Shattered

Disclaimer: I don't own evangelion, just the DVDs and manga. I don't intend to make any money out of this, and I'm very poor so don't sue me!... Ok that's not true. I'm not poor but I sure as hell can't afford a lawyer.

Author's notes: Hello all. If any dedicated readers remain they must wonder why it took 10 years for me to pick up this piece of fanfiction and start writing it again. To be honest, creativity abandoned me for quite a while as personal matters took up all of my time and energy. Soon life takes over, and as it does, old projects and hobbies are forgotten. Until recently.

I came across the Evangelion manga on my bookshelf and I realized that I was missing the last two volumes. Remembering how completely consumed I was by the series, manga and anything connected to Evangelion my interest was roused once again. I decided to watch End of Evangelion and truth be told I cried my eyes out. Something about this series hits me in my very core. Now, older and a little wiser I find I have a new understanding of this tragedy and its' characters. Remembering the manga's slightly divergent and a little more hopeful story I looked on the internet and found that by now it had been completed. Quickly I bought the last two issues and started reading again. Though definately a different perspective, some things still still bothered me about this story, and once again I bawled like a baby reading the last volumes.

It made me remember the world of fanfiction. That slice of the Evangelion community that could make you escape some of the creator's darkest deeds. I found my old account on this site, read through some of the stories and, though I found them flawed in many ways, I was still somewhat impressed with myself. Sadly I left this story unfinished many years ago, and upon reading through it again I can understand why. Therefore, if there is anyone left that has read what I have written down until now, you will see major changes to the original path I was going to take. Although I hope I don't push any of the old readers away I feel the changes will be for the better.

What I intend to do with this rewriting is to better capture the universe in which Evangelion operates than I did originally, as well as provide a more hopeful message. One thing that makes my heart ache whenever I view or read this series is the dire outcome for many of the characters. Although this will be by no means a happy-go-lucky retelling of Evangelion, I intend to show some mercy to some of its' worlds occupants. I have been, and always will be, an avid Rei and Shinji fan. I find these two characters by far to be the most intruiging, tragic, and wronged in so many ways. Although the original storytelling is brilliant I cannot live with the idea that there is no alternative to them and others in this world than is given to them. Thankfully we have fanfiction. The creators of Evangelion themselves have reinvented this story many times by now, and I see no reason not to reinvent it a little bit myself. I love this series and its' characters and I hope to do it and them some justice.

If anyone is interested in pre-reading this and help me smooth out any errors and give me some pointers on what (not) to do and where to improve that would be greatly appreciated.

*I have made small edits to this chapter to hopefully better capture Gendo's persona based on some of the points made in Seeking Professional Help's review. Thank you for your honest opinion! Most of this does not dramatically alter this chapter, but there is a significant change within Rei's memory of Gendo during the Angel's mindrape.

"Onemississipi"

– denotes speech

Twomississipi

– denotes thoughts

"Threemississipi"

– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.

Part I: This broken heart of mine

"Repeat: level one battle stations! Pilots for evangelion units-00 and 02 proceed to emergency positions immediately! Pilot for unit-01 proceed to cage no.3 and stand by!"

Shinji and Kaworu stood in one of the NERV hallways as the message blared out of the speakers overhead. "Why must you stand by?" Kaworu asked his future colleague. Shinji turned away from the boy, eyes on the floor. "I don't know… I'd like to ask them myself."

"Hey…" Kaworu said, a strange smile on his face as he did. "…it would be dangerous to leave now, would it not?" Shinji sighed, there was no getting away from the strange boy now. "Yeah, yeah… but you better stick with me okay?... Come on."

Asuka was standing by for launch, seated in her entry plug, the chatter of the bridge bunnies seeping through the communication system. "Eva unit-02's signal is nominal. VA links nominal. Fusion nominal. Start-up is proceeding."

"Why does a weapon need a heart…? It'll only get in the way. You're my puppet, so just do as I tell you. I don't care what you feel – just don't defy my orders." Asuka whispered to unit-02, remembering her first encounter with the Fifth Child.

"Asuka…? Are you okay?" Misato asked, overhearing the red-haired girl's words. The redhead responded in anger. "LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M JUST FINE!" Misato left the girl to her thoughts, her eyes widening at the girl's barbed response. Trying to talk to her might only infuriate her more, she reasoned as she looked at the overhead projection displaying the angel in orbit.

Shigeru spoke up. "No sign of re-entry."

"Orbital altitude is stable." Makoto followed up.

"Is it waiting for the right moment to descend?" Misato muttered, more to herself than anyone else. "…No… It's going to strike us from up there." She turned towards Maya and Ritsuko by a console over to her right. "How's Rei?"

The short-haired tech looked up from her console, "Rei… Unit-00… both okay, Major."

"Very well… Rei! Launch! Prepare for ultra-long range fire!" Misato said, returning her view to the screen, the Angel still unmoving. "Unit-02!" She continued. "Prepare to launch as backup!"

Asuka's eyes widened. "BACKUP?! ME? For UNIT-00?!..."

"You heard me." Misato retorted.

"I don't BELIEVE this! EVA UNIT-02 LAUNCH!" Asuka yelled for everyone to hear. Immediately she could feel the downward thrust as her Eva shot to the surface. She didn't respond to Ritsuko calling out her name as the Eva catapulted away.

"Fine. Let her go first." Misato said, arms crossed.

"Major Katsuragi!" The Commander's voice boomed from up high. "The Eva's are not toys to be used by petulant children. Get the pilot of Unit-02 in line or abort the launch and ready unit-02 to be reassigned!"

"Y-Yes sir! Asuka you will remain as backup for Unit-02 or your pilot status will be relinquished! Do you understand?" Come on Asuka this is your last chance! Don't let your ego get in the way...

The Eva shook as Asuka was pushed into her seat from the G-force as she shot up towards the surface. She was seething with anger as the message from the commander came across. Asuka spoke through her teeth, "Yes sir!".

A moment later Shinji ran into the operations room with Kaworu, a mix of anger and confusion written all over the boy's face, "Misato! Why am I on standby? I'm the only one not in the fight…"

"Orders Shinji… from on high."

Shinji stiffened as he heard his father speak behind him. "That's correct. Get to your post!"

By now Asuka had reached the surface and was met by an intense downpour. It's put up or shut up. If I fail here, they'll take away unit-02. She thought to herself as she brought up her positron rifle, aiming for the angel. That kid… I know why they brought him here… to replace me. She thought, the image of they red-eyed, grey-haired boy flashing before her eyes. No mistakes. Just follow orders, got it Asuka? Don't get into trouble over nothing now. She inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly to get her breathing and anger under control.

As the targeting reticles slowly moved in to lock onto the Angel, Shigeru reported. "Major. The target is still beyond firing range." Misato's eyes narrowed. "Asuka, hold fire and cover Rei." She turned towards the tech once more. "Unit-00?"

