So I was listening to the song Lost by Chance the Rapper, and this sort of came to me. I know, super random. It really has absolutely nothing to do with the song, it was just my jumping off point. This story turned out much differently than I'd initially planned, but alas, apparently everything I write turns to complete and total fluff. Still, it's ever so slightly more angsty than I usually write. But not too much so I think. Anyway, enjoy and review please!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter whatsoever. It's all J.K. Rowling's.
Let's Get Lost
Maybe they were both lonely.
Draco knew he certainly was. He was the sole returning Slytherin student for this so called eighth year. None of his friends had come back to Hogwarts with him. The only reason he'd returned was because his mother had insisted he complete his education. She wanted him to take advantage of the opportunity he'd been given. He should have gone to Azkaban, he knew that. But Potter had saved his arse during his trial. Yes, this was a second chance of sorts, a chance to start over, but constantly being alone was turning out to be tougher than he'd imagined. Even his own housemates wanted nothing to do with him.
He guessed Potter might be lonely too, since the hero's two best friends were now sucking face at every given opportunity. During their first few weeks of school, Draco had noticed Potter spending half of his time by himself and the other half with his friends. Even when the Golden Trio were together, Potter looked like his mind was elsewhere.
Maybe they were both confused.
Since the end of the war, Draco didn't feel like himself anymore. He didn't know what to do now that the hell from the previous few years was over. He had been on the wrong side; how could he recover from that and move on?
Potter, too, seemed like a different person now. The Savior appeared awkward and uncomfortable around everyone, as if he wasn't sure what to do with himself now that Voldemort was finished. Potter's whole life must have been leading up to the final battle, Draco realized. He found it consoling that he wasn't the only one feeling overwhelmed despite the fact that the fighting was done. It made him feel normal. He could understand if Potter needed to know someone felt similarly to him too.
Maybe they were both bored.
Draco's routine was mind numbing. Over the summer, he had been in misery doing the same pointless things day after day. Now, even after only a month of being back at school, everything seemed excruciatingly dull to him. He craved something new. Spending two hours in the dead of night sitting next to The Boy Who Lived Twice in complete silence was something different, he supposed.
Potter seemed uninterested in everything lately. Granted, Draco hadn't talked to him at all since their brief conversation at his trial. He couldn't know for sure if any of his assumptions about Potter were true. Still, Draco noticed him, as he always had in the past, and he liked to think his guesses about Potter's life were accurate. It was very possible that Potter needed a change of pace just as much as Draco did.
Whatever the reason might be, Potter obviously hadn't cared that Draco was already in the Room of Requirement when he'd arrived there two hours earlier. Draco, too, hadn't said a word when Potter came in and sat down on the opposite end of the couch from him.
It was oddly comforting having Potter next to him. He didn't feel so alone, despite nothing being said between them. He forgot all his worries and let his mind shut off as he sat in Potter's presence. This was the most unusual thing to happen to him since the end of the war, and he felt a sense of relief that something interesting was finally happening.
Yes, this was weird. But it was somehow okay.
Draco didn't want to be the first to leave, despite finally feeling drowsy for the first time in a long time. He knew if he went back to his dorm, he could fall straight asleep. Still, he stayed until Potter was ready to leave.
He jerked when a hand gently covered his own that was resting on the couch next to his thigh. His head snapped to his left, looking at Potter properly for the first time.
The first thing Draco thought was that Potter's eyes (even though they were partially hidden behind the round glasses he always wore) were very green. He was thrown off by the soft touch to his hand and the intense look he was receiving. He forgot to glare like he always should do when laying eyes on Potter. He should have arched a mocking eyebrow, or planted his patented nasty smirk on his face. For whatever reason, he did none of those things.
Potter opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it. He looked uncertain as he did that motion twice more. Draco waited patiently until Potter figured out what he wanted to say.
Draco's eyebrows shot up as Potter squeezed his hand once before letting go. Draco couldn't come up with a reply as the Gryffindor stood up, turned his back on Draco and left the room.
He didn't know what to think. He sat frozen in his seat for a while longer before deciding he should go back to his dorm and get some sleep.
