirt, purple pom poms of all things on her left hand and that enormous helmet she looked like a kid who had been left in the dressing up box for way too much time. A scary ass mask covered her face as she summoned a shit ton of prana. Something stirred, as skeletons arose from the fire he had started bearing spears but became her fire instead, that these undead monsters, covered in majestic flames themselves moved to attack Connla who had to parry each one with desperation. He watched as the long skirted girl dropped her sword into the ground, an ominous warning of bigger shit to come and her entire form exploded with even greater intensity of majestic fire as the last of the sword's hilt vanished into nothingness. That flame to his shock, rising up easily sixty or so feet, so hot that his clothes caught fire became a mighty phoenix that swooped down from heaven to kill him. "Kenran Makai Nichirinjou!"
"Damn, damn, damn!" Connla complained, patting out the smouldering fires on his clothes, hurting his hand. He really didn't want to do this but needs must. Master was going to make him do handstands up Mount Everest for this. "Emergency teleportation shift please Chao!"
"Sorry, too much prana has interfered with this function," Chao's automated reply stated, "Try not to die and try again later."
"Ah fuck it!" Connla, cornered like a startled cat on a tightrope, shifted his stance to use Gae Bolg again, targeting Landon, the source of Berserker's prana. Why he hadn't done this before was because he had wanted to be cool! Instead, this had been one stupid shit fest, and he was lame again. He would bet easy money Izuku was always cool when fighting! "Gae Bolg." The anti-personnel variant of Gae Bolg hit pay dirt, stabbing Landon through the chest. The phoenix luckily didn't seem to be able to move after targeting its foe as the flames exploded in what was left of the swimming pool, evaporating all the leftover water with such intensity that it didn't have time to shoot the breeze by becoming steam before it was enveloped forever.
"You got blood on my photo album," Landon complained, blood spurting from his mouth before he left this world, heart impaled by a spear of crimson death. It had not been the greatest last words ever heard.
"I'll clean that right up for you," Connla deadpanned, picking up the blood soaked album and then throwing it into the air. He pulled the spear out of his current victim and then sliced the book in half with the spear tip. It scattered like confetti, a legacy ruined forever.
"Ah, no fair!" Chacha complained, removing her armor so she could stay for a few minutes longer. In her swimsuit, she looked innocent in her pouting as long as Connla didn't provoke her. The easy up-skirt shots were not something he wanted to see. He felt so dirty already. "I can't destroy you for ruining the ice cream! I can't find Nobu-chan because you killed my prana battery! I don't even have a servant to make me dinner… not that it matters."
Connla wanted to respond to those absurd desires, really he did but Chao's voice beat them to it.
"Hey girlie," Chao said, having appeared out of nowhere. She had another automated body ready for a Servant to make a deal with her. "You want some ice cream?" Chacha nodded, ignoring the suit that she could feel was important to her fate. "Well… you have to do something for me first."
Connla's epic battle ended with him watching a canny Chinese super brain scientist tricking a gullible, ice cream fuelled Berserker with a 'Nobu-chan' fetish into sticking around for a while.
"Fuck my life!" Connla threw his spear into the air, raising his hands to the heavens, "I bet Izuku doesn't need to put up with this shit!"
To add insult to injury, the blinding sun made him forget that the spear was heading back to earth like the heavens were fucking with him.
It struck him in the nose...
Speaking of people who win at life, Izuku Midoriya was on part two of his current task. The group he was leading had just made their way to Yuuei's school gates, their final destination, taking only a brief detour to kill a perverse Zouken Matou who was using his worms to devour clothes in a children's store while screaming about children being as nature intended… One quick use of Balmung, flavor of the month it was proving to be today, and the living example of why pesticides were a good thing was dust in the wind.
This act earned him a hug from Jackie, a worthy reward in on itself (not a bad substitute for his missing sister either) but it didn't stop Izuku from muttering under his breath about those accursed lolicons. His little sister protective instincts were looking at Jackie's attire every chance she went by him like a busy bee on the job and the resulting muttering about loli-bait consumed the silence the trio had generally built up. Medea being the quiet type, taking her place as far back as she could without drawing suspicion, a product of a lifetime understanding of betrayal and the best place to be when betrayed while Jackie was cutely just not able to sense or care about the tension that existed despite being allies. He was seeing the little freed girl being a handful when it came to sending her to school. He was amazed Ophis hadn't been rumbled yet. The whole school was like a nuclear stockpile, only someone left the keys under a plant pot.