"A few more seconds. The concentrator has started to run! Chamber pressure at maximum. Correcting for earth's rotation... it's ready to fire Major!"

"Rei! Ready to fire!"

"Preparing to-..." Before the pale girl could finish the Angel centered in her sights blinked with a flash of light. A bright beam of blinding light was projected at her, bursting through the clouds. In the command room everyone was locked in place, watching in awe at the view screen before them as alarms blared.

"Rei!"Misato yelled. She turned towards Shigeru. "What is it?!"

The tech's face contorted in confusion as he interpreted the readings on his console, "I don't know! No heat or kinetic reading on the beam!"

"Psychograph erratic!" Maya dropped in frantically. "Contamination in the signal! Her mind… it's under attack!The Angel! It's a mental probe?!"

Unit-00 slowly slumped forward on the visual as Shinji looked on in terror at the unfolding situation, muttering the name of the pilot under assault, "Ayanami…" The grey-haired boy spoke up before Shinji could say anything else, still that strange grin on his face. "Well. Things are getting interesting." Shinji's head whipped around, his eyes meeting Kaworu's. He immediately grabbed the boy by the collar just about ready to hit him in the face. "INTERESTING?!"

"QUIET! THAT'S AN ORDER!"

The unrelenting pressure nearly drove her mad. Feeling as if she had swum too deep Rei's eardrums felt like they were about to burst. Gritting her teeth she raised her rifle and centered the Angel in her sights, the targeting computer still standing by for the shot. A bright beam emanated from her rifle and pushed through the clouds as she squeezed the trigger. It connected with the Angel's AT field but simply split and bounced off. More chatter cut throught the command channel in response.

"No effect! The AT field is too strong to be penetrated at this range!"

"The concentrator is recharging but we have no more available power at our disposal... This is all we've got to throw at it!"

"What the hell is that beam?!"

"It's… it's registering like an AT field… but it's energy is concentrated in the visible range!"

"How's Rei?!"

"Bad! Mental contamination now into Y-mode!"

For a moment Rei fell into bliss as the pressure fell away. It was short-lived. A second later she let out a blood-curdling shriek that pierced the command channel. Her hands released the controls as she quickly attempted to shield her eyes from the blinding light, Unit-00 mimicking her movements as the rifle fell unceremoniously from the building it was positioned on. It was no use. The light imprinted on her psyche as the Angel probed her thoughts and memories. Images started pouring into her mind and a sharp pain, like a thin blade, slipped deeper and deeper into her thoughts. She whimpered under the unrelenting attention.

The Angel whispered unintelligibly as it crept into her mind. She was suffocating. The angry face of someone she vaguely recognized, someone reminiscent of doctor Akagi, filled her vision. The excruciating pain as the woman's fingers wrapped around her neck, her thumbs crushing her larynx, was only surpassed by the absolute terror she experienced in that moment. Just before she blacked out she heard her speak. "We have replacements for you if you die..."

How does it feel to be replacable?

Shivers crept up the back of her neck as the intruder waved away any block she could muster to put up. The blackness transformed into a sea of orange. Before her stood a familiar form as her vision came into focus. The figure stood waist deep in LCL, the scent was unmistakable. It was she, but younger. Eyes blocked by blue locks as she held her head hung low. Drops glistened in the light of the distant setting sun as they fell from behind her bangs and hit the LCL. "Do you wish to become one with me?"

"Who are you?" Rei inquired through the choking sensation.

"I am you..."

Her pained expression now mixed with one of confusion. "That cannot be. I am me."

The figure remained unmoving, "Yet I am you... I am you as you are me. Together we are whole..." She paused as she looked up with a sad smile, tears still streaming down her face. "Do you wish to become whole once more?"

Rei's eyes widened in shock as a sense of revelation hit her. She could feel the presence of the Angel invading her mind but it was distinct from the presence before her. Like an old belonging long since lost found again. She couldn't help herself as she whispered in response, "Yes..."

Shocked at her own admission she gasped. Whole? Am I not whole? Is that the emptiness I feel?

Her younger self continued as her voice and that of the Angel blended into one, "You do not remember? You do not know you are the second? You do not know that you will die and live again, die and live again, and again, and again when he wishes?"

He? C-Commander Ikari...?

"You are his tool to be used and discarded when he so desires. He will not let you die. He will take you apart, use you up as he sees fit. He created us, you must know..." It was a statement, not a question.

The memory of the failed reactivation test came to mind as she processed the words of the presence before her. Had he not come to her to make sure she had been safe? Putting himself in harms way. He had burnt his hands to open the plug's hatch.

Picking up her thoughts, reading them as they presented themselves to Rei, her mirror image responded, "Only because your use had not yet run it's course. He will discard you when the time comes." The child stopped herself for but a moment. "You know this... don't you? That you are the second?"

"Y-Yes..."

"Yet you do not remember?" Rei gasped in pain as her counterpart plucked a memory out of her subconscious mind's depths, "You do... Let me show you..."

Rei blinked against the brightness, her eyes unfocused and stinging at the new sensation overcoming her. Her vision was blurred, but gaining clarity. She could recognize a shape in front of her, becoming clearer now. A young girl. Her as a young girl. Her reflection on the glass before her, around her even. She floated in LCL and a muffled voice filtered through the transparant barrier and the orange liquid.

"Yui." Yui? Her eyes focused on the source of the sound. Behind her reflection, outside the glass stood a man hunched over, forearm resting against the glass as he leaned into it. The other arm hung limp by his side, a pair of glasses she recognized pinched between his fingers. The Commander's head hung low and she could not discern his eyes. She could see his shoulders tighten and rise with a sharp intake of breath, as if steadying himself. The breath released.

"This will have to do for now..."

The hand with the glasses came up and thumped lightly against the transparent tube as he laid it against it, the spectacles' frame ticking on the glass as it dangled from his fingers for a moment. His head came up and he looked at her with hardened eyes. A smile formed on his lips as he regarded her, his eyes mostly blank, focused not truly on her but somewhere far away as he spoke her name for the first time.

"Rei..."

The memory faded as Rei was bombarded with images of the face of the Commander smiling at her. That smile. Not for her. Fake. "Like you..."

"S-stop. Don't... Don't make me see this..." Her voice dropped as the last words left her mouth, her face scrunching up in pain as another memory was picked apart.

Her eyes were closed as she heard a man speaking some distance from her, "The transfer is complete. It is fortunate we were able to salvage her after all this time. We still haven't been able to keep her from falling apart."

Her eyes fluttered open as she regarded the pair standing over some machinery to her side, backs turned towards her. Looking around she found she was laying on a bed in a room not unlike her own apartment. The room she had spent the first years of her life in deep inside Terminal Dogma.