The next night, Draco found himself sneaking out of his dorm once again to go to the Room of Requirement. He was only slightly surprised to find Potter already there, sitting in the same spot on the couch he had occupied the previous night. He looked up as Draco entered and took his own seat, but said nothing. If Draco wasn't so sure it was impossible, he would have said Potter had a small smile on his face.
They were silent again. Inside Draco's mind, however, his thoughts were running wild. All he could think about was that whispered, 'thanks,' from Potter the night before. He had no idea what it meant, and it was driving him mad wondering about it. Draco glanced down at his watch to find an hour had past. That entire time had been spent sitting with Potter, saying nothing.
Draco internally cursed himself for breaking the silence. Potter didn't seem to mind though. Draco remained facing forward, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw Potter turn his head in his direction. Potter's head was tilted to the side as he eyed Draco with a look of curiosity on his face.
Figuring he'd already broken their unspoken no talking rule, Draco decided to ask the question that was bothering him.
"What were you thanking me for last night?"
Potter pondered that question for quite a while. Draco couldn't take it anymore, he turned his head to meet Potter's gaze. He instantly regretted doing so when he found himself trapped, unable to look away if his life depended on it. Eventually, Potter replied.
"For not questioning me when I came in. For keeping me company without demanding anything from me. For coming back to Hogwarts this year. For making me see that, after everything I did and all that went on last year, it was worth it." He paused, before finishing feebly, "Just thanks for… everything."
Draco was shocked. He hadn't expected such a lengthy reply from Potter. Even more than that, the reply puzzled him. The first two statements did make sense. He supposed most people in this situation would take advantage of the fact that they were alone with the Chosen One. But Potter's last two reasons confused the hell out of him. He couldn't stop himself from asking for clarification.
"What does me coming back to school have to do with anything?" He couldn't control the bitter tone in his voice. "And of course all you did was worth it, Potter. Don't be stupid. How could it take me to make you see that?"
To Draco's surprise, Potter chuckled quietly at his almost harsh questioning. Draco wanted to snap at him that nothing about this was funny, but before he could, Potter answered.
"I didn't save you twice for you to fall off the face of the earth. I like knowing you're here to keep moving forward after the war."
Draco thought of a million things to say in response to that, but Potter didn't stop his explanations.
"And I'd say if you and I can stand to be around each other now, then I've accomplished what I'd hoped to after all those years of fighting. I wanted to put an end to Voldemort for the obvious reasons, but also because he was all about spreading hatred. I'd hoped that bringing him down would stop that hatred. I don't think any two people despised each other more than you and I did. So, being here with you, and not being at each other's throats, made me see that I succeeded. To me, that makes it worth it."
Once again, Draco was stunned by Potter's words. He supposed it made sense, yet still it was nothing he would have ever expected Potter to say to him, of all people. Or about him, of all people.
Draco tried to sound impassive as he said, "If you say so, Potter."
Again, Draco swore Potter was smiling. "I do."
Draco expected their conversation to end there, but it didn't.
"So," Potter started. "May I ask what brings you here at two in the morning?"
Draco snorted. "Probably the same reason you're here."
"Just need to get out of your head for a bit?"
He had never really thought of it that way before. "I suppose, yes."
Potter sighed dramatically and raked a hand through his disheveled hair, messing it up even more. "Yeah. It's been pretty rough lately, huh?"
Draco couldn't understand why Potter suddenly felt so comfortable talking to him. In fact, after all his observations of Potter, this was the most comfortable he'd seen him be around anyone so far this year. No matter how easily Potter was able to talk to him, Draco was still hesitant to give too much of himself away.
"I suppose," Draco repeated.
"Relax," Potter said with a quirky half smile playing at his lips. "While we're here, let's just… let's get lost."
Draco felt his eyebrow arch involuntarily. "Let's get lost? And what does that mean?"
Potter shrugged. "You know… let's just forget everything. Leave our lives behind for a while and exist only in this room. Let's not be Potter and Malfoy anymore." He shot Draco a grin as he said, "Let's be Harry and Draco."
"I don't think I can do that last part, Potter." He said it mostly to sound like the same old Draco Malfoy that Potter had always known, the snarky, rude Slytherin he was used to.
