A/N: HELLO I'M BACK!
I HIGHLY STRESS that I age Damian and Raven so that they're both around 17-18, whatever age that makes them (I don't think their age gap is the same in DCAMU versus comic) This is an older!fic, and like I've said plenty of times, I love older!DamiRae, so I will write and draw older!DamiRae.
Damian might seem OOC at some points but my version of older!Damian tends to be pretty darn smooth.
I have looked at this for so long that I don't even think I have the willpower to edit it more, so here it is, in all it's glory.
Will all that in mind, please enjoy and comment/favorite/whatever floats your boat!
Oh and, disclaimer: I do not own these characters, and I don't make money off of doing this. I just do it for sheer, sheer fun.
Special thanks to: bookaholicpt for plot beta-ing this and giving me an ending (she's on tumblr!) And because of our love for DamiRae, there will be many, many more stories and AUs born from the ones we have discussed.
I'm addicted to you don't you know that you're toxic (1)
It was a crush.
It was only a stupid crush.
It was only the quickening, frantic tempo of her heart whenever she sensed his presence enter the room. It was only the buzzing thoughts of warbling nonsense running throughout her mind whenever she found herself lost in those stunning eyes of his. It was only her breath catching at her throat and her mind going utterly blank if their bodies would ever brush against one another.
It wasn't like those moments meant anything, anyways. Not to him, at least. To her, yes. To her, they were monumental enough for the world to stop spinning or time would stop ticking or she would forget she had lungs to breathe.
But it was only a crush.
It wasn't like he was leading her on in any way. He treated her like he treated any other girl he was close to, except just maybe there was a slight possibility that he trusted her a little more. There was always a mutual unspoken understanding between them, anyways. But that didn't mean he felt anything for her. He could've felt nothing at all. She wasn't the type of person to use her powers to prove if he did or not. In fact, she'd be extra careful with her powers when they were around one another. She didn't want to know, after all. Some things were better left unknown.
It wasn't until she found herself locked up in her room day after day after day, even on this convenient vacation to Los Angeles the Teen Titans decided to take, that the blunt force of gravity this stupid crush had finally began to...well...crush her. She couldn't hide under this weight forever, it was far too strong. Ignoring the source of the problem wasn't exactly doing something about it, and eventually, yes eventually, she'd have to give into the pressure of this crush, whatever that meant, maybe confess? Hell no. This trip was supposed to be fun for the Titans but yet every single time – without fail – she would sense his presence and catch his eyes her heart would race and her thoughts would distort and her breath would hitch at her throat and she found herself bailing and locking herself in her room. Again.
She didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit.
But again, it was...
Azar, it was as if it were becoming her new mantra.
An even three-pounded knock ripped her eyes open from her hovering meditative trance (if one could call her new mantra meditative), making her topple gracefully onto the bed. She rolled her eyes as she uncrossed her legs from lotus position, brushing the wrinkles out of her thin silk sleep set before crossing the room to the door. Before she even reached it, the same, quick, monotonous knock played against the thick material of the hotel door.
"Someone's a little impatient," Raven huffed under her breath as she carefully undid the top latch of the lock.
She should have known by the cadence of the knock – how even and precise it was – and by the impatience of the person behind that door, who exactly it was that came to visit her that night.
But, of course, she didn't.
So while the door whipped open and she caught a glimpse of two bright, green irises staring at her, her first reaction was to shut it hard in his face. But being that the force of the swing of that clunky metal door was too extreme, she could only helplessly let it bang loudly against the wall, cringe a little, then stare right back at those stern green eyes. The only thing she could do then was exclaim "Damian!" on a surprised exhale, then bite her lip to help hide the shock that would have spread all over her face like wildfire.
"Why have you been ignoring me lately, Raven?" His words were quick, articulate, and energetic, but happiness?..Well, that was on the complete opposite spectrum.
She opened her mouth to protest but before she could even take a breath, he used his strong hands to lead her back into the room, slamming the door behind him, causing her to jolt, and hastily undoing everything she just carefully performed. Except, this time, he was on the same side of the door as her. A fact she would rather not admit at the moment, being that she was completely unprepared to talk to him, frazzled beyond belief, and wearing nothing but a flimsly piece of satin.
She swallowed to try and slow down the rapid beating of her heart, only deciding to speak after she concluded her voice would not carry the distress that was pummeling through her veins. Of course, she was the cool-headed, record-winning-at-recovering Raven so she pieced the scattered words together easily only after a small pause.
