A/N: I should be studying, but this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. Whoops.
Kind of crack-ish, so don't expect anything too serious at this point in time. XD Chapters will be kinda short too. (maybe someday I'll do a proper crossover fic, but now? nahh)
Cross-posted on AO3. Unbeta'ed.
Disclaimer (only gonna do this once): Both Naruto and BNHA are not mine. :)
He wasn't sure what happened.
One moment, Hatake Kakashi was relishing his retirement period and on the way to visit Gai. The next thing he knew, he was standing in the middle of a pentagon drawn in blood, next to a corpse, in an unknown setting, with extinguished candles around him.
What, he thought. "Kai." The scene remained. "Kai!" Still no change. So it wasn't just a bad joke? He was actually, truly, summoned?
He didn't even know he was summonable.
He edged out of the crudely drawn pentagon, a kunai in hand. He nudged the body with a boot, confirming the death of the unknown person. Before he could do anything else, the door swung open. Instantly, he was on the ceiling, a genjutsu casted to hide his presence.
The person was wearing a black cloak, much like the one the deceased person was wearing. Upon seeing the corpse, he wailed and threw himself next to the body, wailing. More black-cloaked people streamed in, equally gasping in horror and crying at the sight of their deceased... Leader?
The thing was, he didn't really know.
He could discern that they were probably a cult that summoned him. Yet, their chakra were markedly different. They still had chakra, but it was subdued and faint, barely noticeable. Konoha's own untrained civilians had more chakra than them.
Secondly, he sensed no chakra in the room, not even in the blood etched on the floor. How did they manage to summon him then? He didn't want to acknowledge that he was actually, literally, summonable (what a pain it was to consider), but that was the most likely explanation.
Thirdly, when they started speaking, it was in a rapid-fire language that sounded familiar, yet not quite. He could still tell what they were saying, but it was with some difficulty. Some of the vocabulary and sentence structure they used were foreign and... unorthodox. As in, he had never heard them before in his life. Ever.
Kakashi was bemused. Where exactly had he been transported to? There were seven of them, all of varying age. Some had odd features, like a fish-head-man or a person with wood-like textured skin, which made him wonder if they were experiments of a sorts. Maybe they were the last of Orochimaru's experiments, and they found his DNA and summoned him through - unknown means?
He casted that thought to the back of his mind and focused on their conversation, attempting to make sense of his predicament before planning his next move.
"…no, leader! What will we do n…"
"…did not work... Takeshi-san died in vain..."
"...No! Supposed to summon a strong fighter to serve us! With powers unimagina..."
"... a hoax, I told you..."
Ah, so he was right. He was supposedly summoned by them. It seems they were unaware of his presence though. Quite foolish, he thought, to be unaware of the abilities of their, well, summon.
Nonetheless, he was not complaining. Kakashi did not want to be a tool for anyone, especially not for a group this dumb.
"...who'll lead the league now? We need a new leader! I..."
Suddenly, fish-head-man's fishy eyes swivelled to a spot on the ceiling, near where he was cloaked.
"Wait. I think I sense someone." They stilled. Dog-nose-minion started sniffing the air.
Kakashi tensed, then relaxed. Analysing their physique, he knew that he could probably take them on blind-folded even they tried to attack him all at once.
Time for some fun, then.
Without warning, he flung three kunais down. They were barely an inch away from three members' foot, blades buried deep into the wood all the way to the hilt. Simultaneously, he released the genjutsu, dropping to the ground in a crouch. "Yo," he said, flipping his kunai nonchalantly, "can someone tell me," he paused as his killer intent spiked, "where I am?"
It was nice to know that he could still incite fear. His students no longer screamed whenever he tried anything. He kind of missed it, honestly.
The next thing that surprised him was the fireball that came flying to his face. (Ahh, memories.) Followed by some green whips sent by tree-girl, and then the assortment of knives, shoes and a candle.
In less than ten seconds, he had knocked out the fireball-sender, (What? It wasn't chakra, he didn't use chakra, how is that possible?), the tree-girl (What? Was she Zetsu's love child? Is that even possible? Did Zetsus even had sex? He didn't want to know. Truly, just - no.), and virtually everyone except one lone member staring at him, trembling. Poor child.
With a kunai to their neck, he drawled, "so?"
They promptly burst into tears. "I'll tell you! I'll tell you everything, please don't kill me!"
And so Hatake Kakashi, elite jounin, ex-ANBU captain, ex-hokage, ex-leader of Team 7, Boss of the Henohenomoheji Hatake Pack, honorary uncle to some brats, and proud sensei to three cute, not-so-little, no-longer-genin students (said brats' parents) found out about this universe.
The quirk-filled, heroes-villains universe with no chakra-wielders.