Draco felt like he was rapidly losing control of this situation, though. He still wasn't completely at ease around Potter, but that was changing fast, he realized. He couldn't deny that he liked Potter's idea. This could be a safe space for him now, a place to escape from reality for a little while. And Potter's company wasn't terrible. He might even be good company, as hard as that was for Draco to think.
"We'll have to work on the name thing later then." Potter's grin never left his face.
"Good luck with that one," Draco scoffed, mostly to keep up appearances. "But guess I get what you mean. I could use to get a little lost, as you put it."
"Yes, I think so too." Suddenly, Potter reached out and placed his hand on Draco's shoulder. "Goodnight, Draco." He squeezed his shoulder once before standing up and leaving the room.
It was so abrupt and it left Draco gaping after him. It took him some time to collect himself before deciding that he, too, should go to bed.
The following night, Draco arrived at the room first. He wondered if Potter would show up again, although based on their last conversation, he probably would. He felt waves of anxiety as he waited by himself for about ten minutes. Then the door opened.
The second Potter sat down, he said, "Hey, Draco."
It sounded so casual, as if he'd said that same greeting every day for years. It threw Draco off. All he could mutter in reply was, "Potter."
Potter rolled his eyes. "Guess I'm going to have to keep working towards getting you to call me Harry."
"I'm not sure you'll ever succeed there," Draco said through his usual smirk.
"Doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying." Potter shot him a wide grin that, for whatever reason, made Draco's heart stop for a second.
Draco felt like it was up to him to continue the conversation now that they had started talking. He found himself asking, "Why the sudden desire to get along and use each other's given names?"
Potter shrugged. "Like I said last night, I want to stop the unnecessary hatred. And what better way to do that than by being friends with Draco Malfoy?"
Draco shot him a glare. "We are not friends, Potter."
"I'll have to work on that too, then," Potter said between laughter. "Tell me, why does the idea bother you so much?"
He considered that question for a while before answering. "Because that's not how things are supposed to be between us. We're not supposed to get along."
"Says who?" Potter asked.
"I don't know. That's just the way it is."
"I disagree," Potter said simply.
"That doesn't surprise me," Draco grumbled.
"No, really. Hear me out."
Potter turned sideways to face Draco. He scooched a little closer to him before lifting his leg onto the couch, keeping it bent at the knee so his foot was dangling off the seat. He draped his arm across the backrest so that his hand was just inches away from touching Draco. He looked so comfortable. Meanwhile, Draco sat stiffly with his spine straight. Potter went on talking.
"Who said we have to hate each other? No one. Sure, you and I sort of decided that when we met on the train in first year, but that means we are the ones who can change it now. If you can honestly say you liked how things were before all the shit that went down last year, then I'll drop it. But I doubt you can. Things are different now, for the better. So why not try something new, like perhaps not hating me?"
Draco couldn't help glancing back and forth between Potter's hand, which was resting just next to his shoulder, and his vivid green eyes as he listened to the words spoken in Potter's smooth, deep voice. He gulped and licked his lips before his thoughts left his mouth without his permission.
"I don't hate you, Potter." He cleared his throat. "I'm just not used to change. I am glad things are different now, for the better. But I miss the familiar. Everything was a certain way my entire life, I was going down a certain path. Now, everything is up in the air. Obviously, I'm glad to no longer be a part of something so horrible, like I was. I just wish I knew what was coming next."
He was mortified upon confessing all of that, especially to Potter. But Potter made it so easy to talk openly with him. Potter made it so easy to trust him. Draco genuinely felt at ease with him now after only three nights spent together.
"Well," Potter eventually said, "I can see how you'd feel that way. I can't say I understand completely, since my life has been constant change. But for you, that makes sense. I think you'll adapt though. You're strong, so I know you'll figure it out."
Draco scoffed. "I'm strong? You're mocking me, aren't you?"
"Not at all," Potter said. Draco picked up on the sincerity in his voice. "You've made it this far, and through a lot more shit than most people have dealt with. You will be okay."
Hearing those few, basic words reassured Draco more than he would have expected it to. He'd known he was concerned about his future, but he hadn't realized the full extent of his fears until this conversation. He was actually glad they were talking about this. There was something about Potter that made him feel a million times better about everything going on in his life.
"Yes, well, I hope so."