Another voice followed the man's in response, this time female, "Hmm, indeed. We will have to see if the core prototype will accept the remains..." A pause. "...and if she'll be able to sync once it's done. Judging from doctor Sohryu's work...", Some extra emphasis was placed on that last word as the woman continued, "...it looks viable. Her memories might not be complete after the split. But perhaps that's all the better." The pair turned to look at her and she could no longer deny their identities. "Ah, she's awake".

Asuka looked at the blue mecha writhing around in what seemed to be excruciating pain, a sense of sympathy eating away at her as she heard the shrieks coming from the usually stoic girl. What is happening to her? "Misato! What do I do?!"

The bridge techs and command seemed completely unable to respond to the situation as Asuka looked at Unit-00 breaking under the Angel's pressure not much more than a mile away. She estimated she could be there in under half a minute, if only they would give the order. "Orders!?" She yelled through the comms but got no response. "Wondergirl, get the hell out of there!" No response from the blue haired girl either. "Fuck this! Let me take the shot!"

Having no better idea Misato finally responded in agreement, "Go ahead, Asuka!" Not waiting a second longer the redhead let the target reticles center and squeezed the trigger. A ball of pure energy left the rifle, dispersing the clouds for miles as it travelled through them and towards its' target. It fell just short of the Angel.

"Positron beam track… no good! Target is still out of range!"

Gendo held his cool facade as he watched the situation onfold before him, internally assessing and dismissing a number of scenario's. Perhaps halting Unit-02 was mistake. No matter... all we can do at this point is move forward. This was an unfortunate but not unexplored scenario. Weighting a number of options he looked at his son from his position up high. This is an opportunity.

He leaned closer to Fuyutsuki, "The Third Child has seen what's in Terminal Dogma, no?" His former sensei nodded and grunted in the affirmitive without further thought on the question, his mind entirely occupied by the dire situation of the two pilots on the battlefield.

Resuming his position Gendo called out towards the Third Child, "Shinji! Get to Unit-01 immediately and start making your descent to Terminal Dogma." His son didn't waste a moment and dashed off to the Eva. His mentor's gaze snapped to him in shock, "Ikari! You don't mean to...!?" Fuyutsuki demanded as what Gendo asked him just a moment before clicked in his mind. His voice dropped to a whisper, "...to use the Spear? The old men will never accept this."

"The Angel is too far to penetrate by positron beam and it won't close in for it's field to be negated by an Eva's. It's the only way. We have to save her before we are too late." He directed his attention to the personel on the bridge. "Open a private channel to the Third Child as soon as he's on the move." One of the bridge bunnies called out an affirmitive, "Yes sir!"

Fuyutsuki turned once again to his former student, "Ikari, isn't this too soon?" Gendo smirked underneath his tented hands covering his face, responding without hesitation, "We can't turn the clock back, but we can move the hands forward. SEELE has started mass production of the Eva series. This is our chance to even the playing field. This is an opportunity..."

Waiting while the young boy entered the purple war machine and proceeded with the startup the bespectacled man leaned his head slightly towards the one-time professer at his side again, presenting an ulterior motive for his decision, "Rei is too valuable. We must prevent the Angel from contaminating her mind." His glasses shifted down his nose slightly as he peeked at the screen integrated in his personal desk showing the Third Child getting into his entryplug. "We cannot accept the loss of Unit-00 at this point, and replacing Rei now would be unfortunate. Unit-01 can act the soonest."

The older of the pair didn't look away from the view before him as he spoke, "And you're willing to risk Yui for this?" Gendo grunted dismissively, "Believe it or not, I have faith in my son."

From below the techs reported the status of the purple Evangelion, "Startup procedure for Unit-01 is complete Commander! Private channel is open!"

The image of the young Ikari popped up on his personal console. Resuming with a semi-hushed tone Gendo talked to Shinji as he made his way towards the shaft leading down to Terminal Dogma and the white giant held within the LCL plant, "I know you have seen what's down below in Terminal Dogma." Shinji tensed as a pang of fear shot through his heart, feeling somehow like he had been caught in a crime. Father knew?

Reading his son's stunned reaction he continued unabated. "What you see there is for your eyes only. There will be a weapon. You will recognize it immediatly. Take it and bring it, do you understand?" A moment of silence reigned as Shinji overcame the shock he felt. "Shinji, you have to help Rei. Do you understand?" The commander repeated with extra emphasis on the boy's name as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose while he spoke. "Y-Yes, father". The pilot internally finished his sentence, Anything to help her.

The smirk underneath the folded hands did not go unnoticed to the grey-haired subcommander, looking at his superior from the corner of his eye. A slight frown crossed his face at the seated man's subtle manipulation.

Shinji had reached the entrance to the shaft that led deep underground. A cable with a step at the end large enough to fit an Evangelion's foot indictated that this shaft was made specifically for the giants to pass through. Without further thought the boy pilot took hold of the cable, shoving his feet in the foothold in a single motion. The large gate underneeth his feet opened up with a metallic crack. The giant mechanics screetched as they moved the heavy weight of the doors. Slowly the lift he stood on started descending, passing the doors and down into the shaft.

The journey downward gave the young boy some time to think. Why was this thing being kept down there. Misato had told him to forget what he saw, and although he had put it deep down in the recesses of his mind he had not been able to forget. Is this why Kaji dissapeared? He thought, remembering finding the pony-tailed man a few months back while following Misato. Did father have him killed...? And Misato, is she in danger? The end of the shaft was in sight, the bottom of the dark pit he was descending into coming up below him. Father, what are you involved in? With that, the descent ended, and Shinji pushed any further thoughts away.

He stepped his purple Eva into the dark and cavernous room as the immense doors fully opened to reveal its' contents once more. The white figure was still hanging silently from the giant red cross like it had when he saw it before except now a long and two-pronged spear stuck through it's chest. This must be the weapon father mentioned. Shinji thought as he stepped forward into the LCL lake below the giant being, noticing that the origin of the LCL in which he stood was the giant itself. Like blood. Reaching up he clasped both hands around the shaft and pulled the Spear from it's chest. That's why it smells like blood.

Repressing any further thoughts and questions he stepped back on the crane that had brought him down. With one hand on the cable and another clasping the weapon to his chest he was hauled back to the command level. The travel to the surface appeared to be agonizingly slow. Rei... please hold on a little longer. I'm coming to help you. The pained gasps coming from the girl filtering through the internal communications channel in his plug made his heart sink.

It was not like the battles that had passed before now had not been accompanied by his fellow pilot's physical trauma, but there was something more vile and violating about what Rei must have been experiencing now. As if to press that thought home another yelp and scream filled his plug. God what is going on... Please don't let me be too late! He thought to himself as his hands clenched the grips of his controls while his Eva mimicked the move with its' giant hand around the Spear.

