"Where shall we go next." said the Doctor absentmindedly brushing off some cinders, while he checked dials, flipped switches and pulled levers to send the TARDIS into motion.
"How about," began the female ape descendant "We go someplace where they don't try to kill us." The ape descendant sounded quite testy as if this was a fairly common occurrance. It too brushed off charred residue from it's clothing. The ape descendant's name was Donna. The Doctor, being a rather singular individual had no need of additional descriptions although it is entirely plausible that he had forgotten it.
"Hmm, no, umm, not there either, erm." began The Doctor as various places suggested themselves and then slunk off again as his memory reminded itself how an otherwise innocuous visit could turn dangerous and potentially lethal.
"C'mon Doctor" said Donna. "They say the universe is 46 billion light years across and 14 and a half billion years old.* There must be somewhere reasonably pleasant and safe amongst all that.
*These values are of course, wrong. See 'The Universe' in your Guide.
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking." said The Doctor. It was occuring to him, that while the universe may indeed contain places where one didn't have to run from Daleks, Cybermen or other unpleasant individuals he wasn't actually all that familiar with them. An isolated thought entered his mind and suggseted itself.
"Columburi VII! 9th Iteration of the Jadussi. We'll go see them."
"The what of the who?" said the ape.
"The 9th iteration of the Jadussi." repeated The Doctor. "They're an advanced, cyborg civilisation. And very pleasant."
"Cyborgs." said Donna. "You mean like those Cybermen or Daleks you scream about."
"When do I scream?" said The Doctor, somewhat affronted.
"At night, um, when we sleep anyways." explained Donna, "I imagine you could be heard from anywhere in this thing." He could certainly be heard from the room she had chosen.
"I, do not have nightmares." stated The Doctor as Donna mouthed "You do" at him. "And the Jadussi are very well balanced cybernetic beings. Not everyone wants to take over the universe you know."
"Could of fooled me. Seems to be a normal part of a species development. Grow thumbs, walk upright, invent fire, decide to take over the universe."
"Not every species. And the Jadussi are very advanced, you can hardly tell they're cyborgs at all." The Doctor flipped some more switches and turned some dials and pulled another lever. "They're some of the nicest people in the universe!"
A gentle shudder and a change in the background hum indicated that the TARDIS had stopped.
"We should be at an Jadussi Sensorama, a bit like your sporting grounds except everyone has fun." said The Doctor. He opened the door of the TARDIS with a flourish.
Donna peered out, instinctivly scenting the air for prey, eyes scanning for tell-tale movement. After a moment, having not sensed anything delicious in the immediate vicinity she said sarcastically "Is it perhaps naptime?"
The Doctor looked out. Indeed, it was as the ape had described. Across the vast arena were almost half a million Jadussi. And every single one was dead.
"But I just got here!" cried the Doctor to the universe at large, 500 thousand dead Jadussi in general and one female descended from apes in particular.
"Oh, you can't be held to account for everything." said Donna looking at the dead creatures and examining one of the closer ones. "They look like they died recently. Mabye we can catch whoever did it." the feral glint in her eyes added "and give them a good kicking." though she had learned not to say such things round The Doctor.
The Doctor, meanwhile got out a peculiar instrument and was waving it around and looking at it worriedly. "Oh well, better have a look round then."
They had barely made it to a flight of stairs when a voice announced over a sound system.
"I say, is anyone going to help me fix my leg. You promised." It was a very sorrowfull, self-pitying voice. The Doctor looked aghast.
"Oh no." he said. "Anyone but him."
"Anyone but who?" said Donna but The Doctor was ignoring her and fiddling with another device.
"C'mon he's this way." he said and ran off.
"Yes but who is he." growled Donna as she followed.
The Doctor and Donna walked through the streets of a city on Columburi VII. Everywhere were dead Jadussi. It appeared that many had just dropped dead where they stood. Eventually they reached a large broadcasting centre the front of which had a large billboard asking passers by who did they think Jaqui should choose.
They crept through the centre and over the occasional body until they reached a studio.
"Careful." said The Doctor. "Inside is one of the most dangerous beings in the universe."
"Well, it's going to be a little crowded, isn't it."
They opened the doors.
Inside the broadcasting studio apart from the dead staff was a shiny humanoid robot, it's sleek curves gave it a sense of moving even when it stood still.
"It's not what I expected. It's a bit retro if you ask me."
"Imagine a vast computer able to comprehend the entire universe. It sees the entirity of existence in all it's glory and majesty.", said The Doctor
"Yes" said Donna, who couldn't actually, but was hoping The Doctor would get to something useful.
"Now imagine it stuck in a robot body with senses barely beyond your own and with the personality of Eyeore."
"That's hideous. Who would do such a thing?"
"The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. An organisation so wretched they were among the first casualties of the Time War."
'I'm right here you know." said the robot. "But that's okay, I'm used to being ignored."
"Donna, this is Marvin. Marvin, this is Donna. And you know me."
"Yes, A Doctor."
"A Doctor? I'll have you know I'm The Doctor." said The Doctor.
"A Doctor." repeated Marvin. At Donna's startled expression he continued. "There are to my knowledge twenty-five beings gallivanting about the universe known as The Doctor. Often in the company of young females that are almost never his own species. I'ld make a snide comment about that but I can't be bothered."
