Shameless Self Insert Into Daria

A/N Here I shamelessly insert myself, er, a male character totally not me into the Daria world. How many episodes will it be? Unsure. I just finished my newest book, UNIQUE by Seth Quillet, on Amazon now in Paperback and Digital format. I want/need a return to FF after finishing that monster.

Jane Lane and her friend, Adrian Prescott, walk by a car as two girls get out.

Jane takes a peek at the two through the crowd. "Newbies?"

Adrian shrugs his shoulders. "Probably. They'll have to go through the psych eval before they're allowed in class."

Jane smirks as she remembers taking it several times. "I wonder if either of them will end up in our self esteem class."

Adrian chuckles as they continue to the school entrance. "You could always use another subject for your art work."

"I am rather board with drawing you. One can only do average looking guy with short brown hair and brown eyes so many times."

He gives her a glare before smiling. "Average? Six one is not average."

She looks him up and down, noticing the holes in his jeans, the dirt on his black sneakers, and the paint stain on his blue shirt. "You didn't wash that, did you?"

As she points at the stain, he looks down, and notices it. "Huh, thought I pulled this from the clean clothes I don't feel like folding."

Jane and Adrian enter the school and walk to class as he rubs the stain hoping it might come out.

In history class, after a demonstration of the new girl's wit, Jane and Adrian pass notes back and forth to each other. "She seems like a trouble maker."

Jane reads his note and sends it back to him after writing a response. "Maybe. Or she went to a school that valued knowledge and not football."

Adrian gives her a quizzical look before writing down his response. "Would a school like that really exist?"

Jane hands the note back after writing her response. "One might like to pretend. Maybe she's a Brain and didn't realize those aren't allowed around here."

Adrian smiles before handing the note back. "Might be nice to have another one. Jodie is great but always busy."

Jane quickly hands the note back. "Upchuck?"

Adrian scowls as he hands it back. "Gross. He has a brain but never any blood rushing to it."

Mr. DeMartino sees Jane handing the note back to Adrian. "JANE Lane, please, would you LIKE to share with the class, WHAT you FEEL is more important than MY class."

Jane moves the note back to her desk, sliding it under her book, as she pulls out a different piece of paper. "Uh, I can't really share it without handing it around."

Mr. DeMartino looks at the doodle of a FrankenKevin walking around while a Professor Andrea holds his brain. "While VERY amusing, Jane Lane, this does NOT go with what I am teaching."

Jane smiles. "You can keep it, or I can add more details, any you want."

"Perhaps you THINK that is funny, trying to BRIBE a teacher with your art."

Jane shakes her head. "I'm not trying to bribe you. I just can't serve detention since I have to go to my self esteem class."

Mr. DeMartino looks at the note again before leaning down so only Jane could hear. "You have fun with that, class. I'm sure while there you could maybe add a Brittany Igor."

Jane simply nods and takes the doodle and puts it in her book.

Jane and Adrian are surprised to see the new student, Daria Morgendorrfer, in self esteem class a couple of days later. "I wonder what she said to get her sent here."

Jane shrugs her shoulders. "With that quack, who knows."

When Daria tries to ask a question, Jane leans over to try and save her. "Just listen to the soothing voice."

"How am I supposed to learn anything if I don't understand what's going on?"

Adrian leans over. "We got all the notes. I've taken this class three times."

Jane smiles. "Six times here."

Daria looks back and forth at the two before nervously agreeing to talk with them after the class.

After class, Daria walks with Jane and Adrian. "So, what did you say to get thrown in with us?"

Daria shies away a little before responding. "I didn't take the test seriously. I guess Ms. Mason didn't like that."

Jane smiles trying to make the new kid feel better. "It is a joke. But, one that gets you locked up after school with Mr. O'Neil."

Adrian nods in agreement. "But it gives me time to do homework, or write whatever short stories I've got rattling around in my noggin."

Daria's eyes seem to react to that, for just a second, before going back to their normal gaze. "Can't you do it at home?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

Jane responds after a second. "I'd rather watch Sick, Sad, World than do homework."

This perks Daria's interest. "You two watch it?"

Both nod.


Adrian and Jane stop, so Daria does as well. "What's up?"

Adrian jerks his thumb towards a one level ranch style home. "My stop, gotta drop my stuff off."

Daria looks at the blue home. "Oh, okay."

Adrian walks away leaving the ladies alone.

Daria turns towards Jane. "So, uh, you and Adrian..."

Jane smirks. "No, not like that. We're just friends."


Jane nods. "Why, think he's cute?"

Daria acts like she was bitten. "No, no."

"Don't worry, he is. Just, it doesn't come up between us."


Jane laughs. "Not big on talking, are you?"

"Well, um, back in Highland about the only time I talked a lot was when I was grilling the President."

Jane starts to laugh again when she sees Daria's look. "Wait, you're serious?" She nods. "Wow, you're a lot cooler than you give off."

"Cool? Not me."

Adrian comes out after dropping off his backpack. "Off to Casa Lane?"

Daria shakes her head. "I have to go home."