Shit... now what am I supposed to do. More shrieks filled the redhead's cockpit as the Angel violated the blue mecha's pilot. I've got to do something! They should've let me go first damnit! Asuka's mind scrambled, knowing deep down there was nothing she could've done differently. That... that could've been me...

A murmer from the girl under assault drifted through the radio and into her plug. "Please... don't make me remember." A sense of fear filled Asuka's heart as she imagined what the Angel might dig up from her mind if she had stood in Rei's situation. She was grasping for a strategy and found her mind blank, only reminding her of her failures to fight the previous Angels.

"For fuck sake!" She yelled as she threw her positron rifle to the side and swept the thought from her mind. The giant weapon crashed into the high-rise beside her and lodged itself within it like an axe in a tree trunk. She might not be able to attack the Angel, but maybe she could at least help her fellow pilot in need.

"I'm... going to try something!" Asuka yelled as she twisted on her feet facing the brightly lit silhouette of her fellow pilot's EVA in the distance. With all the strenght she could muster she sped towards the beam of light and its' target, the pavement under her feet breaking under the strain with every step, throwing chunks of concrete around the city streets.

"Asuka no! Pull back or you'll get attacked as well!" Misato yelled as she viewed the red EVA thundering towards Rei with incredibly speed.

"Fuck that! I gotta help wondergirl!" Using her momentum and EVA's massive weight she launched herself shoulder first at Unit-00 in a desperate attempt to push it out of harm's way. A mere second before impact and confident about her EVA's trajectory she initiated the emergency ejection of her plug. As the two giants collided with a tremendous clash her plug shot out of harm's way and into the distance.

The strange and painful blend of emotions and sensations ran through her like water through a siff. The distinction between her mirror image and the Angel was almost gone, the only indication that both were present the duplicate voices whispering in her mind. The recollections being pushed to the surface of her consciousness both familiar and unfamiliar. In her mind's eye Rei was inside the plug looking out towards the observation deck during the Unit-00 activation test. But it was not her looking out. She saw herself as if looking over her own shoulder through the entryplug's interior. As the technician's voices echoed she vaguely remembered the strange sensation that crept down her spine.

"Counting down to the absolute borderline... 1.0... 0.9... 0.8... 0.7..."

The impression now coursing through her was not her directly own but resonated through her as if she had produced it herself. The countdown continued on, "0.5... 0.3..." In front of her in clear view stood Commander Ikari and in the back a figure dressed in a labcoat. The top of her body was obscured in darkness making her oddly reminiscent of the figure that had stood over her with hands around her neck. Her neck muscles cramped up as a presence took hold of her as her heart ran ice cold. "The pulses are flowing backward!" A sense of desperation and resentment filled the entirety of her being as the Eva lurched forward.

Her younger self's and Angel's duplicate voices echoed through her mind as the visual memory of her in EVA going berserk faded to black. "This is you inside Eva. That is me. The connection you seek with the world only available to you through Eva. That which is replaced by the loneliness that now occupies your broken heart."

The memory of Shinji and Rei waiting just before the fight with the fifth flashed by her mind's eye. "Why do you pilot it?" The boy had asked tentatively as he peeked a look at her. Rei responded not to the boy but to the Angel's statement as the memory faded. "It is my link" The words quietly slipped past her lips in regretful agreement.

"Is this what it feels like to be unloved? Is this when you realized?" The Angel inquired as it plucked another memory from her mind.

"What's going to happen to him...?" She asked as she looked up into the elder Ikari's eyes, trying to look for something hidden behind those glasses to be evoked by his son's absorption into the purple Eva, yet finding none. Her heart sank a little as he replied, his hand reaching up and a concerned look crossing his face, "It may be that only Eva knows for sure."

The sinking feeling was replaced by shock as his hand touched her face. Without thinking she brushed it away, the shock apparent on her face. "You knew that it wasn't for you. Just as you knew that his heart did not go out for his son. In that moment you felt as empty as the soul behind his eyes. A reflection of his heart. In that moment you knew he would discard and disregard anything... anyone... to be with who was truly on his mind."

Once again a sensation of choking overcame her. The pressure on her neck relented and fell away suddenly. Mumbled words that she couldn't quite understand reached her ears as she regained her breath. Ritsuko stood with her face turned away, a hint of disgust and shame present in her voice, "Don't... don't forget to watch your mouth, Rei. I'm the one that keeps your body alive."

This memory was definately her own.

"How does it feel to be disposable?"

"No... Not to him...", Rei whispered in timid defiance.

"Just!?" Shinji yelled, the scene changing once again. "Put cold water on it!" He almost yelled as he yanked her arm towards the sink.

How does it feel to be worthless?

Tears flowed across the blue eyed boy's face. "Dummy… that's not it! I'm crying because I'm happy… happy that you're alive."

He valued her. When he decided to leave after the fight with the 8th Angel, after Suzuhara was killed, she had felt a void. Like the only small light in the darkness had gone out. That part of her that reminded her of her loneliness at the same time showing a capacity in her she had not for a long time been aware of.

How does it feel to be heartless?

Was she heartless? What had she felt when she battled the 9th? She wanted to make sure Shinji would never have to pilot again after the death of Suzuhara. She had failed to destroy the Angel in her desperate attempt, suicidal even, to take it out. When she woke up in the hospital to find herself alive and Shinji victorious though taken into itself by the test model she had felt torn. Am I heartless to have wanted him for myself? I... I was relieved to have him return even though it pains him so to pilot Eva. She had prayed to the purple behemoth to return him to her and it had answered. She was thankful that she could see him again.

The last time she had seen him had been in the park in the Geofront. He let me hold his hand and... and I felt... I felt...

A massive crash shook the entirety of her dreamworld as the scene inside her mind blinked out of existence.

When she looked up she was in the entryplug again, the Angel's relentless assault seemingly over. Her EVA lay sprawled out over the pavement, an apparently immobilized Unit-02 on top of her. The voice of the Angel nowhere to be heard.

A splitting headache from the Angel's relentless violation of her mind melted into the disorientation from the crash. Her eyes rolled as her vision faded from black to blurred to black again. Though thankful that the intense pain was over she found herself somehow regretting the break from her dreamstate, a connection to something deep within she had not thought herself capable of severed. A nightmare that nevertheless revealed some deeper insight into herself. Just before she blacked out entirely she saw the silhouette of the horned EVA in the distance, the Lance of Longinus raised above it.

"Ikari-kun"

The platform that was raising Shinji to the city's streetlevel flooded with light as the doors above him opened. A moment later a loud clank adjoined by a firm jolt throughout his body told him that he'd reached the surface.

"Unit-01 has surfaced!" Maya called out as hushed voices started filling the bridge.

Kaworu's eyes narrowed at the sight of the Lance as he wondered. Do they truly dare to use it without orders?

