TITLE: Nobody Tosses a Dwarf
AUTHOR: Honesty
RATING: PG (for one slightly ambiguous word...)
GENRE: Humour/Poetry
DISCLAIMER: Him blong Tolkien. Me get no money.
SUMMARY: An ancient Dwarvish law explained. In verse.
ARCHIVE: Ask first, please
FEEDBACK: well, I know it's undignified to beg...

A/N: Dedicated to one of the most OOC lines in PJ's LotR, and probably inspired by the old Discworld song about things you can't do to a hedgehog.

For those not in the know, the word 'Dwarrows' was the original plural of 'Dwarf'.
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Of all the commandments throughout Middle-earth,
There's one that is always obeyed:
Whatever the feelings of Valar or orcs,
The cost is too dear to be paid.

The origin's hidden in distant times past;
The reason is all but unknown,
But the meaning is clear to all that are here:
That Dwarrows are not to be thrown.

For the Dwarves are made up of the rocks of the earth,
Their bones are as heavy as lead.
If you hoisted one up and gave it a bounce -
Why! I'd think you weren't right in the head.

And if you should life him and fling him aloft,
Then don't be complacent, my dear,
For the Dwarves detest tossers, and those who transgress
Find their end is both painful and near.

But for those who must throw things, why, all is not lost:
Even Wargs can quite safely be whirled!
You can elevate Elves and send Edain aloft,
And Hobbits are frequently hurled.

But don't toss a Dwarf if you'd stay in one piece,
And respect both their weight and their worth.
You may catapult cave-trolls or nudge the Nazgul,
But NOBODY tosses a Dwarf.