"I haven't been ignoring you lately," she lied effortlessly, as if it were as simple as stating the weather. "Use your bird boy skills, I'm always like this."
He scoffed, rolling his eyes.
"I am using my bird boy skills," he replied, his voice tinged with bitter sarcasm, "that's why I can tell." He hadn't let her go, and she could feel the warm anger from his touch seep into her flesh.
Her eyebrows furrowed.
His eyebrows did the same.
"Oh, I don't know, you tell me, since you've been the one ignoring me lately."
Quickly, she shook Damian's arms off her and sidestepped to create more room between them. His anger had been suffocating her, like some sort of poison, making it strenuous to breathe and even more challenging to think clearly. She shivered motionlessly in her spot to shake off the sensation then looked daggers at her furious teammate.
He wasn't just mad; he was accusing her of ignoring him – blaming her for his anger. Granted, he was right about the ignoring part, but it wasn't like she was going to admit that.
She almost laughed at herself. Of course Damian could tell she was lying. Damian could always tell. She didn't even know why she decided to lie to him in the first place. Then again...it wasn't like she could just admit to him why she was avoiding him, either.
'You're being dramatic, you don't know me if you don't know I'm like this all the time.' The words were there, ready to jump off the tip of her tongue. And yet they wouldn't jump. Or she wouldn't let them. She didn't want them to. There was just something in the bona fide expression he wore that just plainly wouldn't let them do so, as if they were stuck, wedged in. Or maybe because she knew they were untrue.
Azar...he was making this very difficult on her, wasn't he?
In any case, most people would accept her response as is and leave her alone. She had learned by now that Damian wouldn't accept her response. In fact, it would only make him prod further. So while she stared back at Damian the only thing she could do again was chew on her lip to prevent the almost automatic response from spilling out of her mouth. She let her stare and the tight tension fill in the silent seconds between them, not really knowing what to say now that she had been able to swallow her previous reply.
Luckily for her, he broke the silence first.
He sighed. "It's been...different, Raven," he admitted almost on a whisper. His voice was less rough than before, the anger seemingly dissipating, and the usual edge it held was nowhere to be detected.
It sounded almost...intimate.
Raven couldn't help but eye him as he ran a hand through his hair and while she should have been thinking about more important things, she could only ponder about how soft his hair looked and how the muscle tee he wore showcased how his biceps flexed when he did that. And the rampant thought just made her more aware of her lack of attire and why she was ignoring him in the first place.
She shook her head and condemned her mind for wandering to those dangerous places, trying to wipe away the image, even though, with the intense lighting from the moon and his graceful yet powerful stance as he stared out the hotel window, Damian looked straight out of a Baroque painting. And she loved Baroque paintings. He uttered a single, frustrated sigh and ran his hand through his hair again. Of course it made her heart wild - it always did - but she didn't have time to savor the scene. Not this time.
Before the silence hit her, the words he spoke had continually reverberated throughout her mind, as if they were an echo.
That means he could tell. That means he noticed.
Those times when she would glance at him, finding his eyes already on her, and hastily ripping her eyes away. Those times when they would be near each other and their bodies would brush against one another – worse yet if their hands touched. And she would quickly step away or quickly draw her hand back, a reaction too quick for anyone that didn't notice, that didn't feel it.
If he said it was different...does that mean that he would turn his eyes away, too?
That he would pull his hand away, too?
Did that mean that...he felt it, too?
Those moments were the ones she was trying to avoid: accidentally touching him, being alone in a room with him, being so close to him that she could smell the alluring scent of his shampoo and feel the ripples of his aura converge with hers.
Everything she was experiencing now.
She loved and hated every second of it. It was incredibly intoxicating yet severely suffocating. She liked him, she very well knew that. But that's all she knew and as far as she thought it would go. She liked him; end of story. Ignore him, ignore those moments and the feelings would go away. But…
He wouldn't let her ignore her.
He made that clear when his hands seized her again and pinned her into the wall. Before she had time to react, he had caged her in his arms, with his right arm skimming the side of her rib cage as it supported most of his weight against the wall and his left hand steadied on her shoulder.
His eyes were on her but the longer she stared back equally persistent and watched his hypnotic eyes and how the shadows danced on his face when he clenched his jaw, she didn't know how much longer she could take it.