Adrian frowns. "Bummer. You could have joined us for Sick, Sad, World, and this chicka painting."

The three walk on to Daria's home.

The two wave bye to her and continue on their way to Casa Lane. "She seems interesting."

Adrian looks back at the house. "I saw the way you were looking her over."


He smiles before joking back. "Hey, I'm not the one with the eye of a predator."

"Hunting down a new subject for a painting can be as raw and primal as hunting down a deer."

They continue on their way to Casa Lane.

Daria is frustrated with self esteem class after less than a week. "You two have all of the answers, right?" Both nod. "Why don't we get out?"

Jane and Adrian look at each other before turning back to her. "What will we do after school?"

Daria remembers an episode of Sick, Sad, World. "UFO Convention?"

After giving Mr. O'Neil the answers to get out, and talking him out of holding a special event for them, they leave a little early.

Jane checks the time, "Hey kids, I'm gonna run, I think I can catch my brother before he goes to bed."

Daria is confused. "Goes to bed?"

Jane nods. "I'm pretty sure practice ran late, or early. He wasn't home this morning anyways."

She waves the peace sign to the two, Adrian salutes her, and she takes off.

Daria realizes this is the first time this is the first time she's been left alone with Adrian. "So, uh," She can't think of anything to say.

Thankfully, Adrian was given the gift of gab. "So, you're a writer? I write, too! Mostly short horror stories. Jane's done some frames from my stories. I want to collab with her on a picture book."

"A picture book?"

He chuckles. "Don't look so skeptical. Remember that super creepy horror book for kids? I want something like that, but with my stories and her artwork."

The two stop outside of his home when they reach it.

Daria takes a second before asking him a similar question she had asked Jane. "So, you and Jane..."

His smile disappears. "Not you too. We aren't dating, have never discussed dating, and have done nothing together." His smile reappears with a mischievous addition to it. "Why, wondering if she's single?"

Daria realizes what he is implying. "No. I'm not like that." She realizes he is looking her over. "What?"

"It's okay if you are. Jane isn't like that, as far as she's told me, but we both wondered. With the way you dress and act, it wouldn't be that big a deal to us."

A red SUV drives by slower than normal as Daria responds. "I dress how I want because this is how I want to dress."

"Don't want to be confused with your sister?" Daria shifts one foot away, before Adrian continues. "Which makes sense. I wouldn't want anyone confusing me for any of the Fashion Fiends."

Daria turns away. "I need to get home."

"And I need to drop my stuff off before heading over to Casa Lane."

"Jane's parent's are okay with her having a guy over all the time?"

"Parent's? In the year and a little more we've been friends I think I've seen her mom three times, her dad once." He looks towards where Casa Lane is even though it is too far away to actually see. "Her brother Trent seemed on guard at first but cooled off when he realized we were just friends."

"Maybe I'll go over, later."

"The more the merrier."

Adrian walks towards his house as Daria goes home.

When at home, she is surprised to see her mother beat her home. "They let you out of the office early? Bomb threat?"

Helen doesn't react. "Daria, who was that boy I saw you talking with?"

Daria can already sense where this is going. "Adrian, a friend of Jane's."


"The girl in the red, with black leggings."

Helen doesn't relent. "Where was she, today?"

"She had to get home early."


"I don't know. Something about catching her brother before he goes to bed."

Helen gives her a look.


"So you walked home with, Adrian?" Daria nods. "That was nice of you."

Daria has to fight back to urge to roll her eyes and groan. "Mom, it isn't like that."

"Daria, when I was your age, I,"

Daria cuts her off. "He's gay."

Helen stumbles over her next few words. "Oh, I, well, I knew a few back in my college days."

Daria is happy to cut off a speech about hormones as she goes up to her room.

The next day, before class, the trio talk with Mack and Jodie. "Final warning bell, you two have fun." Adrian salutes them before walking with Daria and Jane to their first class.

Daria passes a note to Jane. "Why does Adrian salute people?"

Jane hands the note back. "Ask him."

Daria scribbles quickly. "I'm asking you."

Jane hands it back. "His dad is former military. When he was younger, he saw people he liked get saluted. So, as he grew up, he would salute those he likes or respects."

Daria reads it quickly, and sends it back. "That makes sense."

During lunch, the three notice certain glances from others. "What," Adrian looks down at his shirt. "This is a clean shirt."

Jane and Daria look at it, and then each other. "Our shirts our on right, no bra showing, so it isn't us."

Adrian pats his shoulder. "My bra isn't showing, is it?" He and Jane laugh while Daria gives a slight smile at the joke.

While walking to the next class, Jodie and Mack stop them. "Hey, uh, we just heard a rumor from Kevin and Brittany."

Jane is the first to guess. "The Sun's going to explode?"

Adrian is next. "Football is being extended year round?"

Followed by Daria. "Classes are canceled for the popular people?"

Both shake their head. "No, that Adrian is gay."

Jane looks over at him. "I guess that explains why you never tried to jump me."

He elbows her in the side playfully. "Girl, you're gonna have to be a lot prettier if you expect me to jump you."