"This procedure wasn't in the manual", Maya whispered to Makoto who responded in an equally hushed fashion, "We just have to do as we're told..."

That's the Spear! Misato realized, amazed that the Commander would take such a risk. She spun on her heels facing the Commander but held her tongue as she gazed up at the two figures towering above her. Swallowing her objections she turned back to the view on the screen. Another lie... It was always a lie... If contact between an Eva and Adam didn't risk Third Impact than what caused Second Impact?

Shinji stepped off the lift and raised the Spear over his head. His heart pounded so hard he would have been afraid it would leap out his chest had he had the time to actually think about it. No time to waste...

"Confirm target. Correcting for errors".

The target reticles slowly started to converge, and he could feel the Spear of Longinus twist and deform in his hands.

5 seconds.

4…

The Spear finally finished it's metamorphosis, from Spear with two pointed prongs to a thin lance.

3…

He braced his feet on the pavement as he stretched his arms, ready to hurl the Spear at the Angel.

2…

Using all the force he could find in himself he brought the Spear forward, directed at the Angel, and hurled it towards the target.

1…

The Spear had left his hands, only visible for a mere second before it tore through the clouds, dispersing them for miles, leaving a clear sky.

"Target destroyed! The Spear has left earth's atmosphere and gravitational force!"

"Recover the pilots, return units 00 and 01 to their cages and start a salvage operation for unit 02!"

He ran. He ran as fast as he possibly could. He had been running from the moment he jumped out of his entry plug. His clothes were still damp from the LCL, leaving a trail of the liquid behind him as he sprinted through the hallways. He was soaked and reeked of blood but he didn't care. All he wanted was to see Rei again. A recovery team had been sent out to resque Asuka but they had not yet returned. When he had finally reached the Nerv infirmary and skidded to a halt at the registration desk he panted heavily as he spoke to the young woman behind the desk. "…Where… is-" He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "miss… Ayanami?"

The nurse looked up over the rims of her glasses from behind her computer screen. "She's been taken to room 142 on the second floor, but you're no-… HEY!" She yelled after him as he ran off, not allowing her to finish.

He halted at the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly to call the elevator down. Not satisfied with how long it was taking he spun around, his shoes squeaking on the linoleum hospital floor as he did so, and ran up the stairs. 142… 142… 142… He mentally repeated to himself as he ran past the rooms. Turning left into a corridor, he spotted Misato and Ritsuko down the hall.

His run slowed down into a jog the last few yards having expent all his energy, his side aching from the full on sprint he had maintained. As he came up to them he bent down, hands on his knees, taking in deep breaths. Ritsuko held him back. Calmed down just enough he spoke, "How is she?..." Sucking in enough air through his nose to continue as he stood up straight, "Can I see her?..."

"She's alive but you can't see her right now. She's being examined. You'll only get in the way." Ritsuko said with a slightly annoyed look on her face. She turned but halting at the room's entrance as the young boy spoke up, "But... but I just ran all the way to see her… please can't I come in for just a second? I won't get in the way, I promise."

"Shin-…" The blonde doctor started. "Ritsuko… just let him in for a second, to calm his nerves?" Misato interrupted her. Ritsuko turned towards Misato staying silent for a moment, then said, "No… come back tomorrow."

He stepped forward slightly, not registering the doctor's words at all as he caught a glimpse of the blue-haired girl surrounded by hospital staff. She was sitting up in the hospital bed, clearly awake with no visible injuries. She looked around and responded to the doctors and medical assistents around her. Briefly their eyes met as Rei looked around the room, quickly averting her gaze away from his concerned look. There was a tenseness around her eyes that he had never seen before on her face.

Before he could think anymore about it he was shoved away from the doorway by Misato who had picked up on the boy's reaction to seeing his fellow pilot. This isn't doing him any good, she winced internally as she pushed the boy out into the hallway, kneeling in front of him. "I'll take you home alright? Rei's in good care." She thought as she stood up and started to walk down the hall only to be stopped by the unresponsive boy.

She wasn't going to let Shinji leave on his own in this state. God I have so much to do still, but Shinji's in a bad way. She looked at the boy by her side with concerned look on her face and gave a tug on his arm, snapping him out of his daze and leading him away from the room. She sighed internally. I'm going to pull an all nighter anyway. The walk through the hospital and out towards the car park proceeded in silence, both lost in thought.

They stepped into the car and drove off. Trying to get the boy out of his downtrodden mood she started talking. "Shinji... Rei's in good care. Asuka managed to help her, and you saved her in the end!" The boy didn't respond, just staring out of the window as they drove. "Asuka's back too. The retrieval team got her back to NERV and she was OK when I saw her." That was only half true. She wasn't hurt physically, and she hadn't been assaulted by the Angel, but she was in a rotten mood. She wasn't happy with being held back... surely she must understand that it would've been her in the hospital if it that hadn't been the case...

A long time of silence passed between the two as Shinji just kept looking out the window. Looking without taking in the familiar scenery, his mind preoccupied. She looked distraught. "Ayanami's not OK", he mumbled more to himself than to his guardian sitting next to him in the driver seat. She gave him a short glance but didn't respond. It would probably not do any good she knew from experience. Whenever he was this despondent it was hard to snap him out of it.

Stealing another glance at the boy he was visibly pulled deeper into his depressed state. He was still gazing out the window with a sullen look on his face, slouching down deeper into his seat. "Shinji…" Misato spoke up. "Everything will be fine", she said unsure if she really believed that herself.

"How can you say that Misato!? You saw her, didn't you?" He snapped, squinting his eyes closed to stop himself from crying, the lump in his throat making it difficult to speak. He returned his stare out the window, not feeling like continuing the conversation. How can she say that to me… I know something's wrong. I know it. That look on her face... He looked at Misato's reflection in the window. How can she tell me everything's alright... Even Mister Kaji's gone. She keeps up this happy face when I'm around her… but I've heard her crying. I don't know if he's dead… but… from what I've learnt from him... He interrupted his thoughts for a moment, letting out a shuddery breath.

"We're here…" Misato announced as she parked the car in front of the apartment entrance. She turned towards Shinji, laying a hand on his shoulder in the process. "Get some rest Shinji… tomorrow you can go see her and Asuka. I'm going back to NERV, I have a lot of to take care of still. I'm sorry I have to leave you alone right now." Only giving a small nod as an answer he got out of the car and headed for the apartment.

Misato drove back over the mountain road to NERV HQ as the events of the day rolled through her head. The sun was setting in the distance, painting a serene picture of Tokyo III in the valley. Misato was too lost in thought to notice, even just driving on automatically. Now that she was alone for a moment there was time to think.