"You will be," Potter replied firmly. Then he smiled and nudged Draco's shoulder with the hand that was still resting next to him. "Lighten up, will you?"
Draco was surprised when a short, sharp laugh escaped him. He appreciated everything Potter was saying, but this depressing topic was getting to be a bit too much. They did need to lighten up.
Over the next two hours they alternated between sitting and silence and chatting about nonsensical things. Draco felt more content than he had in months. This time, just before leaving, Potter rested his hand on Draco's knee and squeezed once before standing up and parting with a, "Goodnight, Draco."
"Your move, Potter."
"Harry," Potter replied, correcting Draco as he always did.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Like I said, your move, Potter."
"I wish you'd cut that crap already," Potter grumbled. "We've spent every night for weeks in each other's company, and there have been no casualties. I say we're friends."
"Say it all you want, that doesn't make it true." Draco smirked, but not in the mean way he always had in the past. This smirk was more playful, letting Potter know he was mostly being argumentative to annoy him. He'd been using this new smirk far more often lately. "Now make your move."
"Fine," Potter sighed. "Bishop to D5."
The piece moved as Potter directed it. Draco sniggered upon hearing where the bishop was going to land.
"You can't honestly be this bad at wizard's chess. You better not be letting me win." Draco paused before commanding, "Queen to D5." His queen did as he said and smashed Potter's helpless bishop into pieces. "Checkmate."
Potter groaned. "I wouldn't let you win, I've just never been very good at this game."
"Clearly. But we've played a number of times over the past few weeks, you would think you'd improve at least a little."
"Shut up," Potter said, but not harshly. "Just be happy you won."
"I'm very happy, thank you," he replied smugly. Potter snorted.
Potter stood up from his spot on the floor facing the coffee table. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. Draco checked his watch and saw that it was almost three thirty. This was usually about the time they parted ways. Over the past month, Draco had found this was his least favorite part of the night.
Much to his surprise, Potter didn't say goodbye and leave. Instead, he let himself fall backwards to flop down on the center of the couch behind him. He spread his arms, draping them across the backrest, and leaned his head back with his eyes closed. He looked peaceful. Draco couldn't keep his eyes off him.
"You don't have to keep sitting on the floor, you know." Potter said after a while as he lifted his head up and opened his eyes again, his quirky smile set on his face.
"Seeing as you're taking up the entire couch, apparently I do," Draco replied.
Potter rolled his eyes and patted the empty seat directly to his right. "There's plenty of room here."
Draco felt his face heat up at the thought of sitting so close to Potter, but he didn't know why. He didn't want to show that he felt weird about it, though. So, he stood up, walked around the coffee table, and sat down next to Potter on the couch. Since Potter didn't move his arm from where it was resting on the backrest, Draco kept his upper body leaning forward slightly to prevent himself from touching Potter.
"No need to look so uncomfortable, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise," Potter said through his smile. "Relax a little, would you?"
"I'm fine." Despite his words, Draco let go of some of the tension in his shoulders as he leaned back. When he felt Potter's warm arm against the back of his neck, he subconsciously sighed, feeling calm and comfortable.
"No, now you're fine," Potter said nudging Draco's neck with his arm. Draco turned his head to glare at Potter, but his expression softened when he saw that Potter was already gazing at him. After what felt like an eternity, he attempted to look away, but he failed. It was impossible. He gave up and let himself watch Potter's face as the Gryffindor seemed to struggle with what to say next.
Potter eventually continued, his voice low but clear. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Draco."
Draco knew his face must be flushed, and he couldn't do a thing about it. "Why do you say that?"
"Because," Potter answered without hesitation, "these nights with you make the days bearable."
Draco couldn't help feeling pleased by that comment, maybe because he felt the same way. There was something about these nights, something about Potter in general, that was keeping Draco sane lately. Not that he'd ever admit any of that.
"Well, I suppose I am quite awesome," he replied, but it didn't sound as cocky as he wanted it to, since he was still distracted by Potter's mesmerizing eyes.
"You are," Potter agreed. "And humble, too."
Draco heard himself laugh. It was something he rarely did these days, but for some reason he found himself doing it more and more around Potter. "You're the one feeding my ego."