Daria knows Quinn must have heard her the day before but doesn't say anything.

Adrian and Jane share a couple more jokes before going back to Jodie and Mack. "Sorry, I'm not gay. No matter how badly Kevin wants me, he's stuck with Brittany."

Daria breaks her silence. "That explains all the looks we were getting earlier in lunch."

Adrian shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever, let people talk about me. They're forget it when the next rumor comes along." He looks down at Daria's legs. "Like Daria doesn't have feet, just stubs, and that's why she always wears those big clunky boots."

Sure enough, two freshman nearby hear, and whisper to the first friends they find.

Daria wants to throttle Adrian but knows she is why the gay rumor exists so lets it slide, this time.

The next day just after gym, while getting dressed after a shower, three of Adrian's fellow classmates walk over to him. "Yo, maybe you should stop watching us in the shower."

Adrian is confused. "What? Watch you? Why would I watch you in the shower?"

The lead boy, a blonde hair, blue eyed asshole, spits at him. "Heard you're a faggot."

It takes Adrian a second to realize what is going on. "Oh, yeah, I heard that too. Know who started that stupid rumor?"

He laughs trying to play it off as a joke.

Mack overhears and walks over. "Guys, he's not gay. Why do you think he always hangs out with Jane?"

The lead boy looks at Mack, then back at Adrian. "Tiffany told me when we went on a date last night."

It takes Adrian a second to think of who Tiffany is. "Asian Tiffany or white Tiffany?"


"Fashion Fiend." His eyes go wide. "Quinn." He smiles to himself as he thinks of a great response. "I swear, I turn her down, and this is how she reacts?"

The boy to lead asshole's left reacts. "You turned her down? Dude, why?"

"I got a good thing going, why screw that up with someone else?"

All three look at each other as they process this new information before walking away.

Adrian pulls his shirt on. "Thanks for the save, Mack. Just hope Jane doesn't hear that bit about why we hang out."

Mack looks over at the three boys. "I didn't want them beating you up in here."

He rubs his arms as he thinks about how close he came to that happening. "Thanks. I didn't want them to either."

As the trio walk to their last class of the day, Adrian sees Tiffany, and storms over to her. "Hey, what the hell? You almost got my ass beat."

She has her usual blank look on her face. "Huh?"

"You spread a rumor that I'm gay."

"Oh, no I didn't. Quinn said, your were, gay. I just told, Matthew, during our, date."

His hand bunches into a fist. "Quinn."

"Yeah, aren't you, friends, with her cousin?"

Adrian has to walk away before he says or does something that will get him in trouble.

He relays what Tiffany told him, after explaining what happened in the gym, to Jane and Daria. "So after nearly getting beaten to death in the gym, I confront her, and she tells me it was your sister."

Daria feels the guilt eat away at her conscience. I didn't tell Quinn to tell anyone. If she hadn't then it never would have left our living room. "I'll talk with her, after school."

"Sure, whatever."

Jane sees how upset Adrian is. "You were joking about his before."

Adrian turns to her. "Yes, before the stupid rumor almost got me killed. Do you not pay attention to the news? Some guys tied a gay guy up to a fence and tortured him to death. With three guys, all in better shape than me, threatening me it brought it all up to the real world."

Both girls are silent as Adrian storms off.

Jane looks after him. "He does know we're going to the same class, right?"

Daria says nothing as they walk calmly to class.

Daria sits in class distracted by her thoughts. I didn't want anything to happen to Adrian. I was just trying to get my mom to not give me the hormone speech. She looks over at him and sees him gritting his teeth. He's pissed. He is right to be. I can't imagine how scared he was when three guys came up to him like that. If he finds out I'm the one who said it... She looks at Jane. I like having friends. Jane is pretty cool. She was friends with Adrian first. She'll choose him over me if he finds out I started the rumor. I'll be alone again.

After class, Daria lets her friends leave while she hunts down her sister.

She is with the Fashion Fiends when Daria finds her. "Quinn, what were you thinking?"

Quinn cocks her head to the side. "Hi, uh, my cousin."

Daria grabs her by the arm and drags her away from the other Fashion Fiends.

When alone, Daria confronts her. "Who did you tell about Adrian being gay?"

"Just my friends. I told them not to tell anyone else."

"Everyone knows. I mean, not," Daria spent nearly an hour going over this in her head during class. "He's not gay. I just told mom that to keep her from giving me the hormone speech."

"Oh! So,"

Daria cuts her off. "I'm not interested in him. I just don't want to deal with the same speech over and over again. Tell your friends he's not gay, and tell them to tell others, please."

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Daria, it isn't that big a deal to be gay. Almost chic to be according to Waif."

Daria leans closer to her. "Until he gets beaten up for it by some dumb jocks."

Quinn flinches as Daria gets a little too close for her. "Sorry! I'll tell them, like, right now."

She runs away to go back to her friends as Daria walks for the exit.

A/N Will I stick with the show? Will I go off a bit? Not sure. I just needed a break from writing my original stuff after finishing Unique. The book/idea has been inside my head for over a decade and finally got it down, edited, and published on Amazon.