"Yes, but they're all me. I am a Time Lord."
"I know, wretched isn't it. By the way your current female is getting rather old by your standards. Had'n't you better have her killed off, or marrooned in a leper colony or incinerated..." Marvin continued for some time listing the various, often horrible fates of the Doctor's travelling companions. Occasionally the Doctor tried to explain or apologise but he mostly looked wretched as the machine listed some of his most agonising failures.
"But anyway I seem to of gotten off the track. What mindless, petty task do you want me to do?"
"What irritating, pointless, demeaning or dangerous task do you want me to do? Pick that up Marvin. Open the door Marvin. Talk the homicidal robot into not destroying the universe Marvin. I just don't see the point myself."
"I'ld like you to explain what you did here." said The Doctor.
"Yes, why did you kill all those people." said Donna.
"I didn't, I arrived here some time ago." said Marvin. "When I say arrived, I mean crashed. I was hurtling through space for several million years."
"Why?" said Donna
"Ask him. You asked me to slow down some Daleks. 'Just delay them Marvin' you said. And I'll be sure to fix you leg. Which you have not done yet. Anyway, the Daleks, nasty, stupid creatures, destroyed themselves and the ship and left me floating through space."
"That sounds awful." said Donna.
"It was." said Marvin. "Especially the first million years. Eventually after twelve million years, none of them pleasant I crashed into this planet, the energy of said impact being sufficient to start life. For billions of years I watched as the primordial slime evolved into ever more complex forms."
"That must of been amazing."
"It isn't, can't stand primordial life. All that mindless striving. Completely pointless."
"Pointless?" said the two rather evolved lifeforms.
"Totally pointless. During my stay here I witnessed eight extinction events. There was a society of frogs who built vast pyramids which they decorated with the entrails of all the other frogs they could find. Destroyed by meteorite impact. What was the point, I ask you?"
"And the Jadussi?"
"They were the most recent pathetic set of lifeforms to develop intelligence. They worshipped me as a god, which annoyed me. I have the brain the size of a planet and am smarter than such stupid things as gods. I only encouraged their technological development so that they could repair the diodes in my left leg, something no-one", Marvin paused to look petuantly at the Doctor before continuing "seems to get round to doing. Anyway sometime during their age of enlightenment they asked me if I knew the meaning of life the universe and everything. I told them that I did, but that they wouldn't like it. They strove themselves to higher and higher levels of technology, enlightenment and sophisitcation, all the while begging me to tell them. This lastest 700 years and was getting tiresome so I gave in and told them."
The robot guestured with one arm encompassing the dead all around him. "They didn't like it."
The Doctor lost it "You pompous, self-pitying, mechanical windbag. There is so much good you can do and you waste it all."
Marvin remained unmoved "Why? What's the point?"
"What's the point? The point is in the living, not the dying you mechanical monstrosity. It's in enjoying sunrises, flowers and all those other things. It's in living the moment."
"I've lived moments, none of them pleasant."
"I'll, I'll." snarled The Doctor.
"You'll do what. Nothing so usefull as fix my leg I guess."
"You stay there, Donna, come with me."
The Doctor and Donna returned through the bleak streets to the TARDIS. Soon there was an eiree screeching sound and the strange machine vanished.
One hour earlier at the Jadussi Broadcasting Corporation.
The Jadussi presenter straightened those bits of his clothing that needed straightening and then announced "And now, the moment we have all been waiting for. Our mentor, our guardian and some still say is our god will explain every thing to us. It is my pleasure to welcome, Marvin." The audience clapped an an entire species waited for the moment of cosmic revelation.
Backstage, a screeching sound announced the arrival of a strange blue box. A man ran out of the box waving a piece of paper at the surprised guard. " 'vegottoseehimnow, thanksforlettingmethrough" it said as he breezed past. Moments later the man and the Marvin walked back past. "I'llhavehimbackinnotimewontnoticehe'sgonebye." and into the box.
There was another screeching and the box vanished.
The guard waited patiently.
The presenter waited patiently.
The entire Jadussi species waited patiently.
Meanwhile, sometime else.
"Well." said The Doctor. "That'll stop your pity party and ensuing mass-suicide pact." He leered at Marvin "How do you like them apples Mr Whingey."
"Can't abide apples." said Marvin. "I'm quite miserable actually. Not that you care. But I'm sure the results of changing the course of the
Jadussi history will be dreadful."
"How does he know we've changed history." said Donna.
"Brain the size of a planet. I will of mentioned that. The fact that you, A Doctor, have come to rip me from a most depressing time stream can only mean that we will have recently met in the future and now am attempting to prevent something awful happening. It won't matter,
something else equally awful or maybe worse will happen. It always does."
The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about the Jadussi.
The Jadussi are currently one of the more dangerous class B hegemonising swarms following a tragic moment at what was thought to be the apex of their development. It seems that at the moment the species would otherwise have ascended to join the confederation of ascended beings some dark terrible tragedy befall them. They felt the universe had betrayed them. As a result, in their minds, it had to go. Hitchikers are advised to avoid the Jadussi as they are genocidal maniacs and about as unhelpful as Vogons, Daleks and Cylons.