I'm not entirely sure why I decided to write this, but enjoy it anyway.


There were many ways Jerome hated to wake up. He hated being forced awake by sudden claps of thunder. He did not enjoy lying awake next to snorers, and not just because waking them up might lead to an argument, which he avoided whenever possible. And being awoken by the loud ring of the telephone was not high on Jerome's list of good ways to start the day.

"Hello?" he said, hoping he sounded fully awake. "You've reached Jerome Squal…"

"Jerome!" The voice on the other end belonged to Esmé, the woman Jerome had spent the evening with the day before. "It's good you picked up. I need to tell you something that I think you'll like."

"What is it, Esmé?"

Esmé wasted no time launching back into the conversation. "I heard from a reliable source that husbands are very in. By very in, I of course mean extremely in. They'd be flying off the shelves if they were sold in stores!"

Jerome was very glad had explained all of this to him previously. "Thank you for informing me, Esmé, but I'm more attracted to women."

Esmé made an exasperated sound. "I was referring to a husband for myself, Jerome. And who better to be my husband than you?"

"Esmé, I'm not sure we really…"

"Would you prefer not to be my husband, then?" Esmé cut Jerome off. "I thought we would be a suitable match."

"Well, I don't like to argue." said Jerome.

"There's no need to argue. I'll be over to discuss wedding preparations immediately."

"When is immediately?"

When Esmé didn't answer, Jerome heard a click and knew she had hung up. The next thing he knew, the doorbell was ringing.

Jerome hoped Esmé wouldn't mind if he got dressed first. He might have had little choice but to accept Esmé's proposal, but he didn't have to let her see him in his pajamas.

He had the feeling he wouldn't have control over much else after he married her.


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