The use of the Spear of Longinus had revealed another lie to her. Second impact wasn't caused by contact with Adam. What else is the Commander keeping from us? How much does Ritsuko know of all this? She knew more than she let on, she had intricate knowledge of all NERV's goings on. She has been my friend for years, but I'm starting to realize I'm just a pawn in a greater game. Kaji, what else will your data reveal. She would have to dig deeper once she got back home, but right now she had a lot of work to do.

How does it feel to be heartless...?

How does it feel to be disposable...?

"Fake... Like you..."

The room lit up brightly for a moment. The light was visible through her closed eyelids, waking Rei from the medication induced slumber as the memories echoed in her mind. The streak of light moved across the room all the while decreasing in brightness as she opened her eyes. She found her heart racing. She kept her eyes trained on the ceiling trying not to recall the events of the day. It must have been some time since the medical staff had left the room. It was dark outside and the room was painted in patches of blue.

The soft murmuring of the medical machinery floated through the air as she lay motionless, her entire body tensed up, like a child scared to wake the monsters under the bed. A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. It was the second child standing in the doorway. She had never been on friendly terms with the abrasive and overly talkative redhead, but she was somehow relieved to see her now. She returned her gaze to the ceiling, a shuddery breath passed her lips as she remembered her dream. I have never dreamed before.

Quiet footsteps approached her and stopped beside her. "I could hear you from across the hallway you know..." Wow... what's with her? Asuka thought as she looked at the girl before her. There's something different about her. The Angel really did a number on her... The bedridden girl didn't respond which normally would've annoyed the redhead, but she couldn't find the usual spite with which to adress the girl this time. She looked over still form before her, noticing the firm grasp in which she held the blanket, knuckles whiter than usual from the tension. "Can't you move?".

Rei turned her head to the blue-eyed girl, her neck was rigid and shuddered as she did. She parted her lips to speak but nothing came out. Asuka decided to break the silence after a moment, her voice quieter than usual, "I'm... sorry I couldn't help you." She swallowed audibly, again getting no response. Trying to get a reaction from the girl she tried an insult, though her voice didn't hold the same venom as usual, "Come on now, I know the doll can speak..." That had worked before. It did, though not as intended. The azure-haired girl looked away and finally spoke softly, "You we're right... about me..." The redhead's face dropped at the admission as the girl turned away from her and pulled her legs up into a fetal position.

Anger welled up in Asuka as she grabbed the girl by her shoulder and pulled her back onto her back, "Don't go all Shinji on m-...", she broke off unprepared for the expression on the blue-haired girl's face. Letting go of her she stepped back from the bed. Is she going to cry?

Taking another step backwards, determining whether to flee the room at the possibility of an emotional outbreak from the girl in the bed, she was stopped by the quiet girl's voice, "Major Katsuragi..." She was barely audible, making Asuka lean in a little bit. "...told me that you attempted to help me. Why...?"

Why? Asuka grit her teeth at the memory. "Well... that baka was taking his sweet time. It didn't help much. Off course the big hero dispatched the Angel in the end."

"No. Why would you save me? I am..." Her voice dropped even lower. "...but a puppet."

This infuriated Asuka even more. If there was one thing she couldn't stand it was a display of weakness. Especially from the person in front of her who had, as far as she was convinced, shown outright disdain for her in the past. "Now look. If you wanna go and feel all sorry for yourself you can do it alone." Huffing in anger she swung around, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she marched towards the door.

"Get some rest, First." Any sense of sympathy was now gone. With that she closed the door and left leaving the blue-haired girl alone.

Walking down the corridor back to her own room her anger was building. She can wallow in self-pity for all I care. At least when she was acting stuck-up I could respect her. I can't stand this! Guess that's what I get for trying to be magnanimous... "Thank god I get to leave tomorrow." She whispered to herself as she pushed the door to her room open. "Even if it means having to see that baka again..."

Willing herself to calm down she sat on the edge of her bed. She was failing at that, intrusive thoughts finding their way to her. Once again that... that wimp outdoes me. I take action and he gets all the credit. Through grit teeth she whispered, feeling like she was about to explode. "I hate this... I hate them. But mostly... I..." The anger dissipated as she forced that final thought down into the recesses of her mind.

My sync ratio is slipping... She had always held herself up by being part of the elite. Being a pilot had given her purpose, she had trained for it all her life. I'm being outdone by a complete amateur. I couldn't destroy the seventh on my own, and that idiot managed to beat me to the eighth. She thought, remembering the battle with Sahaquiel. Worst of all, he had held the Angel at bay on his own for quite a while before she and Rei had been able to catch up. Not to speak of her fight with Zeruel which had downright humiliated her. I wasn't able to do a thing...

All this culminated in the battle of today, she realised as she laid back on the bed staring at the ceiling. She had experienced something she had not with any of the Angels until now. Her impotence in the previous fights, her inability to handle things on her own had her scared. I'm nothing but a coward. She had been scared today, genuinely fearing what the Angel was capable of. I couldn't even get myself to stay in Eva to fight... She could feel her eyes begin to water as she tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. And I can't even face myself... She pressed her eyelids closed hard. No... I promised myself I'd never cry again.

Shinji couldn't sleep, his mind kept wandering to the two girls in the NERV infirmary. He tossed and turned, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dread he felt. He'd thrown his SDAT player to the side some time ago, it having failed in relieving the burden on his spirit. He got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, only too aware of the emptiness of the apartment without Asuka or Misato.

He hadn't spoken to Asuka yet but judging from her mood lately as well as previous experience she probably wasn't too happy with him. He wanted to be her friend so badly, her strenght like a crutch to him, but all he seemed to be able to do was infuriate her. I just don't understand her. He took a look in the mirror, just standing there looking at his own face. I feel so useless... Tired of the sight of himself he walked to the kitchen.

He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with tap water, then gulped it down in one go. As he turned around, ready to return to his room, he saw his cello standing in the corner of the living room. He slowly moved over and picked it up along with the bow. I haven't played in a long time… It might work… He took a chair, put it down in the middle of the room and took a seat.

Without thinking he started playing Bach's Cello Suite nr. 1, just concentrating on the notes he played, trying not to think about anything for a moment. There's so much I don't understand. So much I don't know and I just can't wrap my head around it all...

How had everything gone to pieces so rapidly in the last months? Just when he thought he started to understand his father, thought to have gained his respect, the incident with the Dummy Plug and the 8th Angel had completely destroyed any faith he had in him. Toji is dead because of him... Darker thoughts found him, tears slipping freely from the corners of his eyes as he kept on playing. Because of me... if only I had done something, tried anything other than let father take over like that.

I hated him... I still hate him. The following battle he had promised himself he would not fight, that he would leave NERV forever. But seeing Rei attempt a suicidal attack, seeing every attempt to kill the Angel thwarted, had sent him back begging his father to let him fight. Even after all the betrayels of his father he could still let himself be manipulated by him. God I'm weak... But despite his self-presumed weakness he overcame every time.