"That wasn't my intention. I was just being honest."
Draco knew he truly was being honest. So, without thinking about it, he did the same. "Well then, honestly, I get what you mean."
Potter's eyebrows rose, "You get what I mean about…?"
"About this." Draco swallowed hard. He repeated the statement Potter had just made, saying out loud what just a second ago he swore to himself he would never admit. "These nights with you make the days bearable."
He felt Potter's arm drop down from the backrest so that it was now wrapped tightly around his shoulders. Draco's eyes widened as he comprehended what was about to happen. Potter's face moved closer to his, so slowly that Draco could have stopped him if he wanted to. But he didn't stop him. He let Potter press their lips together.
Potter's lips were warm and soft as he kissed Draco tenderly. Draco's eyes remained wide open in disbelief. Even though he had been given a fair amount of warning for this, he wasn't quite sure what to think about being kissed by Harry Potter. But as Potter kept their lips together for longer than a simple peck, Draco gave in and let his eyes fall shut, soaking in the moment. It was sweet and chaste, and it felt right. At the same time, it filled Draco's mind with a plethora of questions he needed answered. So, after only a minute, he pulled away.
"What was that?" he had to ask, his voice shaking.
Potter frowned, his face still very close to Draco's. "That was a kiss."
"I know that. I mean why did you kiss me?" He searched those striking green eyes, trying to find explanations for Potter's actions.
"Because I wanted to." Potter shrugged.
It was such a simple reason. Potter had wanted to kiss him, so he did. Draco would never dream of doing something like that.
"But why did you want to?" Draco wasn't sure what answer he was hoping to hear.
"Because I like you, Draco." He didn't sound at all bashful at his pronouncement. Only Potter could get away with making such a declaration in such a way.
Draco thought about it. He thought about Potter. He thought about their time together over the past month or so. He thought about all the inexplicable feelings he'd been experiencing in that time. He thought about why he hadn't tried to stop Potter from kissing him just now. He thought about the kiss itself. He thought about Harry. Draco now knew he wanted to kiss him too.
So he did.
He grabbed Potter's face between his hands and pulled him in for another kiss. This one was more demanding. Potter's tongue slid smoothly along his bottom lip, and Draco parted his lips to let him in, deepening the kiss. Potter pulled him close with the arm still wrapped around his shoulders, while his other hand rested lightly on Draco's thigh.
With this kiss, Draco wanted to show Potter all he was thinking and feeling, since he always struggled to express himself verbally. He swore he could feel strong emotions coming to him from Potter as well. It was intense and incredible.
"Harry…" Draco sighed when they separated for air.
Out of nowhere, Potter threw his head back and laughed freely. Draco couldn't figure out why.
"What is so damn funny?" Draco growled. "It isn't exactly flattering to be laughed at by the person I was just snogging a second ago."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you," Potter said as he started to calm down. "It has nothing to do with the snogging, I swear." He paused. He had ceased his hysterical laughter, but he couldn't keep a silly little smile off his face. "You just… you called me Harry."
Draco's body went rigid. Then he scoffed and denied it. "I most certainly did not."
"You so did." He chuckled a bit more. "If I had known all it would take was a good snog to get you to say my name, I would've done that ages ago."
"Shut up," Draco growled.
"Never. I'll never let you forget this moment."
"Whatever, I give up. You win." Draco rolled his eyes at Potter's beaming face, accepting that calling him Harry really wouldn't be so awful. "Would you just kiss me again already?"
"Gladly, Draco." And he did just as Draco requested.
Draco was exhausted the next day. He and Harry had stayed together until well after five in the morning, later than they ever had before. After talking some more, and snogging whole a lot more, they had nearly fallen asleep on the couch in the Room of Requirement. Eventually, Harry had insisted they go back to their dorms. As tired as he was now, Draco's head was clear and he realized he felt genuinely happy for the first time in months.
He sat alone at the very end of the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, like he always did during meals. He ate his usual breakfast with his head down, ignoring everyone around him. He vaguely registered when the normal chattering of students suddenly died out and the hall became deathly silent. Still, he didn't look up to see what had caused it.
"Mind if I sit here?" a familiar voice spoke from in front of him.