"Don't even try thinking about using your powers to get away, Raven," he said. Even though his words were curt, his voice was low and breathy from his close proximity, and it did nothing to soothe her nerves. In fact, it made it all the more worse.
She wiggled in his grasp but the more she did so the tighter his grip grew.
Her voice was straining, "Let. Me. Go."
He shifted so that his lips were a mere few inches from hers, and she could see the gold specks glint in his eyes and the spicy amber scent trailing to her nose and his warm breath as it brushed against her face. She tried to retract but being that her head was already pressed against the wall, she could only feebly flinch in response.
"I'll only let you go once you tell me why you've been ignoring me lately." His grip intensified, and she didn't think she could teleport even is she tried. Azar, she hated his stubborn, I-need-to-know-everything, personality sometimes, especially now when she was helplessly pinned to a wall and the facts that Damian wanted to know were not ones she'd give him easily.
The weight of his stare was excruciating. It was those how many days and nights he found himself wondering about why she was acting this way and not knowing the smallest reason as to why. It was a million questions burning, flickering fiercely within him. And if his commanding grip and bright, hot anger wasn't any indication, his words solidified that he was going to let them burn together.
She couldn't help but tear her eyes away, hissing out a sigh. It didn't mean that he did, she very well felt his stare continue to scorch her, and she tried to protect herself more by twisting her head so that a curtain of hair shielded her face.
"I said…" Her voice was quivering, no good. She swallowed to still it. "Let go." They still held more emotion than she intended, making her cringe at hearing the vulnerability that trickled into her voice.
Her eyes widened as she sensed his left hand leave her shoulder and felt it run through her hair, brushing her cheek as it swept the hair she so deliberately placed there out of her face. In doing so, Damian had successfully managed to turn her eyes back to him. His hand tangled in her hair, his face so close, his scent so pleasant, and everything so overwhelming that if he weren't holding on to her she swore her knees would buckle under her and she'd pool onto the floor.
"At this point I don't even care why you're ignoring me," he spoke, pleaded, even. He sounded so desperate, like a man stranded in a blazing hot desert with no source of water. Whatever the reason was, it sounded that monumental to him. It was as if he was that man, and, well, the water was...
"I miss you, Raven."
"What?" The word slipped out of her mouth before she even realized she was thinking it.
"I said, 'I miss you.'"
Her eyebrows knit.
"I heard you the first time…," she swallowed, trying to still her heart as it thrashed and twisted in her chest. At this point, she didn't even know how to react. If anything, she hadn't expected Damian to say that, out of all things. But maybe, just maybe, she wondered, his heart was doing the same exact thing right now at this very moment.
He sighed and shook his head and licked at his lips and she watched every second of it as if it were art. Beautiful art, like her favorite Baroque painting. Something she had to memorize and tear apart and analyze one by one until she understood it all. And he was, he was so, so beautiful and by now she had given up and came to terms with accepting just how much she was attracted to him, being that the more she tried to deny the thought, the worse it made it.
She watched in silent stupor as he rolled his eyes up to meet hers. He paused for a second and she swore she saw something along the lines of desire spark excitement into his eyes, but he tore them away from her just as he spoke:
"I don't know why but it...bothers me. I don't understand it. I can't grasp it. I tell myself it doesn't matter." He shook his head and found her eyes once again. She felt that spark jump to her, sending a shock right down to her core. "It shouldn't matter, should it? But every time you turn your eyes away or you hurry out of the room when I enter, I notice it, and I feel this weird tightening in my chest. Why does it affect me? Why do you affect me? And...and...I know this is ridiculous but I..."
He chuckled but in it was no humor.
"I miss you, Raven. I miss you. I don't even know what I miss or how or why. I honestly don't even care why you're ignoring me anymore...just, stop, please."
The 'please' is what got her.
It was genuine and gentle, yet fiery and passionate, like a man praying on his knees for forgiveness, like the fluid afterthought of smoke from a wicked fire. It was threatening to unwind her tightly kept sanity, just a stupid, simple word, and yet it made her lose her mind.
The 'please' is what made her liberate a breath she didn't even know was caged in. The 'please' is what made her take her stiff fists and release them gently, bringing them up, up until they gingerly caressed his face. It made her tiptoe to close the space between them and finally, finally press her lips to his.
Of course it was the "please", Damian never said "please".
She swore she felt his lips surrender under hers, and his grip beginning to weaken, but only for a fraction of a second, because just as soon as she closed the gap, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled away. A blush was scurrying all over his surprised expression. Damian was so flustered, so vulnerable, and Raven couldn't help but almost laugh at how...adorable he looked.