When I was in Eva afterwards... I remember... I dreamt I killed him. I wanted to kill father for everything he did to me... to the others. For killing Toji using my hands, for leaving me, for not caring about me yet forcing me to fight. His hands moved the bow over the strings of his cello automatically as he lost himself in thought, playing the instrument perfectly yet not registering anything of it consciously.

There was something else... someone else. It was like someone was in there with me. I felt loved and comfortable and warm. She would've let me stay. She would've let me rest. She understood that I was so tired. I think... I think it was mom. The tears had stopped flowing now, though he didn't realize, simply moving his bow as he continued playing. I think I would've stayed if... if she hadn't called me. I could hear Ayanami call for me, and I realized I just wanted to see her again...

He stopped playing abruptly, opening his eyes at the realization. He hadn't been able to see her today, apart from a glimpse through the doorway. He just sat still for a moment, and wiped the half dried tearstreaks from his eyes and cheeks. The music wasn't even a refuge from his thoughts anymore, the notes he played could not rid him of his depressed mood. They only reminded him more of everything bad. He got up and propped the cello and bow against the chair, then moved back to his room.

As he got back underneath the covers he stared at the ceiling for a few moments. The thoughts were still on his mind, but he was drained from tears. The image of Rei in the hospital flashed before his mind. She's always so strong, but today... today was different. She looked so vulnerable... He turned on his side and closed his eyes, swallowing the lump in is throat. I want to see her again. I have to know if she's OK.

He promised himself he would get up early and go to the NERV hospital in the morning. Exhausted, sleep mercifully found him quickly after he closed his eyes.

Deep inside NERV headquarters Gendo sat behind his desk, illuminated only by the fluorescent light of the Tree of Sephirotica on the ceiling and floor of his office. His hands were clasped together, fingers intertwined, his regular pose. Fuyutsuki stood behind him silently as he contemplated the information that Ritsuko, standing before him, had presented to him.

"It seems the Angel infiltrated her mind. Right now I'm unsure of how this has affected her but she is clearly not the same as she was before..." If the Commander was in any way fazed by the information he didn't outwardly show it. Getting no immediate reaction from the man before her she cleared her throat and continued. "I'm unsure if she'll be able to perform in her current state." Again, nothing. "I suggest we schedule a synch test soon to see how badly she's affected."

"Agreed. it would be unfortunate if we had to replace her now that we are this close." Finally the man spoke from behind tented hands. "For now we will hold off on any image scans for Rei. If it comes to it we don't want her replacement to be contaminated. Any gaps in memory can be explained by trauma induced by the Angel's attack if necessary." The man sighed and his eyes softened somewhat behind the tinted glasses, for the first time showing to be affected by the news relayed to him just now. "It would be unfortunate if it should come to that."

The grey-haired man behind him spoke up. "Does this affect your scenario, Ikari?"

"For now, this is of no concern." Gendo said. "The scenario is an outline, not a step-by-step path set in stone. We will deal with any changes as we have always done. Things are still moving along at an agreeable pace, and we have sped it up even further."

The Sub-Commander and doctor exchanged a glance at the bespectacled man's apparent confidence, both shifting slightly in place.

"The elimination of the spy has also come at an opportuned time." Gendo continued. "We will not have to worry about his meddling any longer. However useful he may have been while in our service, SEELE could not have found a more appropriate time to remove his presence. The scenario is moving towards its' final stage." He finished and pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose.

Fuyutsuki moved to the window of the office overlooking the geofront. Staring out at the pyramid, the epicentre of NERV, he said: "Concerning Rei. If it comes to it, would transferring her broken soul to another shell not form any problems in the future? You were fortunate enough her AT field could be maintained with medication."

Gendo turned towards his onetime mentor. "At this stage, should another clone be used, the need for a long term body to house her soul is not necessary. After the final Angel is destroyed Instrumentality can finally be reached and I will be reunited with Yui."

Gendo returned his stare to his desk, Rei's preliminary medical and psychological evaluation the focus. "Like I said before; there have already been many changes to the scenario, all up until now have been dealt with. So will future challenges."

Annoyed with the confidence of the man the blonde doctor took of her glasses and folded its' legs up with one hand as she spoke, "I think Major Katsuragi is on to something." As she continued she raised her chin and spoke, looking down her nose at the Commander to see his response. "I could tell by her reaction when you ordered the spear to be used."

The commander leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms before his chest. "Yes, she may well know there is a hidden agenda, but I doubt she is able to piece it all together in time. She has been very valuable to us up until now and will resume to be so. Her sense of duty and hate for the Angels will override the loss of confidence in NERV she may feel."

Nothing. So confident... as always. A sense of annoyance at the man rose in the doctor's gut although she didn't outwardly show it. Still so obsessed by his dead wife. It's like I'm not even here to him even though he is all I care about. Like mother. How dispicable we are.

The elder Ikari put his hands on the armrests of his chair as he rose from his desk and walked towards the large window spanning the entire width of his office, continuing to speak all the way. "After all, she was aware of agent Rouji's questionable allegiance and what this could mean for him in the long run. His death has not stopped the Major from doing her job, nor had the revelation of Lilith in Terminal Dogma to her."

The man stopped for a moment as he snorted. "Despite having delivered Adam to us himself he has not realized... neither have realized that it is not Adam but lilith in Terminal Dogma. Although I suspect there has been further exchange of information I see no reason to stop her now." He scanned the view before him from right to left to right. "Besides, we might need her tactical wits once SEELE decides to act when all the Angels have been destroyed. Possibly before that if they so choose."

He turned around, one hand holding the other behind his back, the light reflecting off his glasses shielding his eyes as he adressed the blonde. "Let her be for now. That is all doctor Akagi. Leave us."

All the lies... all the suffering. Ritsuko thought before responding and starting for the door. "Very well..."

The Sub-Commander waited for the doctor to leave the room before he spoke. "Don't you think this has gone too far? Replacing Rei now seems like too much of a risk... Would Yui approve of this abomination? I doubt she would agree to this if she knew."

Gendo Ikari scoffed at his one-time sensei. "Yui would do what was necessary, she has proven as much. She truly believed in this, Kozo. As do I..." He adjusted his glasses slightly as he stepped away from the window overlooking the Geofront. "That is why the old men employed me to begin with." The bearded man turned to him. "You know as well as I do that they will stop at nothing."

You assume too much. The grey-haired man thought, then said. "And you?!" He sounded more angry than he had intentioned. "When will you stop? What do you truly believe in?"

The Commander started walking to his desk, giving the old man a sideways glance as he passed him. He stopped beside his workstation, his left hand in his pocket, his right turning the report on his desk towards him with his fingers. "That the ends justify the means..." With that, he pocketed his other hand and walked towards the doorway leading out of his office and left.