And there was no way back.
"What do you mean there's no way back?" Kakashi pressed the knife a little harder to their throat.
The poor person gave a low sob. "We did some research, Takeshi and I, before trying to summon you. See, Takeshi can look into different universes! He can also summon small creatures and things from them, that's what make him cool and the irrefutable leader of — "
"Cut to the chase."
"A-anyway, we did some research before we summoned you, a-a-and apparently he, uh, randomly chanced upon your universe-stream, but he said nothing other than the great power your universe people wield, and, and, how this can be the thing to make us great, to finally make our name as renowned vill — "
The pressure on their neck increased minutely.
"Wait, wait! Sorry, I'll make it fast." They cleared their throat nervously. "Only he knows the exact universe you're from, because there's so many similar ones — alternate universes count too, you know? I think he pulled you out randomly from one of the many, erm, alternate universes from the Shinobi universe-stream. The wielder knows best so he might be able to send you back, but he's de-dead now and c-c-can't."
There was a beat. This, this was a new low for Dumb Villain Plans he had ever had the misfortune to witness. Usually, they would be in his favour, but not this time. "Why didn't he just sacrifice another body and remain alive? Why couldn't he have just remained alive?" — so that I could have forced him to send me back. Huh, maybe that was why. Oh, that would be smarter than expected.
Kakashi hated this Takahashi already, first for summoning him (like a dog!), then throwing him into an entirely new foreign world without a way back, and finally dying on him so he could not even glean satisfaction from maiming him or forcing the man to send him back.
"I-I-I don't know! He didn't share much details besides needing a sacrifice, an exchange, and, and, he said it'll be worth it, but we didn't expect..." They gave another low sob, followed by a ghastly Gai-like wail. "Nothing is worth your life, Takeshi!"
Okay, that's it. He always said to expect the unexpected, but this was too much. Who would ever expect this? Naruto-craziness and the insane level of craziness that generally followed Naruto had never sufficiently prepared him for this. It must be his innate bad luck. He knew it - he knew it.
Quickly, he knocked the person out, tied everyone up, and hastily left the room of Crazy. (Maybe it was contagious.)
It was apparently a refurbished dilapidated shed he was in, with the exterior looking old and rotten, unlike its relatively nice interior (minus the blood stains that was, for once, so not his fault.)
The shed was in the middle of a forest (just his luck). He followed the small, well-worn road from the shed until he chanced upon a small village, well-hidden among the trees. He almost laughed. You could say it was a konohagakure no sato, but it's not his Konohagakure no Sato.
He walked into one of the stores and was given the stink-eye by the bored-looking cashier. Upon telling them he caught a bunch of villains in the nearby shed, her look changed to one of awe before she quickly dialled for the police. Her grandmother shuffled out from the storeroom behind and gave him a beady-eyed look. Leaning heavily on her walking stick, she eyed his attire suspiciously. "You a hero, old man?"
He hummed. "Something like that." Internally, he choked - old man? he was only in his 40s, his hair was silver, damnit, and who was this old lady to call him an old man?
She snorted, scratching the wart on the nose. "You speak funny."
Kakashi looked distinctively uncomfortable as the old lady cackled.
When the police arrived, he gave a heavily modified recount of the attack, watching with some (read: massive) satisfaction as they were lead away.
"A devil, there was a devil with glowing hands…" fish-man was rambling to the bored-looking policeman, barely struggling as he was led to the car.
Kakashi caught his eye in passing, and raised his hand in greeting. "Yo."
He screamed. "Devil! Demon! that's what I was referring to! We have created a demon, what have we done!" The policeman merely sighed as he stuffed the struggling amateur villain into the car.
"What was that about?" the policewoman recording his recount asked.
He shrugged faux-innocently, hiding his face behind his beloved Icha-Icha. At least he had two copies with him. "No idea."
Ahh, he hadn't had this much fun since his students were genins.
As a sign of gratitude for vanquishing the pesky villains, the villagers offered a reward. "Maa, if that's the case… Can I have a place to stay, or maybe a job? I don't have anywhere to go," he said sheepishly.
A generous, bubbly elderly couple that reminded him of Minato-sensei and Kushina-nee-san offered both. "We live nearby, in a farm. You can stay with us and help us for as long as you like," Mr Fujioka, the elderly man, said warmly.
He felt a lump at his throat. He was absolutely sure Naruto's parents would have been like them, had they actually lived on. There was a dull ache in his chest from thinking of what could never be. "Thank you," he said roughly.
Wrinkled, calloused hands wrapped around his equally calloused ones. "No, thank you."
End of Chapter 1.
Hope you like it! Comments greatly appreciated. Please point out any errors or blatant OOCs!
Are you keen on seeing this continued? :P