"R-Raven?" he sputtered, his voice nearing a squeak. "You just kissed me!"
She covered her face with her hair once again, huffing, "No shit, Sherlock." She knew his choice of words were deliberate.'They' had not kissed, because before he could kiss her back, he tore away. But had he stayed longer, it certainly felt like he would have...
His tone leveled, but she could still hear the confusion that fringed the edges of his voice. "Why?"
If there was anyone more straightforward than her, it was Damian. Sure, he was dangerously smart, but when it came to things that made him human - emotions, feelings, the like - he was incredibly stupid. If the answer wasn't in his field of vision, he'd never see it.
But that was okay since his innocence and naiveness to those things was one major reason why she began to like him in the first place. It was just irritating sometimes...
She sighed, "I guess I do have to spell it out to you," she found his eyes and they were clear and his cheeks were still so pink and her heart skipped a beat at the sight of it. "I've been avoiding you because I like you, bird boy."
A blush crept over her face, causing her to break eye contact once again.
As soon as the euphoria of the feeling of his lips wore off, she realized the amplitude of her impulsive action.
She just kissed him.
She just kissed him.
She kissed him.
Let alone the fact she just confessed.
As in that stupid action she had been dying to do for however long she liked him, she finally had the courage to, but his implications were absolutely, 100% true, he hadn't kissed her back.
If she could, she would have buried her face is her hands right then and there and groan loudly.
What if he didn't like her? He might have trusted her a little more and felt that much closer to her and he might have even almost kissed her back, but if her stupid action just ruined the relationship they already shared, she didn't know what she'd do. And she didn't want that. She didn't want that at all.
"You should have asked."
She stilled, something twisting around his words making the seconds slow down to a crawl. What?
She turned to him and if she hadn't known he was embarrassed just seconds prior, she wouldn't have ever known just how incredibly fast he was at recovering. There was no trace of embarrassment in his prowess anymore. The pink had fleeted from his cheeks and ears and his stare was fervent and his posture straight and steady.
"I said, 'you should have asked.'"
His voice dropped an octave, too. God, it was so...hot.
"Again, I heard you the first time." Her arms crossed at her chest.
He had pulled away so that they were no longer touching, but close enough that if he advanced towards her, she would hit the wall if she took a mere step back.
"Asked what, Damian?"
His foot inched forward.
Her back clashed against the wall as she winced, and she could only helplessly turn her face up to meet his.
"You should have asked to kiss me."
Her eyes widened.
The casualness of the sexy lilt of his voice was foreign to her, and it was nearly intoxicating. With every sultry syllable he spoke her brain was falling deeper and deeper into rapture. She wasn't sure if she ever heard it grow so low and husky like that, and the easiness of the change made it seem like he had done it a thousand times before. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. Damian was flirting with her. And he was doing a damn good job at it, too.
Her breathing sped up and she felt her heart pound against her ribcage, the sound of it in her ears and the cadence of her breath barely forming a harmony with one another. She couldn't piece the thoughts that were bolting around in her mind right now even with the most intense meditation session and frantic chanting of her mantra.
Was that...a good thing...or a bad thing? Did that mean he wanted her to, or not?
But she had to say something.
"I...didn't know I needed permission?"
"You know I don't like surprises, Raven," his gravelly voice spoke softly into her ear. His breath was warm and yet it sent cold shivers surging down her spine and sparks dancing across her skin.
She gulped audibly.
"I didn't find it appropriate to ask."
She found herself caged in his arms once again and cursed that his mouth was still a mere centimeter away from her ear when he opened it to speak.
What the hell just happened to Damian, anyways? He just went from completely flustered bird to...
"That's not very polite," he cooed as his strong hand wrapped itself through her hair, twisting it delicately in his fingers. "Must I show you some manners, Raven?"
...cunning and mischievous and incapacitatingly sexy.
A sharp breath stole her words as he leaned further in and pressed himself into her body as he rested his elbow onto the wall. At this point, she really didn't know what to think anymore, she didn't even know if she could think. Not anything other than his hand playing with her hair and his chest pressed against hers and his lips next to her ears, anyways.
"'May I kiss you?'"
Her eyebrows furrowed and she found herself clutching at his waist. If she didn't hold on to anything, she was sure her knees would give out.
"Repeat after me," he whispered. "'May I kiss you?'"