"Damned fucking perverts all need to go die in a fire and their souls need to burn forever in a dumpster fire," Izuku declared suddenly, all tied up in knots about his fears for Sakura being surrounded by a world of dirty bastards, Jackie's cluelessness that he had to protect and Illya's mental condition.
It was very therapeutic and served to break the tension that was built up.
Medea had stifled a giggle at that loud proclamation. Jackie was too busy chasing every small creature that shifted into her peripheral vision as a game to care that words were being uttered in her general vicinity. Izuku was thinking the little one was going to need a tracking collar with her wanderlust ways.
Illya, uncharacteristically quiet had since awakened and was floating a couple of inches off the ground, staying by his side but keeping Jackie in her line of sight as she wandered. It was surreal and in another set of circumstances would be welcomed to see that she had a snooze button but Izuku was beginning to wonder if she was afraid of the Heroic Spirit.
He wondered if it was too blunt to ask his step daughter just what exactly happened between the two while he and Medea were talking. It could be horrifying or humiliating seeing as Jackie's base stats easily dwarved Illya's for the time being.
In the end, he just sighed. Being a father was tough.
"Illya is everything alright?" he asked, concerned.
"Hmm?" Illya's deep introspective, the spell of silence was broken. "Oh," she added, waving a hand at him dismissively. It was rather exaggerated but he understood his daughter a bit better than before. He wouldn't push but let her talk in her own time. "Yeah Papa-Izuku, I'm just making sure Jackie-chan doesn't get lost."
That excuse was weaker than an American's attempt at making tea.
Izuku hid this and sounded amused. "Did something happen during your game of tag?"
Illya puffed her cheeks out. She knew she was busted and adorable pouting was her weapon of choice and it all came out in a super fast way that her words almost tripped over each other like she was catching up for holding it in for ten seconds.
"Like you wouldn't believe! Jackie-chan." Illya stopped as Jackie had literally flipped over them when she was called. Illya lowered the volume a bit to finish as Jackie swiftly became bored and started examining a particularly interesting roof tile."Gets distracted by anything! I ended up chasing her around." Illya hung her head. "It was exhausting!"
Seeing the Assassin zip around chasing a butterfly, then a mouse, then a bird, yes, Izuku had no doubt his little girl had her hands full. He patted her head.
"You did good Illya. I dare say you've earned that tv."
"And the game?!" Illya asked hopefully, his hand still on her head.
"Don't push it," he replied warningly. It's not that he didn't have the money. He most certainly did. He just didn't want to spoil her completely rotten. It would be good for her to learn patience among other things, financial responsibility amongst other important life skills. Hell would sell timeshares to their ski resorts before she turned into those entitled brats.
"Yes Papa," Illya pouted playfully. She already knew when not to push.
All of a sudden like somebody had dropped a drawer full of metal utensils, the sound of weapons clashing reached the group's ears. The location of such was easily triangulated by Reinforced hearing, the location their target, Yuuei, prompting Izuku to take the lead, zooming past Jackie, a feat the little girl giggled at. With everyone else trailing in his wake doing their best to keep pace with the young hero, Izuku was the first to see Ground Zero.
When the prestigious hero school came into sight, with a smoke signal to help them, Izuku clenched his metallic fist. The famous front gate built for Mt Lady with her attendance to the school had been rend asunder, bashed, squished or pummelled back to its base materials as if it had been made of tinfoil. Further ahead at the high point of a leap into the air to scout further, Izuku discovered the usually pristine grounds were not faring much better, littered with glass from all the broken windows, shattered all at once it seemed, not surprising as Heroic Spirits could make sonic booms by breathing too hard.
The worst part of all this? Teachers were laying around on the ground like so many ragdolls and there was a lot of them taking dirt naps.
It was looking like the set of a bad aftermath film where a disaster or zombies had been doing some unauthorised redecorating.
Also, Rick sitting in a lawn chair, casually drinking from his flask, completely unconcerned with the chaos going on around him. Izuku walked calmly through the destroyed gate, heading straight towards the uncaring scientist. One troll today was more than enough.
"Helen give me a sitrep on everyone's vitals please."
"Just a sec," the AI requested, as she patched into vital monitoring equipment, a cluster of cells that utilised monitoring sensors that were paper thin and flexible enough for nobody to feel it were added to their costumes that was fed directly to the nearest hospital in case of emergency. Another invention of Vajra Industries, donated free to all licensed heroes and another idea of Izuku's that Chao had implemented while he'd been away. "They're all unconscious, but alive. Some broken bones and concussions here and there but nothing too serious that Aoko couldn't fix."
"Yeah well, considering Aoko can heal death that isn't saying much," Izuku retorted before he stopped beside the mad scientist, whose lawnchair was pointed towards the clashing Servants.