Draco warily lifted his head to find the bright green eyes he was only used to seeing at nighttime staring down at him. Harry had one eyebrow quirked and a wide grin on his face. He was gesturing to the open seat in front of Draco.
It took Draco a minute to find his voice. "What the fuck are you doing here, Harry?" he hissed under his breath.
If it was possible, Harry's grin grew even wider. "Glad to hear I'm still Harry to you. I'll take that as a yes then?"
He didn't wait for Draco to reply. He plopped himself down at the Slytherin table, as if this wasn't anything unusual. He reached across the table to snatch a piece of bacon off Draco's plate. Draco could only gawk at him, incapable of forming any sort of response.
After eating the bacon he'd stolen, Harry continued. "Ron and Hermione have been fighting all morning, I couldn't take it anymore."
Draco shook his head in confusion. It took some time for his mind to grasp that Harry really was sitting across from him, and this wasn't a dream or his imagination. Once he regained the ability to speak, he said, "So you just decided you'd come and sit with the snakes instead of with your own housemates?"
"Well, I decided to come sit with you specifically. I really couldn't care less about the rest of your house, no offense."
"None taken." Draco wasn't exactly close with any of the other Slytherins anyway. "May I ask why, exactly, you'd prefer to sit with me over your friends this morning?"
"I figured if spending the nights with you makes the days bearable, then spending the days with you too would make them amazing," Potter replied as if that should have been obvious to Draco.
Draco knew is cheeks must be flushed red. "Oh." He didn't know what else to say.
"Yes." Harry nodded slowly. "We agreed we'd get lost, which I know I've been doing every night. And it's great. But I want to get lost a lot more, not just during the nights. I want to get lost all the time, with you."
Draco rolled his eyes, despite being secretly pleased by Harry's references to their earlier conversations. "You're so lame, Harry."
"I'll happily continue being lame if it'll keep you calling me by my first name." Harry leaned in and added in a hushed tone, "You know you love it anyway."
There was no way Draco would admit it, but he knew that statement was true. He felt elated at what Harry was doing. He replied, poised as ever, "Think what you want, but it's time for us to go to Potions."
Harry frowned and looked down at his watch. "We've got another twenty minutes. You're not trying to get away from me so soon I hope."
"I like to get to class early." Draco said simply, although he was thinking about something completely unrelated to arriving at Potions class before everyone else. "You may accompany me if you'd like."
Harry's frown turned into a smirk. Draco had never seen that expression on his face before. He assumed Harry had picked it up from spending so much time with him. "If you insist."
They stood up. It was only then that Draco looked around and noticed he and Harry were being watched by just about every person in the room. He ignored them and followed Harry out of the hall.
As they made their way down to the dungeons, Harry said, "I don't know what you expect to do, sitting in an empty classroom for twenty minutes."
"Oh, I have no intentions of doing that."
"What do you—" Harry stopped mid-sentence when Draco pushed him into the first empty room they came across. "What are you doing?"
Draco said nothing. He closed the door behind him before turning around to face Harry. Then, he practically pounced on him. Their lips met and Harry's arms were around him in seconds. Draco sighed and let himself melt into the embrace.
Harry pulled back after just a minute and beamed. "Oh, so that's what you're doing."
"Yes, I'm glad you've caught on." Draco rolled his eyes. "That was some stunt you just pulled in the Great Hall, by the way. I hope you know you're bloody insane."
"I beg to differ." Harry pressed their lips together briefly before pulling back again. He snickered at the disappointed pout on Draco's face. "I like to think I'm bloody brilliant. My stunt, as you put it, did earn me this, after all. I'd say you're more than worth making a total arse of myself in front of everyone at breakfast."
Again, Draco rolled his eyes. And again, Draco knew he was blushing. "Oh, shut up, will you? You're beyond lame."
"Like I said before, I'll keep being lame if this is what I get in return."
Draco wanted to reply with some sort of snarky, sarcastic comment, but before he could, Harry shut him up with another kiss. Draco knew this was a better alternative than anything he could have said, so he kissed him back.
He hoped he would continue seeing Harry during the nights, but he supposed he could live with seeing him during the days too. As a matter of fact, he was damn thrilled about this new arrangement.
I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think, please and thank you!