She tried to push him away but he was far too strong and her arms felt of somewhat semblance to jello.
His hand untangled itself from her hair and found her face, cupping her chin as he brought her face up level to his.
She hadn't even realized she had been avoiding his eyes until they connected forcibly, locking onto one another's like a magnet. This time, she definitely saw passion and temptation and maybe so much more flickering in the depths of the thin rings of green left of his irises. And what's more is that he wanted her to see it. He knew that she would. It caused the blood in her veins to stir, and the desire riding along was so powerful, she thought it would make her heart burst. She wet her lips with her tongue and saw that he watched intently as she did so.
A sharp gasp caught in her throat once again as he pressed his forehead against hers and his hand found the plushness of her blazing cheek.
"Come on, Raven," he was almost impatient.
She exhaled it out slowly but shakily.
She knew exactly what he was getting at. And she wanted it. She wanted it oh so terribly.
"May I kiss you, Damian Wayne?"
"Good girl," he breathed, so very close to her lips, igniting a ghost of that euphoria, stealing her breath, making her weak.
She didn't just want this...
She needed this.
"I thought you'd never ask."
The last thing she saw was a smirk playing on his lips before he crushed them into hers. She surrendered under his kiss immediately, securing her arms around his neck to tug him even closer to her.
Azar, did she never expect the insufferable, hot-headed brat to be such an exceptional kisser. He was lapping up the taste on her lips as if he was that man stranded on that desert and she was the only source of water. The way his mouth moved over hers, with hers, like the way the moon pulled tides, it seemed so natural, so right. With each push and pull and gasp and shiver, she felt a new sensation drawn from her, a new reason to fall deeper into her emotions. But at this point, she didn't give a single damn.
His hands toyed with the hem of her satin cami, but he completely avoided it as he found the warm flesh of her waist immediately. She hissed into his mouth by the coldness of his touch, but he swallowed it by pressing his lips more firmly into hers.
Her hand slipped around his head, burying into his hair, and it was just as silky soft as she thought it would be. She was no longer just watching him in temptation as he ran a hand through his hair – she was physically doing it herself. In response, Damian growled, grabbing her hips and planting butterfly kisses into her neck before teasing her collarbone. Her eyes shot open as she gasped.
Before she could utter another syllable, he captured her lips again.
Everything about him, about this moment, was slowly killing her, but she knew she needed it like her life depended on it. He was toxic, and she didn't mind the poison.
She felt his tongue trace her lips, prodding for entrance. She would have teased him more, refusing to let him pass, but she couldn't breath and a sudden need for a gasp of air gave him enough leverage to part her lips and deepen the kiss. As he did so, he stole a moan from deep within her throat, and her grip intensified. He reacted, too, his hand pressing into the sensitive flesh of her back, pulling her tighter to him.
She could feel him, his emotions, his desire for her. He wanted her. And, oh, she wanted all of him, too.
Her senses were flooded; she could only filter how amazing he smelled and how enticingly warm he was and how much she craved for the taste she knew only to be Damian and how it felt to be completely cloaked in everything – his scent, his warmness, his taste, his desire.
Azar...his tongue was exploring her mouth inch by inch and one of his hands was entangled in hair while the other was traveling along her bare body, her heart thrashing faster and faster the higher it went, caressing her waist, then her ribcage, then –
"RAVEN WE HAVE THE PIZZA– "
They heard the slamming of the door and a painfully awkward pause, but it only allowed enough time for them to douse the fire of their kiss and throw terrified glances at the wide open door.
"W-W-W-AIT, WHAT THE CHEESEBALLS?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"
Beast Boy's intrusion sent a loud screeching echo throughout the room, and it would have been the only thing they heard had they themselves not been panting for air. But it wasn't just Beast Boy that witnessed the blunt end of their hot makeout session – which could have been more just than that, Raven thought bitterly – it was the whole team staring in stupefied awe and horror.
"Shit," Damian mumbled under his breath as he buried his face into Raven's shoulder while she helplessly watched as the jaws of their teammates fell to the floor.
"Shit," she repeated, sighing.
And to make things worse, the pizza soon followed.
A/N: (1) Yes I was inspired by Brittney Spears so what? Lyrics from "Toxic"
THOUGHT IT'D GET SMUTTIER?! HAHAHAHAHAHA I don't write smut of course not. Do I get an A for effort at least? Also, don't mind Beast Boy's intrusion, I have no clue what he's even saying.