A/N: I honestly don't know how this is going to end up. But after watching Girl und Panzer and reading all the fanfiction I decided to make something. No promises on the update schedule but if this story gets traffic then maybe I'll be inclined to write more. For now, this is a trial run.
Events are placed after the Girl und Panzer movie. It's set three months after the University match and the girls are preparing for the nationals, once again.
Obviously, not all things are sunshine and rainbows. Miho has shown signs of mental fatigue that has affected her performance on the grounds. After conferring with a doctor (with the diagnosis not being a physical problem), it's discovered it is emotional distress so she seeks help from a visiting international counselor, hired by MEXT to tend to the emotional and mental well-being of the school.
Hopefully, this clears some stuff up. I'm keeping some elements a secret so I hope you get the prologue.
FYI: I've haven't written in a while so forgive me if I mess up somewhere, k? Thnxs.
Update: Changing Miho's eye color from blue to brown.
It was the evening on the carrier ship of Ōarai Girl's Academy. The sea breeze mixed with the lights and sounds of an ending of a busy day. Hardly anyone, save for those who were on the Public Morals Committee patrolling the grounds, was in the main building. In the darkened halls, the sunlight clashed with the windows in the long hallway. All the rooms were vacant, save for one.
The room was a staff office. Very simple, bookshelves full of books talking about topics from special needs education to providing emotional support. A computer on a large desk, with papers scattered all over. Also, a couch with two small red pillows hid in the corner of the room beside a coat rack.
In the middle sat two individuals. One, a petite girl, with short auburn hair sporting a neat Ōarai uniform. Her brown eyes looking towards the floor, she wore a pained expression. Her hands clenched on each leg, taking hold of her skirt, as she sat and was visibly shaking. Breathing slightly heavily, her eyes welled up with tears that ran down her face.
On the other side was a man. Black short hair with brown eyes. Clean shaven, he wore what would be a light blue checkered t-shirt and jeans. His hands were folded, his eyes filled with concern and sadness.
You could cut the tension in the room. After a few moments, the girl slowly shook her head.
"I can't…," she mumbled to herself. "I'm not…"
"You can't?" asked the man. "You can't feel? Can't you be sad? Can't you be happy? You can't be upset, angry? Because if I were in your position, that is what I would be feeling. Miho, you can feel these things."
"But my friends," Miho answered, looking at him with her tear-filled eyes. "Everyone. What will they say?"
"Right now, we are focused on you. This place…is not a place of judgment. No one will condemn you or think less of you. Here, you are free to express yourself in whichever way you see fit."
Miho stared at the floor again and wiped her face with her hand. She nodded.
"It's ok to feel these emotions you have right now. If you want to scream, then scream. If you want to swear, then by all means. If you want to cry…"
Miho took a deep breath. Soon her expression changed from sadness to anger. With tears streaking down her face, she made a fist and raised her arm slightly. Slamming it on her leg, she did it again, with a grunt.
The man watched as she did this. She had never shown emotion like this before. To express oneself is to be human. To say that you have no emotion would be lying to oneself. Everyone, especially the young, needs an outlet; a chance to let loose and say something.
To say, "I need help" or "I need to talk to someone." This is something that Miho obviously have not done before.
"Why?" Miho asked in a whisper. "Why me?"
The man leaned slightly towards her.
"Why am I feeling this way?" She looked at the man, awaiting an answer.
"What are you feeling right now, Miho?"
"I feel upset. Upset that I lost everything. Upset how everyone judged me for what I did!" As she said this, her voice was rising and she began to breathe heavily again. "My home, my sister, who I am. Just because I wanted to save them! Why then! Why was I punished! Why was it me?!"
At this point, she was practically yelling. The man did or said nothing. He simply listened.
"Why didn't my sister defend me from mother that time?! Why does my mother treat me the way she does! Did she hate me?! Was I not supposed to save them?! Was I supposed to let them die so we can win?!"
The man continued to listen.
"I hate this! I hate feeling like this! I want to forget about all this! But I can't! I just can't! It won't leave me alone!" Her words became mixed with sobbing.
"Are you angry with anyone, Miho," the man asked in a whisper.
"No! I don't know! I…I'm just sad and angry."
"With who? Your mother? You sister?"
"Your classmates? The girls in the tank? Who?" The man's voice was firm to match Miho's emotion.
"I'm angry at myself!" she cried. "Because I didn't make the right call!"
At this, she immediately sat down. She covered her face as she sobbed. The man reached for a tissue box and handed some over to her.
"Because I did something that I wasn't supposed to do. But I couldn't…"
"So, here we are. Even after all the matches with the other schools, the university, the beginning your own way of doing Sensha-dō, and reconnecting, to some degree, with your sister, you still harbor these feelings of what happened."
Miho didn't say anything. She wiped her tears with the tissue, looked at him, and nodded. "I guess so."
"Then is it safe to assume that you still blame yourself for what happened to you and your family?"
Miho looked at him silently. She looked at the ground again. "Yes, I still do."
With eyes of sadness, the man put his hand on her shoulder. Miho stared into his eyes.
"Recognizing your faults, admitting to them and doing something about it. That's the easy part. The hard part is letting go."
Mental illness is a serious thing. There are many who keep things to themselves, to not burden their loved ones. However, it doesn't mean it is not seen. If you need to get something off your chest, talk to someone about it. Don't keep it to yourself. Anyways, that's my point of view. Hope you liked it.