Kozo stood in silence for a moment looking at the closed door, then to the window as he stepped towards it. "That is why she didn't trust you." He sighed. "That is why I'm losing heart..." Looking at the window he snorted at his own reflection. Turning his face side to side as he took his own image in. "Funny... I don't even recognize myself anymore." Closing his eyes, his head dropped slightly. So close to the end and I'm losing the will to carry on. I have let myself be terrorized into cooperating with madmen.

He stood in silence for a while then sighed. Yui. Is this what you imagined? What we do to the children is monstrous. The grey-haired man kept his eyes closed as he spoke softly to himself. "How wretched we have become..." He opened his eyes again, raising his head to the window to look at himself again. His gaze shifted focus from his own reflection to the pyramid outside in the geofront. "If the children were to find out the Eva's secrets, they'd never forgive us... Yui." He breathed deeply. "Where do I go from here?"

Rei lay alone in the room, staring up at the ceiling. The red-head had left in anger and she was alone with her thoughts again. She had replayed the events of the day over and over in her head. Doctor Akagi had administered a sedative to help her sleep, but the memories had seemed to echo in her sleep. I have never dreamt before...

Her mind snapped back to the blonde doctor. The examination she had administered had been quite heavy handed, as if she was purposefully trying to hurt her. She already didn't trust the woman after the incident at her last medical examination, but after the Angel's incursion into her memories... She inhaled sharply and stopped at the thought. Had they all been hers? We're all the memories hers? They must have been mine... from before.

"You know this... don't you? That you are the second?"

She had always known. It was not something she had denied to herself. In fact it had shaped much of who she was and how she acted. How could I have remembered? I have never remembered anything from before until today.

"This will have to do for now..."

She squinted her eyes closed at the memory of the Commander's words, the memory physically painful as she finally recognized the hidden emotion with them. I had never seen him show... disdain for me. All the moments of perceived kindness from the man flashed before her minds eye, her eyelids closed and pressing tighter shut still. His care was not for me truly. In his eyes he was always looking at someone else. She realized.

She opened her eyes at the revelation; the lie that she had held on to for a sense of purpose, belonging and care was shattered. The room seemed to be physically shaking, her stomach protested at the sense of disorientation as she dry heaved. She stumbled out of bed and fell. She barely managed to get to her feet, her legs feeling like rubber as she tried to stand up and crashed into the room's wall as she held one hand to it to keep herself upright as she slid towards the door, the other hand covering her mouth as she was about to throw up.

She spilled into the hallway, the walls still trembling, making her feel sicker still. She sped towards the bathroom, pushing herself from one side of the corridor to the other, keeping her shoulder to- and sliding across the wall. She slammed the door to the bathroom open with both hands and found the sink just barely time, expelling her stomach's contents in it, her hands firmly gripping the sides as she held herself upright and over it.

She wretched until there was nothing left to release. She turned the faucet handle and let the water run as the bile flushed away. She took a sip of water and flushed her mouth, taking a drink afterwards to get rid of the disgusting taste in her mouth. After a few minutes of just standing there, her hands still gripping the sink like it was her only lifeline, she cupped her hands and filled some water in it. She splashed her face and looked up into eyes of red. Empty... false... I hate the colour red. A silent admission of her feelings about herself. She stepped backwards slowly, the room still warping slightly in her mind, until her back found the wall behind her. She slid down and sat in a disheveled manner, eyes closed, her hands in her hair and palms over her eyes.

After a while she heard footsteps approach through the hallway. Her eyes half closed, looking through her fingers, she saw two feet step into the doorway. She trailed her gaze up past the black slacks held up by a belt, its' end hanging unfastened and sloppily down and to the side. Her hands fell away from her eyes palms up onto the ground as she let her head rest against the wall, eyes moving further up from the corners of her eyes, her head leaning slightly into the gaze. A white shirt, undoubtedly the school uniform of the school she herself had previously attended. A smirk, red eyes like hers, and silver hair.

"So, you must be the First Child."

"Who..." Her voice was hoarse, stopping her for a moment. "Who are you?" She said sullenly, quietly. "How did you get in here?" The smirk on the boy's face broadened, seeming somewhat empty even to Rei, as he ignored her last question.

"I am the Fifth Child."

The boy waited for her to say something but she stayed silent. His smirk dropped a little, his eyes narrowed as they kept staring at eachother. "Hmm..." After a long silence the boy spoke up. "I was going to say we're the same you and I." He took a knee beside her as her gaze followed him. "But... although we're very similar, we're not the same." He poked his head a little closer to hers as he looked into her eyes.

"There's something missing, isn't there?" The boy's eyes squinted a little as he peeked deep into her soul. "Though... you seem to have found it somewhere... You just haven't decided to pick it up yet." The blue haired girl did not respond. "Well... no matter. All in due time."

His smile reformed to its' previous width as he picked the girl up with an ease that was unnatural for a boy of his build. With one arm supporting her legs and the other around behind her back he lifted her up. Rei didn't protest, too exhausted and feeling rather empty, as the boy carried her back to her hospital room and laid her down on the bed.

She looked up at the boy still staring at her with that strange smile. He put his hand over her eyes. "Sleep." She gasped and then passed out.

Ending notes:

First off I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this chapter yet or whether I should continue on and make it longer. But honestly I keep fidgeting around with what I have and I'm a little worried I will never be done with it if I don't just post it. So here it is, I hope you like it. It sets up everything for the rest of the story, and I think it does what it intends to. It also helps me a little bit with the pacing, dealing basically with the day's events.

Also, I'm going on what my understanding is of the Eva universe. What are the souls in the Eva's connecting the pilots to them? How are the pilots and crew doing as they learn more and more about project-E and NERV's history as well as the slowly dawning realisation of the hidden agenda's driving events forward?

A little bit of explanation here: Gendo made a mistake. Like entrusting the Dummy Plug system to take over from his son after the fight with Bardiel and Yui in Eva-01 subsequently refusing him, now he intervenes when Asuka defies orders to be the backup for Rei and inadvertedly produces a problem for his scenario that he had not foreseen. I have never believed the man to be an all-knowing genius that just has all the strings in hands. Yes, he is a manipulative bastard that knows how to make people dance to his tunes, but manipulation only goes so far and I think the unfolding of events in the series shows that as well. Ritsuko is getting fed up with him, and Fuyutsuki is having doubts. Misato is learning more and more about the lies and manipulations going on as well as the involvement of the people around her. You'll have to see how this will pan out in the upcoming chapters.

Finally, a request: I hope you will all help me with some reviews to tell me what you do and do not like. Also I want to ask again if anyone wants to preread this. I'm doing OK I think but it's always good to have a second opinion.

Again, I hope you liked it and see you soon for chapter 2!