"Rick," Izuku said in greeting. He pulled up a hand laden with a prana repulsor blast charging up.
Taking another swig from his flask, ignoring the threat of potential bodily harm and wiping his arm with his free hand, Rick saluted his longtime partner in crazy. Izuku shook his head and lowered his hand.
Nothing phased this guy, nothing at all.
"Kid," I…" Rick paused to let out a belch, "I got twenty bucks on the blonde. You want in on this?"
Izuku turned to look at the battling Servants. The first was easily recognizable as the blonde who had gelded Endeavor. Izuku listened for any more of Todoroki's celebrations in the distance but like everything else all the sounds of teenagers was not present. The second was unknown to him, but a quick glance at the golden scythe she expertly wielded revealed the girl in the black cloak (Izuku just couldn't get over how it was topped with cat ears of all things seeing as it was more cute than 'gah, run the fuck away') to be a younger version of Medusa. The scythe was far more dangerous than it appeared, seeing as it was the Harpe, the god tier weapon, something old Goldy Gilga-chan's armor wouldn't be able to stop. Its history sang to him as how she used to great effect before she abandoned it to become far better known (thank Hollywood for its cheesy ass film) as the monstrous beast Medusa was known as in her myth.
The third Servant could only be Rider. She was blonde haired and blue-eyed which contrasted sharply with the overly elaborate blue kimono she was wearing that was trimmed with white fur. Some sort of metallic slime creature was fighting on her behalf. No matter how much the slime was skewered or sliced apart, it just kept reforming and defending its mistress.
"I'd like to know what your doing here Rick," Izuku replied. He may have sounded calm, but it was taking every ounce of self control not to kill the man right now. "I figured universes had a certain asshole to asshole ratio before they imploded on themselves."
"Well, originally I came here to challenge pinky to another drinking contest. No way that rat was going to win twice in a row," Rick paused to take a drink. "But when I showed up, I found the most amazing catfight happening. So naturally, I pulled up a chair, pulled out my phone and started making bets. Odds are fifty to one on the chick with the slime."
"Your streaming this fight across the multiverse right now aren't you?" Izuku wanted to be surprised, or maybe disappointed… but this was Rick fucking Sanchez. Nothing he did could surprise him anymore unfortunately.
"Yep, I'm probably gonna make a mint on this fight. So who do I have to thank for this small miracle?" Rick questioned as he rubbed his hands together.
"Zelretch did it," Izuku clenched his metallic fist in renewed anger. "He left Sakura in..." Izuku had to paused to control his anger. "The lolicon dimension."
Rick actually did a spitake when he heard that. "You gotta be fucking kidding me! He left her there with those sickos? In that 'please rape me' outfit?"
Several swords impaled themselves around the nihilist's lawn chair. One had been meant to destroy his chair but some sort of forcefield turned the prana made object into confetti… Izuku was not impressed.
"Not helping Rick!"
"Fuckin' A kid…" Rick got up and cracked his neck, before he pulled both his RYNO and Portal Gun out of his coat. "Gimme five minutes… if I'm not back by then, then they've turned me and I want you to do the righteous thing and kill me next time you see me. I'd rather be dead than be one of… them." Rick shuddered, picking up his flask and draining its remnants.
He fired the portal gun at the wall and the moment it like a little sister vending machine it opened and his selection, Sakura flew out of it swiftly. She was followed by a girl with pale white hair tied into a long braid, her skin parchment white which made her golden eyes stand out all the more. She was wearing a white furred shoulder cape, with long black gloves on her arms, black stockings on her legs, and armored footwear. She was also only wearing a bra…
Izuku's eye twitched. "I am so… so sorely tempted to just Ea the fuck out of that dimension right now…"
Sapphire, the magical stick was covered in blood and babbling incoherently. All Izuku could hear was 'Bad touch' and 'The blood, the blood!' over and over again. The stick would need therapy after this.
Sakura touched down on the ground covered from head to toe in the blood of lolicons… or so Izuku presumed or hoped. It had been a righteous cause. In one hand, she held Kazikli Bey, the spear of Vlad the Impaler and it also was given a crimson paint job.
She took one shuddering step forward then another, all the while muttering, "Onii-san… Onii-san…"
Izuku walked up to the clearly shell shocked girl and wrapped her in a gentle embrace. "It's okay imouto, oniichan is here. All the bad men can't find you anymore, onii-chan will murder them all for you! He promises!"
"I killed so many of them oniichan… so many dirty perverts," Sakura muttered.
Izuku patted her head, the metal glove retracting so warm skin could caress her bloody forehead. She really needed a shower. "I know, you did good Sakura you did good."
Sakura snuggled into the armor as if drawing strength from it. "I saw horrible, horrible things oniichan."
"I'm sure you did sweetheart. But it looks like you made a friend too," Izuku reminded her, trying to bring up some kind of positive…. While also promising himself to make sure Zelretch suffered for this. Sakura had been through enough already. He wasn't exactly sure how he knew that but he was sure of it.
Sakura turned around and gave her companion a smile. "There is Jean, yes."
Said girl stood at attention, giving him a salute. She was a Servant and like the others pint sized. Scanning her flag proved interesting… An Alter of an Alter? Izuku would be pondering that one later on. "It is an honor to finally meet you in person, onii-sama!"
From within the confines of his armor, Izuku blinked, regretting that his face mask was off as it didn't hide the incredulous stare. 'Why is she calling me onii-sama?'
Then he took a closer look at her weapon. It was a spear that had not one but two flags tied to its shaft.
The first was an ornate white flag flying the Fleur De Lys. The second was cruder and had kanji written on rough cloth, a Structural Analysis confirmed it belonged to some random person's dining room table. A breeze kicked up by the Servants clashing at speeds almost all eyes in the world couldn't see caused it to unfurl, allowing him to read it.
'Oniichan Alliance! Bonzai!'
"What the fuc… crap is the Oniichan Allience?" Izuku thought aloud, while already feeling a headache coming on.
"Sakura-san spoke most highly of you as we fought our way to freedom onii-sama. How you are a bastion of virtue and true heroism, the greatest human being in your world! The man who destroyed evil and led her to becoming the next Witch of The Kaleidoscope one day under the wing of the pervert troll who shall not be named for stranding her in the world of perverts! One worthy of true reverence, a man I could see myself serving under and perhaps one day..." Izuku leaned in to listen as she spoke a silent prayer like phrase, "I might be worthy of being a little sister!"
Izuku wanted to question just what in the hell Sakura had told this Servant about him but he was just so relieved to have her back and seemingly unharmed, that he decided it could wait. The issue of somehow indoctrinating a Servant into being a cultist follower and desperate to be called little sister could be put off later… Or never… That was his preference.
He looked over to the still battling Servants… other thank the gods, things took precedence at the moment. Izuku saw the golden eyed servant stare right at him with wonder, like a god…
Nope, nope, nope! He was not going there today.
'Where the hell are Aoko, Shiki, and Arcueid? They should be the ones taking care of those three.'
As if thinking about them made them appear, the Fifth Magician, her original pupil and his cosplaying girlfriend blitzed through the school gates, coming to a stop before their leader.
"Izu-kun, what's the situation?" Aoko asked.
"The teachers are unconscious, the Servants are fighting, and the rat turd cherry on this shit sundae, Rick is here multicasting the fight across the multiverse on interdimensional cable and taking bets. I better get twenty percent of the profits too."
"Sup losers?" Rick said with a wave releasing a belch as he continued to stream the Servant fight. He didn't address the share of the cash.
Arcueid, cat eared and tilting her tricorn hat pouted at Rick's greeting. "I don't like him Izuku, make him go away."
"Well boo-fucking-hoo blondie," Rick retorted, having no fucks to give about her or anyone else's feelings for the most part. "I'm here to watch super powered chicks duke it out, if you got a problem with that, you can bite me."
Arcueid grinned, showing off her fangs. "If you keep acting rude, I might be inclined to do just that."
Seeing her fangs and then making note of her crimson eyes, Rick turned to Izuku and said dryly, "You were just gonna stand there and let me badmouth a vampire huh kid?"
Izuku shrugged. "Hey it's not my fault your mouth was writing a check your ass couldn't cash." He turned to the still battling Servants. "Anyway, we should probably do something about…"
A thunderous explosion happened just then, engulfing the Servants and their Masters, causing the ground to quake and a gigantic dust cloud to be kicked up into the air. For a moment, Izuku thought one of them had unleashed their Noble Phantasm...
When the obscuring dust cloud cleared, no mystical beast of legend, nor energy beam capable of wiping out entire armies… No, what was in the epicenter of the explosion was a naked as the day he was born Jack Rakan. He was missing bits and pieces of flesh on his chest to the point that his ribs showed in places, his right arm was nothing but charred bone, with bits of flesh clinging to it. One of his eyes was burned closed, and half of the hair on his head was burnt off down to his scalp. Yet, despite all of this Rakan was grinning like a madman.
On his left shoulder was a naked little girl, her ass had a cherry red hand print across it.
Around him, the Masters of the servants had been turned into so much red paste.
Welp, so much for that epic final battle.
"Jack just… just what the fuck man… and put some pants on?!" Izuku yelled, while covering Sakura's eyes from the horror, "There are children present!"
"Hmm?" The king of gladiators looked down, seeing the lady pleaser was not wearing its Sunday best, "Ah I was wondering where the nice breeze was coming from…" Then he noticed all the death glares that were coming his way, particularly from those of the female persuasion.
Let it be said that even Jack Rakan wasn't that stupid. "This isn't what it looks like!"
All the same it was sad that he still didn't realise that Nobunaga was an actual fully grown up woman.
Izuku opened his facial plate just so he could rub his aching temples. He didn't have the patience for bullshit today. "Chao, get those Servants into exoskeletons stat, Aoko the teachers need a res… and could someone please cover up Rakan?!"
Things progressed rapidly after that, Aoko used the Fifth Magic to both revive the Yuuei teachers and repair the school, with their Masters dead, the Servants saw no more need to fight and became much more amicable towards each other. When they were told they could continue to exist without need of a perverse Master, they jumped on the chance. Rakan was thankfully covered up.
The girl Nobunaga wouldn't come out from hiding behind Izuku for safety… it was borderline endearing.
The city was still a wreck however. No doubt, if they realized the girls that were responsible for such mass destruction were still around they would be out for blood…
Izuku sighed to himself, he didn't like it but it seems he had no choice. 'But on the bright side, he certainly owes me one.' He called out, "Zelretch!"
The vampire popped up by his side in a matter of moments. "You rang?"
"I need you to get rid of those corpses," Izuku waved a hand at the remains at the dead Masters. One was a priest with a mullet, another was a girl in a business suit, and the last regrettably was a boy with curly purple hair, a face that gave him a headache. "Once you've done that, I need you to alter the memories of everyone in town so they'll if not forget, at least be willing to forgive the Servants."
Sighing, the Second Magician manifest a pair of portals, one on the ground near the corpses, and the one right above his hands from which a large bristle broom used for sweeping manifested. He proceeded to shove the corpses into the other portal with the broom, where the grinding mincing sound of flesh and bone being ground to dust was heard.
"Umm Zelretch, what dimension is that?" Izuku asked warily.
"Blender dimension." Rick replied casually, coming up to the kid calming watching as he took a gulp from yet another flask he had on his person. The mad scientist raised his drink in salute. "Zelretch."
"Rick," The wizard replied as he pushed the last of the corpses through the portal before shutting it. "How's the kids?"
Rick huffed in annoyance, ignoring the vampire to check on his phone. "Fucking Mr. Poopybutthole made a killing! How that fucking bastard predicted the death of the Masters from a naked man falling from the sky I'll never know… Ah well, I kinda owe him one after Beth shot him anyway."
Izuku blinked. "Wait, Beth shot who?"
"Don't worry about it." Rick replied. "Anyway folks, chapters over. Nothing left to see here till the next installment. Roll credits."
Word Count: 27,864Number of Pages: 64Date Completed: 7/30/2019
AN: Welp, Heliosion here and this chapter has been an utter bitch to write. I am to blame for the infestation of lolicons, the lolis and everything else that made you go, 'Bubba, we can get you help' so don't blame him, blame me. I desired a massacre of lolicons, hell it was supposed to come much later but I figured 'he he he, he'll tell me to find my sanity in the toilet I left it in' but lo' and behold I found him on a day when he had forgotten his meds and wanted other people to suffer like he would writing this. I took the helm this time for the most of it so I hope you like it as much as Bubbajack contemplated shooting me for convincing him to write it now. We promise part two will be fun… Honest! Over to Bubbajack… Keep him busy while I run the fuck away from the rage monster I created… Useful for the next chapter I think!
Bubbajack here, This chapter… This fucking chapter… Jesus Jimmney Christmas sweet titty cinnmon fucking Christ! This chapter was a pain in my ass! Physically, mentally, (emotionally). It did things to me that made me want to say I need an adult! Unfortunately I AM an adult so that excuse no longer works for me. I'm glad this chapter is over and I can have my brand of fun with the next chapter. Helios had his fun… next time, it's myturn. Hopefully everyone is looking as forward to that as I am. Till then everyone,
See you around, Heliosion signing off too, desu, desu, Helios desu! Worship the god Stan Lee, smile more and I hope you liked the names we chose at the top. It's Bubba's turn next time and I have to remind him that profanities are banned! This has been an Inkblot-Bros production.
This has been an Inkblot-Bros production.